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can not think of one - 11/27/2007 8:20:50 PM   
willing2obey31


Posts: 40
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		  Is this not part of a quality that Dominant People seek in a submissive person or a slave?

 i am new to this lifestyle, but i know what i want out of it. i want to explore it, i want to understand any and every aspect and concept of this lifestyle, so that i can become a better slave also a better person.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: can not think of one - 11/27/2007 8:33:51 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		Think of it as a process.  One never stops learning about themselves and the livestyle they choose to live.  I suggest you try reading books or material from the net, then reflect upon what appeals to you and your reasons why.  I'd also assert that it's equally important to reflect on what doesn't appeal to you and determine the reasons why if they're not immediately obvious to you.  This will help you to better understand yourself and define your limits. 
 
It's knowledge about oneself and openess to trying new things with someone you trust that will likely be valued in you more than what you've stated.  The more you learn, they more you may decide there are places you don't want to explore and there's absolutely nothing wrong in that.  I also suggest you think in terms of baby steps.  You simply can't do it all at once.  It takes time to explore to determine what it you like!
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik
 


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to willing2obey31)
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RE: can not think of one - 11/27/2007 10:38:04 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		In my experience people usually start with the things they know they enjoy and keep an open mind about the things they are unsure of.  However, there's no one right way.

You seem to indicate you will do it all.  I highly doubt that's actually true.

What is the context of your question?  Did someone question your profile?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to willing2obey31)
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RE: can not think of one - 11/27/2007 10:38:30 PM   
willing2obey31


Posts: 40
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		  true.... about the baby steps. if i made it sound like i am wanting to just  jump in, that was not my intention. i want to find Someone that will take the time to train me and help guide me, Someone that can help me explore everything that She is willing to explore with me. After time goes by i am wanting to give up all my rights to Her, showing Her that i want to serve Her not as a submissive, but a slave. Only then would i be truely happy.


    To me......    (i do not know if i am wrong, or right... this is just the way i look at it)  a submissive person is not truely owned, or collared until they are a slave.

Everything that i have read here on the net, about the lifestyle has only made me more curious.

Thanks for the advice.

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: can not think of one - 11/27/2007 10:41:16 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: willing2obey31

true.... about the baby steps. if i made it sound like i am wanting to just  jump in, that was not my intention. i want to find Someone that will take the time to train me and help guide me, Someone that can help me explore everything that She is willing to explore with me. After time goes by i am wanting to give up all my rights to Her, showing Her that i want to serve Her not as a submissive, but a slave. Only then would i be truely happy.


   To me......    (i do not know if i am wrong, or right... this is just the way i look at it)  a submissive person is not truely owned, or collared until they are a slave.

Everything that i have read here on the net, about the lifestyle has only made me more curious.

Thanks for the advice.


There is no right or wrong.  You have the right idea, put that in your profile and go from there.  However, be patient and don't get discouraged, the numbers don't favor male submissives.  Good luck!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to willing2obey31)
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RE: can not think of one - 11/27/2007 11:04:45 PM   
willing2obey31


Posts: 40
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		i thought that i put in my profile that i am open minded....and curious about everything almost..... Also all i am saying is that i want to explore.... to find out more about my likes, dislikes, soft limits and my hard limits. Since i am new here i do not know what all my limits are, but.... sometime down the road yes i "want to be able " to do it all..... meaning everything that the Mistress is into. i may not be able to give up all of my limits, but i want to be able to. i am sure if i meet the right Mistress there is always that possibly. i know things in this lifestyle takes time, some more time than others.

N/nobody has questioned my profile..... i am only trying to get insight from O/others that knows more than me.


(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: can not think of one - 11/27/2007 11:07:11 PM   
willing2obey31


Posts: 40
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		it is, it was in my profile before i posted it in here.

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: can not think of one - 11/28/2007 5:09:10 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: willing2obey31

Is this not part of a quality that Dominant People seek in a submissive person or a slave?

i am new to this lifestyle, but i know what i want out of it. i want to explore it, i want to understand any and every aspect and concept of this lifestyle, so that i can become a better slave also a better person.


The short answer is: No.

Actually most dominants and tops aren't really that interested in helping someone explore BDSM but in having a particular relationship with that one person.

If you want to explore the world of BDSM I think you either need to be explicit with that when you negotiate, find a trainer or educator who is focused on that, or just get involved in the local community and take advantage of workshops, lectures, munches, books, etc on your own.

There is no reason, no reason at all, why you require another person to take on a formal role with you to start learning and exploring.

When I have time and energy, when I train, part of my agenda is to help that person explore a decently wide range of BDSM. That's me and I'm not anyone else in the world except for me.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 11/28/2007 5:11:05 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to willing2obey31)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: can not think of one - 11/28/2007 5:12:53 AM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		Most dominants and tops that I see are far more interested in finding relationships with people - the BDSM lifestyle is part of what should be a shared interest, but if you don't focus on clicking with someone first, you're not likely to entice quality people in with an offer of a wholly untrained sub.

Now - that's not to say that you won't find a dominant.  But your chances are much greater if you get to know them personally first, and know that your personalities mesh well.  If someone is important enough to me as a person, and they want to explore various facets of BDSM that they haven't before - I'm happy to play. 

But just to take a stranger and train them?  Um - for what?

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: can not think of one - 11/28/2007 5:21:30 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: willing2obey31
 i want to understand any and every aspect and concept of this lifestyle, so that i can become a better slave also a better person.


This is not exactly part of what I look for. I am not going to train someone under me in all aspects of the lifestyle, since I am not INTO all aspects of the lifestyle.   There is a difference between being willing to learn and happy with what you are taught, and sounding like you will not be content with learning just parts. The way I read this, you will not be content if you simply learn what your Lady wants you to know.  I know when I train, as I am with Fox now, I start from scratch and teach what I enjoy and dont. I see no reason to educate him on things I will never be into nor ask of him.  They will not serve me, and I sure as hell am not going to teach him something that only another Owner would find useful.

DV

And just something to think about, your idea of slave/submissive is about opposite of many who think there is a difference. You dont believe someone can be truly owned until they are a slave, most say you cannot be a slave until you are truly owned.


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to willing2obey31)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: can not think of one - 11/28/2007 6:32:37 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		As to that being a quality that most are looking for, I agree absolutely with Tammyjo.  The short answer is no.  In fact, in a lot of cases, it's a heck of a lot of work.
 
What the folks above told you about connecting with a person is correct.  It's that connection that is going to make your personal amount of experience matter less and less.  Have you ever considered that, rather than saying you want to explore it all, it might just be better to find the person who causes you to reflect and say, I want to explore it with you?  Meaning that not anyone and everyone could potentially fill that space.  That makes it sound like you're looking for a service Top, to introduce you to the things you haven't tried yet.  If that's all you want, than say so.  You'll get more respect for being honest with yourself and others.
 
On a side note, I'm going to take exception to that comment about only owning someone once they are a slave.  It might work that way for you, but it doesn't work that way for everyone, so you might want to not make those sweeping general statements.  The sub I've collared didn't especially have the experience level of the others who were persuing Me at the time.  However, I chose him for being him.  This is the part where I ask you to catch the tag line.

Edited because an honest question really does deserve a question mark.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 11/28/2007 6:34:09 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: can not think of one - 11/28/2007 6:51:00 AM   
willing2obey31


Posts: 40
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		Um.... that i know of i said nothing about walking i nto a relationship as a stranger.... i am not going to go to Someone's house without knowing Them frist.

(in reply to Dari)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: can not think of one - 11/28/2007 7:19:46 AM   
willing2obey31


Posts: 40
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		 i am not asking to "do everything" in this lifestyle...... because there are things that i do not want to do. Just because i want to explore and understand everything does not mean i want to do it.... nor does it mean i want to physcially explore it. There are things that i just want to understand more. So that i will know the dangers about it. Then at least when i am asked about it i will know what i am talking about. Nothing wrong with that.

As for me being happy i do believe that i did say......
 
Someone that can help me explore     everything that She is willing to explore with me. After time goes by   i am wanting to give up  all my rights to her, showing Her that i want to serve Her  not (no longer as) a submissive, but as Her slave.   Only then  (as Her slave)  would i be truely happy.        

So what i am saying there is i want Someone that will train me to be the best slave that i can be. i am not going to ask Someone to do something that They are not into. i will respect limits.In the end i do not want to be serving Her as a submissive, but as Her slave who will do "anything" that She wants without thinking about what She is talking about, without having to ask Her what She means

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: can not think of one - 11/28/2007 7:51:23 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I know you've read this a dozen times and please try to believe me when I write that what I'm saying is based on years of doing BDSM, being involved in the community and training over two dozen men and women as well as owning a blessed handful of them.

Get involved in the community beyond the computer. While I have may have made initial contact with some of those I've trained, played with, and owned, I have always required meeting them at local events and them getting involved with the local community. Those who stayed the longest with me and truly developed into wonderful kinky people where those I met first via the meatlife community.

I know it's scary to get out there but you will continue to be frustrated if you only continue to do the same things you have thus far. Asking questions here, talking on the boards, all good, really they are, but they cannot compare to getting out there in meatlife and learning, growing, connecting.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to willing2obey31)
Profile   Post #: 14
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