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wannabes: a rant - 8/14/2005 4:03:43 AM

thelight

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Joined: 7/31/2005
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in my late teens and early twentys, i was kinda into the punk scene. i died my hair, went to shows and hung out, but for me all it was was music and fashion. "punk" didn't define who i was; there was a lot more to me than that. but there was a group of punks who seemed to care about nothing other than being punk rock. for them, life was punk and punk was life, and they labeled anyone who wasn't as die-hard about punk as they were a "poser." to me, that sort of labeling seemed childish and immature. it was as if they were trying to build up thier own feelings of self-worth by putting others down. from late teens and early twentysomethings, i suppose that's to be expected.

now i come here, and i read all this talk about "vanillas who are just looking for kink," and people who aren't "lifestyle." a woman can't post in the intro section without someone warning her to beware of all the wannabes out there. it reminds me of those punk rockers from my youth. except these are people in their 30', 40's and older. i'd think that by the time they got to be that old, they'd have outgrown the whole "i'm cooler than you are," syndrome.

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RE: wannabes: a rant - 8/14/2005 5:13:24 AM

nella

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Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
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i think pepole never outgrow this. i am active in the online occult comunity and every now and then pepole scream wannabe, it makes pepole feel more inportant, i think, if they can point fingers and say, those are not real, but we are.

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RE: wannabes: a rant - 8/14/2005 5:23:46 AM

minxmaze

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/24/2004
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But that's the problem, there are a lot of on line BS'ers, that is why it really is better to take your lumps from a user, you meet and learn, as if you tell others, you become the poser.

Sort of a that pointy stick at both ends deal.

You don't want another to go threw being used, taken, or fall for a line you know you and others have but all you can do not to be labeled, is sit back and say fool me, wounder what the next one will be taken for, quietly, and off the the side, in own mind, sucks, but users are everywhere, some people just want to warn, but can't, so confusing! lol

Yeah, it get old quick, beware, the path you are about to take is not the good one........
Oh well, life goes on, another will lose there hopes, another will be taken for money, another will invest in someone that was just making them a joke, life, learn and move on.

minx

(in reply to thelight)

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RE: wannabes: a rant - 8/14/2005 7:15:46 AM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
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Having been in the real time "scene" for six years and being totally immersed in the BDSM culture, I would classify myself as a lifestyler. It doesn't make me "cool", it doesn't make me better than anyone else, but on a site like this helps hobbyists to differentiate. BDSM is not just any one thing, it is as unique as each individual involved in it. It is a continuum from "hobbyist" to 24/7 lifestyler.

I gain no sense of self importance for the label lifestyler. On other personal sites people will post such things as "love camping, hiking, backpacking in the mountains", doesn't make them any more important or cool than the person who posts "love cozy nights with a movie and big bowl of popcorn". However, each will receive different replies from people whose activity level is similar to their own.

Unfortunately, one of the drawbacks of the lifestyle is the attraction it has for an abuser looking to validate their abuse or for those who don't want to take responsibility for their own lives and want to be looked after and have someone tell them what to do.

Yes, if asked I will point out those I have personal knowledge of who are users and abusers. Even going so far as to, when asked, forming a group of other lifestylers and with the aid of the police, helping an abused woman leave the situation.

At 55, I no longer give a tinker's damn if people think I am cool or not. I don't care if when people see me in my fet wear, they think I look ridiculous, a fat old woman in a corset. Someone looking at me from the outside could easily judge me and say I am trying to look young. *LOL* I know how old I am, I know what size I am, I also know what clothing makes me feel good, is fun to wear so I wear my fet clothes for me, not to please anyone else.

I maintain a live and let live attitude, I don't demean the hobbyist, I just wouldn't respond to their ad, as we seem to be looking for different things, neither is wrong, neither is uncool. I also wouldn't respond to those looking for kinky sex, there are other folk looking for kinky sex who are more their cup of tea.

Determining that someone has interests in common by reading their posts or their profile and contacting them to get to know the real them better is a good idea, but deciding on someone's internal motivation based on posts or a profile is at best, unwise.

< Message edited by LadyShoshin -- 8/14/2005 7:17:23 AM >

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RE: wannabes: a rant - 8/14/2005 11:32:33 AM

junecleaver

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Joined: 4/6/2005
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Yeah. I know. Some people never grow out of that phase. The attitude affects a lot of facets of life--work, religion, etc etc.

It's kind of sad, but that's life.

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"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

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RE: wannabes: a rant - 8/14/2005 3:31:42 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
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You post a valid comment.
However "here" the posers and wannabees are not "acting" at all they just want to find a quick piece of loose ass.
They clog up the "system" with ads or replys that are not true. They can cause hurt in some and the feeling in a lot of submissives that they are just "used" and have no value to anyone.

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