RE: oops

RE: oops (Full Version)

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decstorm37 -> RE: oops (11/27/2007 6:22:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Well I'm not going to plunk a label down on you and victimize you, but for me that's what I would call date rape. Even if not that, it was clearly inappropriate. It's your choice whether you want to continue to have that person who does those things remain in your life. A couple of my friends said that...but two of my best friends were brutally raped and my experience wasn't like that by a loooooong shot! i mean i didn't want it and i said no, but i don't think it's totally rape. i mean he can be a nice guy. Here is my take on this you say he can be a nice guy and you don't think it's totally rape. How in the world do you think it's not rape if you said NO. No is No!!! No means No. I don't care if he is a "nice guy" your words not mine. A nice guy would not have gone against what you asked him not to do. To me the big problem here is he broke his word and brushed off what your wants and needs are. He broke your trust. Please take some time to really think about what this guy means to you and if you are willing to trust him ever again.

onlyHisgirl -> RE: oops (11/27/2007 8:08:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aceton Yeah, and the fact that your journal has this emoticon in it nearly every post ---> [sm=river.gif] dear god, by the time I was done reading I just wanted to punch someone's face really really hard.... this is going to sound harsh, but what the hell. You pick guys who are assholes to you, then you cry about it. Apparently you haven't garnered enough attention in your journal sob stories, so now you are here telling anyone who will listen. That's called playing the victim. Judging by everything you have to say about yourself, you do that quite alot. Fortunately for you, there are plenty of people who will run to soothe you even when you do obviously retarded things. [sm=river.gif]Waaaaa I stuck a fork in a toaster and it electrocuted me... now I don't know what to do, it's always been such a NICE toaster. [sm=river.gif]Waaaaaa I miss my toasstterrrrrr... [sm=river.gif] Waaaa I told my toaster about how the blender zapped me and it jerked off to it. Waaa I miss my toastteerrrrr. I love my toaasster... wow, sheesh. if people would read my response that those journal entries were doctored. i have since returned them to the original journal entries (yes, I actually do keep up a back up of my journal). i changed it to the crying signs because my former a--hole master said he was going to see how i "truly" felt by reading my journal. so i doctored it in his favor because he's a scary man if crossed. i realized that and told him to get out of my life. i just never changed my journal until now b/c well, i'm in Grad school and i'm busy. However when i realized people were actually reading the *fake* journal entries i opened up my journal and fixed them to the *right* journal entries.

Mercnbeth -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (11/27/2007 9:27:24 AM)
quote: Advice is welcome...criticism is not. this slave would advise you to continue to have whatever sort of relationship with whatever person that is fulfilling to YOU. if saying "no" when you mean "yes" or not enforcing personal limits fulfills you, then keep on keepin' on.[:)] sometimes, folks are fulfilled by playing out rape fantasies, being used for someone else's pleasure at their whim or even being left alone to cry and enjoy the pain and mentally confused state they were left behind in.

onlyHisgirl -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (11/27/2007 11:39:02 AM)
i was honest with him today and told him i didn't enjoy it. that i hadn't been ready and he acted surprised. he was like "i really thought you meant yes by saying no". he apologized but now we're dealing with other issues that might arise from this. i don't know if i'm going to continue on with a relationship with him. he seems really stupid and not as sweet as i first thought. i mean he thinks the best birth control method is the "pull out" system. i'm on birth control but was only on it for 3 days when he stuck it in.

hermione83 -> RE: oops (11/27/2007 1:07:54 PM)
Rape doesn't have to be with a stranger or brutal or violent etc to be rape, sweetie. And he raped you. Look up the legal definition of rape. It absolutely is. hugs her

SimplyMichael -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (11/27/2007 1:09:37 PM)
Just some health advice that you might not know being from a right wing bible belt state that prevents serious sex education. Sperm are present in precum which means that semen deposited on the labia CAN (not will, not probably, but possibly) result in insemination and pregnancy. So even fingers that have semen on them if inserted can cause pregnancy. I am rarely one to play Captain Safety but you are playing with fire. I realize you were mocking the "pulling out" as a form of birth control but I didn't know if you knew how risky other forms of play are.

laurell3 -> RE: oops (11/27/2007 2:09:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl quote: ORIGINAL: Aceton Yeah, and the fact that your journal has this emoticon in it nearly every post ---> [sm=river.gif] dear god, by the time I was done reading I just wanted to punch someone's face really really hard.... this is going to sound harsh, but what the hell. You pick guys who are assholes to you, then you cry about it. Apparently you haven't garnered enough attention in your journal sob stories, so now you are here telling anyone who will listen. That's called playing the victim. Judging by everything you have to say about yourself, you do that quite alot. Fortunately for you, there are plenty of people who will run to soothe you even when you do obviously retarded things. [sm=river.gif]Waaaaa I stuck a fork in a toaster and it electrocuted me... now I don't know what to do, it's always been such a NICE toaster. [sm=river.gif]Waaaaaa I miss my toasstterrrrrr... [sm=river.gif] Waaaa I told my toaster about how the blender zapped me and it jerked off to it. Waaa I miss my toastteerrrrr. I love my toaasster... wow, sheesh. if people would read my response that those journal entries were doctored. i have since returned them to the original journal entries (yes, I actually do keep up a back up of my journal). i changed it to the crying signs because my former a--hole master said he was going to see how i "truly" felt by reading my journal. so i doctored it in his favor because he's a scary man if crossed. i realized that and told him to get out of my life. i just never changed my journal until now b/c well, i'm in Grad school and i'm busy. However when i realized people were actually reading the *fake* journal entries i opened up my journal and fixed them to the *right* journal entries. Ok, well first off, you are where you are and you're ok the way you are. However, you need to work on self-esteem and your own self-image and that's ok, everyone has issues, just start working on it. Please stop trying to be what everyone wants you to be and be you. You're responding to people on an internet forum like their word is law, you're changing your journal entries back and forth to please some guy you now say is abusive and to please the people here. You got yourself in a situation with some guy where he disregarded your clear desire to not have sex and and now you're worried about being pregnant. But now you say it's all good and he's really a great guy. No, he's not, his words don't change his acts and you need to take a good look at yourself and realize that you may not be ready for a relationship of this type if you have this difficult of a time establishing boundaries. I'm not trying to be harsh honestly, but stop spinning around and focus on YOU and what you truly need and want. Step back and take an honest look at what you are doing to yourself and how you can change it. Desperation does not make unsuitable partners suitable, it makes you in a miserable relationship. Again, you deserve better than what you are giving yourself. On a sidenote, I'm not sure what type of birth control you are on, but you should look it up in the PDR, many birth control types give a safe number of days (usually 7) before relying on them, however their effective date is much earlier. That doesn't mean you can't get pregnant, it just may ease your mind a bit. Michael is also right in that it does not take actual intercourse to get pregnant or even contract an STD. These are things you should know as a sexually active adult.

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: oops (11/27/2007 3:47:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hermione83 Rape doesn't have to be with a stranger or brutal or violent etc to be rape, sweetie. And he raped you. Look up the legal definition of rape. It absolutely is. hugs her Hermione is absolutely correct.. 3 weeks ago my husband came within inches of raping me. Literally inches. He claimed the same thing, that he thought no meant yes and said he had no idea what I was talking about when I looked him in the eye and said "RED! I'M TELLING YOU RED, NOW STOP'' (why wouldn't he ASK what the hell RED was if he didn't know you say? Beats me). He didn't. He pulled off my thong and went down on me.. I thought if I let him do that he would just stop..Nope, then he got on top of me. The only thing that made him stop was when he was about 2 inches from sticking it in and I burst into tears and told him "I don't want to do this!".. He stopped, got off me, then rolled over and with his back to me went to sleep. He didn't even have the decency to cover my bare ass, much less say he was sorry. He didn't ask if I was ok until 11am the next morning. To this day he hasn't said a word about it.. I have had a hard time dealing with it for the last few weeks.. Not so much the act, but the total coldness afterward and not having any clue or even caring about how much he upset me.. I have been with this guy since 1993 and YES it would have most definitely been rape.

exquisitefeline1 -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (11/27/2007 3:48:18 PM)
You suc at relationships... What is wrong with you? You fuck up from the start and pick the wrong fucking men... Jeez have some self respect. He is using you, and if that is all you want then fine, but if he is leaving you crying, for fuck sake girl...unless that is what you want to... Personally i love forced sex, rape scenes, etc only with my bf but... very exciting... but choose a safe word if no does not mean no... Keep the Drama on the stage.

unmaskedred -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (12/7/2007 8:04:14 PM)
I know a counselor that says "we teach people how to treat us". Your reaction speaks volumes. No means no... don't feel bad about enforcing that. Be tough! :) Hope this helps! UnMaskedRed

mnottertail -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (12/7/2007 8:09:13 PM)
I did not get to be 53 years old and alone by being particularly adroit at relationships. Ron

Stephann -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (12/7/2007 9:39:11 PM)
Hi OHG, You've had tons of rape advice piled on. You've had some "go with your gut" advice. You've had the birds and the bees talk, and some toasters tossed in. All great stuff. I'll briefly reinforce the "say no, wish yes" crap doesn't excuse his betrayal. 'Nuff said there. What you haven't considered, is that you're afraid that if this guy doesn't work out, nobody will. You're obviously not happy with him (at least from what you've told us.) You've told yourself half a dozen fibs to keep from having to admit that this guy isn't the sharpest tool in the toolshed. My suggestion is to start focusing on you. Find ways to make you happy, to enjoy your life, without a man, and at the very moment you realize you don't need one Mr Fantabulous will breeze through the door. Why? Cuz good, happy men like good happy women. Make yourself into that good happy woman, and see what happens. Good luck, Mr Fuckin Sunshine

onlyHisgirl -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (12/7/2007 10:09:21 PM)
i dumped him. i'm not pregnant. i'm "seeing" someone else who is nicer and surprisingly a Dom. Not that i'm saying Dom's can't be nice. i've just never had a nice Dom. Hoping to see Him tuesday. Now whether or not W/we end up just friends or more remains to be unseen but W/we're both pretty busy so it's all good. have a great week ya'll!

Sirsinini -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (12/8/2007 12:42:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl quote: ORIGINAL: astarri i am not sure how this indicates you being bad at relationships ... though a couple of quick questions ....so you were trying to keep the relationship anal? or you had been doing anal and then pushed into your ... vagina (im not sure)? either way imo you said to not ..he broke his word .... he isnt someone i would trust personally oh, yeah...i was totally okay with anal. i enjoy it alot [:D] no, we had anal after he stuck it in...i think he felt bad and could tell i was upset. *he thinks making me feel better or having sex is the only* way to express himself or feelings**. [&o] I underlined and bolded your line because that is a huge red flag; You asked why you suck at relationships. Sex is NOT a relationship. Relationships are about people relating to each other...emotinally, sexually...or whatever. YOU need to understand why YOU think you suck at relationships. YOU might want to ask yourself, what does a relationship mean to me? What do I want, desire, need from a relationship? If you want to relate sexually (anally) with a man... relate that way...if you want something deeper, figure out who YOU are and go for what you want, need and desire. Maybe you wont be relating with someone who wants to use your body to make himself feel better. Or maybe I totally misunderstand and you are asking...I totally suck at sex and expressing myself, what is wrong with me? MHO Sir's devoted property

stella41b -> RE: oops (12/8/2007 2:43:03 AM)
I checked your profile... I'd say everything's fine, but maybe the reason you suck at relationships is maybe because you suck at the relationship with yourself. Only you know the reasons why, I don't, and I honestly can't see them or work them out for you. I see a young attractive woman, a Southern belle as it were.. I see the expressive face, the clear skin, the eyes, I read the words, I know that you have character, a personality.. but you don't have the confidence, the self-esteem, the knowledge of self-worth and self-value. You only got one body, and you've only got one heart.. How are you going to feel and how do you feel when that body is used? What is going to happen when that heart is broken? Why try to be someone you're not? That cheap bargain in a dollar store? You sure don't look cheap to me, and yet I understand that you may feel the need to offer yourself in this way to men for the sake of acceptance. Why? Are you happy? Is this what you really want? You're getting some really good advice here from others.. But you know, we're not you, we don't live inside your head, we don't know the games your heart plays with your mind. You claim to suck at relationships. Since when? When did this start happening? Why are you still choosing to perceive yourself as you did then? How much longer are you going to live in the past? Are you getting the things you need from a relationship? Greater self-esteem? Self-confidence? A better sense of your own value? I guess not. Got to admit it, it ain't working. I personally don't think the role of victim suits you very much, does it? What do you think? Don't you agree? You cannot be happy, otherwise you wouldn't have come here and posted looking for our advice, would you now? But you know, you can change your mind in a split second... that's all it takes. Just think, eh? Freedom from the past, and all those bad experiences and relationships, just a single moment.. and then.. gone.. forever. I'd say you give the guys a rest for now, and find your closest friends, and just go out and have a girlie night, you know, go see a movie, go do some shopping, go spend some time being nice to yourself. There's nothing here which states you cannot offer your submission as a prize to a guy who truly deserves it. Nothing to stop you becoming a luxury item other than your irrational clinging to the past and cheapening and devaluing yourself. Why? Please remember.. you only got one body to offer.. you only got one heart to offer as well.. you only need one guy, so why not make sure it's the right guy? You've only got one life in which to be happy... You only need a single moment to change your perception of yourself, find your self-esteem and your true value.. Surely it isn't too difficult for you to achieve, or is it? I wish you well.

eyesopened -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (12/8/2007 3:05:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl i dumped him. i'm not pregnant. i'm "seeing" someone else who is nicer and surprisingly a Dom. Not that i'm saying Dom's can't be nice. i've just never had a nice Dom. Hoping to see Him tuesday. Now whether or not W/we end up just friends or more remains to be unseen but W/we're both pretty busy so it's all good. have a great week ya'll! 12 days! You waited a whole 12 days to dump one and begin another. i'm saying this as i would to my own um.... it smacks of defining yourself by being part of a couple rather than defining yourself by who you are. Too many young women think that having a boyfried somehow equals success and not having a boyfriend equals failure. They cycle through the boyfriends so often that a relationship never really forms. It's like living on microwaving pop-tarts* rather than learning to prepare a meal. Slow down, dear. Trust me, there are still men for old farts like me. *in case anyone cares, the actual instructions for 'cooking' a pop-tart in the microwave is: "microwave pastry for 1 second"

kyraofMists -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (12/8/2007 5:53:21 AM)
From reading the OP it seems that you have trouble establishing and enforcing boundaries. Because of that you will have a difficult time establishing healthy relationship with someone who wants to challenge your boundaries. Learn how to protect your boundaries and it will go a long ways in helping you build healthy relationships with others. Knight's Kyra

unravel -> RE: oops (12/8/2007 6:35:19 AM)
wow... no means no... He should not even joke about that... And ass to vagina...unsafe... i mean get him any sexual health book for Christmas... This does not sound good. Good luck! unravel

velvetears -> RE: oops (12/8/2007 7:37:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aceton [sm=river.gif]Waaaaa I stuck a fork in a toaster and it electrocuted me... now I don't know what to do, it's always been such a NICE toaster. [sm=river.gif]Waaaaaa I miss my toasstterrrrrr... [sm=river.gif] Waaaa I told my toaster about how the blender zapped me and it jerked off to it. Waaa I miss my toastteerrrrr. I love my toaasster... LMAO too freaking funny.... thanks for the laugh

Maya2001 -> RE: i suck at relationships! what is wrong with me? (12/8/2007 9:12:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl i dumped him. i'm not pregnant. i'm "seeing" someone else who is nicer and surprisingly a Dom. Not that i'm saying Dom's can't be nice. i've just never had a nice Dom. Hoping to see Him tuesday. Now whether or not W/we end up just friends or more remains to be unseen but W/we're both pretty busy so it's all good. have a great week ya'll! You are probably going to experience the same thing all over again sorry to say, the reason is because you need to work on yourself first to make yourself a whole and healthy strong person before getting involved in another relationship, do not expect that having a new dom will fix things, if you are not strong enough to set boundaries you are setting both yourself and the new dom up for failure.

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