RE: vanilla guy loves submissive woman

RE: vanilla guy loves submissive woman (Full Version)

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gorgeous1 -> RE: vanilla guy loves submissive woman (11/30/2007 11:03:18 AM)
Yeah, I agree with love may not be enough. I just think that if she "knows" she has to have this, eventually she will feel tempted to seek it wherever she can find it. That will mean either she might cheat on you, or she will be terribly unhappy and feel trapped. I say just give it a try, see if your simple little sessions leave you wanting more, and if she's willing to let you "catch up" to her kink saturation level, you two could end up being very happy. Just think...a lifetime together with a woman who will more than likely satisfy your every whim and desire! My husband and I "clicked" on every level. We're a perfect match. After too many failed relationships that involved less than adequate spanking, I came to the conclusion "if you're not having mind-blowing sex, you might as well just be friends."

CrescentLuna -> RE: vanilla guy loves submissive woman (11/30/2007 11:16:19 AM)
One issue I also think you guys should exlore and think about: is this the only way she wants to be intimate with you? And is this a problem? I have a pretty similar relationship with my boyfriend, and although he's been finding he likes more and more being "dominant" (in the bedroom, or wherever it happens to occur), he also likes vanilla sex sometimes too. Some others may want to be dominated themselves sometimes. Is it a everytime-or-never deal for her? For her, is it going to be okay to work up gradually from a few spanks and possibly, not go beyond that, or is she always going to be pining for the day she's chained up and weeping? I've been with my boyfriend nearly four years and we've not gone that far. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you too find that it can be fun. :)

slavemaia -> RE: vanilla guy loves submissive woman (11/30/2007 12:00:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: matanzas Yep.. nice guy fell in love with a woman who turns out to be a definite submissive. Inflicting pain and using abusive language goes against everything I have ever believed. I am open-minded and love this woman very much. Dont know if I should walk away, or try to give her what she craves. Dont know how to try. Any advice? Don't know how long you've known each other and what made you fall in love with her. When Chairman met me, He'd never experimented with D/s or S&m. Little by little He was able to admit to Himself that He had had some thoughts of spanking or whipping a girl but dismissed them because He believed them to be wrong. We've experiemented and since i'm not into a lot of intense kink, we match well. If you have met a girl whose desires will intensify as time progresses, you may have some conflicts as she may want/need more than you're able or willing to participate in. The BDSM world is as wide and vast as the oceans and the sky so my suggestion is talk to each other and talk more. Find out exactly what she wants and then look deeply into yourself not just to find out if you're willing to give her what she wants, but if it's something that you'd really enjoy as well. i wouldn't do well with a Dom or a Master that i felt was participating in my desires just because He loves me and wants to please me - that would be the exact opposite of what i crave and need.

laurell3 -> RE: vanilla guy loves submissive woman (11/30/2007 1:00:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: matanzas My next question would be: Do you think that a woman like this can be a good partner if I am looking for a long-term relationship? What's "a woman like this"? A kinky one? Can kinky people be good long term partners with others that are compatible? Of course. Are you compatible? That's the original question, isn't it?

matanzas -> RE: vanilla guy loves submissive woman (11/30/2007 2:15:45 PM)
thank you very much for the answers... Slaverosebeauty - I like your answer Georgeous1 - Thanks for the advice. The slow approach sounds comfortable (and a little of a turn on) to me. Sexyred1 - can you expand on how your husband was unable to fulfill you (hate to pry, but curious) Crescentluna - I feel that we already connect in different ways Slavemaia - I agree that time will tell about the intensity (scary thought) Laurell3 - I guess that I am asking if a "kinky" lifestyle is more prone to promiscuity

laurell3 -> RE: vanilla guy loves submissive woman (11/30/2007 5:58:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: matanzas thank you very much for the answers... Slaverosebeauty - I like your answer Georgeous1 - Thanks for the advice. The slow approach sounds comfortable (and a little of a turn on) to me. Sexyred1 - can you expand on how your husband was unable to fulfill you (hate to pry, but curious) Crescentluna - I feel that we already connect in different ways Slavemaia - I agree that time will tell about the intensity (scary thought) Laurell3 - I guess that I am asking if a "kinky" lifestyle is more prone to promiscuity I haven't taken a survey on it, but my honest answer would be outside of an agreement to see others or have others in your life, we are not any different than the general public. However, it's a bit harder to get around with bruises and welts as a sub/slave. [8D]

sexyred1 -> RE: vanilla guy loves submissive woman (11/30/2007 6:04:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: matanzas thank you very much for the answers... Sexyred1 - can you expand on how your husband was unable to fulfill you (hate to pry, but curious) Sure. Let me preface this by saying: I absolutely adored my husband, he was and still is the nicest guy I have EVER been with, bar none. We were best friends and great companions. I probably never would have left him if it was just about not being able to fulfill my BDSM needs, although, in retrospect and what happened after, I probably would have years later or cheated. We had some other issues that were much bigger than differing kinks, which I won't go into here. But as far as kink: he was very repressed sexually and he could only go so far into Dominant mode; he would be very guilt ridden and upset if he thought he was "hurting" me, even though I kept assuring him that not only was he NOT hurting me, in fact, he was not hurting me ENOUGH at times to trigger my submissiveness or arousal. The bigger issue than the physical activities was the mental and verbal issues; I need that creativity, that control, that kind of dominance and he absolutely could not do that, he felt stupid doing so. He was too self conscious and could not go from our day to day life into the bedroom life as easily as I could change gears. It really is a long story, so if you want to pm, I can talk to you there.

Muttling -> RE: vanilla guy loves submissive woman (11/30/2007 7:06:21 PM)
Lots of people have already answered your question, but I'll throw in my 2 cents worth (and note that you're probably paying too much for it.)... In my experience, kinksters really aren't that different then the rest of the world. We are no more and no less likely to cheat on our partners. The problems in our relationships are just like the problems you see in vanilla relationships. I think our major area of difference is a GREAT strength in that we are much more prone to discuss what we like and dislike in the bedroom.

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