Long term really possible?

Long term really possible? (Full Version)

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Argentopal -> Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 12:27:26 PM)
I have an acquaintance who works in the mental health field who is kink aware/friendly but not Ds themself. They are totally aware of the relationship I live in; 24 7 TPE, Ms. This person also does have contact with other couples who live Ds and they see submissive females as actually very powerful and self-assured in their own right, and I agree. However, they say that a strong and powerful and self assured woman cannot really be happy living as a 24 7 TPE submissive "for the long term". So far I have not been able to pin down exactly what they mean by "long term". Argent and I have been Ds, TPE, for 10 years and 10 months now. We have had times when one was ill or we had some rather overwhelming family situation where we put our personal stuff and the Ds sort of on the back burner for a while but it was always there in there in the background just waiting to come back. To me of course, nearly 11 years seems like a long time. But I know there are others who have been together for much longer. I have also had others who are submissive, or at least say they are or want to be, who claim to be seeking a 24 7 TPE Ms relationship, tell me that a "real" 24 7 TPE is impossible because there will always be times that a submissive wilfully and delibertly disobeys their rules. I am the first to admit I am not perfect and I do make mistakes. There have been times when a 'temper tantrum' (yeah pretty immature) or even a really bad day has made me do something I knew I should not have done (like bummed a smoke or had an ice cream w/o permission), but I end up feeling pretty bad and usually takes me a few minutes to a few hours to go confess and ask for forgiveness (sometimes given along with punishment, depending on the situation). There have been times I have delayed doing a chore I did not want to do or just procrastinated over how to do it longer than I should have. But I did not do any of that to "undo" our Ds-ness. Like any human I have a bad day but I always know "who I am" and i have no desire to end our Ds because one of us has a bad day. What would you say to someone who says it takes a strong woman to be submissive and no strong woman can possibly be happy in a 24 7 TPE "for a long time" and let's assume they mean "forever" or "for the rest of their life." Do you think is it possible to be in one Ds relationship with the same person for a very long time? For the rest of your life? Thank you and Be Well, opal

wisteriaV -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 12:39:24 PM)
Tell them there are alot of folks that have been real time for a long time. For Master and I it will be three years in about 2 weeks. I know of others that have been going strong for 25 years.

DesFIP -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 12:40:08 PM)
I think they're confusing micromanagement and D/s. I don't believe anyone could be happy being told exactly what to do about everything, day after day. However what they are missing is that this need for management disappears after a while. Much of the things that people train become internalized and are then just habit. Enter the house, exchange public collar for play one for example, after a while you would put down your keys, change your collar and then go check email or start dinner. I prefer pancakes to be thin, nearly crepe or blintz thin. He prefers them thick. The first few times he would look at the first pancake and say the batter was too thin, I would add flour. These days I automatically use a heaping cup of flour instead of slightly under a full cup. You could say I am being obedient but the truth is I don't think about pancake making as a sense of submission. I've just gotten into the habit of making thick ones.

stella41b -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 12:40:24 PM)
Yes. If your relationship is mutually beneficial and what you both want and need you can live in any sort of relationship long term or for the rest of your life, provided of course you're both prepared to develop and grow with each other and the relationship. Personally I find interpersonal relationships to be rather fluid and transient in nature rather than fixed and static, as are friendships. As we change, mature and age with time, so do our relationships. Therefore yes, it's all possible.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 12:54:01 PM)
I know submissives who have been very happy with their mates for many years.

toservez -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 1:02:37 PM)
Those people are stereotyping the good old if you are strong then submitting to someone takes away from that. That strong means independent and submissive mean dependent. That strong means following one’s path and being able to take care of yourself which is of course what all healthy and strong submissives are actually doing. Strong means being able to go against societal preaching and stereotyping and letting go of that peer pressure as well which is what many do not grasp.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 1:23:20 PM)
It is all in the definition of TPE. I personally think most people who claim to be TPE have very little actual control, hense the "I will do anything but I know he wouldn't demand X" crowd. The mere fact that TPE relationships end is proof enough that the power isn't absolute... That said, I think high levels of power exchange can and do exist and are in no way incompatible with having a long term rewarding relationship.

robertolapiedra -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 1:44:48 PM)
quote: What would you say to someone who says it takes a strong woman to be submissive and no strong woman can possibly be happy in a 24 7 TPE "for a long time" and let's assume they mean "forever" or "for the rest of their life." Do you think is it possible to be in one Ds relationship with the same person for a very long time? For the rest of your life? Hello Argentopal. I am in a longterm "24/7 TPE" relationship. TPE is a lifestyle. It takes strong persons to commit to any longterm lifestyle, including vanillas. You can be in Ds for life or for 5 minutes, just like any type marriage or union. Lifestyle has nothing to do with it. Love has everything to do with it. Some people think by keeping things "lusty", it will make things last. I say just keep things "luvy", and you will stand a good chance at longterm. Now if you keep things lusty "and" luvy? That's Paradise, who want's to leave Paradise? RL

Argentopal -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 2:12:03 PM)
Thanks all who have responded, I knew I couldn't be the only one who feels that wiitwd is signifigant and serious, and that I am not foolish for thinking it can last "forever". DesFIP - I understand your example totally. Many things that were done first because he said so are now just common to the way I think. Some even began way back when we were "just 'nilla"! I also agree that any good relationship has mutually benificial facets and as long as we grow together we can stay together. "lusty and luvy" yep - works for me! weg! Thank you, I may have some better responses when we talk again than ... well, because it works for me! lol. opal

slavemaia -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 3:19:26 PM)
quote: What would you say to someone who says it takes a strong woman to be submissive and no strong woman can possibly be happy in a 24 7 TPE "for a long time" and let's assume they mean "forever" or "for the rest of their life." Do you think is it possible to be in one Ds relationship with the same person for a very long time? For the rest of your life? i'd say there are no hard and fast rules for everyone - - - period. If i didn't honestly believe it's not only possible but extremely rewarding to be in a D/s relationship for hopefully - the rest of my life, then i wouldn't be in one where that's the intention on both of our parts. It's a work in progress however and so there is no THERE.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 5:14:44 PM)
the only rules are the rules that two set for each other. And STick by them do not become wishy washy just cause someone says their way is better. I do not agree with what people always say. But I respect those who have been their and done that road already. It is less work. So being commited for many years can happy but the key word is commited

AnimusRex -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 5:41:24 PM)
Interesting thread, since it touches on a subject that has kept Me wondering for many years; I suppose the best, most definitive answer for "Is long term possible?" is exactly your response- 10 years IS a long time- few vanilla marriages last past that time. Not only is it possilbe, but you are living proff that it is happening. Along with most of the posters, I feel it boils down to the definition- many people in the BDSM world Do attempt to live the fantasy they read about, and almost always come to grief. Notice how in the books- (Story of O, Beauty, Gor) the relationships happen instantly- I think O met Sir Stephan for a whole 5 minutes before He demanded her surrender, and it was happily ever after from that moment onward. No awkward dating, no conflicts, no breakup and reconciliation, just blissful whipping and fucking. When this story gets imprinted on the public consciousness as the "Authentic" version of how "REAL" BDSM is practiced, when real people with jobs and lives and kids and mortgages try to act this out, it becomes painfully absurd with heartache for all involved. Which is one reason so many Master/slave relationships don't survive much past the initial screaming orgasm. Thanks for the thread- it gives us all hope!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 7:10:47 PM)
If someone actually had the gall to say that directly, I would smile and say "That's funny, because I'm one." if I was or "That's funny, I know plenty who are." if I do. Non threatening, non confrontational, but simply and clearly says that they are totally wrong with that statement and either have to call me a liar or drop the subject. Allowing them that "out" lets us go on without further tension.

CuriousLord -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 8:44:48 PM)
24/7 TPE M/s LRT is definately possible. 24/7 TPE M/s LRT with lots of micromanaging is also possible. It's not for everyone, but, hey, how many things are? I hate seeing people spewing off BS about how, because it's not for them, it's not done.

YourhandMyAss -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 10:21:19 PM)
I'd say thank you for stating your opinion but I am not of that beliefe, and I'd appreciate your respecting that. quote: ORIGINAL: Argentopal What would you say to someone who says it takes a strong woman to be submissive and no strong woman can possibly be happy in a 24 7 TPE "for a long time" Thank you and Be Well, opal

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/3/2007 10:46:46 PM)
I know LOTS of NON-kink relationships that don't last for the 'long term'. We are not any better or any worse than any other part of society. Master Fire

agirl -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/4/2007 5:54:07 AM)
It's certainly possible because it's done. Your aquaintance can think whatever they like but it doesn't change the facts. Having said that, I'm wasn't always happy in my marriage because it WAS a long term one. I will never always happy in my D/s relationship, either. There are times when I absolutely hate it, actually. There's a lot more to a D/s relationship than just submitting or just obeying. Being willfully disobedient doesn't necessarily destroy a D/s relationship, but not accepting that you've been willfully disobedient, not accepting the consequences that might arise, might do. There's no way on this earth that I will obey in every way, in all circumstances. It's simply not going to happen. He knows it, I know it. Nothing changes the way the relationship is run. The fact is, people choose to live this way for a huge variety of reasons, for their own benefit; it suits them, just like any other type of relationship. I think it's possible to be in ANY type of relationship forever and that the reasons for that are as varied as the people in them. agirl

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Long term really possible? (12/4/2007 6:05:52 AM)
The fact is that a high number of both vanilla and BDSM lifestyle relationships fail for long term. Actually probally for the same reasons. There are also many vanilla and BDSM relationships that have worked out for the long term. Now, with regards to BDSM relationships, there are many people that jump or rush into things without bothering to educate themselves on it. It's just called being lazy, people think 20 hours of chat room is quality learning. People too lazy and cheap and not wanting to be bothered with taking time to read a book or articles. Instant gratification society, where people don't want to invest time or engery into much of anything including relationships and self improvement. This is just my 2 cents worth on this.

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