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Ai -> death (12/3/2007 1:39:17 AM)
Hello everyone, I have no idea whether it is right to post this here or not, but I will try. My Mistress died yesterday morning and I don't know how to cope with the situation. My life is so empty, I miss her so much and don't know what to do. I loved her more than anything and now she is gone, forever. She was always there when I needed her, built me up when I thought I couldn't go on anymore and gave my life a purpose, a place and most important her love and care. Really, I am lost and my life has lost its colour for she was my light, my hope, my love. I don't know what to do. Please, I would be very thankful for any advice you can give me.

LadyEllen -> RE: death (12/3/2007 2:01:08 AM)
Das tut mir ehrlich Leid. Nichts koennte ihr ersetzen und nie wird sie von dir vergessen werden. Nur mit Zeit wird es moeglich sein, ihr Tod mit den besseren Zeiten zu ersetzen und dich an ihr waehrend dieser besseren Zeiten zu erinnern. Wichtig ist, um ihr zu trauern, aber gleichzeitig dich zu erinnern dass sie dein Glueck immer wuenschte und wuensche noch. E

petpete -> RE: death (12/3/2007 2:17:27 AM)
i wish i could help Ai, but its something that all of us experience unfortunately.. A loss of a loved one, any loved one can be a most traumatic experience and saddest time in ones life.. i remember losing my father at 18. For 2 weeks i could not see anyone or speak to anyone. all i wanted to do is cry.. W/we have to accept the passing on fact in this life as no one is immortal. At some stage of time that is undefined by us, our journey ends and what happens??? No one knows for sure.. Some think W/we pass on to another life others think W/w take place in others bodies.. The certain is that W/we stop existing in tis life. The only thing you can do is grieve but think again that as much as you grieve you will never bring the person back.. Take it easy Ai.. Your not alone at this.

Ai -> RE: death (12/3/2007 2:32:16 AM)
Thank you for your replies, thank you very much indeed. You know, I cannot stop crying and my life, my whole existance is meaningless now. She was only 32 and so full of life, had such a beautiful heart, such a beautiful soul. I miss her. My body is shaking, I feel sick and wish to follow her. My will to live is broken, competely shattered. What am I to do. Oh gods, I am so sad, so sad.

DefiantFlower -> RE: death (12/3/2007 2:40:59 AM)
i am so sorry you're going through this. It is certainly something we experience at some point, but that fact does not erase the pain, i know. You will move past this. You will not forget it, the pain won't go away, you will miss her. But you CAN go on with life and be happy again. You can. It is a choice you must make, something only you can do for yourself. And for her. And she is not really gone, sweetie. The ones we love never really leave us. The love she so warmly gave you will continue to light your way. Each day, your heart may feel as if you're dragging it along by your feet. But remember that she would have wanted you to find new purpose, new life, and happiness. Whenever you feel yourself giving in to dark thoughts and feelings, turn to the memory of her bright light and let time help you heal. You will be ok, i promise.

Ai -> RE: death (12/3/2007 2:50:18 AM)
Thank you Defiant Flower for your sympathy and the beautiful letter. I know she wanted me to live, but she was always the one getting me up again. She was my strength, my life. Last week we talked and she said how much she needed me and now she is the one who left me. I have never felt so alone, ever. She had a great sense of humour, was so gentle and just mine. I wonder, how could this ever happen? How?

GentleLee -> RE: death (12/3/2007 2:52:34 AM)
The pain eases with time, but it is a long time. I won't sugar coat it for you, it's been more then a year since I lost my soulmate and it still hurts like hell. What I do to cope is to think "how would he want me to handle this situation". She's right there with you, in every step you take, every time you draw a breath you breathe her. She's watching you, loving you, and still wants you to take care of yourself as well as you did when you could touch her. Try to stay strong. Remember that there are many that love you, and wants to lend you an ear, a hand, a hug... When all else fails, crawl into bed and try to sleep. This too shall pass, you're not alone, and feel free to send me a message anytime you want. Lee

MaamJay -> RE: death (12/3/2007 3:38:38 AM)
So hard, to lose someone who meant so very much to you, and so sudden. My heart goes out to you Ai, but the words already expressed here are true. She will be with you in more ways than you can know right now. She will still be your guide for Her words will resound in your head when you face a situation. And Her love will still be in your heart. Don't be afraid to cry ... but also don't be afraid to smile. Huggsss Maam Jay aka violet[A]

Ai -> RE: death (12/3/2007 3:44:44 AM)
Thank you maamjay. I feel like I will never smile again for all joy has disappeared with her.

Hergirl0824 -> RE: death (12/3/2007 4:27:28 AM)
i am so sorry for your loss. And while i know there is nothing that i can say that will ease your pain right now please know that you will be in my thoughts. Try to remember to take care of yourself during your time of grief. Be extra gentle with yourself and remember to do the things you need to do to stay well, as your Mistress would want.

thetammyjo -> RE: death (12/3/2007 8:10:48 AM)
Psychologist say that there is an emotional process human being need to go through in other to cope with death. If you have the resources you may want to do a bit of research into that and find a therapist just to help you work through those stages without pushing you. Friends and family may try to help but often I've found someone who doesn't require as much time to cope or who is not as close to the deceased can push too hard. A therapist should know not to do that and just give you the space and audience to address the stages as they come. No one can tell you how much time you need to go through this process but I can say that going through never erases your wonderful memories or the gifts/training she gave you, the process helps you embrace those memories in a positive way that helps you. If you believe in life after death then you might want to think that she may still be watching you and expecting you to go on with that purpose she helped you discover. As you live your life you are still honoring her and perhaps still serving her memory.

angelikaJ -> RE: death (12/3/2007 8:37:55 AM)
I am so sorry for your sorrow. One of the things that has helped me find the joy beneath the sorry was my knowledge that the reason why it hurts this much is because I was lucky enough to have the experiences that I am now feeling the loss of... that i was lucky enough to love, be loved by them...I believe that the love never goes...that love is infinite and eternal. Take care of yourself to the best of your ability, the way she would have wanted you to, and find comfort in the safe harbors of those who care and love you. I will keep you both in my thoughts. jenn

Ai -> RE: death (12/3/2007 9:34:16 AM)
Again I can only thank you all for the kind words. It is very hard for me to write on here, but I can't talk about this with anyone else, so I thought it might be worth a try to post here. I am really considering to go and see a psychologist, but I have to wait and see. The waiting lists are so very long and it might take too long. Her image will surely never leave me and I am really trying to think she is still here by my side or that I will meet her again, but somehow it does not ease my pain. I truly am a wreck tight now. I am sorry for bothering you with those things, but I have no idea where to turn to.

youngpupforBCms -> RE: death (12/3/2007 9:43:35 AM)
No advice I could give on such a tragic event, would be worthy in my own eyes to post, as i fear it would be misconstrued as insensitive, because we all deal with death in our own ways, some healthier then others. Instead I simply offer my deepest condolences, and hopes that you can find the strength to go on, and not give up, and if you can't get someone to talk to,please don't hesitate make a post on here, I'm on often enough that i check it every few hours anyways, and would be more then glad to hold a conversation with you to help you through such issues. While I myself dont deal with death in this manner, I think that for others, talking to someone, anyone about what has happened is greatly beneficial, and sometimes the best medicine is laughter and someone to simply listen.

LadyPact -> RE: death (12/3/2007 9:59:31 AM)
Ai, first let Me say that I am sorry for your loss. Though O/our roles are reversed, I can definitely be empathetic about your situation. I don't talk about it much here, but I understand completely about certain images never leaving you. It is different when the final image with physical eyes being that of a casket. I'm sorry that I don't have better words for you. I have none to offer. What I can offer you, is that it gets....... different. It will not feel like it always does today. As time passes, those images of life will mingle with those of death, and there will start to become a balance. The joy with the sorrow. There will come a day that the memories will bring more than what you feel now. The focus will change. I will not say that the hurt will go away or change. It will be...... different. May I wish you the best of luck, for what I know are the challenging days ahead.

unravel -> RE: death (12/3/2007 11:11:26 AM)
i am sorry for your loss. Trust Time to be your ally in healing, slowly, eventually. i would still try the psychologist if you could. Good luck. unravel

RumpusParable -> RE: death (12/3/2007 11:52:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ai I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a thing. Just take the time you need, treat yourself well during it, and let time and life do what it does in healing. Focus on the tasks that need done and take it one day at a time at first.

hisannabelle -> RE: death (12/3/2007 12:01:38 PM)
greetings ai, i don't know what i would do if that happened to me...i worry about it a lot, because my master is much, much older than i am, and i know in my head that i would be okay, but in my heart it terrifies the hell out of me. so i am thinking of you and empathizing with you and sending you lots of love...i have no words of wisdom, only hugs. annabelle.

ownedgirlie -> RE: death (12/3/2007 1:02:25 PM)
I am sorry for your loss. I posted the following last August, on a thread dealing with grief: Allow yourself to grieve, however your grief comes out. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, despite what people might tell you. I have heard "You should be over it by now." Hogwash. Talk talk talk about it. Talk to others who are also grieving the person. Laugh at the fun stuff. Cry at the sad stuff. Celebrate the person's life. Seek therapy if you need it. You are not weak for needing help. Take time for yourself. Go someplace where you find peace - the ocean, a park, a garden... Let people help you. If someone wants to bring you dinner, let them. If someone wants to help you go through the loved one's belongings, let them. Now is not the time to prove to yourself and the world how strong you are. Now is the time to let people love you, and let them do for you. Know that people will say dumb things in the spirit of trying to help and be kind. Forgive them that, and appreciate their efforts. And when all is said and done, honor the person by living happy, as they would want you to be. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross discusses the Five Stages of Grief. If you are unfamiliar with it, this may help: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief My best to you.

jeffman1234 -> RE: death (12/3/2007 1:18:51 PM)
You might want to look for a bereavement group in your area.

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