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Cheaters - 11/26/2007 3:02:08 PM

phoenixxy

Posts: 30
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

My dom - well until now, has just been caught out - i walked in on him sleeping with his ex. not only that but he had a second profile on here - was saying the same things to others on there as he had said to me. We had been together 6 months. Im hurting and dont know what to do.

Post #: 1

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 3:22:11 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Dear Nikki-

Ouch. I really can't offer much comfort- it sucks, and you surely deserved better, but you will get over it- promise. Actually, IMX, that might be the worst thing of all...

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 2

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 4:01:05 PM

astarri

Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

i am really sorry phoenixxy i hope you find what you are looking for

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 3

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 4:07:36 PM

sexyone4you

Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

Sorry, hun. Best of luck to you. That must have been ugly to see.

(in reply to astarri)

Post #: 4

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 4:08:52 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

the Firstt thing I suggest is a cleansing. Burn anything of his anything that he gave you anything that reminds you of him so on. Second keep busy hang with friends. explore new places. Listen to loud rock music that always helps me.
third cut off all contact. No emails no phone calls no drive by to see who is there
I did what you did with an exfiance. It took time that was twenty some odd years ago. It worked out for the better. Look into taking the time to become more enriched

I am not tolerant of cheaters. Yes I do judge them may that rott in the deepest darkest pit of pooo. I do not make up lame ass excuses for their bad behavior
Sorry game over they loose

Hugs to you keep your chin up life is going to rock for you in a good way

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 5

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 4:11:38 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

And don't get into another commitment for awhile.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 6

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 4:16:51 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

i think the wonderfully kind and insightful people here have already given You plenty of advice for the 'right now'. i would like to challenge You to (in the future) examine what signs You may have missed along the way...i know my last long term relationship was with a serial cheater......ugh!!! i could kick myself for the things i let go past me now...
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 7

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 4:17:53 PM

phoenixxy

Posts: 30
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

Thank you all for your support. I will be collecting the last of my things on wednesday and that will be it. He had his chance - he blew it - Im better than that - i might be a sub but im not a door mat and no body deserves that kind of treatment. I think that she is a fool however as she is staying with him.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 4:56:26 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixxy

My dom - well until now, has just been caught out - i walked in on him sleeping with his ex. not only that but he had a second profile on here - was saying the same things to others on there as he had said to me. We had been together 6 months. Im hurting and dont know what to do.

Take a nice, long, hot shower and then pack up and git. At 6 months feelings can be overwhelmingly strong, but you're still in just the beginnings. Better to find out now.

This doesn't describe a case of a one-time bad decision or a misunderstanding. I'm assuming by what you wrote that you two had sat down and discussed monogamy regarding sex and agreed to guidelines and that he's been doing nothing but playing you and these others he's used a second profile on. Those aren't the actions of a person who means well but screwed up, that's intentional... planned and executed.

Let yourself cry when you need to and move on from him.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 9

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 7:21:23 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

the Firstt thing I suggest is a cleansing. Burn anything of his anything that he gave you anything that reminds you of him so on. Second keep busy hang with friends. explore new places. Listen to loud rock music that always helps me.
third cut off all contact. No emails no phone calls no drive by to see who is there
I did what you did with an exfiance. It took time that was twenty some odd years ago. It worked out for the better. Look into taking the time to become more enriched

I am not tolerant of cheaters. Yes I do judge them may that rott in the deepest darkest pit of pooo. I do not make up lame ass excuses for their bad behavior
Sorry game over they loose

Hugs to you keep your chin up life is going to rock for you in a good way

God help you if you end up in the deepest darkest pit of poo! Lol. That's funny.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 10

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 7:34:23 PM

queerandcurious

Posts: 46
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline

Trust is a massive part of any D/s relationship and he violated Y/your trust. If Y/you can't trust someone not to cheat, it'd be very risky to trust them to tie Y/you up. i think its good that Y/you left him and i hope Y/you find a wonderful Dom in the future!

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 11

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 8:52:00 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixxy

My dom - well until now, has just been caught out - i walked in on him sleeping with his ex. not only that but he had a second profile on here - was saying the same things to others on there as he had said to me. We had been together 6 months. Im hurting and dont know what to do.

I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you..Same thing for me, caught ex-hubby in bed with my best friend...

.I will not state what I did in response to that sight,,but justify to say that at the time I was 7 months pregnanat and VERY hormonal...

...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 12

RE: Cheaters - 11/26/2007 9:21:28 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Meh, it can be comforting to, if nothing else, remember that cheaters are pretty universally hated.

Heh. A "dom" that didn't have the nuts to tell his sub that he wanted to sleep with someone else. That's sad!

Ah wells. I'm sorry to hear about it. Don't worry about the bitch.

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 13

RE: Cheaters - 11/27/2007 6:56:21 AM

lanie38

Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

That really sucks...sounds like it's his loss though...once a cheater always a cheater...

Good luck

~lanie

_____________________________

Don't be so humble...you're not that great. ~ Golda Meir

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 14

RE: Cheaters - 11/27/2007 7:19:27 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

I'm so sorry for your pain. I had a similar experience years ago. Take time to work through all the emotions and get back on your feet. Don't get involved right away with someone else. Your judgement is likely to be skewed until you work through this and you don't want to open yourself up for added pain. My best to you.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to lanie38)

Post #: 15

RE: Cheaters - 11/27/2007 8:47:43 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

Take a bubble bath, light some candles, get something to drink and relax. It's the holiday season. Then find a good movie and cry; and when you are ready, you will move forward. Oh, and asking for hugs and getting them is VERY important, so I am sending you a bunch to get you started.

Take some time for you and let your feelings get sorted out. Remember, a 'dom' doesn't cheat a scumbag does.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 16

RE: Cheaters - 11/27/2007 9:59:36 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixxy

My dom - well until now, has just been caught out - i walked in on him sleeping with his ex. not only that but he had a second profile on here - was saying the same things to others on there as he had said to me. We had been together 6 months. Im hurting and dont know what to do.

Please...PLEASE...tell me you kicked his sorry ass

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 17

RE: Cheaters - 11/28/2007 1:39:05 AM

phoenixxy

Posts: 30
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

I wish i had, i feel awful now though because i didnt know who to turn to and at the time i phoned his mum. Now everyone is angry at me. Part of me thinks mayb i should just go and change my phone number. etc. He text me this morning - but i think i am better to ignore everything. Ive gone to stay with my mum as right now i dont think staying in my house with 4 male housemates would do me any good.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 18

RE: Cheaters - 11/28/2007 4:52:06 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixxy

I wish i had, i feel awful now though because i didnt know who to turn to and at the time i phoned his mum. Now everyone is angry at me. Part of me thinks mayb i should just go and change my phone number. etc. He text me this morning - but i think i am better to ignore everything. Ive gone to stay with my mum as right now i dont think staying in my house with 4 male housemates would do me any good.

Well...I am going out of character here for a minute

I am not going to sit here and tell you all the silly things that should be said right now like
it's ok, you are better off without him
the pain will lessen
etc etc
Because right now, none of that means shit

I will say though that getting away for a bit is a good idea ( like staying with family as you said you are doing). And I will say that not answering his messages is even better; not because I think he's trying to make ammends or make things worse; but because right now, you don't need to forgive him for what he did; nor do you need to feel bad about how you handled it. Stay with family for a bit; be depressed for a bit; get mad for a bit...cry, scream, laugh if you can...and then step back and try to put things in perspective a bit more.

Things always have a way of evening themselves out when we give them the chance to.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 19

RE: Cheaters - 11/28/2007 12:50:07 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Greetings phoenixxy.
i am sorry for you that has happened but it does happen and can happen to anybody. The only thing you could do is to look after yourself and try not to worry much about what the other party does as much as attached you seem to be with him. You have to remember that some people will always be driven by there ...... should we say passions.. Take care girl and try to contain your feelings. You are not the only one that has been in this situation. Take care.

(in reply to phoenixxy)

Post #: 20

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