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ShaktiSama -> RE: Advice for a novice (11/26/2007 5:04:02 AM)
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Honestly? I think Master Fire Ma'am is right. This is an awfully big question, and we have no way of knowing what the OP already knows and what he doesn't. He says this is something he has "craved for so long"--does that mean he's already read this and other forums, dozens of books on the subject, and a hundred webpages that list common DS terms, protocols, cautions, etc.? Or was he directed to this website after having been "caught in the wild", as it were, a natural but unschooled submissive with no previous exposure to the lifestyle, its community, etc?
Hipshot response to the basic question, of "what to be aware of/careful of" in pursuing your interests:
1) power exchange - One thing I seldom see mentioned anywhere, because it isn't necessarily the "fun part" of power exchange relationships--realism. Try to think in realistic terms, no matter how wild your fantasies may be, about how much power you can exchange with another person without destroying yourself and your life. There are some factors that people have a tendency to forget, in the rush to fling themselves at a dominant's feet--for example, how this relationship might impact your relationship to your family, your work, your friendships, your pursuit of other interests. Try to set at least some preliminary limit, and see if your domme is able to work within it and respect it for at least a month or two--she should have no problem with this if she's breaking in a newbie.
2) bondage - Make sure you have read at least one of the popular manuals on this subject, and that you are familiar with the safety protocols for the type of bondage you will be doing. These are important for the protection of your mistress AND yourself. Make sure that she has the equipment necessary to free you instantly if need be--this may be a pair of emt scissors, bolt cutters, whatever it takes to undo her bondage method of choice. Be aware of what positions and situations are the most dangerous and behave accordingly. Do not agree to be abandoned for any significant length of time while in bondage, or to be bound in a position in which you may fall. Keep your airway clear and know the warning signs--sometimes even experienced tops can make a tie just a bit too tight and cut off your circulation.
3) ass play - Take it slow. For some men, pain is part of the pleasure, but this is a delicate orifice and forcing it too wide too fast can result in serious damage. It's wise to start with fingers and toys which are not bigger than the average human penis.
Try to make sure you are always clean, outside and in, before such play begins--some dominants may make an enema part of the games, some may not, but you may need to perform one regardless before your hind end is suitable. It's wise to have your dominant wearing disposable gloves, especially if she sports long fingernails. Lube, lube and more lube is your friend. [:)]
4) humiliation -- The one thing I wish would be mentioned more often about humiliation games: not everyone wants to play them. Although these can be great fun for a domme and her submissive in private, playing humiliation games in public can be very rude and selfish. Seeing any person humiliated can be extremely unpleasant for a stranger, and make them very uncomfortable; it's never good to make other people non-consensual participants in DS play. Save it for Halloween or leather-friendly public events, where people are "in the know" and understand that the game is just a game.
discipline -- the only word I have on this one is to figure out as soon as possible what this word means to you and your domme. It has no single definition, and the variants can be mutually contradictory. What is a punishment to one submissive is a reward to another, and different dominants will tolerate VERY different levels of challenge to their authority before abandoning a submissive completely. Make sure you know exactly how cute your mistress finds a brat!
servitude -- Again, a word with different definitions. Overall, it seems to mean that you please your dominant in whatever way is wanted or needed. Her wants and needs will be unique to her. Find out what they are. Take care of them. [:D]
Good luck!
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