cancelling meetings

cancelling meetings (Full Version)

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PAVANE -> cancelling meetings (8/13/2005 2:22:03 AM)
hullo everyone i was wondering if any could give me a serious explanation as to why potential submissives that i arrange to meet cancel the meeting at the last moment? does this happen to other people as well or is it just me? actually subs i have met and talked to say it is the same for them meeting new doms a lot of last minutes cancellations and never hearing from them again. also i would like to stress these meetings i am talking about, are social get to know the person meetings in a safe public place.

themischievous1 -> RE: cancelling meetings (8/13/2005 2:33:53 AM)
Hi Pavane, It's never happened to me. I've never cancelled or had a meeting cancelled. I take a while to get to know someone before I meet them; usually at least a month or more of emails and quickly to phone. Pretty frequent conversation occurs and it's fairly relaxed before the meeting takes place. There's no reason for anyone to freak out with nerves by that point. I've met for dinner and a movie most often, and sometimes just coffee for a couple hours. I'm picky though, and don't meet a whole lot of people. Still, I can't imagine being stood up for a meeting or being so rude as to cancel at the last minute or be a no-show with no explanation. If I cancelled, it would be because of my kid or some serious emergency and I would make that up to them by paying for dinner the next time. mischie

onceburned -> RE: cancelling meetings (8/13/2005 2:34:27 AM)
Okay, I confess.... I did this once. I got cold feet - last minute jitters about making a change in my life. There was some fear of the unknown, the social consequences of what might happen if I explore my kink. I feared losing control over my life. In other words I panicked. And I was so embarassed about cancelling and my mixed feelings of attraction/repulsion that I broke off all contact with her and with kink, returning to a life of the straight and narrow. I am relating my own experience, but I think this is not an uncommon occurence with subs who have no practical exerience or knowledge.

LadyAngelika -> RE: cancelling meetings (8/13/2005 3:00:04 AM)
quote: does this happen to other people as well or is it just me? This actually happens to all people who date, top or bottom, kinky or vanilla. Sometimes it's cold feet, sometimes it's nonchalance. Motives are different. I did have an instance where I cancelled at the last moment—well a few hours—before we were supposed to meet once, based on gut instinct, something he said in the conversation. I simply told him that upon reflection of our last conversation, I didn’t believe we would be such a good match. I was quite polite and sensitive about it. And after reading the next 20 or so malicious emails I received from him after that, it simply reinforced that I should trust my instincts. I’ve had a no show once, not even a cancellation but a complete no show. I sat at a bar for 20 minutes and when the guy failed to show up, I was getting ready to leave when the nice gentleman next to me offered to buy me a drink. So sometimes it all works out ;-) - LA

mossy -> RE: cancelling meetings (8/13/2005 3:08:59 AM)
[&o] well yes i can give you several serious explanations from my heart. but i am very ashamed and embarrassed. yet it really seems to be troubling You. Since the Dominants i have done it to,,, are already on this site, and i have already worked it through with them, i suppose there would be no harm in sharing. (but i am still really ashamed) [:(] After being in a D/s relationship that failed, where my self-esteem was trashed by the other person, it took longer than i thought to heal. i thought if i started to speak to other Dominants it would help me. Honesty is very important so i would tell the truth about what happened to me, and say i am not ready to meet anyone. Yet as the months went on and i got better, and more aquainted with these Dominants i felt safer & ready!!! Plans were made, something was said, a word perhaps, a phrase the ex used to use, and sent me flying into a panic. i became too frightened to meet and cancelled. So for me it was fear. There was another week....and all i heard was the ex's words in my head, the self-esteem stuff. All week subconciously it was playing in the back of my mind. By the time the second date to meet came around,,, i felt so ugly,,,like such a failure,,,panic set in again, but for a totally different reason, i was to scared to go i paniced and cancelled. By the third try, i remembered that the ex said that real bdsm people....know, the D/s has absolutely nothing to do with sex. Yet this Dominant and i "had" been discussing some sexual things. Great i thought,,,he's a fake. i just can't go....But i did anyway!!![:)] Turns out??? We were not compatible anyway...all that panic, and i learned a valuable lesson. Was i saying yes,,,i am ready, because i did not want the person to lose interest? Or because i was really ready? So eager to please, did i feel a need to go against my own judgement to please "my/or a potential Dominant" ? hmmm. Not sure if this helped at all. Just one twisted little mindset. Most of all i and those that may have interest, can rest easy now <smiling> for those times have past[:)]

nella -> RE: cancelling meetings (8/13/2005 4:25:38 AM)
Some pepole get nervous, there are last minute calseling of dates, operation, weddings, dinners, everything, somthines pepole get cold feat, get scared and simply dont dear to do what planned. Others are just unreliable and do somthing else and forget aboute the date.

Pavel -> RE: cancelling meetings (8/13/2005 1:45:40 PM)
I canned a meeting after the person I was going to meet up with kinda sorta didn't show up in the right place, time, and all sorts of things.

SweetDommes -> RE: cancelling meetings (8/13/2005 1:48:37 PM)
We've had all kinds of cancellations, no shows, and vanishings ... it sucks, but it's life - and it's why we have suspended our search for awhile.

Rayne58 -> RE: cancelling meetings (8/13/2005 9:17:06 PM)
I am looking for female play partners (not necessarily D/s) and I have an ad up on adultmatchmaker.com. Master goes with me to first meetings for safety reasons (and I state this when making the arrangements) but when the person arrives He makes Himself scarce and she and I chat over coffee or lunch. We have arranged to meet with one woman twice now, both times she didn't show. After the first time, where we waited for an hour, she was online that night. She reckoned she was there (it was in a club during the day so well lit and we didn't see anyone who looked like her). Gave her the benefit of the doubt, arranged another meet the following week, and again no show [8\|] I emailed her but got no response and she hasn't been online since. Another one we waited for an hour and she never showed. Again I emailed her but no response and she hasn't been seen on msn since. However on the up side I have met one lady who is fast becoming a great friend (and part time Mistress [:D] ) and another who seems very nice and hoping to get together with her for some play soon. Both ladies had my mobile phone number so could have called or SMS if there was a problem.......[>:]

AAkasha -> RE: cancelling meetings (8/14/2005 3:40:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes We've had all kinds of cancellations, no shows, and vanishings ... it sucks, but it's life - and it's why we have suspended our search for awhile. Not to hijack the thread, but what happened to the guy who didn't like to talk on the phone but was in town and I think you were going to maybe me and check things out? Akasha

SweetDommes -> RE: cancelling meetings (8/14/2005 4:04:20 PM)
On Monday or Tuesday he sent an offline message saying that his work had changed the plans for him to be down here and that he guessed things wouldn't work out between us anyway... basically, he chickened out. Hasn't talked to either of us since then even though I know he has been online. I'm kind of guessing that he met someone up there over last weekend.

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