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How do I? - 8/13/2005 1:41:24 PM

tigress31047

Posts: 98
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

hello A/all
Have a problem... I have this guy at work (vanilla totaly) that has ask me out on a date. i told him i was involved but he is being persistant, he has been coming to my department with excuses of "i had to do this or that over here". I try to ignore him and he just continues to ask me out and tells me things about his life and how he would treat me so well (lol) can someone tell me how i get this guy off my back? I almost blurted out today to him that i am a submisive and no way would he ever foot the bill as a Dom. Is there a way to tell him i am in the lifestyle and get him to leave me alone without risking the whole place knowing?

Post #: 1

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 1:54:33 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Tell him to leave you alone or you'll have to file a sexual-harassment complaint against him.

That should work.

(in reply to tigress31047)

Post #: 2

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 3:29:59 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i agree, or compain to your boss, he has not right to harass you, let him know that.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 3

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 3:46:21 PM

mossy

Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

Telling him you are in the lifestyle is definately not the answer...please don't do it. i usually don't do things like this,,but i was in almost the exact same situation. i DID tell the guy, hoping he would go away,,,??? things only got worse!!! It gave him fuel for his fire...he went home did research come back had all kinds of questions it became very sexual after that.. it only worsened everything. Sorry....your but your words caught my eye, due to my past experience and i walked around regretting my choice every minute.
Plus....if he has some odd fixation with you? he will do whatever it takes,,therefore you cannot count on his silence at work. Since it doesn't much matter (if that is the case) to him whether your attention is negative towards him, or positive. As long as it is attention! and it is yours, and it is on him. Can't tell you how to hadle it, for that the others here can help, thanks for reading....hope it helped some.

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 4

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 4:08:05 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

How about "I appreciate it but I'm not interested in you and I don't want to make our work situation complicated. I hope you can understand and if you continue pushing it will make things uncomfortable"

Anything after that will be expressly met with "I'm sorry, I have told you to stop, this is wrong and I will be reporting it"

Keep it simple, no drama and make sure the lines are clear.

(in reply to tigress31047)

Post #: 5

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 4:36:40 PM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

I agree with the advice already given. Don't tell him you are in the lifestyle, but do politely tell him that your answer is no. Tell him if he doesn't stop after that, you will report him to your superiors. Good luck.

_____________________________

perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

(in reply to tigress31047)

Post #: 6

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 4:37:33 PM

feline

Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Tell him to leave you alone or you'll have to file a sexual-harassment complaint against him.

That should work.

I agree with this.

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 7

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 4:46:59 PM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

i've read your profile, am not sure why you are having a hard time telling him to buzz off.

~~shy

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to tigress31047)

Post #: 8

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 5:44:48 PM

RosaB

Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline

If you can't get him to stop bothering you, with politeness, well, conjure up the diva with in, look him straight in the eyes and clearly and in a tone that carries across the office tell him I've told you once, twice tre' times, I'm not interested in going out with you now or ever, so leave me alone period.

I agree with others that you should warn him, but, before you inform the arseole of your intent to file a complaint, make sure that others, such as co-worker are aware of your situation. You don't know how this person operates, whether he's vindictive, spiteful or just nuttier than a snickers bar. If you warn him before hand and no one is aware of your discomfort with this person, it's quite possible that he may turn the situation around on you and complain to others that you have been harassing him. So then when the time comes for you to file a grevance, it might look suspicious.

It's better to protect yourself first and worry about his feelings later. And do make sure you note and date each occurance, include the times you mentioned it to co-workers.

< Message edited by RosaB -- 8/13/2005 8:05:43 PM >

(in reply to slavedesires)

Post #: 9

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 7:19:17 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Tell him to leave you alone or you'll have to file a sexual-harassment complaint against him.

That should work.

Good advice.

The company you work for should have guidelines for employees regarding sexual misconduct in the workplace. Perhaps handing him a copy of that would help drive the point home.

As has been stated, warn him WITH WITNESSES around you. If it continues, report it to your supervisor. The company, if they are worth anything, will take prompt action or they can be held liable as well if they don't.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 10

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 8:44:26 PM

ItzKat

Posts: 86
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Is there a way to tell him i am in the lifestyle and get him to leave me alone without risking the whole place knowing?

Please, please, please... remember one thing. You can never unring a bell. Once you tell someone at work you must be prepared for everyone at work to know. If you say it thinking no one else will know, you are wrong. You can not unring that bell.

If this man is bothering you tell him in very clear terms that you are not interested in him and that if he continues you will be forced to file a sexual harrassment suit with HR. You do not have to put up with persistant men just because you are a submissive. In fact, because you are a woman of quality and have the strength to submit, you deserve better than what he is offering. Tell him to back off and leave you personal information out of it.

Kat

(in reply to tigress31047)

Post #: 11

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 8:50:39 PM

sarbonn

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline

The last thing you should do is tell him you're a submissive. That most definitely won't get rid of him, but may serve to cause the guy to think he has even more of a chance, even if the rest of us here know that would never be the case.

Talk to a boss. Or tell him he's making you uncomfortable and you're not interested. Until he knows it, he's going to think he has a chance, cause some people are just wired that way.

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to tigress31047)

Post #: 12

RE: How do I? - 8/13/2005 10:05:49 PM

zaynab

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I would say..

"get the FUCK out of my face, you limp dicked asshole. I'm a lesbian! Nimrod!"

_____________________________

zaynab[DM]

quote:

i used to care... but now i take a pill for that

(in reply to tigress31047)

Post #: 13

RE: How do I? - 8/14/2005 1:48:53 AM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

quote:

Tell him to leave you alone or you'll have to file a sexual-harassment complaint against him.

That should work.

I also agree with Lam, you are not powerless in this situation.
There are very stict rules against sexual-harassment in the workplace.
You do not have to put up with any of his behaviors.

I would tell him what Lam said and if he does not leave you alone, report him to they higher ups immediately. Protect yourself, also let others around you know about this guy,
don't walk to your car alone, or be in the office late alone, etc.
You never know what this guy has been fantsizing about or how he will handle out-right rejection...Cover your ass. Best of Luck! .

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 14

RE: How do I? - 8/14/2005 12:41:30 PM

tigress31047

Posts: 98
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

thank Y/you all so much for the advice... I did think about telling Him i was a lesbian...and still might .. that would certaintly put an end to any further problems with other guys as well.

slavedesires...i am not having a hardtime telling him to buzz off ...he is having a hard time hearing it. I do not understand what my profile has to do with this particualr situation.

i did think about teling him aboutthe lifestyle .. then thought better of it .. so i will take Y/you alls advice and warn him and threaten harrassment if needed but i don't want to become known as the bitch at work either

thanks again
evelyn

(in reply to brightspot)

Post #: 15

RE: How do I? - 8/14/2005 6:11:20 PM

Lepidoptera

Posts: 161
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sarbonn

The last thing you should do is tell him you're a submissive. That most definitely won't get rid of him, but may serve to cause the guy to think he has even more of a chance, even if the rest of us here know that would never be the case.

Talk to a boss. Or tell him he's making you uncomfortable and you're not interested. Until he knows it, he's going to think he has a chance, cause some people are just wired that way.

In fact, he may even take you telling him this as "please rape me, I really do want you." Some guys are under the impression that subs want to be fucked by anyone who pursues them enough.
DON'T DO IT! :D

(in reply to sarbonn)

Post #: 16

RE: How do I? - 8/15/2005 12:00:42 PM

dreamNChains

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I would say..

"get the FUCK out of my face, you limp dicked asshole. I'm a lesbian! Nimrod!"

GAWD!! lol i love it and just what i have said on occasion!! lol also told one guy that my Dike lover was a big burly biker bitch that would kick hiss ass if he kept it up!! lol good luck hun

(in reply to Lepidoptera)

Post #: 17

RE: How do I? - 8/16/2005 7:29:19 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
Just tell him you are not attracted to him, and that you wouldn't date him period. The fact you are into BDSM does not have to be discussed.

Some men just won't take no for an answer no matter what you tell them. Telling him you're kinky may not stop him anyway.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to tigress31047)

Post #: 18

RE: How do I? - 8/18/2005 8:38:31 AM

BenevoleMasterFL

Posts: 28
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

I agree. File a complaint.
Benevolent Master FL

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 19

RE: How do I? - 8/19/2005 7:39:56 PM

LASub4Real

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline

I don't think he's going to leave you alone because he believes that he can change your mind by applying the subtle pressure of persistence. I wouldn't be surprised if this has worked for him at some time in the past. He thinks he knows the roadmap. "This is the rough part" he thinks to himself, "but in a few weeks, she'll give in and finally agree to go on a date and everything will work out to my liking"

Threatening a harassment suit is legally appropriate, but if you don't wish to have that floaing in the air between you from now on, perhaps try this:

Tell him that you respect him but that you're not attracted to him. Tell him that you believe that respect goes both ways and that you are now asking him as a friend, whom you respect, to stop pursuing you. But also make it clear that the next time he brings up the subject, that you will no longer respect him and that you will no longer be friends because he would have proven that he doesn't respect you or your wishes. Tell him that you believe him to be a gentleman and that, as a gentleman, you hope to remain his friend. There is no sword sharper than honor to challenge a man.

lasub

(in reply to BenevoleMasterFL)

Post #: 20

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