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Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 1:39:49 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I've been mulling over something for awhile, so I thought it would be a good idea to finally ask for other opinions.

How does your self-esteem affect your service?

Do you think that if you have less confidence/ego that it is easier for you to follow orders and be pliant?

If you think you have very little intrinsic value, wouldn't it be easier to place more importance on what your Dominant thinks of you, which would make you strive to be more pleasing/obedient?

Sometimes I worry that my own confidence will get in the way of my submission. Maybe you have to be 'confident in your submission,' but my questions are just refering to confidence in general, perhaps the sort of confidence you entered the scene.

I would give my own opinions but they aren't wholely formed.




_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger
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RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 3:08:48 AM   
moose


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/25/2004
Status: offline 		I found when I lacked self-confidence/self-esteem, I had less of an internal struggle to be obedient. In the last five years with my Owner, my confidence and self-esteem has soared (as has His), and now, He is much more sure of Himself as my Owner, and what He wants from me (very much along the lines of what I had sought when He and I first got together) and I'm the one who's struggling.

My desire's still there, the need to be a slave, the unhappiness when I am not able to serve, but I don't half get myself into some trouble these days! I like who I am now much better, and I know the personal strength that I have. All I need to do now is learn how to fit it into my slavery.

For me, it is partly a matter of practice, and partly a matter of getting out of 'me' space and into 'His' space.

(in reply to junecleaver)
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RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 4:35:18 AM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		i actualy find it more easy to serve and be submissive the more self confident i am. submissive is who i am, and therefore, being more sure of myself, only strengthens that.

(in reply to moose)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 7:16:59 AM   
ChereeAmoor


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		I am pretty proud - I know what I am worth, and am generally very confident. The only thing that affects me in terms of service is sometimes physical tiredness.

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 7:50:06 AM   
Isolde


Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline 		When I first started looking into the lifestyle, I read something someone had written on LiveJournal. I'm paraphrasing here but basically their point was that this is power exchange. Therefore, the more power you have, the more you can give. After I read that, I stopped worrying about not fitting the "perfect submissive" mold that various other sources had pushed on me. I, personally, find something more compelling in being a strong person who submits and in giving that submission to someone who is strong enough to take and control it.

(in reply to ChereeAmoor)
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RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 8:50:26 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver
How does your self-esteem affect your service?

Do you think that if you have less confidence/ego that it is easier for you to follow orders and be pliant?

No, specially when my orders are often along the lines of "go get this done for me" which includes talking and getting things from others which requires a good sense of self and self confidence.

quote:


If you think you have very little intrinsic value, wouldn't it be easier to place more importance on what your Dominant thinks of you, which would make you strive to be more pleasing/obedient?

If you don't think much of yourself, how likely is it that you believe someone else will think much of you? If you don't think much of yourself, how likely is it that you will put much into what you do for them?

The trick is to BALANCE who you are with what you do for others...not to make one disappear.

(in reply to junecleaver)
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RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 9:56:19 AM   
atenderheart


Posts: 31
Joined: 5/15/2005
Status: offline
"How does your self-esteem affect your service?" i find if my self esteem is low my service sucks

"Do you think that if you have less confidence/ego that it is easier for you to follow orders and be pliant?" no the less confidence i have the worse my service is..

"If you think you have very little intrinsic value, wouldn't it be easier to place more importance on what your Dominant thinks of you, which would make you strive to be more pleasing/obedient? " i guess it could for some . everyone is diffrent


(in reply to junecleaver)
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RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 10:04:45 AM   
Sabella


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

i actualy find it more easy to serve and be submissive the more self confident i am. submissive is who i am, and therefore, being more sure of myself, only strengthens that.

'Zackly the same here

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to nella)
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RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 11:34:53 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Interesting things to think about. Thanks guys.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to Sabella)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 2:50:14 PM   
mossy


Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		i agree very strongly with what everyone has said, but i definately used to be where you are right now and asking that very same question... everytime i started to get a bit more confidence, i got a little cocky, because it seemed as though my growth was not supported fully. It was very difficult for me to find a balance. There seemed to to be two ends of the spectrum passive-----and submissive. When i was at passive i was very comfortable never questioned, & there was peace. When my confidence grew? i seemed to desire more rights....and i will be honest here....it was more the relationships i was in holding me back, due to the choices of partners i was making. i was growing and changing. The relationship was not. Since i have been single now, i have had the opportunity to come full circle with this self-esteem issue. Those "doms" that had been in my life only had wanted me to grow their way or not at all perhaps. For i had not been healthy enough to make healthy, confident choices in a Dominant yet. For this slave/sub...i had to find my way, and unfortunately at this time was not able to locate a Dominant, who could work through this with me, and it was probably best this way. So i was in this growth process alone. Now that this process/self-esteem has gone so well, i seek much stronger Dominant, healthier Dominant, to serve. Serving with confidence to an accomplished established Dominant will be the greatest gift of my Life, well besides my 23 yr. old son
i hope that made some sense to you! As we grow Dom or sub...we hope that our Partner grows along with us in support. That we grow together, not apart. That as we see each other reaching our wings out...we do not in effect try to stifle the other due to our own fears, yet encourage their growth. Wherever that may lead. Even if it is....in a painful direction which may be apart from us. Just my thoughts and feelings.

< Message edited by mossy -- 8/13/2005 3:34:14 PM >

(in reply to junecleaver)
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RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 3:06:33 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

How does your self-esteem affect your service?


It makes me more certain of my worth and of a dominants behaviour.

quote:

Do you think that if you have less confidence/ego that it is easier for you to follow orders and be pliant?


No. But I do think it is easier to be manipulated in a less than positive way.

quote:

If you think you have very little intrinsic value, wouldn't it be easier to place more importance on what your Dominant thinks of you, which would make you strive to be more pleasing/obedient?


No. Because the highest respect you can give a dominant is the reassurance of your own value. You should know and understand yourself and your worth before you can give your worth to another.

quote:

Sometimes I worry that my own confidence will get in the way of my submission. Maybe you have to be 'confident in your submission,' but my questions are just refering to confidence in general, perhaps the sort of confidence you entered the scene.


Then learning humility along with confidence is a complete must.
One can know there own worth, but if they are proud of it and flaunt such worth, it becomes commen and unsellable. If one is assured of their worth and position, and carries it with humility and cares for it, then it becomes priceless.

Peace and Love


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 4:41:02 PM   
perfection20005


Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline 		I find that I am more confident when I am serving my Master. I think that since I have admitted to myself that I am submissive, my confidence has got higher.

_____________________________

perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 6:14:50 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I've been mulling over something for awhile, so I thought it would be a good idea to finally ask for other opinions.

How does your self-esteem affect your service?

Do you think that if you have less confidence/ego that it is easier for you to follow orders and be pliant?

If you think you have very little intrinsic value, wouldn't it be easier to place more importance on what your Dominant thinks of you, which would make you strive to be more pleasing/obedient?

Sometimes I worry that my own confidence will get in the way of my submission. Maybe you have to be 'confident in your submission,' but my questions are just refering to confidence in general, perhaps the sort of confidence you entered the scene.

I would give my own opinions but they aren't wholely formed.






i do think there may be some truth to the theory. because my only sense of value, purpose, etc. come from serving and pleasing my Master, because i lack confidence in general and because i have always had such low self-esteem, i do think it helps to make me a far better servant/slave. i put my all into doing for him. part of it is simply par for the course when one is a slave, with no rights and limits and such. but part of it also has to do with the fact that i care nothing for myself outside of Him.

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/13/2005 6:30:02 PM   
babebirdy


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/15/2005
Status: offline 		I have always had self esteem issues, and even though I am new to the lifestyle I know that I am becoming a better slave as I let myself feel better about myself and who I am. As I believe more in myself I need less constant reassurance form those around me, especially from Master. As I let go of being scared of being left I can serve Him. For example I can wear what I am told to and not worry about what those around me think and know that it pleases Him.

If I feel worthless, then I am saying that His property has no value. If I feel that no one would want me, then how can I please Him or feel sexy around him or even not feel ashamed while naked. I need to know that I have value and that He knows I am valuable if I am going to submit myself to Him.

Thinking that one is worthless and of no value leads one to think that they may deserve abuse be it mental physical or whatever, and leads them to believe that they will never find anyone that will love them and take care of them, so they may stay in an abusive relationship. Low self esteem is not good in any kind of relationship!

(in reply to perfection20005)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/14/2005 10:42:54 PM   
nenakajira


Posts: 221
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		When I was very young and first starting down that horrible road of puberty and feeling like the ugly duckling that all girls feel like at one time or another my grandmother took me aside and told me something that Ill never forget. "If you dont love and value yourself, if you dont have pride in who and what you are, how will anyone else truly love and value you?"
I think that having little self esteem would make you extremely pliant.. but it would give you much less value than a woman who was sure of herself and her own worth.

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/14/2005 11:41:12 PM   
tigress31047


Posts: 98
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		I too have fought with self seteem issues most of my life.. but with Master guiding and teaching i have become very confident and sure of myself.. i actually walk throuh the mall now with my head up instead of always looking at the floor..My self esteem has reached a new high ..the more confident i am in my own ablities the better i can serve Him and that is the bottm line, HIS Pleasure

(in reply to nenakajira)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/16/2005 3:33:01 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		To me, the experience is a lot less valid if I'm lacking in self-esteem. When I feel at my best, I can give my master better service, and we both get more out of the experience.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/18/2005 3:09:55 PM   
Taik


Posts: 307
Joined: 8/5/2005
Status: offline 		Its very possible to be a confident sub, being confident in who you are and comfortable with yourself makes you a more rounded and stable person. I imagine things are much more enjoyable when your stable, stess free, and relaxed which are things that come with confidence.

If your worried about your confidence getting in the way, consider what it is about you that makes you confident and what you feel would get in the way. If you are confident in your abilitys to please and serve then I doubt they would get in the way and I would think you would both be much happier with the results. If you feel your condifence in yourself or some aspect of you is interfearing with your relationship I would suggest taking some time to look and think about what part of you or the relationship is rubbing with your self confidence, then I would suggest speaking to your Dom/Domme about it and work it out together... then you can be confident not only in your result but in your Dom/Domme's agreement with it.

_____________________________

Celf proklaimd speln profesikinal.

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/18/2005 3:17:07 PM   
BlouLady


Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		When you have low self esteem it tends to get unhealthy quickly.I think even to submitt you should have a certain amount of esteem. Other wise you only encourage others to walk on you in a way that is harmful to your spirit.

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Confidence & service. - 8/19/2005 1:00:29 AM   
APhacetoSit


Posts: 87
Joined: 11/23/2004
Status: offline 		imho, my Mistress/Master deserves the very best that i have to offer. if i feel unworthy of Her/Him, then what am i saying about His/Her standards, needs and desires.
i am indeed subservient, submissive, and compliant. i am also educated, intelligent, well travelled and highly skilled in service. Physically and psychologically fit, with the capacity to listen, understand, and react effectively. My Mistress/Master deserves no less.
i have often been told "Be good, and if you can't be good, be good at it."
True humility arises not from selling yourself short, but in recognizing your own limitations.
given the choice, would you give your Mistress/Master diamonds, zircons or cut glass?

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 20
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