RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me

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mnottertail -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:47:35 AM)
If you want drama and to be treated badly here are a couple options: 1. pop by the house 2. post something in the political threads Still, in all, everybody needs a break and a soothing cuddle sometimes. Ron

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:48:48 AM)
Hello mnottertail, I have read alot of your posts in the past and you are always straight to the point. Not looking back is the hardest for me, but I will certainly try. Thanks for your reply.

batshalom -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:49:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blondepisces At the very beginning of our involvement (which started out vanilla) my Master gave me a task to find other submissives to join us. I have always felt this was something really advanced and difficult to ask a novice sub, but I understood this task to be a test to prove my submissiveness to him and have been working delingently to do as he orders. I have never been collared by him because he says I am not worthy and not a real submissive. But he was willing to enter into this casual arrangement with me and meet for weekly D/s scenes. His behavior to me for the past 3 years has been hot and cold. He tells me he has given me many chances to be what he wants, has wanted to stop seeing me and continually tells me I am not really submissive especially when I do not produce subs to meet with us. I was successful finding another femaile about a year ago but he was not happy with the type of person I introduced, so on I set out and renewed by efforts to find the 'perfect' sub he would want and maybe finally be happy with me. Well I recently found her and he is quite smitten with her. Unfortunately for me, his behavior towards me has not improved and has gotten much worse. He is not speaking to me now and I really need to discuss this with him. I know I should probably just walk away and let him be happy with his new sub but can't help feeling used and so useless that I could not be the sub he wanted. I find it very difficult to fail at most things and just want to know what I did wrong. So he's only happy with you when you're finding him extra pussy. Please excuse my bluntness but I have no time for such assy behavior. You don't deserve to feel so bad, sweetheart, because no matter what you do it won't be good enough. He's a user and apparently too lame to find his own hole. I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish you well in resolving the situation in a way that brings you peace.

mnottertail -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:50:55 AM)
Hell, look back there right the fuck now, honey. take a fuckin picture, there is nothing to revisit at that dump......don't say woulda, coulda, shoulda, don't look back at some fond instant------go hunt yourself some dick, we already know you can get pussy.........you go girl!!!!!!!! Ron Melby

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:50:59 AM)
Hello Kumasan2, I am not complaining by no means, but I am surprised and touched by the concern and compassion of the posters here, you included. Thank you very much for your advice.

MasterKalif -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:51:38 AM)
blondepisces, I think you are a very beautiful submissive and you will do fine, there are many Doms out there who enjoy someone who cares for them, and who will also care for you in return. Like the others on here, I think its time to walk away if you haven't done so already, on your own terms, do what is best for you. Take this as an experience, and now you know better what it is you may want or not want. MasterKalif.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:53:52 AM)
Your dynamic seems very much like the one I had with my last dominant, only I was with him for far less a time than you. I wracked my brain, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. Those who were telling me he was a jerk "just didn't understand". I was the problem - didn't they get it?? I was often told I could never be pleasing, and I did not have what it took to be a submissive, and I was not worthy of his time. I was often sent away for days on end without being allowed to contact him, and not being worthy enough to see him often (we lived 20 min apart). During these times of isolation, he was considering whether or not he should keep me. Sound familiar? By the time my spirit was thoroughly crushed, I called upon a Dominant friend for help, who had known me for years (our friendship was an online one- he lives in Ireland and I'm in California). He said words that meant everything to me at the time, coming from someone who knew me well and who did not often compliment others: "I have been reading your emails to me over the past few months, and I see the message within your words. Since I know you are a good girl, I can only assume it is he who is the problem, to have brought you to such a state. Write him a letter, and tell him since he can not decide whether to keep you, you are deciding for him, and promptly leave." He was one in whom I had trust, and I heeded his advice. Surely these people in your life who have known you so long LOVE you, and find you worthy of their love. Please trust in that, rather than in a man who is trying to break you down. Even if you do not see your own value, listen to what your loved ones are saying - they do see it!! I know what it is to know the truth but be too afraid to say it. I know what it is to have no self esteem or sense of self worth. You think you are the problem here, so leaving would only be another mistake, right? And for someone whose spirit is crushed, one more mistake would be the last nail in the coffin. But what if taking a step in a HEALTHY direction (selfish as it may feel) is the first step toward your own internal happiness? Being happy really isn't selfish. And serving one who appreciates and enjoys who you are will turn this entire nightmare into a distant past. I truly wish you well.

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:54:33 AM)
Hi Batshalom, Your bluntness is fine with me. I feel like the ass in this, but I'm finding posting here is helping me and will bring me peace. The pain must be worked thru so I can move on. I put it off for a long time. Thanks for your well wishes.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:55:38 AM)
I am sorry for what you've gone through with this guy. I read your OP and things like Where's the open communication, discussing limits, getting to know one another, respecting of limits, building of a relationship, etc? Sorry, but if a guy tells me that: I am not worthy and not a real submissive. At the very beginning of our involvement my Master gave me a task to find other submissives to join us. He tells me he has given me many chances to be what he wants, has wanted to stop seeing me and continually tells me I am not really submissive especially when I do not produce subs to meet with us. That spells manipulative, immature, uncaring wanker to me. Who is he to say you're not a submissive? Only you can decide if you are submissive, dominant, yellow polka dotted hyena, or whatever......it's not his right or place to define you, most especially when he hasn't taken the time, had the caring or had open full communication with you to really get to know YOU the individual. You know yourself, you label yourself, not someone who just wants to use and manipulate you. I'm just speaking from what certain things in your OP say to me. I hope you will remember this lesson and learn from it. You are first and formost a human being and D/s or M/s is a relationship and it takes time, trust, and lots of work from both parties to build it. It's not instant perfection/nirvana. Find what's right for you, fits you, fulfills you and makes you happy.

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 12:02:16 PM)
Masterkalif, Thank you for your concern and I do intend to take the advice of many of the postings here. I decided to walk away from him a while ago. I just haven't had the courage to write the letter since he does not give me the opportunity to speak with him when I need to.

batshalom -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 12:02:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blondepisces Hi Batshalom, Your bluntness is fine with me. I feel like the ass in this, but I'm finding posting here is helping me and will bring me peace. The pain must be worked thru so I can move on. I put it off for a long time. Thanks for your well wishes. ~smiling, squeezing your arm~ Don't you dare feel like the ass. You're not. You were manipulated, you wanted to be loved, you wanted to be special, and you put forth a valiant effort. You'll do just fine without him and you will see how good it feels to be out from under the concrete block of him. And to ownedgirlie, beautiful post as always. And to Ron ... ~chuckle~ Yep.

Rianne -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 12:02:42 PM)
Sorry that happened to you, Blondpisces. It's hard to walk away from a relationship when it isn't going right, even if your needs aren't being met. Keep talking about it and it'll help to anchor you in your new thinking. It sounds like this guy wants you to be a doormat, not a submissive.

GrizzlyBear -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 12:16:31 PM)
Think about what he has been telliing you all along, the answer is all there in your own words. 1. You aren't good enough, you aren't this or that enough for him. 2. He keeps thinking about releasing you, he is hot and cold (probably more like lukewarm and cold... right?) 3. He wants you to find him another submissive that is more to his liking. 4. You find him a hot piece of tail, then he ignores you. Girl, you were assigned to hire your replacement. If this one doesn't work out, and it sounds like she won't, he will just blame you, and tell you to keep looking till you find one he is satisified with. If you ever do find one, you will be discarded like a used tissue. Stop looking for a submissive for him, and start looking for a Master for you. He isn't one. He is a classic user and abuser, and has had you conned into thinking he was the best you could do. He isn't, there are plenty of dominants out there who would be overjoyed to have you as theirs.

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 12:17:11 PM)
Hello Ownedgirlie, Thank you for sharing your experience that does sound so similar to mine. My spirit is crushed and I know I have a lower self-esteem than I've ever had. It was never that great to begin with and I am afraid I have done so much damage to myself now I am not sure I can get thru this without seeking some professional help. He says he didn't mean for him to be so involved with this new girl and did not intent to replace me with someone else, it's just that I am making a big deal out of this. I cannot take any more of this situation and want to write to him. I've started the letter so many times and I know he is waiting for it. He wants me to end it. I guess so he doesn't feel too bad about his behavior. Anyway, I need to follow the advice here and walk away and not look back. Hopefully learning a lesson and look for something better next time.Thanks again for sharing and I wish you well.

Wiseprotector -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 12:19:51 PM)
Wondering if the reason you had trouble obeying, surrendering to him, is because the two of you didn't share the same values, interests ( at least some have to mesh.) When you find that, and someone who earn your trust through his actions, it will be what you are looking for.

goodgirl08 -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 12:25:31 PM)
You did a great job!! I hope you will find someone who appreciates and deserves your devotion. You sound like gold to me.

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 12:27:33 PM)
Hi sweetsarijane, Thank you for your advice. I do hope I've learned my lesson and will try to be a better communicator myself. I see now I was too afraid to express my wants with him because I felt he would reject me completely. It was always communicated to me 'it's my way or you're free to go'. Of course, I was too thick headed to hear his message and have caused myself unnecessary pain. I do hope I've learned my lesson and can build a healthier relationship next time, if the opportunity comes up. Thanks.

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 12:35:40 PM)
Thanks for understanding me, Batshalom.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 12:35:50 PM)
Take it from one who's learned most of her lessons the hard way. "This too shall pass." One day you will look back on this whole debacle and wonder what you ever saw in him. You'll make it through this and be stronger and wiser for it. As to writing to him to end it? Pfft.... Dear Dude, It's over. Do not contact me at all. Bye bye. See?.....simple and also probably more than he actually deserves from you. Move on, put him firmly in the past and go LIVE life.

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 12:37:29 PM)
Thank you Rianne. I do feel that something good did come out of all this. I have another submissive sister I can talk to and be liked for who I am. I only hope she has a better experience than I did.

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