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Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:01:32 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		I am looking for opinions from others on the site about the following experience. A woman joins the site, and her profile is nicely written and expresses that she is new to lifestyle. I send her an email and she responds the next day with a very long and intriguing email that tells me quite a bit about herself. I respond to that email that day but then I get no response. I discover the email hasn’t been read and now her profile says she is “under consideration” and won’t talk to others without permission.

This person was on the site for about three or four days, very new to the lifestyle, expresses her desire to chat with others and learn and then accepts this “collar of consideration.” Am I being unreasonable? Does anyone see any red flags here? Is it sour grapes on my part?


_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:03:16 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ehlovindom

I am looking for opinions from others on the site about the following experience. A woman joins the site, and her profile is nicely written and expresses that she is new to lifestyle. I send her an email and she responds the next day with a very long and intriguing email that tells me quite a bit about herself. I respond to that email that day but then I get no response. I discover the email hasn’t been read and now her profile says she is “under consideration” and won’t talk to others without permission.

This person was on the site for about three or four days, very new to the lifestyle, expresses her desire to chat with others and learn and then accepts this “collar of consideration.” Am I being unreasonable? Does anyone see any red flags here? Is it sour grapes on my part?



"She's just not that into you."

Someone apparently intrigued her more than you did. Whether or not the whole "collar of consideration" is silly or premature or too extreme is entirely a matter of personal preference -- hers.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to ehlovindom)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:10:42 PM   
ragdoll


Posts: 231
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: ehlovindom

I am looking for opinions from others on the site about the following experience. A woman joins the site, and her profile is nicely written and expresses that she is new to lifestyle. I send her an email and she responds the next day with a very long and intriguing email that tells me quite a bit about herself. I respond to that email that day but then I get no response. I discover the email hasn’t been read and now her profile says she is “under consideration” and won’t talk to others without permission.

This person was on the site for about three or four days, very new to the lifestyle, expresses her desire to chat with others and learn and then accepts this “collar of consideration.” Am I being unreasonable? Does anyone see any red flags here? Is it sour grapes on my part?



"She's just not that into you."

Someone apparently intrigued her more than you did. Whether or not the whole "collar of consideration" is silly or premature or too extreme is entirely a matter of personal preference -- hers.

Akasha


i agree... though.. i admit to having an "additional" slight concern for women (and men too, i guess) who "submit" really quickly to people.. especially when they are "very new" to BDSM and stuff... because they might be naive... and get in "over their head", you know?

i've seen people get really hurt by "jumping in too quickly"..

-but... you are right in that it is her choice......... and really it's everyone's choice.. but still for newer people.. i think sometimes they can make... ummmm... "not so good choices" because they are so new...

(as an aside - i'm new-ish too ~ so i have nothin' against new people!)~

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:13:00 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

"She's just not that into you."

Someone apparently intrigued her more than you did. Whether or not the whole "collar of consideration" is silly or premature or too extreme is entirely a matter of personal preference -- hers.

Akasha


I was thinking that and am fine with it but then she never really read my message. I have no doubt there are those out there with better first approaches but within three or four days you shut yourself? Is that typical behaviour? Then again, nothing here is typical, is it?

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:13:05 PM   
Fidelity


Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		It's just a result of newbie frenzy.

I see these sorts of women being snapped up all of the time-sometimes it last for them,but I find that few stay with thier initial Dominant for very long.

Usually, they outgrown them in a few months,and are on the market again. But the experience is good for them to explore themselves-IF they make a competent first choice.

If not,you get the beginnings of yet another perpetual victim-in many cases.

(in reply to ehlovindom)
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RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:14:51 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ehlovindom


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

"She's just not that into you."

Someone apparently intrigued her more than you did. Whether or not the whole "collar of consideration" is silly or premature or too extreme is entirely a matter of personal preference -- hers.

Akasha


I was thinking that and am fine with it but then she never really read my message. I have no doubt there are those out there with better first approaches but within three or four days you shut yourself? Is that typical behaviour? Then again, nothing here is typical, is it?


Regardless, if you think such impulsive behavior is too irresponsible then she's not the partner for you, anyway. Imagine having to deal with those kinds of impulses? Be glad you were saved the drama.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to ehlovindom)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:15:52 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		i played whit somone after having talked to them a few times once, but to become a 24/7 sub, i would need more time than that. But then that is up to the woman in question, sorry you did not get lucky OP, better luck next time.

(in reply to Fidelity)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:16:47 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ragdoll

i agree... though.. i admit to having an "additional" slight concern for women (and men too, i guess) who "submit" really quickly to people.. especially when they are "very new" to BDSM and stuff... because they might be naive... and get in "over their head", you know?

i've seen people get really hurt by "jumping in too quickly"..

-but... you are right in that it is her choice......... and really it's everyone's choice.. but still for newer people.. i think sometimes they can make... ummmm... "not so good choices" because they are so new...

(as an aside - i'm new-ish too ~ so i have nothin' against new people!)~


Funny, you don't look newish!

Thanks for the reply. That was my thinking without sounding selfish. My concern is for someone with little knowledge jumping in with both feet as that can lead to a bad case of drowning.

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to ragdoll)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:21:35 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		indeed it can, but unfortunatly there is little to do whit it, they will either fly or fall and if they fall and survive it, they will hopefully be wiser in the future.

(in reply to ehlovindom)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:26:48 PM   
ragdoll


Posts: 231
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ehlovindom
Funny, you don't look newish!

Thanks for the reply. That was my thinking without sounding selfish. My concern is for someone with little knowledge jumping in with both feet as that can lead to a bad case of drowning.


Aw, thanks, i think.
but yes.. i get concerned for such things too! though......... i very much agree with what nella said..

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

indeed it can, but unfortunatly there is little to do whit it, they will either fly or fall and if they fall and survive it, they will hopefully be wiser in the future.


(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:27:03 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		True there is nothing I can do about it. Unfortunately I have heard too many of these "mistakes" but then, if one is optimistic, the glass might be half full and it works out great!

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:36:10 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		Yes, one can hope. Unfortuantly it have a tendency that pepole in this lifestyle is a bit quik on the trigger when i comes to relationships, perhaps become many of us have gone our entire life whit wants we do not understand, and now finaly we can express them, for we have found this lifestyle, and we get inpatient, but like i said, there is little that can be done.

(in reply to ehlovindom)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 1:57:05 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ragdoll

quote:

ORIGINAL: ehlovindom
Funny, you don't look newish!

Thanks for the reply. That was my thinking without sounding selfish. My concern is for someone with little knowledge jumping in with both feet as that can lead to a bad case of drowning.


Aw, thanks, i think.
but yes.. i get concerned for such things too! though......... i very much agree with what nella said..

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

indeed it can, but unfortunatly there is little to do whit it, they will either fly or fall and if they fall and survive it, they will hopefully be wiser in the future.




Yup, I agree but I have seen more crash and burn.


_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to ragdoll)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 2:32:01 PM   
Raphael


Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		If it's the person I'm thinking of, she made a new profile but her old one was up a lot longer, and the guy she took the collar from she's known for several years. Not saying it IS the same person, but there's an alternative theory for you.

Anyhow, nothing to be gained by getting worked up over it.

(in reply to ehlovindom)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 3:11:40 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		Not sure if "sour grapes" is the best term for it but, yeah, seems like something like that.

Maybe your expectations were too high, so you set yourself up for a big disappointment? I do that sometimes, but that is how I learn.

Bob


(in reply to Raphael)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 3:23:55 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		YOU just started chatting with her there is many many more steps to go after that.
The other eprson could have been a fake, Could have been foolish enough to go after another even faster.
Could be that there were inconsistancys in her ad and it was "pulled"

Could be you read more into it then there was.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to ehlovindom)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 3:24:35 PM   
ivana


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		When i first read the OP i suddenly became terrified it was about me. i think there are at least one or two male Doms who could very easily have said the exact same thing in regards to what i've done as well.

i'm choosing to do it this way (almost exactly as you described except that it was a month and would have given you an explaination not a blank wall) for a couple of reasons. Ironically to me, the main one is for safety both physical and emotional. Even as i type this, i know how ignorant that must sound, but i honestly need to focus wholeheartedly on one person at at time while i learn what they're about. Liars and cheaters write great profiles too and i'm the first to admit i'm not good at judging character. Basically this "collar" is my way of saying i'm considering someone that i think i want to consider me, not "i have found the One."

It may seem fast but it really isn't jumping in with both feet, it's taking the time to test the water. i wouldn't have agreed to the arrangement without some at least basic compatibility information upfront, but i'm learning so very fast how broad a spectrum there is in D/s and how necessary it is to get down to the real details so that i don't get hurt physically or emotionally because i'm in over my head and admittedly need help finding my way.

Secondly, maybe i'm wrong (what do i know? i'm a newbie,) i like to think it's more respectful to take it one day at a time, one Dom at a time. There's just as much a chance that he won't be "the One" as there is that he will. But isn't my goal to find out? i just see myself at this point as a complete BDSM virgin and will take it as slow as i need to. Don't let me be one of those whose first experience sends them screaming for the hills, never to return. Please, not me.

It does seem red-flaggish and i totally understand how you might feel this way by this behaviour. i see it in myself but i understand my motivations and do not profess to understand anyone elses. Thank you for listening.

~ivana

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 3:45:57 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Granted, it was rude of her to not reply to your last email and at least politely let you know she was focusing on someone else. But you might as well get used to it, because it happens too often. Not every submissive is as well mannered as you would hope they would be. Is she moving too fast, probably, but that's her perrogative and her problem. Yes it does sound like a little bit of sour grapes, I can understand it and even sympathize. There have been times over the years I've felt the same and wanted to send off a nasty note or something (and few times that I actually have). Its not productive though, best thing you can do for yourself is go find someone who is interested in you and forget about this one, its not worth your time.

Ivana, little unasked for advice and I hope you don't mind. Its your choice to do what you will, but if you are really that new and learning I would suggest you stick to just making friends for now and commit to nothing until you have had time to get your bearings better. That's just some friendly advice, take it or leave it as you will.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to ehlovindom)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 3:54:26 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Ivana, little unasked for advice and I hope you don't mind. Its your choice to do what you will, but if you are really that new and learning I would suggest you stick to just making friends for now and commit to nothing until you have had time to get your bearings better. That's just some friendly advice, take it or leave it as you will.


I wholeheartedly agree with Padriag on this. And you might want to start with a few women friends who have been around a while and can help you out without alterior motives.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Things I don’t understand, part 1 - 8/14/2005 3:55:07 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Granted, it was rude of her to not reply to your last email and at least politely let you know she was focusing on someone else. But you might as well get used to it, because it happens too often. Not every submissive is as well mannered as you would hope they would be. Is she moving too fast, probably, but that's her perrogative and her problem. Yes it does sound like a little bit of sour grapes, I can understand it and even sympathize. There have been times over the years I've felt the same and wanted to send off a nasty note or something (and few times that I actually have). Its not productive though, best thing you can do for yourself is go find someone who is interested in you and forget about this one, its not worth your time.

Ivana, little unasked for advice and I hope you don't mind. Its your choice to do what you will, but if you are really that new and learning I would suggest you stick to just making friends for now and commit to nothing until you have had time to get your bearings better. That's just some friendly advice, take it or leave it as you will.


But the way she put it, isn't it pretty much the same thing as a vanilla woman who prefers not to "play the field" and date only one person at a time? There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people do that. In a vanilla situation, just because she is only dating one person does not mean she's his girlfriend or they have any agreement at all.

This is the net -- but if it were real life, it would be like guys knocking on her door or calling her since they "heard she was single" and she's gonna say no to them all until she finds out if she wants to look elsewhere. On collarme if she didn't state anything the emails would keep pouring in.

But, once again, I think it's some of the silly lifestyle protocol that makes things sound so much more dramatic and get people all up in arms. "under consideration for collar" or whatnot sounds so BDSM-y and official and people get emotional reactions to it which they would not if she just said in her journal, "I've started seeing someone and while I'm not committed to anything yet, I'd like to see where this goes. So for now I'm not entertaining any new offers."

No matter what she does, someone will take issue with it. If she loved to date the field and was "entertaining" three masters at once before committing to one of them (and she had the TIME for that!) someone would find out and post on here that "isn't it unfair a sub sees multiple masters at once!? I can't believe that!"

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 20
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