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Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/13/2005 9:07:30 PM

sarbonn

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline

I found this sort of a weird situation the other day. First off, I used to be very present on the Internet as a submissive. I've attempted over the years to cut down my presence somewhat (although there are still some prominent sites I can't seem to get my name out of). I mentioned at one time that a student of mine wanted to know more about my submissive lifestyle, and she wasn't asking out of kindness or friendly interest (it ended up actually becoming a problem that I had to work my way out of).

Anyway, I have a co-worker who mentions women we both know, and then adds something that usually links my interest of that woman to include that woman in leather, with or without a whip. I get the impression that my co-worker knows all about my lifestyle, but the conversation has never gotten deep enough to warrant whether or not that is true. And personally, I don't want to out myself or offer more information than is already out there.

So, it ends up being one of those weird situations. Granted, there's no problem with it. No job is at stake. No uncomfortable situations are being had. It's just weird.

Anyone run across this sort of thing in their daily vanilla lives (for those that have vanilla lives)?

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Post #: 1

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/13/2005 9:45:24 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I'm paranoid. I feel like all of my religious, vanilla friends know that I am kinky.

Recently, someone off of collarme found my profile on myspace and emailed me there. She lived in my little southern town too. But she turned out to be a real sweetheart and now I have a new friend.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to sarbonn)

Post #: 2

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/13/2005 9:51:24 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sarbonn
Anyone run across this sort of thing in their daily vanilla lives (for those that have vanilla lives)?

Yup, yup...I am rather out (just google "Taggard Andrews BDSM") and I think a number of people know...but no one has ever said anything.

Once before I went to a different work site, I could see that someone from a work proxy had hit my BDSM site. Nothing was ever said...I guess they just let the freak be a freak.

Taggard

_____________________________

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(in reply to sarbonn)

Post #: 3

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/13/2005 10:04:48 PM

richbtch24

Posts: 33
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

I have a tendency to forget that this is a "behind closed doors" kind of kink. I guess I am still at the point where what other people think has yet to bother me. Of course it also has not interfered in my work life. I just think if someone finds me or my picture on here, they were obviously curious themselves and hopefully I can use that to my advantage. Anyway, I feel we are in a growing age where we have to add a little spice to our relationships and eventually we will not be judged. I just hope I'm active when the doors open for us. Personally I don't like the fact that unless someone clues me in, I have to travel to DC to pursue my interests. I need accomodations in my own backyard...literally. Someday soon hopefully....

Rob

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 4

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/13/2005 10:12:33 PM

EvilTwin

Posts: 50
Joined: 4/13/2004
From: NC
Status: offline

I am open to all my friends and most of my family... about who I am.
I recently sat down to dinner with my mother and had a nice 2 hour long discussion over it and other important matters.

Jim

(in reply to sarbonn)

Post #: 5

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/13/2005 11:12:09 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sarbonn
Anyone run across this sort of thing in their daily vanilla lives (for those that have vanilla lives)?

Occasionally. I just smile and act dumb. If the opportunity presents itself where it would be beneficial to bring things up, then I can take it. Until then, no need to stir the water.

(in reply to sarbonn)

Post #: 6

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/13/2005 11:13:16 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: richbtch24

I have a tendency to forget that this is a "behind closed doors" kind of kink. I guess I am still at the point where what other people think has yet to bother me. Of course it also has not interfered in my work life. I just think if someone finds me or my picture on here, they were obviously curious themselves and hopefully I can use that to my advantage. Anyway, I feel we are in a growing age where we have to add a little spice to our relationships and eventually we will not be judged. I just hope I'm active when the doors open for us. Personally I don't like the fact that unless someone clues me in, I have to travel to DC to pursue my interests. I need accomodations in my own backyard...literally. Someday soon hopefully....

Rob

Check out bdsmdc.com Stuff happens in the Baltimore area every week. If you want more info, feel free to email.

(in reply to richbtch24)

Post #: 7

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/14/2005 1:50:02 AM

SupahBoy

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/28/2004
Status: offline

I'm quite flagrant with my love of bdsm. But I suppose thats because I'm a flagrant person....sigh

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 8

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/14/2005 2:44:55 AM

zaynab

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

so... are you a teacher?

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quote:

i used to care... but now i take a pill for that

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Post #: 9

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/14/2005 12:34:36 PM

pup

Posts: 69
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Anaheim, CA, US
Status: offline

I handle it with education. Recommend the local college forum on Advance Human Sexuality. Give local munch information, and some local good standing organizations.

Logical education, honesty, and organization have diffused the situation for me almost everytime.

Being straight forward, coming on strong, and showing you are educated and unafraid to speak openly about the subject usually scares off any worms.

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Post #: 10

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/14/2005 1:43:37 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sarbonn
I get the impression that my co-worker knows all about my lifestyle, but the conversation has never gotten deep enough to warrant whether or not that is true. And personally, I don't want to out myself or offer more information than is already out there.

I have found that if co-workers think I am anything other than vanilla heterosexual, they feel entitled to make sexual comments or to bring up sexual related topics.

Yes, it is troubling - especially if you don't care to discuss such matters and 'out' yourself even more. But I have often thought that these co-workers enjoyed such a dilemma and often stayed just over the edge from sexual harassment.

(in reply to sarbonn)

Post #: 11

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/14/2005 8:03:37 PM

Ojedieu

Posts: 142
Joined: 1/17/2005
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sarbonn

Anyway, I have a co-worker who mentions women we both know, and then adds something that usually links my interest of that woman to include that woman in leather, with or without a whip. I get the impression that my co-worker knows all about my lifestyle, but the conversation has never gotten deep enough to warrant whether or not that is true. And personally, I don't want to out myself or offer more information than is already out there.

So, it ends up being one of those weird situations. Granted, there's no problem with it. No job is at stake. No uncomfortable situations are being had. It's just weird.

Anyone run across this sort of thing in their daily vanilla lives (for those that have vanilla lives)?

Yup, in one instance I considered buying one of the BDSM pendants that 'nillas just think is a variation of the Yin-Yang, instead I ended up just using some BDSM lingo and seeing if they grasped what I meant by using terms like "vanilla" or "munch". If they understand it they usually don't think to act like they don't, and usually when you mention it, they figure you've got them pegged anyway and will give you a grin. However, if I get the "huh?" response, I just shrug and tell them nevermind if I don't feel like disclosing more to them.

The other time this happened and I was almost positive the person was scene-aware, I just looked straight in their eye and said "This is stupid, ask already!" It worked. Of course you might want to make sure that the way you say that can't be taken as an unwanted sexual advance... Again, if you get the "huh?" you can just shrug and tell them "my mistake, thought you were implying something" and let it drop, or make them drop it if they get overly-curious.

Good luck!

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Ojedieu

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Post #: 12

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/15/2005 3:50:05 AM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I don't particularly have that problem. I'm fairly open with my close friends about this, and sex is an honest, open, and constant source of conversation. However, if my family ever found out, I think very odd times would be had by all. <shiver> Creepy.

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(in reply to sarbonn)

Post #: 13

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/15/2005 4:17:37 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Heh.. my mother saw these new gold anklets and bracelets i am wearing and she asked me "what are those things? Do you attach a chain from here to here?" Perfect oppurtunity it would seem, but no. i shrugged her off and told her it was pretty decoration. Mom's one of those, she's okay as long as its not in her face, type thingies. Guess all her educational lessons in the BDSM world payed off......... hmmmmmmmm... bad or good thing?

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

Post #: 14

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/15/2005 5:44:22 AM

DarkVoyeur

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/13/2004
From: Wet Coast Canuckland
Status: offline

Hmmm...

I guess I'm lucky, in that I have never been anything but open about myself. I am completely "out" to the world. I understand that, some people actually have valid reasons to remain closeted, I'm just glad I'm not one of them. "I just gotta be me" as the saying goes. It always irks me that in this day and age, people can't be more open about themselves. I really wish the world would lighten up.

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Post #: 15

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/15/2005 9:32:46 AM

cmatrix4761

Posts: 73
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline

I've run across it several times, even at work. While I'm relflexively open (that is, I choose not to hide my interests in BDSM when asked) in my personal life, I feel it belongs as far away from work as possible. My friends and some family know, but I don't think it is wise to include it in the work world.
Perhaps a general rule of thumb with discussing BDSM: if a biggoted person [with regards to BDSM] can be ignored harmlessly, it's safer; if a person's influence can adversely affect you (like a garrulous coworker or boss) it's not safe.\

Just my thoughts on it anyway...
-- CM

(in reply to sarbonn)

Post #: 16

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/15/2005 9:38:28 AM

ChereeAmoor

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

I admire the people who are completely open, but it wouldn't work for me personally. In spite of my letting it all hang out here, I am IRL a private person, as are my Masters. We just don't think our co-workers or neighbors or families are all that interested in our sex lives, and furthermore, if they were, they would have to demonstrate a Need To Know. I just don't see it happening!

At work, I have never discussed sex, politics, religion, or money. Never.

(in reply to cmatrix4761)

Post #: 17

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/15/2005 10:03:17 AM

Veav

Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

I tend to stay professional at work - at least on some levels - and rarely get into personal conversations any deeper than "yeah, that was a good movie, I liked that too". On the occasions I do, it just doesn't come up and I don't volunteer... is it hiding or staying under the radar not to wear a shirt emblazoned with the word "KINKY" or "YIFFY"? I've considered it normal, healthy discretion not to advertise what I do with my home life.

Those of you posting about being open and unguarded, how does it come up? Do you bring it up, do they bring it up, do they see you with a pair of handcuffs on your keyring...?

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Post #: 18

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/15/2005 8:45:55 PM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

Truthfully, I'd be less comfortable if I was hiding it than it all being out in the open. I tend not to bring up kink topics out of context at work, but I will not recreate my home to give the appearance that we are something we are not. I work for a service company (Plumbing, HVAC), and since I work there, I have my company employees do service on my home.

I have a Poly family. I'm a polygamist with two husbands and often a friend, and often one or more of them are wearing collars. At one time (and soon, again) I'll have my flogger rack up in the playroom. My book collection includes several lifestyle authors, and it will not be hidden. If they care to look and read titles, they'll see it. I throw a blanket over my toy rack, but they can figure it out if they think hard.

There have been no direct questions from work, but the ones that have been in my home mention things to others. They know I have two husbands to begin with because of sheer logistics, and that knowledge gets passed around to new techs as they come in. Sometimes it's a joke on a new plumber or technician to see if they'll believe others about what they've seen in my home. It's not harmful to me. In fact, it breaks some ice at times. I get razzed a bit about the inventory cages back in the shop. (If I'm walking by, they will get inside the caged area, close it and whimper at me.) It's fun, and because it's no deep, dark secret, it's not held against me, nor does it make people nervous.

Knowing about my lifestyle helps other ask questions and learn. I don't freak out, I don't get sexual with anyone, and I don't play any games. I'm a straight shooter, and I think that seeing that I can function in the real world helps other understand it a little better.

Just my perspective, unique though it may be.

Purr

(in reply to sarbonn)

Post #: 19

RE: Weird bdsm interactions with friends and co-workers - 8/16/2005 12:56:42 AM

DarkVoyeur

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/13/2004
From: Wet Coast Canuckland
Status: offline

Well as an example my "Official Canadian Men's Flogging Team" T-Shirt is a bit of a conversation starter LOL.

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"Those who dream by day are cognizant of a great many things which escape those who dream only at night" - Edgar Allen Poe

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Post #: 20

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