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when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/25/2007 8:30:32 PM

naturalsubwoman

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If a dominant man builds a mental bond with a sub and then can't see her for 2 weeks,is it unreasonable of her to expect him to talk to her by phone everyday? He doesn't understand why I am in tears,and that hurts me.......

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/25/2007 8:44:04 PM

MasterFireMaam

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If he's said that he would and now he's not, it's reasonable to be upset. If he's said that he wouldn't, you're upset about it and he doesn't want to do it, then you have some soul searching to do. WHY are you upset? What is the base fear in here that leads to you wanting daily contact? Are you willing to work to diminish that fear or is it a deal breaker? If it's a deal breaker and it happens on a consistant basis, will the relationship continue to be a healthy one for you?

You can't make him change...in fact, to expect him to is unfair and unlikely. You can only change how you act and react.

Master Fire

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/25/2007 8:58:47 PM

kittyinpink

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Well, in my opinion, Daddy Doms are supposed to micromanage their little girls moreso than Doms and their subs. How can you micromanage someone when you're letting them run around on their own for two weeks with no on to answer to? So, If he's a Daddy Dom, I think you're completely within reason to be upset.

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/25/2007 9:01:05 PM

grlneedstolearn

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My Dom was out for almost two weeks with no communication, online or on the phone. Yea it was hard, but i also knew that i still had my rules that i had to follow by before he left. In your case, it depends if he can talk everyday depending on his cell phone range, out of country, no phone service, no computer. But if he has a computer, you could, with his permission, im him everyday and see if you two can hook up at least online to talk if he has free time. Hang in there, he will be back sooner than you think.

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/25/2007 9:13:36 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: naturalsubwoman

If a dominant man builds a mental bond with a sub and then can't see her for 2 weeks,is it unreasonable of her to expect him to talk to her by phone everyday? He doesn't understand why I am in tears,and that hurts me.......

I am thinking you need to buck up, and wait for his return and then sit down and communicate and see what solution the 2 of you can create...It always seems to come down to communication or lack thereof...~sighs~..Tempting

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/25/2007 9:17:42 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: naturalsubwoman

If a dominant man builds a mental bond with a sub and then can't see her for 2 weeks,is it unreasonable of her to expect him to talk to her by phone everyday? He doesn't understand why I am in tears,and that hurts me.......

OP. You keep posting these intense questions quickly in Ask a Master and I read your profile. It sounds to me from this and your other thread about him having multiple profiles on other dating sites, that there is real trouble brewing here.

I think you should really go slow, especially since you are so new and you may be acting in somewhat of a frenzy, too much to see the reality of what the guy is doing or not doing.

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/25/2007 9:27:41 PM

daddysliloneds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: naturalsubwoman

If a dominant man builds a mental bond with a sub and then can't see her for 2 weeks,is it unreasonable of her to expect him to talk to her by phone everyday? He doesn't understand why I am in tears,and that hurts me.......

yes, it's unreasonable.

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/25/2007 9:37:36 PM

Masterslena

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well...W/we are separated for almost 3 weeks of each month, but speak on the phone and net daily and always to say goodnight! i couldn't bear the separation otherwise...

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/25/2007 10:21:56 PM

Estring

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It is possible that the mental bond goes only one way.

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/25/2007 10:49:52 PM

adoracat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: naturalsubwoman

If a dominant man builds a mental bond with a sub and then can't see her for 2 weeks,is it unreasonable of her to expect him to talk to her by phone everyday? He doesn't understand why I am in tears,and that hurts me.......

i havent seen Daddy since september.

and i am not sure when i will see him again. maybe in december, perhaps not till january.

if your dominant agreed to talk to you every day, yes its reasonable to expect him to keep his word. if he didnt, then you are perhaps NOT being reasonable, depending on why he cant see you.

wait it out, talk it over and let him know why you were so upset.

kitten, who understands the frustration but not the panic

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/26/2007 6:34:13 AM

Kana

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It's unreasonable.
1-She shouldn't be making demands, she should ask nicely and then accept the answer.
2-Life happens, now if he doesn't call at all for two weeks that may be different. I would file that under insensitive.
3-Why air your laundry here, in public for all to see?On your first day here...hmmmmmmmm.
4-That he doesn't understand why that bothers you is the only thing in the post that would bother me.
5-May I ask how long you have known each other? This sounds like puppy love first seperation sort of stuff. The OP is old enough to know better.Admittedly new at this but still....

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/26/2007 11:51:12 AM

DesFIP

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How much contact is needed is something you should have discussed before getting into the relationship. I need a lot of contact, as does he - just one more thing we're compatible with.

However I know of a woman who wants no contact except for a brief call the day before a date, to firm up plans. She would find The Man smothering and he would think she was a cold fish. Neither is necessarily true, just that they wouldn't be compatible.

You would benefit when this relationship shortly ends by not getting back into another one immediately. Instead you would find it easier to have a successful relationship in the future if you figured out now what you need to be happy and then declined any relationship with someone you knew couldn't meet your needs.

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/27/2007 3:30:48 PM

kinkypuppy2

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If they are a "Daddy" then I agree with you. If they are a "Dom" of some sort then it is not unreasonable at all.

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/27/2007 3:43:59 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittyinpink

Well, in my opinion, Daddy Doms are supposed to micromanage their little girls moreso than Doms and their subs. How can you micromanage someone when you're letting them run around on their own for two weeks with no on to answer to? So, If he's a Daddy Dom, I think you're completely within reason to be upset.

Where did you get the idea that Daddy Doms are more into micromanagement than other dominants?

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/27/2007 3:51:33 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: naturalsubwoman

If a dominant man builds a mental bond with a sub and then can't see her for 2 weeks,is it unreasonable of her to expect him to talk to her by phone everyday? He doesn't understand why I am in tears,and that hurts me.......

I think that you need to tell him you're hurt, why you are hurt, and then let him answer for if he thinks you are unreasonable or not. Our opinions are not important. Your feelings of being hurt are real, whether they are normal, average, okay within the context of your relationship, or whatever other qualifier you or anyone else would like to put upon them.... in the end feelings are never "wrong", they just are, and feelings are not rational either.

I would recommend taking a look at what you feel and what leads you to feel that way. What does his not calling every day mean to you? How does that make you feel?

I can tell you rarely a day goes by that I do not talk to my Daddy, but when one does, I do not react with hurt feelings. I am busy with my own life, and he has a life too. I also understand that if he does not talk to me it usually has nothing to do with me. It is because other things are happening. I work, he has a life, we miss each other sometimes. Even an email or a voice mail or a txt message can help you feel connected. If he does not call you, why can't you call him? I call my Daddy whenever I feel the need to connect to him... even if he does not answer, I can leave a voicemail letting him know I miss him.

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/27/2007 4:10:39 PM

kittyinpink

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittyinpink

Well, in my opinion, Daddy Doms are supposed to micromanage their little girls moreso than Doms and their subs. How can you micromanage someone when you're letting them run around on their own for two weeks with no on to answer to? So, If he's a Daddy Dom, I think you're completely within reason to be upset.

Where did you get the idea that Daddy Doms are more into micromanagement than other dominants?

Well, that's been my experience. I think with Daddy Doms their is this higher emphasis of keeping an eye on and taking care of their little girls. Doesn't mean a regular Dom doesn't do it. But in my mind, I don't see a Daddy Dom leaving his little girl to her own devices.

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He knew he should leave
That this could only turn cold
She was a bad bad girl
So he told her so

http://youralice.livejournal.com/

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/27/2007 5:58:10 PM

juliaoceania

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I guess I would have to ask how you define "micromanagement", I think we may have different ideas of what that is...

to me micromanagement cannot be easily accomplished long distance. It means that the dom schedules the submissive's day. It means that she has little freedom to decide to do anything on her own. It can take the form of the dom dressing her, deciding what she will eat, and even if she can use the bathroom... I do not know many submissives that are micromanaged because it is rather extreme. Most dominant do not want to micromanage their subs, and Daddies are even less strict about this than non-daddy dominants from what I have read here on cm... now I only have my own Daddy to go by... and while he takes an interest in how I spend my time and what I accomplish with it on a daily basis... he does not run my day from start to finish.

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/27/2007 7:20:10 PM

kittyinpink

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I guess I would have to ask how you define "micromanagement", I think we may have different ideas of what that is...

to me micromanagement cannot be easily accomplished long distance. It means that the dom schedules the submissive's day. It means that she has little freedom to decide to do anything on her own. It can take the form of the dom dressing her, deciding what she will eat, and even if she can use the bathroom... I do not know many submissives that are micromanaged because it is rather extreme. Most dominant do not want to micromanage their subs, and Daddies are even less strict about this than non-daddy dominants from what I have read here on cm... now I only have my own Daddy to go by... and while he takes an interest in how I spend my time and what I accomplish with it on a daily basis... he does not run my day from start to finish.

I think you pretty much described my view of being "micromanaged'. But I think the basis of it is daily checking-in with your sub.
As to her question about daily phone calls... My Daddy calls me every morning and night (at the very least). He doesn't plan my daily schedule, but I email it to Him. Then He'll call throughout the day to check up on me with things like "Did you go to your appointment?" "Have you finished your homework?" etc. I don't think this is strict, in fact, I like it that he doesn't abandon me for periods of time. Instead, he's consistantly there, checkuping up on me and encouraging me.

To me, that's at least a foundation for mircromanagement and He plans to control more aspects of my life as time goes on. Maybe I just don't see a regular Dom checking up on me as much as my Daddy does.

< Message edited by kittyinpink -- 11/27/2007 7:25:27 PM >

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He knew he should leave
That this could only turn cold
She was a bad bad girl
So he told her so

http://youralice.livejournal.com/

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/27/2007 8:10:12 PM

juliaoceania

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I think that there are different sorts of Daddies. I am always a grown woman with my Daddy, and not a "girl", not all Daddies want a "girl", and all ways of being are valid. If I have an appointment, I go. If I have a class, I attend it. If I need exercise, I do it... although he designs my workout. I usually talk to him more than once a day, but not because he wants to make sure I accomplish the tasks that he has set out for me. He has tried that in the past and it did not work out well for us because I am 39, and while I want a nurturing Daddy, I am a mother of a UM, and i have kept my own home for years all on my own... so I can be very independent.

There are no generalities when it comes to this lifestyle... although I would encourage you to do a search on micro management and see what you find, I think you will be rather surprised that most of us do not require it or desire it, not that doing so is "wrong". You are rather young, and that could be a factor in your desire for so much management in your life... perhaps you feel the need for it and there is nothing wrong with that!

Basically I call him "Daddy" for a few reasons... that is what he wants to be called, I desire to submit in a more nurturing and less strict environment, I do not want to feel as though my dominant is untouchable or remote, and I see having a Daddy as having a more accessible and intimate power exchange dynamic. I also lost my real father when he passed away when I was 14, and that experience severed off part of my emotional growth when i was that age, I no longer feel this emptiness and loss that I used to feel because I have allowed that part of me to heal with him.. it is not age play, I am not"14" or role playing that... but that part of me relates to him sometimes, that part of me that requires approval from my Daddy... as all young women need that approval to grow into fully self reliant adults with high self esteem.

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated - 11/28/2007 1:43:43 AM

LittleWench

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quote:

as all young women need that approval to grow into fully self reliant adults with high self esteem

All young women need the approval of their father in order to have high self esteem? I don't think so Tim. I never had it, don't require it, haven't seen my father for over 16 years, when he dies I probably won't even know and if I do I won't go to the funeral, won't shed a tear. I have low self esteem and not able to be fully self reliant because my father was a child abusing alcoholic? Seriously?

< Message edited by LittleWench -- 11/28/2007 1:44:44 AM >

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