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finding that special someone - 8/14/2005 8:18:11 PM   
maleluvskink


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/23/2004
Status: offline 		Hi all,
Not sure if this belongs here or not, but here goes. I've been a member for a little while with little to no luck. My question is, how long did it take you to find that special someone? How many hurdles did you have to jump over? Please share your experiences.

As I read more and more profiles, it becomes apparent that a overwhelming majority (men, women, submissive, dominant all included) are playing some sort of game. I've given up all hope of finding that special, long term partner. Words of encouragement are welcome!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: finding that special someone - 8/18/2005 8:54:02 PM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		You are not the only one in that boat maleluvskink as we also find it and its harder when we live away from any big cities also we meet another slave who lives overseas and has found that being honest and telling people what his last misstress and master made him for their pleasure has ailianated him completly but we dont judge one from the behaviour of others who do not respect their positions of trust and controll so just hang in there and with the good people on collarme you will servive and develope as you wish to

(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: finding that special someone - 8/18/2005 9:17:11 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: maleluvskink

Hi all,
Not sure if this belongs here or not, but here goes. I've been a member for a little while with little to no luck. My question is, how long did it take you to find that special someone? How many hurdles did you have to jump over? Please share your experiences.

As I read more and more profiles, it becomes apparent that a overwhelming majority (men, women, submissive, dominant all included) are playing some sort of game. I've given up all hope of finding that special, long term partner. Words of encouragement are welcome!


What made you pick that nickname? It's your first impression. Do you want potential femdoms to read that as their first impression? Your profile seems fine, but so many subs have nicks that are job descriptions basically. I think subs that have a normal name that reflect as a hobby, or something unique, make a better first introduction. It aloso sort of suggest you are looking for "kink" and not "that special someone" (hint: don't change your nick to malelookin4luv, though)

Just my opinion.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: finding that special someone - 8/18/2005 9:20:25 PM   
greeneyedangel


Posts: 25
Joined: 8/12/2005
Status: offline 		Sometimes it does seem like there are a lot of players on here and i agree that i have run into a few myself. you just have to be very selective and don't settle for less than you want. and don't give up !!! as long as i breathe, i won't.

_____________________________

the green eyed angel


"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: finding that special someone - 8/18/2005 9:20:35 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Arg! I was typing out a reply and it just ... vanished ... dammit.

Anyway - we've been looking for 4 years, and only been partially successful. It doesn't matter where we find the boy - through a munch, through a friend, through any one of a number of websites that we've been on over the years - only rob has worked out. The rest all either turn out to be totally incompatable, show themselves to be complete asses, or simply vanish.

As you know, we are currently taking a break from looking - for many of the same reasons that you are discouraged ... but once I feel up to it again we'll be looking again, I just need a break from the disappointments.

Don't give up entirely - there is someone out there for you (maybe more than one someone?).

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: finding that special someone - 8/19/2005 4:21:52 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		Master and I found each other when we weren't looking We were online friends for almost a year before circumstances in my life changed and we began to get closer. I was a totally novice sub and He an experienced Master but with health problems. We also lived in different countries (Australia/New Zealand). However we've been living together for almost 19 months and are engaged to be married.

I'm bisexual and have been actively searching for female play partners since the beginning of this year. After numerous false starts I met a great lady a few weeks ago who is also interested in BDSM and has Topped me together with Master a couple of times now. I was getting so frustrated with no shows, people who would chat on msn once or twice and then disappear, or never appear to be online at all. However I am very happy now (and so is Master, who loves to see His sub pleased and smiling!)


(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: finding that special someone - 8/19/2005 4:27:19 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		My husband and I found each other through alt, we found our girl through collarme and I have found some wonderful male submissive through here as well. Yes, we have also found a large number of players, wannabes and fakes... my personal favorites are the ones within one hundred miles of us that delete their account immediately after we email them... But take heart, it can and does happen.

quote:

What made you pick that nickname? It's your first impression. Do you want potential femdoms to read that as their first impression? Your profile seems fine, but so many subs have nicks that are job descriptions basically. I think subs that have a normal name that reflect as a hobby, or something unique, make a better first introduction. It aloso sort of suggest you are looking for "kink" and not "that special someone" (hint: don't change your nick to malelookin4luv, though)


This is excellant advice... I wish all would follow it. I can honestly say that anytime I have be contacted by a submissive with a job/fantasy nic I have almost made up my mind before opening the email. I know, that isn't right and it's judgemental and all that, but I'm human too and those kind of nics just don't set well with me. Thank you for bringing it up AAkasha.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: finding that special someone - 8/19/2005 4:44:34 AM   
tuttalila


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/17/2005
From: Italy
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: maleluvskink
As I read more and more profiles, it becomes apparent that a overwhelming majority (men, women, submissive, dominant all included) are playing some sort of game. I've given up all hope of finding that special, long term partner. !


First of all, definitely don't give up!

I also think it might be a good idea for you to read the posts that interest you and reply, get involved in the discussions. Give your opinions, voice your questions... The profiles -- and nicknames -- aren't usually the most accurate way of "getting to know" someone.

Also, even though it seems that the others are playing games, stay true to what you are looking for and keep a good balance between on-line and the rest of your life. You never know when, or where, the person you are looking for will show up!

Good luck.

Lila

_____________________________

put out that lamp when thou wishest.
I shall know thy darkness and shall love it.

R.Tagore

(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: finding that special someone - 8/19/2005 7:10:09 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

As I read more and more profiles

I think sites like this give people the impression that shopping for "that special someone" is like going to the grocery store and finding potential mates stocked on the shelves. And then disappointment sets in when they find that the shelves are filled with not-so-special someones instead of what you're looking for.

If it were easy to find that special someone then she wouldn't be so special, would she? Fact is that being special is defined as being rare or unusual, so you shouldn't expect to find it by being on a website a while flipping through profiles. So sorry if these aren't the words of encouragement you were looking for, but I think what you really need is a solid dose of reality.

By the way -- if you want to find someone special then use a dignified picture instead of posing like a porn star. Even no pic would be better than the one you've got now.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 8/19/2005 7:14:42 AM >

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: finding that special someone - 8/19/2005 2:50:15 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I agree with Aakasha that your profile is ok( points for you to have taken the time to write somethng). I do find this a bit off putting, however:

quote:

After reading many forums and chatting with others, I’ve decided that this lifestyle might just give me more of a purpose in life. I am very interested in finding and pushing my boundaries. I’m pretty sure that lessons learned in the D/s world will positively influence my everyday life.


This in addition to your chosen identity gives Me the immediate impression of a boy who is dipping his toes in and trying something on for size. Nothing wrong with that, but you have been a member for less than a month and you are wondering why you haven't made the connection yet?
You say *reading* profiles is making it apparent that an overwhelming amount of people are playing games. Why? Are you writing to anyone? Are you creating an opportunity for any dialogue or are you waiting for your email box to fill up? I'm not trying to give you a hard time here, I am just trying toi point out that it takes a lot more of both time and effort, and maybe...just maybe...you will find that special someone. You also say that you would like a long term relationship with a D/s twist but it is not necessary. This can be quite confusing to many. Then we add your long list of interests, and a picture that is not the best choice.
Keep participating on the boards, and spend some time learning more about WIITWD, and I 'm sure you'll be fine. Patience!
Welcome.


*edited to add: Until you figure out who you are and what you want, it will be hard to find someone. It takes time. Some will help you along your journey, but most of the ball is in your court. It is always better if you can define yourself a bit better before you worry about getting into a relationship.


< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 8/19/2005 2:56:31 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: finding that special someone - 8/19/2005 3:01:55 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

how long did it take you to find that special someone?


You will get an answer from both ends of the spectrum with us. I (Merc) had been searching for over 20 years. beth's search began in January of 2003, we started emailing and chatting during late February, and we met March 1 2003. But to hear her tell it, she was searching all her life but just didn't know that what she desired had a name and a place to search before then.

On a positive note, we did find each other through an on-line ad. Not from this site, but a similar one. It can be done!

Here's hoping that your search works out as well as ours did. Good luck!!

(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: finding that special someone - 8/19/2005 3:13:34 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: maleluvskink

Hi all,
Not sure if this belongs here or not, but here goes. I've been a member for a little while with little to no luck. My question is, how long did it take you to find that special someone? How many hurdles did you have to jump over? Please share your experiences.


Libby was 40 and I was 49 when we first met, so I guess we were searching a long time, but I think it's significant HOW we met.

First, she wrote me (so much for the "subs must wait" school) On Feb 19,1992, I got an email saying "I think we share some interests in common."

Second, she didn't find me through an advertisement. We were both on a posting board and she was reading the board. A lot of the things I said resonated with her so it wasn't a jump based on a advert saying "I'm dom come and get it."

Eventually she told me her criteria for deciding to "get me" (long after we'd met not the incentive for the initial email.) "I made a list of everything I wanted in a man and everything I couldn't stand. I decided when I found a guy without everything in column b and one thing in column a, I'd grab him."

She did add, thank god, "you have a lot more than one thing from column a."

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: finding that special someone - 8/19/2005 4:48:11 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		I'm never actively searching for anyone. People are just drawn to me - some of them good fits, some of them not - and I'm not yet jaded enough to resist taking a chance on something that might work out.

Then again, I could count my number of relationships on one hand at this point in time. Two males, two females. The females were much less drama.

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: finding that special someone - 8/22/2005 10:09:00 PM   
maleluvskink


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/23/2004
Status: offline 		I thought this thread was dead. I guess I was wrong. Thanks collarme for not letting me know people were contributing! Thanks to those with words of encouragement & stories of similar situations. Some ventured off slightly off topic, sort of.

To those that have pointed out issues with the screenname. I see what your saying. There was no logic when I created it. It was a spur of the moment, "seemed like a good idea at the time" decision. There's a lot I could do to revamp my profile, some of which was done before I knew people contributed to my thread, some to come in the future.

(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: finding that special someone - 8/22/2005 10:46:55 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

By the way -- if you want to find someone special then use a dignified picture instead of posing like a porn star. Even no pic would be better than the one you've got now.
Yup, that is the first bad impression I got, followed by that catchy name. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: finding that special someone - 8/22/2005 11:43:23 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
The changes suggested are worth considering. You'd need to open a new account and deactivate the current one. You could still copy and paste from one profile to the next.

Give Your screen name at least as much attention as You'd pay in nameing Your pet.

<You find nice people in odd places.>

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/22/2005 11:44:41 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: finding that special someone - 8/23/2005 1:02:21 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		I think if you are looking too hard (not that being hard doesn't help..tee hee), you will never find your mate, or will settle for someone for the sake of being wanted. I suggest to enjoy the board and try to make as many friends as you can here. As you learn to grow in the lifestyle and your number of friends continue to grow...the odds become tilted in your favor.

Finding love is not a sprint, it's a marathon.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: finding that special someone - 8/23/2005 4:38:05 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I ended up finding someone offline. He was totally vanilla when I met him, but has learned to nurture the BDSM side of himself. I loved him as soon as I met him.
I suggest looking for someone offline, at your local munches or meetings. It's always easier to find someone close to you.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to maleluvskink)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: finding that special someone - 8/23/2005 9:26:24 PM   
Sirjazzalot1966


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		This site, like any singles site, has a lot of wannabes and players. However, there are also a lot of really fine people on here.

One thing I look for is someone who has a well-thought out, detailed profile. This shows me that the person is more serious in what they're seeking than someone who just writes a few lines.

You might also consider regularly adding to your journal. I have met several people who read through my journal, liked my thoughts, and e-mailed me.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 19
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