RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated

RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated (11/28/2007 6:48:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LittleWench quote: as all young women need that approval to grow into fully self reliant adults with high self esteem All young women need the approval of their father in order to have high self esteem? I don't think so Tim. I never had it, don't require it, haven't seen my father for over 16 years, when he dies I probably won't even know and if I do I won't go to the funeral, won't shed a tear. I have low self esteem and not able to be fully self reliant because my father was a child abusing alcoholic? Seriously? Let me put it this way, many of us do..... it was not meant to offend you, I was speaking of myself really, of my loss in this life... if you want to be offended by that, Go You!

subsfaith -> RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated (11/28/2007 10:08:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naturalsubwoman If a dominant man builds a mental bond with a sub and then can't see her for 2 weeks,is it unreasonable of her to expect him to talk to her by phone everyday? He doesn't understand why I am in tears,and that hurts me....... It can be very difficult to be away from one you care about and want to be with, however life does get in the way of such follies sometimes. What starts out as a high level contact relationship in the early days of a relationship often wanes, sometimes naturally, or other times maybe life has been neglected because of the new relationship and jobs need to be caught up on etc, etc. By the sounds of your profile you haven't been with this man for very long, therefore I would suggest that the bonds are not quite as strong as you wish to believe and perhaps a tad over played. Are they indeed mental bonds, or is that just what you want to speak to him everyday? There is a huge difference from being dependant on someone, and wanting someone's attention. If they are mental bonds, do you really need to hear his voice to sustain them? Perhaps you need to discuss this with him when he returns from wherever.... but I do think it is unreasonable, and immature for you to throw a paddy in order to speak to him in the meantime. He doesn't understand and that hurts you..... you make that sound like it is his fault, that he is directly hurting you. How can him not understanding be his fault? Surely, if his lack of understanding is the problem, your explanation is at fault. Maybe you are feeling insecure and that is the issue, rather than him not understanding? Having expectations of your dominant is always a difficult call. Some people are fine with it, some are not. Personally I find it easier to ask what I can expect than to make up random expectations which will possibly left unfulfilled. All in all, I find your post filled with self-sorrow and blame. I am sure you got by before this dom came along, and I am sure if you stopped feeling sorry for yourself you will get by for two weeks without him. I personally think you need to take some of the responsibility yourself. There are several strategies I have used to cope with being with a man who has been emotionally distant at times, and physically hundreds of miles away during the first two years of our relationship. I consider it from a different perspective, here you are, this man's submissive, and just think how proud he might be of you if you cope fabulously without him whilst he is gone. Apply yourself to your submission, hold it close and consider what he would like you to do with this time, can you work towards a goal in his absence, can you achieve something alone and unexpected etc. How proud will you be of yourself? Good luck, Faith :: smiles ::

kittyinpink -> RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated (11/28/2007 10:36:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I think that there are different sorts of Daddies. I am always a grown woman with my Daddy, and not a "girl", not all Daddies want a "girl", and all ways of being are valid. If I have an appointment, I go. If I have a class, I attend it. If I need exercise, I do it... although he designs my workout. I usually talk to him more than once a day, but not because he wants to make sure I accomplish the tasks that he has set out for me. He has tried that in the past and it did not work out well for us because I am 39, and while I want a nurturing Daddy, I am a mother of a UM, and i have kept my own home for years all on my own... so I can be very independent. There are no generalities when it comes to this lifestyle... although I would encourage you to do a search on micro management and see what you find, I think you will be rather surprised that most of us do not require it or desire it, not that doing so is "wrong". You are rather young, and that could be a factor in your desire for so much management in your life... perhaps you feel the need for it and there is nothing wrong with that! I think the fact that I'm 20 has something to do with my tending to play the little girl sub more. But even in vanilla relationships my partners have taken an active role in my daily schedule. Having someone "manage" my life in one way or another is part of my kink. But it makes alot more sense now seeing that although you have a Daddy, you do not identify with a "little girl".

kittyinpink -> RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated (11/28/2007 10:44:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LittleWench quote: as all young women need that approval to grow into fully self reliant adults with high self esteem All young women need the approval of their father in order to have high self esteem? I don't think so Tim. I never had it, don't require it, haven't seen my father for over 16 years, when he dies I probably won't even know and if I do I won't go to the funeral, won't shed a tear. I have low self esteem and not able to be fully self reliant because my father was a child abusing alcoholic? Seriously? My Dad passed away when I was 8 (yes, I remember it in great detail, so don't try to minimize it because I was younger) and my mom got remarried about 3 year after. So for the majority of my life I've had a father figure around. But as I've gotten older I've realized that there's somewhat of a void in the 'nuturing caring loving male figure' department. You may not realize it LittleWench, but there's probably something in you that you're forced to fill up in other ways since your father was unable to. Ever warm up to a male teacher? Ever have an authortarian boyfriend? or even a nurturing one? There are certain things in life that we are supposed to get in our childhood. If we do not, we makeup for what we are missing in our adulthood.

Teles -> RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated (11/28/2007 12:15:25 PM)
I think that might be a LITTLE extreme... He'll be back, won't he? It depends on how long, though. If you'd just like to check in with him and say I love you or something, that sounds pretty reasonable. If you want to talk an hour a day, it's kind of a different story. Regardless, I wouldn't get hurt feelings... you trust that he loves you, don't you? Some people just don't like feeling obligated to talk on the phone a lot... I know I don't. Speaking from someone with experience in this category, something like this shouldn't translate as rejection for you. Just try to take it in stride and hold out a bit.

LittleWench -> RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated (11/28/2007 12:18:20 PM)
quote: You may not realize it LittleWench, but there's probably something in you that you're forced to fill up in other ways since your father was unable to. I have no doubts of the impact having the father that I did had on my life. A low self esteem and an inability to be a fully functioning adult because I could not receive my father's approval was not one of them. To say that ALL women require this approval in order to avoid being dysfunctional human beings, well this is insulting to ALL women. It's like saying ALL men are child sex offenders, rapist, wife beaters, etc. Do I take personal offense to being included in that generalization.... no, I take offense on behalf of ALL women who didn't get their father's approval and manage to live healthy, productive lives.

juliaoceania -> RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated (11/28/2007 12:35:34 PM)
My first post was actually about what a therapist told me in my early 20s about abandonment issues I had. She stated that when a father leaves for any reason (emotionally vacant, divorce, or death) it leaves a hole in a woman's soul that can manifest itself in a myriad of ways, one of which is low self esteem. Most people suffer from low self esteem at some point in their lives... perhaps you are one of those unique individuals that has never had a moment of self doubt or insecurity, but in my view doth the lady protest too much?....hmmmmm I really find it over the top that you would take such umbrage from my use of an infinitive when I did not mean to include you in my statement. I have learned some about child psychology because I have had foster parent classes, and I have learned some about what kids go through when they are abused and neglected. People tend to follow trends when they go through things, such as never bonding with a caregiver under the age of a year.... certainly not everyone will respond the same way, but enough people respond to that situation in certain ways to be able to make predictors of what will happen if that occurs... such as the inability for such infants to ever bond with anyone, or have empathy for other people. Now my infinitive statement is not true of every single female that ever lost a father, but I would guess it is more true than not true from my experiences in this world.... perhaps you have studies that will contradict what I have stated... my interest in this topic is an academic one... I would be happy to look at any study that might contradict what I have stated as it would expand my mind and educate me. But then again I am always open to new information and I do not believe I know it all Edited to add: I have a very healthy, high functioning, and productive life. I have raised a UM on my own. I have wonderful relationships with my loved ones and many friends. I also have recovered from phobias and PTSD due to the trauma I have suffered when I was young. I am proud of myself for all I have accomplished in this life, which is quite a bit more than I ever even visualized for myself when I was young. Just because people go through things, have self esteem issues, it does not mean that they are completely unhealthy and cannot function. Perhaps your issue is with having a Daddy Dom at all, and somehow you feel that is unhealthy? Perhaps you mistakenly believe that everyone with a Daddy is somehow not functioning in their life, because I have never made such a statement on this forum or any other

kittyinpink -> RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated (11/28/2007 1:12:55 PM)
I think you're spot on juliaoceania. I am 20 and have started to see a therapist who told me the exact same thingabout my abandonment issues. LittleWench, I don't think that seeing a therapist and admitting that certain things affect you means you don't lead a happy life. They mean you strive for a happIER healthIER life, which IMO is what everyone should strive for, abandonment issues or not. I think everyone struggles with something at some point in their lives, be it addictions, depression, low self-esteem, paranoia, etc. It's important to not only face these issues, but find the cause. For me, my issue comes from the passing of my father.

YourhandMyAss -> RE: when sub and daddy/dom are separated (11/29/2007 1:08:37 AM)
Daddy doesn't micro manage me, I wish he would sometimes, cause there's things that I need a firm dominant force to make sure it happens, but over all he's very hands off about my time and what I do or don't do with it. edited to add mostly i like it, I wouldn't do well with being told how to manage my time. The instances where he should micro is health related/ quote: ORIGINAL: kittyinpink Well, in my opinion, Daddy Doms are supposed to micromanage their little girls moreso than Doms and their subs.

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