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Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 9:35:34 AM

gandalf0297

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I am in a bit of a cunudrum. the details are not important. the problem is this: while in the middle of a session the object of my adoration is not able to talk much and her hands are always in motoin, thus making hand signials usless. I know about paying attention to body language ect. but i feel that a safety net is required. and i am at a loss as to what that could be.
Any help would be appreciated

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RE: Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 9:38:01 AM

mistoferin

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If you do a search on safe words here you will find more information pros/cons than you can probably read in a month. We have had some very long and recent discussions about them also.

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RE: Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 9:42:02 AM

RCdc

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My advice is that if you are playing and cannot rely on your safewords or - even more importantly - if you cannot trust yourself to read her/him - then do not play intensely until you can rely yourself. No words, symbols or tool can replace your common sense.

the.dark.

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RE: Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 9:51:24 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gandalf0297

I am in a bit of a cunudrum. the details are not important. the problem is this: while in the middle of a session the object of my adoration is not able to talk much and her hands are always in motoin, thus making hand signials usless. I know about paying attention to body language ect. but i feel that a safety net is required. and i am at a loss as to what that could be.
Any help would be appreciated

*Insert standard "no safety precaution is foolproof, don't rely them exclusively, trust yourself as well" lecture here*

You say her hands are always in motion but not what they are doing. Is it possible for her to hold onto something and release it? Anything from a scarf to a bell can help you feel more comfortable. Also, listen to what she is saying while gagged - they don't stop sounds from escaping and we have found that it is quite possible to alert him via "tone of voice" of grunts and mumbling around gags.

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RE: Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 9:54:03 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

*Insert standard "no safety precaution is foolproof, don't rely them exclusively, trust yourself as well" lecture here*

Bammit Aqua - you only doing the standard lecture - not the fullon?
Such a let down, y'always so sexy when ya lecture.

/sighs
the.dark.

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RE: Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 9:55:46 AM

AquaticSub

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Sorry. I was up late last night.

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RE: Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 10:12:27 AM

babyangelfire77

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i tend to be the type of bottom that cannot respond when i am playing..i go into subspace very easily..and cannot use a safe word effectively. A good friend of mine gave me something that would help. It was a ball on a chain that had a ring to attach it to my finger. If i dropped the ball, it was still ok..as long as i could pull it back up into my hand. If i could not bring it back into my hand by pulling up on the chain until the ball was back..then they knew it was time to stop and see what was going on.
Another trick that was used was, the person playing with me would ask if i was still there?..If i could not answer, then they would grab my hair..hold my head back a bit. They would tell me that if i was fine to continue, i had to hold my head up and not allow it to drop forward when they let go of my hair... If i could hold it up, play continued..if not..it was stopped.

While in subspace...i can hear everything, i just cannot always make my body respond. When i was with someone for awhile who understood me..the body movements and the way i breathed or reacted to him..He did not have to use anything..He just could read me well (He said..my hands were very active..but as i went over the edge..they would go limp)....So having someone who can read you well..is the best of all...but since we all have to start somewhere..giving someone you trust ( who may not understand how deep a person goes when they play)..some type of signal when you are "over the edge", is most helpful.

Hope this helps!

k

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RE: Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 11:21:34 AM

DesFIP

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Three grunts in a row work. So is using a specific hand motion. I open and close my fists rapidly if there's a problem. It isn't a motion I would normally use so he knows to remove the gag and talk to me.

But basically observe body language and listen. You can tell the difference between a moan and a distressed noise even if she's gagged once you know what they sound like.

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RE: Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 12:45:38 PM

Muttling

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Can she snap her fingers, clap her hands, or slap her hand against something repeatedly? I have a friend who is really into being interrogated and she enjoys being water boarded when it doesn't go too far. They have the same issue that you are describing.

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RE: Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 3:15:26 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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If you insist on using a signal of some sort- there's eye blinking, foot stomping, butt wiggling.

But again you have to be sure she'll be conscious and willing enough to use those signs appropriately to make them useful at all.

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RE: Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 3:20:22 PM

RumpusParable

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Do you mean that she won't use verbal cues like safewords (due to subspace or other mindset issue) or are we talking about being gagged in some manner?

If it's the first, that's a toughy because what you're dealing with is an inability to comprehend fully or express her own state. Short of keeping her from reaching that point and training her by putting her there shallowly and having her practice doing so, there's not really much you can do.

If we're talking about her mouth being full in some manner, I like basic grunting patterns. Of course, tone and vocalization behind a gag is by itself a great indicator but also having a simple "three grunts means trouble" is handy.

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RE: Safe words,Safe signs - 12/2/2007 3:46:15 PM

sadomasokisti

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We use a system that has worked well for us. I'm quite often in total mummification, gagged, breathing through a tube, hence the system. All my signaling is reserved for emergency, need for drink or nourishment or physical problems like cramps or bad blood flow.

if my shoulder (one) is touched it's a question if I'm ok.
if my both shoulders are touched, it's a question if I'm willing to take things further.
To get attention i hum-mm/grunt short signals as well as shake head.
To let me know that my signal has been noticed, a shoulder is touched.
- If in a emergency I keep on grunting/shaking head - my head/gag is cut free
- If not a emergency I stop grunting/shaking - series of questions that I can answer yes or no (shaking head)