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a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 8:19:18 PM

marandaisowned

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Joined: 11/29/2007
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i was informed that my brother no longer wishes to be as such. i already figured that out a long time ago that he did not like me. i could say that he truely hates me. this would not be so bad if he would have given me a chance to be his sister. i wanted to be like him. i looked up to him and did nothing but love him.i tryed so hard. anyways, that is my rant about that. i know i will hear a lot of "grow-up and get some balls" but oh well.

< Message edited by marandaisowned -- 12/2/2007 8:20:07 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 8:28:25 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Join the club, I have two of them. Scumbags both and I hate them too!

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Post #: 2

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 8:32:39 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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Stop wanting to be like someone else and learn to love who you are and develop your own strengths. The only thing you have in common with siblings is the fact you both shared a the same uterus. We can't choose family but we can choose friends - make good friends, but work on getting yourself together and stronger before extending anything out to anyone.

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Post #: 3

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 8:36:45 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
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I don't know what things were as kids.

However, I do know that when all grown, bonds tend to weaken. He's all grown up and you're all grown up. You're on a second or tritary list of the things and issues of his priorities.

As grown ups, he's made his choices as have you. He's moved on from the nest so to speak. I'm going to take a shot and assume your brother has the mentality of "I have my own life. She's all grown up and can take care of herself. I did what I could as a kid and can't watch over her anymore."

I'll also take a guess that he's made a few choices in life that he does not want you to know about. Living a double life and being apart of things he's not willing to share has also caused him to be astrained from you. He's in a mix and just going with it.

Rarther than hate, I think this is more the case of "I'm different, she's different, and haven't seen each other in a while. We're two different people and there's no real reason why we should rekendal everything."

Just my thoughts based on what you wrote and what I've seen with other siblings and cousins in there late twenties and up.

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Post #: 4

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 8:38:34 PM

LadySeraphina

Posts: 931
Joined: 3/28/2006
From: Calgary, Canada
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They're right in that you can't change things, and you have to accept it. It still sucks though, so you have my sympathy.

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Post #: 5

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 8:39:34 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
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I never fell out with my sisters, we just drifted apart. None of us care much really. We see each other about once every two years, and we all live in the same state.

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Post #: 6

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 8:39:53 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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I feel for you. I'm TS female and got kicked out of my family home two weeks after my 16th birthday.

Sometimes when you don't have a good family you can actually create your own family. A family can be any group of people who accept you for who you really are.

Listen to that voice of your Soul deep inside you, and live the life the way you want with the people who accept you for you. This is the only route to love. Listen to your inner voice and it will guide you.

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(in reply to marandaisowned)

Post #: 7

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 8:40:15 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
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I looked at your picture and will say you have a very good substitute in your arms. The cat will return your love. Combine that with a Master who cares about you also and so what if your brother does not like you. My sister spent her entire life not liking me. She still doesn't but now it is because I have money and she doesn't. We get paid the same but she spends her extra income on items that are useless while I save mine. I wound up the better person and ahead of her and you ar probably ahead of him which is why he hates you. Being ahead can be from love and not money. You can not change him but maybe you can learn to accept him.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 8

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 8:47:20 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I have a mother in law that hates me and the feeling is mutual!

After the death of my mother , my sisters and I just drifted part. The only reason we were together most of time was because my mother kept everyone close. Once in a great while we contact each other but nothing real special.

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 12/2/2007 8:49:56 PM >

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Post #: 9

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 8:53:31 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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There's a lot more to this situation than has been told. I know my sister and I hated eachother a lot growing up (blood drawing was not uncommon) and if it weren't for her babies, I'm not sure where I'd be in relation to her or the rest of my family. As it was however, having the two most wonderful babies in the history of all existence is powerful stuff and we've learned to love eachother on our own terms and matured in our way so that we can be good sisters.

We'll never be best friends as far as I can see, nor spend more than 12 hours at a stretch in close confined company without regressing to our former archetypes- but I'm glad we are where we are for now.

For you- keep the door open, but don't let it keep slamming on your fingers.

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Post #: 10

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 8:53:49 PM

corsetgirl

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Edited for deletion.

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 12/2/2007 8:56:29 PM >

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 11

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 9:12:15 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I'm sorry that you are having that trouble - sometimes people just stink.

Anyway, you can see my overall opinion of the subject by checking out my sig line. I get along with one brother and one sister-in-law (and no, it's not the two that are married to each other - figures, doesn't it?). I can't stand most of my extended family - my mom's sis doesn't like any of us and quit inviting us to "family" functions years ago. I now have my own family in Holly and rob ... I like this family far better than the one I was born into.

Oh, and another favorite quote of mine is: "you can't pick your family, but you can edit them out of your videos"

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Post #: 12

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 9:28:12 PM

ItalianSMistress

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline

It happens, you have to do whats best for you. I have two sisters and a brother that I have not talked to in over 15 years, all because they are racists and My boy that lives with Me is Jamaican. They dont know that I have a son, or that My other sister has two daughters, they dont even know that our mother died four years ago. They dont even deserve to know, if they want to be close minded asshats, that is what they get, I am happy, My boy is happy, My other sister is fine. It may take some time if you were once close, but you will get over this, and one day, he may see what an ass he is, or not, but you can only control what you do, not what he thinks, I personally feel sorry for him.

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Post #: 13

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/2/2007 10:34:27 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

I call the solution to this "chosen family".

Whoever this brother is, he is certainly not Jesus. In younger years I was beligerent, and I terrorized my family, I mean to the point of trying to burn the house down. They never turned on me, or even turned me in. That is family.

If anyone ever deserved to get thrown out of a family I did. But it did not happen. If anyone ever deserved to do like 20 years I did, but my family never cracked, never opened their mouths. It was bad, and I will never live it down.

But through all this I was never forsaken.

Consider yourself in the found-a-family department here at CM. I don't mean to put your family down, but they never had any idea of what family really means. It takes a while, but it can happen. But your birth family, forget it.

Look, I put five twelve guage shotgun blasts through the walls of my Mother's home, and then tried to set it on fire. This was many years ago and I was very stupid, but the point is, they never even called the police. That's family.

There is one thing for sure, if your brother hates you that is fine, our family has that too, but they still talk from time to time. But when he says he wants nothing to do with you he is making a mistake. And I don't care if you ripped him off yesterday for a million dollars, he is still wrong.

I have put up with some shit as well from blood. I keep them around because they are a part of me, each of them contains a different tangent when it comes to the flavor of my existence.

There is more to this than meets the eye, most likely you did something. You might not even be aware of it, but this doesn't just happen.

More progress can be made by figuring out what his problem is, why he said that. When you gain the capacity to see another's point of view, you have gained much more. Why did he decide that ? It certaintly wasn't because your cake or steak was not up to snuff at the last shindig. There has got to be more than that.

That's my opinion, want more, give me more. How many smashed cars, lost cellphones and fucked up bank accounts are we talking here ? That is usually the case. Either that or there was a bad fight over the inheritance when someone died, how bad was that then ?

Fact is, everyone walks in here telling us what happened, but usually they are telling us about the results of some stupid shit they did, but conveniently forgot. I see it in people every day, and now, I guess I see it over the internet.

There is no way I would disown a sibling over bullshit, thery would have to fuck me real bad. So it is either that or you never really had a family to start with.

I'm sorry that the truth may hurt, but don't you think it is better to know it ? For sure, one of the two possibilities are true, and you, you all know it.

My Father and his brothers fought like dogs over Grampa's money, but they are still civil to each other. I mean one put Grampa's couch and shit out on the tree lawn just so another couldn't have it. I mean people getting scarce when it came time to sign off to sell the property. Damn, maybe the reason to avoid probate isn't all the courts, maybe it is assholes.

And last but not least, and this is uber allthisshit. When someone ever hates me, I want to know why.

Those are my words of wisdom for the night, the rest will be gibberish.

T

(in reply to ItalianSMistress)

Post #: 14

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/3/2007 12:01:33 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marandaisowned

i was informed that my brother no longer wishes to be as such. i already figured that out a long time ago that he did not like me. i could say that he truely hates me. this would not be so bad if he would have given me a chance to be his sister. i wanted to be like him. i looked up to him and did nothing but love him.i tryed so hard. anyways, that is my rant about that. i know i will hear a lot of "grow-up and get some balls" but oh well.

Man....At the same time I'm both saddened and feel lucky after reading this thread. I have an exceptional relationship with my brother and two sisters. I talk to each of them once every ten days or so by phone...and my baby sister sometimes twice a week. We've hardly had a fight in ten years. Must be a Sicilian thing....

To the OP :

Never give up on your brother. Hang in there and keep that line of communication open--He might just surprise you one of these days. Remember....sometimes those who seem to be the hardest to love need your love the most.

Best wishes.

- R

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(in reply to marandaisowned)

Post #: 15

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/3/2007 7:03:08 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marandaisowned

i was informed that my brother no longer wishes to be as such. i already figured that out a long time ago that he did not like me. i could say that he truely hates me. this would not be so bad if he would have given me a chance to be his sister. i wanted to be like him. i looked up to him and did nothing but love him.i tryed so hard. anyways, that is my rant about that. i know i will hear a lot of "grow-up and get some balls" but oh well.

Can you do anything about it? Whatever your brother does is not in your control. I have one in name only. He is 12 year's older than me...13 certain parts of the year. He moved out when I was 5. Never really came back much. Never had a real discussion with me my entire life. He is a drug addict. I've raised his kids when he threw them out onto the street.
He now wants me dead. I am fearful of my own temper more so than I am of him. I could never forgive myself if I took my own brothers life even in self defense.
So as others said. You can choose your friends. Not your relatives. Don't take it so hard. Find a new mentor in life. One who actually cares about you.

(in reply to marandaisowned)

Post #: 16

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/3/2007 8:33:12 AM

marandaisowned

Posts: 14
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline

he wrote me back!

(in reply to marandaisowned)

Post #: 17

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/3/2007 11:09:56 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

-i had arguments w my brother. he is great tho. we see eye to eye.

try not to write him off

(in reply to marandaisowned)

Post #: 18

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/3/2007 11:54:28 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marandaisowned

i was informed that my brother no longer wishes to be as such. i already figured that out a long time ago that he did not like me. i could say that he truely hates me. this would not be so bad if he would have given me a chance to be his sister. i wanted to be like him. i looked up to him and did nothing but love him.i tryed so hard. anyways, that is my rant about that. i know i will hear a lot of "grow-up and get some balls" but oh well.

When we were growing up, my Sister and I couldn't stand the sight of each other: we rarely talked, and only ever looked at one another with cynicism.....she once stabbed me in the leg with a fork......I was only 9 years old....'called her a whore, I didn't even understand the meaning of the word...so, she casually out got up out of her chair, came 'round to my side of the table and stabbed me with a fork (covered in stew, too).

But, now we have a great relationship, we never argue, and when we need advice we turn to one another before anyone else, we're very, very close...she's back home from Dubai at Christmas and we'll spend a lot of time together - meals, wine etc....so, these things can turn around.

I'm trying to think what brought us closer together, and I'd say growing up and using our brains...we're a lot alike, a hell of a lot alike, so we have a lot in common, there's a genuine understanding there. So, keep your chin up, and keep chipping away, put the effort in and it could come good.

P.S. she once kicked me in the head and split my eyebrow open when I was about 7, too, for the crime of laughing at her......(she is 6 years older, so had the edge on me in those days!)....she sounds violent, and she'd be the first to admit she was, now she's a Sister running a maternity ward in a hospital.....

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 12/3/2007 11:56:38 AM >

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Post #: 19

RE: a brother that hates me - 12/3/2007 3:45:15 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

i have a brother; my only sibling; parents very long dead. He loves me enough to put up with shit from his wife about me, and i love him back. i know i'll never be homeless as long as he is alive. There's a bond there that cannot be broken.

i am terribly sorry for what's happened to you. i can't tell if he spoke in anger or cold rejection, and i can't know what might have prompted him to speak to you as he did. For several years i had no one; my brother's first wife cut me off completely; and i was alone. It was hard, but it passed and i never bring it up.

i wish you the best.

pinksugarsub

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Post #: 20

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