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RE: Can a master change a dislike into a like ? - 11/27/2007 3:10:53 PM

alivingdoll

Posts: 57
Joined: 2/21/2007
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All great points of view here and thanks so much for letting me know i'm not alone in my distaste for recieving oral .

I always have the option of saying no to something if I have a great reason why and simply" I don't like it "isn't a great reason lol, So he will and does veto that .It boils down too tough there are things in life you don't like and must just push on .He'll point out "am I putting you in undue danger /mentally am I damaging you? It's very uncomfortable for me
Also body submission is rather new to me I was like a kinky maid/betty crocker type this has been a challenge and yes he is sadistic and loves taking me out of my comfort zones any chance he can .I'm loving some of the process and really out of my elements in some and he knows this and has been an asset to my growth .

I know my responses aren't what he'd like There is this look in my eyes I don't know I'm doing it and maybe he likes that but he will say "oh no the look of doom "He believes exsposing me over and over to this type of stimulation will bring me out of this dread factor and like a miracle worker I will enjoy this and we will be happily ever after

That's alot of pressure on me to get my body to respond when it just doesn't, really It makes me feel like a failure in that dept.
When we talked over limits I did mention it and he was like your handing your body over to me and I can do this and that but this here is a limit? It's not dangerous it's not harmful so I don't accept that as a limit based on the fact you don't have a strong arguement for it .

Im curious When others talk limits do you have the option to limit something based on the fact you just don't like it ?I thought that was the point of making limits .Another point he does make is we are dealing with me and you (us ) I'm not joe blow dom alot from your past so why limit my acsess to you based on past experiences we are in the now not the past .If I do something to you and you feel we need to make it a limit I want you to have a valid reason .I'll listen and if I feel it's harming you damaging you mentally or otherwise then I'll decide it's a limit you can't limit everything based on poor past experiences if that was the case most wouldn't f*ck.Can you tell this man is paid to argue and was the best debater on his team in college?

He's researched Turners and there isn't any medical reason why I don't respond it's me telling myself that I'm different limiting my bodies natural responses it's in my head not below sexual response and orgasm is head sex .I guess finding sexual value after so many years of not being valued like that is a process to get used too.I adapted to sex being very one sided with alot less input from me .

He explained to me my past submission just landed in my lap with little or no output from me it was done too me( passive submission)inactive object). This time submission will be drive and desire(agressive submission)an active pupil) (not simply it fit's so wear it )submission won't be something that you reach for your fix it won't be the comfortable pair of pants you like to wear, it's those new painful shoes takes awhile there is a difference .With any type of transformation there are periods of adjustments and being uncomfortable all part of life..
thanks again -Doll

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RE: Can a master change a dislike into a like ? - 11/27/2007 3:19:48 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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I have come to crave certain things that I deeply disliked, simply because he enjoys them. Since I get off on him getting off, then that's what I focus on and end up enjoying whatever "distasteful" thing might be required of me. Somewhat similar to what beth said, I like what pleases him more than I dislike what doesn't please me.

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RE: Can a master change a dislike into a like ? - 11/27/2007 4:15:43 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I have come to crave certain things that I deeply disliked, simply because he enjoys them. Since I get off on him getting off, then that's what I focus on and end up enjoying whatever "distasteful" thing might be required of me. Somewhat similar to what beth said, I like what pleases him more than I dislike what doesn't please me.

But that doesn't make you actually enjoy the primary activity that you dislike as much as you like the service and his arousal, correct? I'm not referring to pain type activities, but just something you don't find enjoyable. I'm not arguing with you, just attempting to clarify.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Can a master change a dislike into a like ? - 11/27/2007 4:26:06 PM

MSBrenda0202

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

As a domme, I go over the hard limits that a sub will submit to me. I want to make sure that he understands that those items will never be discussed or ventured towards. After several sessions with a sub, I try to open their minds to the whole complete world of BDSM...of course, without going towards the hard limits. It is also known to my subs that anything on their hardlimits can be removed at their request. But nothing can be added to the list once we start as D/s.

I have had several subs ask to have items removed....strictly their choice.

If a sub changes their HL list because they want to please their Domme/Master, then I would be very careful as the person in control.

My responsibility as a Domme is to take my sub into that place that they need to be....so they can be complete. Not where I need them to be.

Pain & Pleasure always,

MS Brenda

(in reply to laurell3)

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RE: Can a master change a dislike into a like ? - 11/27/2007 7:23:26 PM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BBWnNC72

quote:

ORIGINAL: trusting

if you are true in your submission and that was not a 'limit' that you discussed, i think that you would be able to get used to it over time.

then again, you may be one that feels it is ok to tell him no?

get used to it?
if one really doesnt care for it, or even has it as a limit, they shouldnt have to "get used to it"
also, there is nothing wrong with discussing and saying "no"
there are a few things that i dont care for and i wont do, even if we didnt discuss it before hand, and i AM a true submissive, things come up from time to time that wasnt thought about before.

I am not one of the one that feels it is ok to say "No". I “get use to it" and find joy in doing so.

There are always opportunities for me to talk things out with Master but saying no to him isn’t acceptable. He may or may not decide not to do things to me I don’t like but then I always feel like I am nott doing my best for him.

In my mind it is more important for him to use me as he wishes then it is for me to enjoy it. Enjoying it is an extra bonus.

With the said there have been a lot of things I didn’t like or didn’t think I would like that Master has turned into very positive delightful things for me. AT first I didn’t always get turned on by the act per say, I get turn on by the fact that I was pleasing him by doing something I might not like and the knowledge that he has the power to inspire obedience in a way that I am comfortable stepping out of my comfort zone to obey.

Over time, some of the acts I hated are the same ones I crave and beg for now.

edited to add .... yup, what the wacky one say . and she said in one line what it took me a whole page to say

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I like what pleases him more than I dislike what doesn't please me.

< Message edited by LaMspeach -- 11/27/2007 7:27:23 PM >

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"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

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RE: Can a master change a dislike into a like ? - 11/27/2007 8:07:58 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I have come to crave certain things that I deeply disliked, simply because he enjoys them. Since I get off on him getting off, then that's what I focus on and end up enjoying whatever "distasteful" thing might be required of me. Somewhat similar to what beth said, I like what pleases him more than I dislike what doesn't please me.

But that doesn't make you actually enjoy the primary activity that you dislike as much as you like the service and his arousal, correct? I'm not referring to pain type activities, but just something you don't find enjoyable. I'm not arguing with you, just attempting to clarify.

I understand your wanting to clarify, and I appreciate the question. Actually yes, I have come to enjoy even those "awful" things I once found no enjoyment in at all. Doing such things is a way for me to express devotion, submission, gratitude and love for him in ways words simply can not. And I find deep satisfaction and fulfillment in doing that. The acts themselves turn into my way of communicating to him, and I really do end up loving even that which I hated.

But then I'm kinda weird

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RE: Can a master change a dislike into a like ? - 11/27/2007 8:18:19 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

i know it may sound dumb, but wax play was something i was never going to try and even had it as a hard limit. But yes, he worked slowly through it with me, if that's even possible, and now i love it.

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RE: Can a master change a dislike into a like ? - 11/27/2007 8:40:45 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alivingdoll
That's alot of pressure on me to get my body to respond when it just doesn't, really It makes me feel like a failure in that dept.

This is the important part of your post imo. He's making you feel like a failure. Have you told him this? Because to me, making me feel worse about myself is not acceptable. Life batters us down enough that I don't accept partners anymore who want to make me less.

And yes, limits can be anything you need to limit. Why did you agree to allow him to decide your limits when that wasn't what you wanted? He's using his debating skills to get what he wants without bothering to notice or care what the results are for you. And that's plain wrong.

Next time, stand up for yourself and don't get into relationships where your needs aren't met and your limits are violated.

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RE: Can a master change a dislike into a like ? - 11/27/2007 9:26:08 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I have come to crave certain things that I deeply disliked, simply because he enjoys them. Since I get off on him getting off, then that's what I focus on and end up enjoying whatever "distasteful" thing might be required of me. Somewhat similar to what beth said, I like what pleases him more than I dislike what doesn't please me.

But that doesn't make you actually enjoy the primary activity that you dislike as much as you like the service and his arousal, correct? I'm not referring to pain type activities, but just something you don't find enjoyable. I'm not arguing with you, just attempting to clarify.

I understand your wanting to clarify, and I appreciate the question. Actually yes, I have come to enjoy even those "awful" things I once found no enjoyment in at all. Doing such things is a way for me to express devotion, submission, gratitude and love for him in ways words simply can not. And I find deep satisfaction and fulfillment in doing that. The acts themselves turn into my way of communicating to him, and I really do end up loving even that which I hated.

But then I'm kinda weird

We're all way more than kind of weird! I think that's happened to me with regard to pain type stuff over the years, but I'm not sure I can do that with regard to having oral performed on me, although I would like to as it seems to be an issue often.

Anyway, not to hijack, just wanted to explain why I was asking. Thanks for the reply

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 29