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dont understand - 11/28/2007 9:15:24 AM   
dirtygirlT


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		ok Master and me are new to this lifestyle and im having a huge problem i want to give myself to him completely outside the bedroom but im haven a hard time being a good slave and doing as im told im kind of acting bratty and have bine getting punished for it but it dosent seem to be helping any i love to please Master every way possiable but i just cant seem to do it dose that make sence any ways i have no problem in the bedroom i give myself to him for his enjoyment and love every minute of it but why am i having such a hard time outside of the bedroom i dont understand master is getting irratated with this and thinks that i dont want to do this but i do i sit at night crying cuz im so frustrated with all of this can anyone help me with this mybe i just need some gudence for another slave im not sure but all help would be apprciated thank you
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: dont understand - 11/28/2007 9:22:42 AM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		Kinda hard to give advice. What sort of things does He want you to do outside of the bedroom? I 'm thinking cooking and cleaning. I could be way off. Since you seem to have problems doing what He wants you to do have you sat down with Him and talked about the problem?

(in reply to dirtygirlT)
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RE: dont understand - 11/28/2007 9:24:59 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		It can take time to deprogram, the way things are done maybe need fine tuning or an overhaul, maybe it is just not you, maybe it is just not him or any combination of what I wrote and maybe a bunch of things I missed.

The first thing that popped into my head is how is he punishing you and trying to change that. If you are not improving or screwing up in the same way on a same thing then try a different way of punishment.

My other advice/question is sit down and have a long talk with him and see/experiment with having some firm rules and rituals that are effective in making you feel more submissive and him more dominant outside the bedroom and hopefully both. Also is there routine/rigidity to how things are outside of the bedroom or is it just a play it by ear situation. Consistent repetition and things that are particular to your Master should be consistent. For example if you are having a hard time because some days he is very particular about something and then some days that same thing he does not give a damn about can leave you twisting in the wind.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to dirtygirlT)
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RE: dont understand - 11/28/2007 10:24:09 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		There's a lot more to being a dominant than barking out an order and beating someone when it wasn't done to specs that weren't given.

Honestly, it takes about a month to change habits. Which means he needs to walk you through stuff while you learn, reminding you when you forget, having you repeat it correctly, all of which can be done without punishment.

The other thing is that giving you a list of 125 rules to immediately implement is a guarantee you will fail. Most of us do better getting only one or two rules at a time.

But if he thinks he can punish you for not trusting him, he's wrong. Doing that is a perfect way to make you less trustful and less willing to do what he wants until you've thought it all out.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to toservez)
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RE: dont understand - 11/28/2007 10:52:22 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Did you jump into things too fast?

I mean, I don't know your story, but I sincerely hope you didn't go from average vanilla couple to a TPE-type relationship over night or something.  I think it'd be better if you gave him control a little bit at a time until things became comfortable.  Start in the bedroom, then move into certain things slower in everyday life, perhaps.  Just a suggestion.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: dont understand - 11/28/2007 10:52:59 AM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		You remind me of a Dominant i know on line. He loves the D.s idea and lifestyle, but only in the bedroom. He says that it spices up sex so much for him. That may be you. Maybe the reason you only submit to him in the bedroom is because it turns you on sexually, but you really don't want to live it 24/7. Maybe that's why you're having such a hard time.


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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: dont understand - 11/28/2007 10:55:48 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

You remind me of a Dominant i know on line. He loves the D.s idea and lifestyle, but only in the bedroom. He says that it spices up sex so much for him. That may be you. Maybe the reason you only submit to him in the bedroom is because it turns you on sexually, but you really don't want to live it 24/7. Maybe that's why you're having such a hard time.



Yes, that is actually OK to be that way, despite rumors to the contrary. There are many people for whom this is a sexual activity only, and not at all 24/7.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: dont understand - 11/28/2007 11:13:12 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds like you are "being bratty" to either get the "stern master" attention or to get punished....I could be wrong. What my Master and I did from the begining is decide that I dont have to be disobediant to get spanked or whipped...If He feels like doing that, He just does. That eliminates the need to act out to get the kind of attention I crave from Him

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to dirtygirlT)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: dont understand - 11/28/2007 2:02:12 PM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dirtygirlT
but why am i having such a hard time outside of the bedroom i dont understand master is getting irratated with this


Have your tried asking what you are doing wrong?

(in reply to dirtygirlT)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: dont understand - 11/28/2007 5:02:39 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Liking the idea of something, having excellent intentions and honestly wanting to make change is great.

It also has absolutely nothing to do with enacting good positive healthy change.

It's very typical for novice subs to act our poorly or set up lots of limits- because no matter how much they WANT to submit, they still don't trust their partner.  Not because their partner gives them reason to distrust, simply because they've never been in these waters and have been taught most of their lives that it's wrong to submit, that you can't depend on someone to take responsibility.

You both should cool down and not make it a big deal to do it "right."  Start small and grow over time.  It's not an all or nothing deal. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to subsfaith)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: dont understand - 11/28/2007 10:36:10 PM   
Morniel


Posts: 60
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline 		Well, the first thing that comes to mind, based on the single run-on sentence of your original post, is that you're in "sub frenzy", and in a rush to become something.

That's not a flame or a slap, it's an observation.

Slow down. Stop.

Then get with your partner and TALK and LISTEN.

Decide what each of you wants -- needs -- expects from the other.

Write it down! There's nothing wrong with a hard-copy list of things that define or affect your relationship.

Once each of you understands where the other is coming from, then other things get a lot easier; for instance you may find it easy to "submit yourself" in and out of the bedroom both.

It's all about taking the time to learn each other!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: dont understand - 12/3/2007 10:33:38 AM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline 		~You can't beat a sub into submission ~

GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to Morniel)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: dont understand - 12/5/2007 6:53:23 AM   
fsub4use


Posts: 94
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Hi... i looked at your profile.  i noticed that you are a Dom/sub couple... both male and both straight.  There are a lot of errors in your post which makes it difficult to understand.  One sentence.  i wonder how you are at maintaining details?  And i wonder if you know what you want because there's not much information on your profile. 

i don't say these things to be difficult or hard on you.  i say this because i think that since you are this unclear here, perhaps you are unclear there, too.  Lack of clarity can be a huge issue in any kind of relationship, especially this type which is loaded with emotions and vulnerability. Relax, speak your truth, and go slowly. You have a long time to figure it all out.  And remember to laugh.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: dont understand - 12/5/2007 3:31:27 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		you're both new to the lifestyle, yet he totes around the title of master...

he wants constant submission from you, even though you appear to me more of a kinky bedroom submissive/bottom...

and you feel guilty because try as you may, it's just not you to be anything other than what you are...

sooooooo, it reminds me of the lyrics:

you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need...

perhaps his needs aren't really needs as much as wants, and no matter how much he wants you to be his 'dream girl' that he can shape and mold to his desires, he's going to have to face reality...

being a 'master' requires more than reading a bunch of shit and trying to make it 'work' on someone who isn't from the same 'cookie cutter mold' that they read about in the funny papers!

(in reply to dirtygirlT)
Profile   Post #: 14
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