Is common courtesy gone? (Full Version)

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EclipseAbove -> Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 7:56:04 AM)

I've recently started searching on the "other side" and I can understand nearly all of the behavior that goes on over there.  I get that in general submissives are likely to be passive and need to be contacted first.  I get that some want the first contact to be vanilla and humane (no use of "on your knees", "bitch", "slut", etc.) and others want the exact opposite.  I even understand dumping messages without reading them when there are ten trillion messages in your in-box.  I even get not responding to messages from people who don't interest you because you have to type out a response - I understand lazy.

But what I just can't get my head around is why people don't click on one of those four auto-response buttons that type out a response for them and click the send button (the Thank You one is pretty good for politely saying "Don't ever contact me again").  Ok, I understand that it would take a whole three clicks to send a response (one for the auto-response, one to send the message and one to confirm).  But is that really too much?  Especially from a group of people who in general want to be respected, not have their limits trampled upon and want their submission to be seen as a precious gift (yes, I'm generalizing).

I guess what I really want to know is:  Has the basic common courtesy of responding to someone that makes an effort to contact another person been lost?  I really hope it hasn't and that there is some other dynamic going on here that provides a very reasonable explaination.  Thoughts?



IrishMist -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 8:00:18 AM)

quote:

I get that in general submissives are likely to be passive and need to be contacted first.

First off...why would you think that submissives are passive?

Almost ALL the submissives that I know; both in real life and just from seeing them on these boards; are anything but passive.

As to the rest of that first paragraph; if this is your true attitude towards WHY someone would not answer an email...then common courtesy should not be wasted on you.



angelikaJ -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 8:02:08 AM)

For me, the availability of the auto-response buttons is dependent on which browser I use.

If I use one browser they are there and if I use another they aren't.

( I almost always answer all of my emails personally even if it is to say thanks but no thanks.)

aJ



toservez -> RE: Is common courtsey gone? (12/4/2007 8:14:58 AM)

Do a search you will see this topic comes up on a near daily basis. It is not about common curtsey, which is 100% subjective; it is about what your expectations are. Also many men would do themselves a big service instead of just typing in a vacuum learn to not only recognize that the experience women on these sites is drastically different then their own. Realize EVERYONE online deals with things that the real world does not offer and to try to apply real world standards to cyber is more agenda based then anything else.

First no response is a response.

Second, on the other side my experience the most common scenario was when reply “thanks for writing but no thanks” was to get called names or the men using that as a starting point by wanting my reason so they could dismiss it.

Third and to me the most important if you are not getting many responses then look in the mirror. For me and I think most woman have a criteria for who they will respond to. For me any canned messages, one or two line wonders, people acting like this is a bar, and people who made little or no effort on their profile got no replies. Little or no effort on their part got little and no effort on my part.

What was especially a little thrill was not responding to people who wrote in the message, their profile or journal entries complaining about common curtsey. It was like they were daring me not to write them back.

My suggestions are to look inward if you are not getting the responses and stop worrying or getting frustrated over people that are not interested in you. Focus on the future person that hopefully was meant to be with you. They are not going to give a crap about your experience online with others and certainly any negativity from frustration or some belief you are owed something by strangers will repel others.




CdnExplorer -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 8:17:02 AM)

I'm certainly passive when it comes to sites like this. Being the chaser on this and "other dating sites" has never worked for me, maybe partly because of the nature of the medium. Any time I've been contacted first, or at least had someone indicate interest first, has always turned into at least a face to face meeting and a potential friend. Taking the lead in this has never lead anywhere (so to speak). It just isn't worth my effort.

Never mind that most of the dommes out there write their profiles for the stereotypical sub. The domme I'm playing with now had such a profile here, and based on that I never would have contacted her. Yet we met in the local scene and get along great! Her profile was all marketing, so to speak...trying to appeal to what "most" sub men want.

That said I always reply, unless the message is very clearly spam or some kind of scammer. Yes, I even reply to the ones that try to talk to me as if I'm less than human. Politely, believe it or not [:D]



childoftheshadow -> RE: Is common courtsey gone? (12/4/2007 8:21:25 AM)

I usually answer any emails I get, unless it's obvious they've not bothered to read any of my profile. There are also times that I don't have time to answer an email straight away and get another snotty one demanding to know why I didn't answer, I don't respond to those.



EclipseAbove -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 8:26:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
First off...why would you think that submissives are passive?

From a number of submissive profiles that stated "You must contact me first, I will never make the first move."
quote:


As to the rest of that first paragraph; if this is your true attitude towards WHY someone would not answer an email...then common courtesy should not be wasted on you.

Everything else except being lazy also came from either statements in profiles or forum postings.  I have seen several threads stating that messages that were in-role were inappropriate and an equal number stating the opposite.  As for the lazy part - I could see that as being a possible reason as I get lazy about things from time to time.  I think just about everyone does.  My point being that CM has made it about as easy as possible.

So if all of things that I think are understandable reasons are not really the reason, what is?  It shouldn't really matter to the topic, but all of my messages have been as if I were meeting someone in person, in public for the first time.  They are polite, honest and vanilla.



RCdc -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 8:34:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EclipseAbove

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
First off...why would you think that submissives are passive?

From a number of submissive profiles that stated "You must contact me first, I will never make the first move."



You call that passive?
I would suggest that was much more aggressive than anything else.  And demanding.  YMMV, however.
 
No response is a response.  Courteous isn't really relevant is it?  After all, you are asking for basically empathy from someone who does not know you.
 
the.dark.
(.editbecauseistillfuckupthequoteboxes.)



toservez -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 8:37:52 AM)

I checked your profile, another thing are you writing any submissive woman or only ones who state they are looking for a couple. I have to tell you just because a female is bisexual does not mean she would be interested in a couple.

Quite frankly if you are writing women who are not stating they are looking for a couple then it is quite disrespectful to them to ignore their desires and why should they owe you a response for being disrespectful.






EclipseAbove -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 9:04:45 AM)

My reason for starting the topic is purely from an academic/sociological perspective.  I've gotten responses (and rather nice ones at that) and I'm really not fishing for a "how do I get people to talk to me."  I just see this as possibly another example of human interaction becoming more impersonal (maybe that isn't the right word).  I've seen a change in how people treat each other (in all areas of life) in my lifetime.  I more wanted to start a discussion along those lines rather than how to contact the right people and say the right things.  It was my recent discovery of the auto-response buttons that got me interested.  When things are made overly easy and people still don't do it, I'm fascinated as to why.



toservez -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 9:29:36 AM)

Well to answer the direct question of auto response. The browser I use does not have that option and the few times I did use IE that had that option the choices were poor and the men really seemed to hate it and write back in a very negative way to a reply of that nature.

I probably replied back 75% of the people who wrote me and I typed each reply out even if they were clichéd filled that I could have copied and pasted. This and the replies that other women who post, whom most say they reply to most, when these threads come up are why I can be somewhat stern and question the people complaining because I am guessing most have been rude, inconsiderate or disrespectful before the women has even clicked on their message.



DesFIP -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 9:38:36 AM)

I deleted with no response three emails just today. One, I never remember there is an auto response button so that answers that. Two, femsubs don't need to search to find someone to talk to, we get enough mail as is without searching out more. Three; it wasn't passivity per se for me as it was that I was still in the just reading stage and also that I needed the dom to go out on the limb and risk rejection, if he was afraid of rejection he wasn't compatible with me. And fourth, most of the emails I've gotten lately don't merit any courtesy because they didn't use any when writing to me. I give back what I get.

I got two today that were one liners only interested in how far away I was. Not interested in being friends. And I don't know what would be the appropriate response to "hi". Possibly "bye"?



agirl -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 9:46:01 AM)

I answer the messages sent to me when, and if, I feel like it. It IS impersonal for me. No matter how easy it would be to reply to mails at times, sometimes clicking them open is about all I can be bothered to do.

In physical situations I don't behave that way, even if I feel like it.

agirl






laurell3 -> RE: Is common courtsey gone? (12/4/2007 10:00:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

Do a search you will see this topic comes up on a near daily basis. It is not about common curtsey, which is 100% subjective; it is about what your expectations are. Also many men would do themselves a big service instead of just typing in a vacuum learn to not only recognize that the experience women on these sites is drastically different then their own. Realize EVERYONE online deals with things that the real world does not offer and to try to apply real world standards to cyber is more agenda based then anything else.

First no response is a response.

Second, on the other side my experience the most common scenario was when reply “thanks for writing but no thanks” was to get called names or the men using that as a starting point by wanting my reason so they could dismiss it.

Third and to me the most important if you are not getting many responses then look in the mirror. For me and I think most woman have a criteria for who they will respond to. For me any canned messages, one or two line wonders, people acting like this is a bar, and people who made little or no effort on their profile got no replies. Little or no effort on their part got little and no effort on my part.

What was especially a little thrill was not responding to people who wrote in the message, their profile or journal entries complaining about common curtsey. It was like they were daring me not to write them back.

My suggestions are to look inward if you are not getting the responses and stop worrying or getting frustrated over people that are not interested in you. Focus on the future person that hopefully was meant to be with you. They are not going to give a crap about your experience online with others and certainly any negativity from frustration or some belief you are owed something by strangers will repel others.




Exactly.  I still try to respond to each email, however, even something simple as you live in china and I think the distance would be unworkable results in me getting harassed for not being "real", being a "shitty sub" or some other such nonsense.  Ironically, my profile indicates I am not looking at this time.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 10:01:05 AM)

Before you whine about what worthless bitches these cunts are, why not create two profiles, one with outrageous statements and a picture of the ugliest woman you can find and another one saying all the right things and pictures of some hot chick. 

Then spend the rest of your month slowly falling behind using the auto response button...THEN you can whine and bitch....



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 10:01:17 AM)

Yes, it's been lost now stop complaining, and posting the same done dead old horse every one else complains about every once a week or so lol. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: EclipseAbove

I guess what I really want to know is:  Has the basic common courtesy of responding to someone that makes an effort to contact another person been lost? Thoughts?



Jeffff -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 10:04:49 AM)

In the history of the world, there has never been a better time to hate people. Nor a better time to whine about them.


Jeff
Noted Historian



AquaticSub -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 11:24:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EclipseAbove

I guess what I really want to know is:  Has the basic common courtesy of responding to someone that makes an effort to contact another person been lost?  I really hope it hasn't and that there is some other dynamic going on here that provides a very reasonable explaination.  Thoughts?


The problem is that when you get abused enough times for providing the sort of thing that you are talking about, it simply becomes not worth the effort.

"Thanks for the message, but I'm not interested"
"Not interested, well I didn't like you anyway you fat worthless cow!"

Just not worth the effort.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 11:47:15 AM)

quote:

...Thoughts?

courtesy has never been common.  this slave was tought courtesy one on one---the TOS of a website is generally what this slave perceives as guidelines for courtesy when using said site.
 
this slave went about her ususal day and checked for responses to come in to her profile, when she was "looking", a week after posting it.
after receiving 50 responses on a particular site(not this one) she shut her profile down and sifted through the responses, numbered the top 10 and first responded back to number 1.
no response to the other 49, and a shutdown of the profile WAS a response.



RCdc -> RE: Is common courtesy gone? (12/4/2007 12:11:29 PM)

Jeffff
 
I know that you and Ron have this thing going on at the moment - but when your done - I think I am in love with your irony.[;)]
 
the.dark.



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