advice on helping friend (Full Version)

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cutekansasswitch -> advice on helping friend (11/29/2007 2:33:50 PM) I have this friend that wants to find a long term relationship but I think her past may be interfearing. She has only been in one serious relationship that lasted 3 years and the guy wanted to marry her but she told him not till after she finished her education. He didn't want to wait for her so he dumped her and married someone she knew. Then she was seeing this other guy and his home burned down so she let him stay with her for a couple of months until he got another place. After he moved he told her they couldn't see each other anymore because he had lived with her. Now it seems like whenever she finds a nice guy, she nitpicks and looks for reasons not to get attached to him and her negative thoughts kill her attraction to him. I have asked her if she's scared of getting hurt like before and she says no. Could this be a subconscious thing? I don't think I'm imagining this. I know her well enough to know that if I suggest professional help she will get mad and defensive. Does anyone have any experience helping someone work through something like this and how to go about it?

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Stephann -> RE: advice on helping friend (11/29/2007 2:48:33 PM) This is really hard to accept, but to keep her as a friend you're going to have to. People are entitled to be unhappy. All the help in the world is useless if the person doesn't want it.  A man starving, sitting in a room filled with a feast, is still going to starve if he doesn't want to eat.  It's hard to see in someone you care about, but you have to let them live their lives.  If they ask advice, give it honestly and openly; but they have to come to you and open up first. Stephan

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