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Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/1/2007 8:09:15 PM   
Dddyanlittlegirl


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		Okay I have a real problem on my hands here. I want to please my Dom but I am having a trouble in a particular area. he enjoys CBT play and I don't feel all that comfortable with it yet as I do not have much knowledge on this type of play. I have been doing some reading up on it. But now I have screwed up I had a bad atittude during our play and so now He does not want to do this play with me any more. I am not sure what to do,  Ihave talked with Him and have asked Him to please forgive me and give me another chance. I know that He really wants to do CBT and that He enjoys it. I want to please Him inside the bedroom, and  as you can see I am not having the best of luck. I am not much of a sadist and I am afraid of inflicting permanant damage. Does any have any suggestions?

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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/1/2007 9:02:41 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I wish I had something encouraging to say, I  do not have a hard limit on these sorts of activities personally, but it was something I was not interested in ever pursuing myself. I flinch just thinking of doing those things to someone... and I am a masochist...

Perhaps if you started with other sorts of sadist-type play and worked up to CBT? I do not know if I could go from never inflicting any pain on someone to doing that heavy of sadism.


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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Dddyanlittlegirl)
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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/1/2007 10:35:12 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I didn't post right away because I figured someone else would have more useful intel!  Anyway... there's a fine book by Hardy Haberman, called The Family Jewels that I highly recommend.  It doesn't have anything hardcore in it, but it does have lots of info on safety, etc.

LOTS of men like CBT whether they are top or bottom.  Some guys consider their units to be very delicate, and others like the rough stuff.  Kind of like women, and their respective parts!  :) 

First, don't think of yourself as being sadistic.  You are pleasing your dominant.  You are pleasing your dominant by messing with his unit!  How much better can it be than that?  Think of it as a blow job with clothespins!  Or whatever.  

When you are both dressed, find out what kinds of sensations he likes and hates.  Do you have sex afterward, or does he have an orgasm?  Is there anal stimulation too?  All this can factor in.  Once you have an idea of what he likes, just relax and have a good time.  Guys play with their units ALL THE TIME, and once you get started, you will know why.   Any kind of play requires practice.  No one is 100% right out of the gate.  Do a mental rehearsal.  Do lots of mental rehearsals. 

Feel free to PM me on the other side.  Me loves some CBT!  :)

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[page 23 girl]



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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/1/2007 10:47:08 PM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		CBT is a very individual thing.  I LOVE the rough end of it and get bored with anything that is less than aggressive.  That said, others don't and get very fearful when it goes to far.   I'm thinking your Master loves the play because he is so afraid of it.



The above recommendations are terrific and I really support them.  My suggestion would be to talk with master and to ask him for opportunity to start extremely light then biuld it up so that you can learn how far he wants to take it.  You are torturing him to give him pleasure, it is essential that you discover the line between pleasure and displeasure which is unique to him.   Request opportunity to give it this exploration and request his patience in doing so.

As for how, I really can't coach you because I like it pretty harsh.

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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/1/2007 10:54:28 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		My Owner loves CBT.  When she first brought it up, I thought I would -hate- it.  However, I felt I should be open minded and give try to enjoy it...  Well...  Whaddaya know, I enjoyed it quite a bit.  It wasn't even a passing fantasy, and I still don't fantasize about it in any particular way...but when she does it, I enjoy it quite a bit. 

I can't believe I'm about to use this analogy...

BDSM is kind of like food.  There are a lot of choices, and different variations of particular choices.  Sometimes, you try food that looks terrible, and it tastes amazing.  Who knows, perhaps you will enjoy inflicting CBT after a little while.  The gratification you get out of pleasing him will no doubt spur you along.

(in reply to Muttling)
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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/2/2007 12:22:12 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		If you work over his scrotum first you really need not worry about doing ong term damage.  ANd read that book listed above.  There is so much to do with the scrotum. My fave is seeing how many clothespins I can stick on it.  And pull off.  And stick 'em back on right away.  Never get tired of it .  And then there is that belt.  Beating his Cock softly with a belt is no more damaging than beating your cunt with it. Or with your hands.  Oh yes yummy.

If your challenge is you're afraid of doing damage then you need to arm yourself with information about the chances, about what things might be more likely, about what things to avoid in the face of not enough information.    That info is in plenty of threads here and on other sites.




_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to Dddyanlittlegirl)
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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/2/2007 12:31:58 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		CBT can range from the mild to OMG  .I suggest the reading material mentioned already, it is a good read .As you did not mention the type of CBT  why not start out small then work up after more is learned .Something as simple as various sized clothes pins and clips .Remember  the smaller they are  the more pain they give , the really small pins can be had at  some hobby stores and scrapbooking supply stores ,Plastic chops sticks with rubber bands ,some boot lace for cock n ball bondage ,Adding  tens unit ,small  amouts of tiger balm .If the tiger balm or flexall lotion gets to much have mayo standing by to nutralize it .Add some wax ,heat and cold items are also very effective .Later  you can add the paracute a leather device that snaps around the  scrodum sack which weights can be added ,you can also attach said weights  with a few strands of rubberbands and clip to the cute with  a quick connector .The rubber bands  have a bouncy pull effect .If your just starting  out those are pretty much safe starting  suggestions .i would not grab the needles , sounds probes , surgical stapler or clothes pinned zippers straight off .When adding weight start out slow aswell  med lead fishing weights work great.The violet wand works well for cbt , as does  small thin canes and a small lil flogger for those tighter harder to reach area s -trust me you o not have to hit a home run to score a good hit .
best wishes on your CBT  happy trail
I forgot to add  this - toys  of all sorts are great but you have one of the best toys you carry with you every day , your hands ! Anything from a few well placed pinches with your fingers , to grasping the cock and or balls and giving various squeezes and tugs  with different degrees of preasure .The finger nails can also be used  from regular scartches and playfulness to going out and getting a set of manicured nails either sharpened of long talons .



< Message edited by azropedntied -- 12/2/2007 12:37:59 AM >

(in reply to Shawn1066)
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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/2/2007 12:45:03 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, and I recommend a Wartenenberg Wheel.  Fun stuff there.

(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/2/2007 12:55:23 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		shawn, your so right , i have a love hate relationship with the wartenburg ,and electrified  ooooh my .Saline infussion s seems to be the hit in my area lately , also fun with waterpics .

(in reply to Shawn1066)
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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/2/2007 3:41:29 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		For what it's worth, I'm going to attempt at tossing out some advice.   At least some ideas.   First and foremost, do you know or understand his reasons for not wanting to go there with this activitity again?

Perhaps, he knows how ackward this is for you and has come to view this as being a limit, that requires patience and he's simply pulled back from doing this for now.  Until he feels the time is right to try again later.   Often trying to force something does not make it any better, if anything it set's a submissive up for failure.   So he may have backed off not wanting to make you feel like a failure. 

If this is the case, then you need to mentally get past this feeling of failure.  You have to put some thought into dishing out pain as actually dishing out pleasure.  After all can one truely hurt a masochist.    You need to think in terms of pleasure and not pain.  Perhaps spend some time mediating on this issue.   If you keep a journal, write out these thoughts and how you are processing them.   Most Doms/Masters read the sub/slaves journals.   Journals allow you to explore yourself and communicate with yourself, and are communication tools for your Dom/Master to read.

Your master may be trying to figure out a new way to attempt this again, perhaps he's figuring out a training method or way about it.   You might not be the only one that feels failure at the moment.   He might feel he has somehow failed in guiding and teaching you how to please and serve him.    The feelings of failure can be a two way street when something does not work out as planned or intended.

Just some food for thought on the matter.




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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/2/2007 5:48:09 AM   
malloves69


Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		must say ..i love sounds being done on me ...always thought a mans penis hole was a exit only ..until my mistress introduced me to sounds ..watching and feeling the sounds slide into my cock and uretha was amazing ..and no its not painfull if done right =the right lube of course  loved the vibrating sounds the best ..that feeling of vibration once its in is amazing ..and boy do you feel vulnerable as she opens you up and takes you that way  also done the clothes pin thing on my scrotum as well  the things us sub males do for our mistresses  theres not a hole on my body my mistress hasnt taken and played with  have fun mal

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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/2/2007 8:35:53 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		From someone who enjoys CBT  on the infliction side, not the recieving side.
Before you beg for permission to try agian, reaslize that you are probably not allowed right now because you concered him.  That is a rather delicate area, after all, and although CBT is very rough handling, you do something wrong and he is still the one who is going to suffer.
Sit down and ask him what he would like you to learn about. Dont jump back into an active role with it.  Ask him to guide you to what he would like to experience, or what he enjoys. Then, look for information on it.  Ask around, some of us can be fairly good sources of information. After you figure out what he wants you to learn... THEN offer to try again.  You will be more relaxed, and your attitude will be better if you are more prepared.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to malloves69)
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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/2/2007 9:31:44 AM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		got the giggles here.. the last short thing I heard about CBT was  "Ouch!  That hurt, you know I'm not into CBT"  - and believe me, it wasn't anything extreme or sadistic... nothing more than a cat batting at a string..

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Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/10/2007 9:53:32 AM   
Dddyanlittlegirl


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you for the words of advice, I had not really thought of if in that way.

_____________________________

"Without trust there is no relationship."

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RE: Overcoming not being comfortable with CBT - 12/10/2007 9:54:53 AM   
Dddyanlittlegirl


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you every one for replying to my post. I really appriciate it.

_____________________________

"Without trust there is no relationship."

(in reply to Dddyanlittlegirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
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