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How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 7:59:35 AM   
Master5542


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline 		Well, Im not really sure how to find the right slave for me. I am in search of a slave that is looking for a 24/7 style lifestyle. Also a slave that is into the things I am. A slave that has absolutley no boundaries. Im am lost. Can anyone help?

< Message edited by Master5542 -- 11/27/2007 8:02:12 AM >
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 8:05:51 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Dude,

There is no such thing as the "perfect slave store"   A slave without boundaries isn't worth having but you don't have enough skill or experience yet to  understand that.  You can take the comments you are going to get as grave insults or if you are smart, you can step back, realize what you think bdsm is all about is completely wrong.

Pick up a copy of these two books, read them twice, The Bottomong Book as well as The Topping Book.  Despite the titles best books out there on D/s although Midori's book The Wild Side of Sex is pretty amazing as well.

BDSM is a lot like High School, nobody is a virgin, everyone is having sex but the reality is most are virgins and there is far less sex going on than your buddies tell  you.  No limit slaves who obey effortlessly and have no needs for you to concern yourself with is a hot topic in chat rooms but will get you laughed out of the room  in any place were real people gather in person and actually do this stuff.

(in reply to Master5542)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 8:20:09 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		At a  Perfect Slave Shop  of course!

Humour and sarcasm aside....... start at the beginning, which is working out what you want.  You have said you want a 24/7 style slave with no boundaries, but into what you are into.....

Very, very rarely is a female sub going to immediately submit to you 24/7, and if she did I would call her a fool.  24/7 is a state of mind that is cultured, grown, nurtured from a relationship, hard work and lots of effort needed.

No limits is a limit.  Again something that may happen over time, however I suspect there are more people in relationships who share mutual limits than there are that have no limits.

No-one is perfect so please dispel that notion, however, they can still be a good fit, and with hard work and training you might get that.

Do you get the theme here.... hard work.  That is what you need to be doing right now, even in the absence of a potential slave.  Work out what you want, what you don't want, where you want to be 1 month, 2 months, 6 or 12 months after starting a relationship with a potential slave.  You should be reading and researching ideas, not necessarily to learn things, but to work out your thoughts and perspectives, essentially the better you know yourself, the easier it is to know what you want and where you are heading.  You need to practice patience, have courage, and not too much ego. 

It is said that luck is when preparation meets opportunity.  So to be lucky in finding the "perfect slave" you need to be prepared for when the opportunity arises.

Good luck!

Faith

:: smiles ::



(in reply to Master5542)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 9:02:28 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		There are a few slaves here that consider themselves "no limits" slaves. Only two I would truly consider as living up to that lofty ideal that post here from what they write... and you know what? They do not consider this a positive attribute... it just is what it is. In fact they consider the part of them that is no limits a possible flaw, a damaged part of their being. It is not something to brag about, not being able to set boundaries for oneself.

My Daddy sent me to a class that helps teach boundaries because I have trouble with them myself... he wanted me to know how to set boundaries with everyone, including him because he loves me and wants me to be safe. Someone that lacks boundaries lacks the an important set of survival skills that keep them safe. This romantic notion of a no limits slave is something that most people who claim to be one or claim to have one or claim to want one, have not thought out a great deal.

As far as the perfection thing, I used to think perfection did not exist like some of the other contributors to this thread, until I looked in the mirror and found perfection there... and all of the sudden I see perfection everywhere and in everyone...

You can find perfection, but that means the ability to see it in what already exists, instead of a mythical pink unicorn that you will never find

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 9:58:41 AM   
IamJustMe2C


Posts: 94
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		I personally love to see the "no limit slaves" I like to bring out my chain saw and say come here and lay down your head.

All joking aside. There is no such thing as the perfect slave for anyone. Every slave /sub must be molded and created in to what you want. you also must have the knowlege to do this. It is obvious that you do not posess this knowlege but dont worry we all had to start out as well. There are many good books on the subject and the ones mentioned abouve are very good. I would also recommend (screw the roses send me the thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon )  It is a good jumping off book. It would be nice if you could also find a mentor in your area to guide you threw this as well. But if not we are here to help.
         BDSM is not something to be taken lightley. Many people think that this is just a kink and for some it is. But most of what we do if done wrong can take a life or cause perminant marks or perminant suffering to another person. More people die in this lifestyle from self bondage and lack of knowlege of what they are doing. These are proven facts. One bad knot. One wrong needle placement. One wrong cutting and a life is gone and your in jail for murder. So know what you are doing before you do it.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift unlike any other. The one who can sculpt that gift in a graceful manner is a Master.

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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 10:00:16 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		First, you find the perfect Master.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 10:03:47 AM   
secretagentgirl


Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		Truthfully, how many things in life are totally perfect?  Not to depress you, but I just had this conversation about someone about schools.  I have been agonizing about finding the perfect school and she said "I finally realized that nothing in life is 100% perfect.  I am happy when I can get 80%."  I think that is a good way to think about things.
Even people I know who are in fantastic, amazing relationships have beefs with their partner.  It is just a fact of life.
And frankly, when you're looking for someone to give up total control to you, the pool gets smaller.
Strive for someone who fits your desires a LOT... and think about what other attributes you can loosen up a bit on. 

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 10:05:02 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

More people die in this lifestyle from self bondage and lack of knowlege of what they are doing. These are proven facts. One bad knot. One wrong needle placement. One wrong cutting and a life is gone and your in jail for murder. So know what you are doing before you do it.


Out of curiousity, is there some statistical fact book about this? I would think that most of these types of scenarios would be reported on the news, and I do not hear about this stuff every day. I would be shocked to find out that people are dropping like flies because of these activities. Nerve damage is probably one of the more common injuries from self bondage, and while nothing to take lightly, is a far cry from death. I have had my nerves damaged in my hands from bondage, and thankfully they healed almost completely... but death is a far cry from bruised nerves

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to IamJustMe2C)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 11:59:11 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I think I know what you mean...You are looking for someone perfect for you...ok I get that. Now...you go about it like you would if you were straight up dating...be polite...be a gentleman...be truthful...etc.... and most of all be PATIENT!! 

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 12:03:56 PM   
unravel


Posts: 90
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		i am not sure perfection exists, really. But as far as finding the "right fit" in Your quest for a slave, i would say You need to be very aware of what You really want, so that You can articulate it and communicate it well to prospective slaves when the time comes, and that Your profile here at CM must expresses who You are, what You seek, what Your "style" is. And then, since You seek 24/7, i would say what You need is a lot of patience to find good prospects, and then even more patience for making sure through a lot (and then some) discussions with the one slave before You two decide you are the right fit for each other.
unravel

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 12:38:03 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Master5542

Well, Im not really sure how to find the right slave for me. I am in search of a slave that is looking for a 24/7 style lifestyle. Also a slave that is into the things I am. A slave that has absolutley no boundaries. Im am lost. Can anyone help?


You struggle, you get into relationships that don't work, you make mistakes, you learn to accept that you can be wrong, that you have room to grow, that some slaves just won't be inspired to submit to you, that you have some interests they just won't be interested in, etc.

Basically everything you would do in the vanilla world to find a good match.

Personally, I don't see much of a value in a "no limits" slave. If they truly have no limits and will do whatever they are told regardless of what it is, they really aren't a person I want in my life.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Master5542)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 12:46:26 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I have talked to hundreds of subs/slaves.
Met and played with some of them.
I have always thought that it would be more difficult to find the right partner if you are very kinky than if you are vanilla and it's bad enough in vanilla life.
All we can do is be patient and try not to let the disappointments get to us each time someone doesn't work out.
And bear in mind even if we find our perfect slave they may not see us as their perfect Dom/me.

(in reply to unravel)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 12:58:40 PM   
sweetNsmartBBW


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		How do You find the perfect slave for You?  First, know Yourself- truly know Yourself.  Take the time to figure out who You are.  So many people never do.  If You don't really know what You need, what You want- and the difference between those two things- how will You ever find either?

Generally speaking, looking for a no-limits slave is more a fantasy than a well thought out plan to find a partner.   Do they exist?  I have heard they do, but are very rare- and are probably not the best way to go for somebody that's relatively new to Dominance and/or the lifestyle. 

If You want the 'perfect' slave, take time to learn how to be the 'perfect' Master (or as close to it as You care to get).  As others have said- do a lot of reading, exploring, talking with others.  Anything worth having, is worth doing right.  Just keep Your feet firmly grounded in reality; as what You seek will likely take a lot of time- and effort- on Your part, not just to find...but to cultivate it into what You desire it to be. 

_____________________________

There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength to yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip away another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked. Yaldah Tova

(in reply to lateralist1)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 1:01:06 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		There's truly no such thing as having no boundaries, and that is a good thing. The only ones who think they don't have any don't know themselves or what they want or stand for enough to say that they do not. I think a better goal might be that someone has no walls  or barriers against you, because the two of you happen to have the same wants and boundaries. Good luck!

< Message edited by hermione83 -- 11/27/2007 1:03:33 PM >

(in reply to lateralist1)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 1:01:31 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IamJustMe2C

But most of what we do if done wrong can take a life or cause perminant marks or perminant suffering to another person. More people die in this lifestyle from self bondage and lack of knowlege of what they are doing. These are proven facts. One bad knot. One wrong needle placement. One wrong cutting and a life is gone and your in jail for murder. So know what you are doing before you do it.


Bullshit, that is anything but "proven facts"!  Self bondage does kill SOME people but it is quite rare.  Needles?  Give me a link to a news story or two, same with knives.  The only common injury is heartbreak and bruised egos.

Speaking of which, you are 32 and were "formally trained 15 years ago"  Really, someone trained you at 17?  No wonder you say you are an expert with nearly every form of play imaginable, something few of the publicly known Dominants here would claim, even those who lecture and teach classes.

So, before you go spreading BS, you might gain some education first.

(in reply to IamJustMe2C)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 1:16:26 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

There's truly no such thing as having no boundaries, and that is a good thing. The only ones who think they don't have any don't know themselves or what they want or stand for enough to say that they do not. I think a better goal might be that someone has no walls  or barriers against you, because the two of you happen to have the same wants and boundaries. Good luck!


I would refer you to this past thread on the subject which opened my mind about stating that no one exists without boundaries... they can and do, although it is rather rare and nothing to aspire to in my mind

http://www.collarchat.com/m_667112/mpage_1/key_limits/tm.htm#667112

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to hermione83)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 1:18:36 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		What are you talking about?  I'll sell him one.  Hey, Master5542, what are you offering?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

There is no such thing as the "perfect slave store"

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 2:05:47 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		6'0, 300 pounds
Joined 11 days ago
Starts a ridiculous thread then drops from sight
I call Bullshit


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 2:07:28 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		What are you calling bullshit on?  I don't think 6 foot and 300 pounds is too far beyond commonplace.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: How do i find the perfect slave? - 11/27/2007 4:59:23 PM   
Bethnai


Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline 		I'm starting to see the repetition.

I, for some reason, did not want to post on the whole BDSM side of the board for lack of experience and I did not think mine could ever be relevent. However, in the last week, I have tried to read through these posts and listen to people. I'm starting to see a get sucked in thangy and somebody(sombodies), somewhere is laughing at the integrity. 

I'm pretty much disgusted.

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