RE: heavy, obese, big boned ,fat - 12/7/2007 12:24:15 AM
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stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
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I thought I'd chime in being perhaps the best known larger and heavier transgendered female on these boards (5ft eleven and three quarter inches tall and currently 281lbs)
... having set my computer up in the bathroom so I can write this from the comfort of my bath of bubbles - not just from the Timpson and Wade Pine, Seawater and Bubblegum Scented Luxury Foam Bath which I bought recently from a pound shop in Catford, South-East London (they've also got Pump Action Cream Makers on special offer until Christmas, so be quick, especially if you're into CBT) but also because I'm suffering from flatulence and am enjoying an ecological jacuzzi at the same time - and just wish to say the following..
Just because someone's larger in size doesn't mean to say that they're any worse (or even any better) than anyone else. I live in London, and the morning rush hour on the Underground can be an olfactory nightmare, as you get squeezed and pushed up to people real close and yes you do get people who are smartly dressed and ready for the office in suits and so on wearing what I can only describe as Alternative Deodorants and Sublime Scenta - for example Knob Cheese (for men), Mildewy Mackerel (for her), Raging Roquefort (I think this is a unisex foot deodorant with the scent of mature blue cheese), Gooey Armpit (unisex), Unthinkable Underwear (unisex) and others..
This is not to mention the range of Alternative Toothpastes and Mouthwashes - Shanghai Shock, Calcutta Killer, and where can you get garlic-flavoured toothpaste?
This has got nothing to do with body size at all. Even a kid knows that. Everybody sweats, everybody produces body odour, and everybody like it or not farts. This is about very simple basic personal hygiene.
Okay so some people get depressed and along with the happy feeling personal hygiene goes out of the window. I understand this. Some people who are overweight have acceptance issues and as a result get depressed. This I also understand. I have had such issues in the past, and it was related to people challenging me and my gender which triggered and exacerbated my gender dysphoria and this caused some really deep depression and black moods, and I would shut myself off and avoid people for weeks. This happened three years ago, two days after Christmas, which I had spent alone. I sat for an hour on the snow covered balcony of an apartment eight floors up just wondering whether to jump or not. But not many people know this, because when I go through these phases I disappear, isolate myself, and when you do see me you wouldn't know or be able to tell anyway.
But you see there's one thing I don't understand, or a couple of things. I don't understand people who start fat threads for one thing. I don't understand people who look at someone who's larger and just make assumptions about them, form prejudices and despite seeing and being told contrary evidence they stick to their guns and hold on to their prejudices, even to the point of getting defensive and justifying these prejudices by calling them 'preferences'. Bullshit.
If you're choosing your partner or even friends by the way they look you're a teenager, at least mentally. You can claim that fat people don't turn you on. Okay. Skinny people don't turn me on, but this isn't a hard and fast rule for me, and I have been attracted to people in the past who were thin. It's got nothing to do with the type of person, but with the person or individual concerned. But hey, this is just my opinion, you may not agree and if you still want to shut out potentially good partners and turn away from potentially good relationships on the basis of how someone looks then okay, who am I to comment on this?
I also know from my own experience that you can perceive someone any number of ways. Take a look at me for example. Am I really female as I claim, or am I just a fat bloke wearing women's clothing? It's your perception, I don't have anything to do with this, it's purely how you see me and your first impression. I know who I am, you don't. I'm just like you, I got feelings, emotions, thoughts, I'm a sensitive, thinking person, just like you. So what now? What are you going to do? Who am I? Am I really the mosaic transsexual female I claim to be, or am I just some deluded fat dude in a dress trying to be someone else? Are you going to stick with what you think I am, or are you prepared to be openminded enough to find out? Are you prepared to overlook who and what you're looking for just for a little while and take a little time to find out about me and who I am and what I may need to be happy?
In the majority of cases most people aren't willing but just stick with their prejudices and move on. Some will even tell me what they think and inform me that they know better who I am than I do. And you know, I may not appear to react, but when that happens it hurts, and it strikes me very deeply into my soul and heart. But these people don't think about that, they only care about themselves. I know this and I really do try to let it go and move on, but you know, when you've got wounded feelings it really hurts.
Even more just drop you and move on, and that can hurt too. You don't need to be like me to know what I'm talking about here, you don\t need to be a transgendered female, you can be anyone else, you can be a larger female, you can be disabled, you can have a different skin colour, you can not speak the language properly, you can be a gay male, you can be anyone, and it hurts you just the same as it hurts me.
But something so simple and so evident lies beyond the comprehension of so many people, and this is something I just don't understand. I'm sorry, I have a real mental block here. If you don't know someone, why is it so hard to ask them questions and get to know them? Why is it so hard to accept what they're saying about themselves is true? Why is it so hard to trust other people? Where do you manage to find the confidence and faith in your own assumptions when you know you don't have any real evidence to support those assumptions? Tell me, how do you manage it? I'm just curious, you see this is something I genuinely am unable to do.
Maybe someone can explain to me how they can take one look at someone and possibly know everything about them. There's plenty of such people about here on CM, they even start threads like this one, maybe someone can explain to me how they manage to do this.
Now I'm not talking here about quoting from statistics or surveys, or telling me to go visit websites and read articles written by others who also feel that they have this esoteric knowledge of being able to judge someone's character and lifestyle from the way they look.
I'm talking about someone who can show me that they can have genuine knowledge about someone, about who they are as a person and about the way they live, just by looking at them.
You got my photo next to my profile, you know who I am. Now please tell me what accent I speak with and how I move.. these are things which are very clear to anyone I come into contact with.
I see this thread as nothing more than someone seeking approval from others for their own prejudices to give themselves justification to keep those prejudices. I may be wrong, it's possible that I can be wrong (I've been wrong many times in the past), but here I don't think I am. Maybe someone out there would like to prove me wrong.
Is there someone out there who can do this? I'm curious, and I guess there;s other people out here who share my curiosity.
< Message edited by stella41b -- 12/7/2007 12:40:52 AM >
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Damn, now I want pumpkin pie with cool whip on top!! 
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