RE: Is BDSM about sex?

RE: Is BDSM about sex? (Full Version)

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RumpusParable -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 11:43:24 AM)
I'm of the mindset that it isn't inherently sexual but can be tremendously sexual. I get no sexual rush out of just being my everyday dominant self... it's just who I am. I also feel no sexual pleasure from being beat. Can I feel a sexual energy during these things with the right person under the right set of circumstances? Yes, but that's true of many situations and activities that aren't inherently sexual and that at other times I feel no arousal during.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 1:45:42 PM)
It varies for me, from extremely sexual to not at all. Mostly, not at all---Henry Kissinger might have been right about power being the ultimate aphrodisiac, but it's not the same kind of stimulation!

gorgeous1 -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 1:47:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey My husband and I were arguing about the subject today: Is BDSM about sex? He thinks BDSM is ultimately a sexual lifestyle, regardless of whether people who choose to pursue it actually HAVE sex (service submissives or chastity slaves, for instance, are aroused by things besides actual sex, but the act of their submission still has a sexual basis. . .or so he hypothesizes). I feel like BDSM is a lifestyle about the consciousness of power exchange in relationships, and may or may not be sexual in nature. What's your take? Is BDSM a lifestyle defined by sexual proclivities and activities? Sorry, gotta take your husband's side on this. For me, sex is the center of the Tootsie Pop.

MissSCD -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 1:55:07 PM)
*Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?* *Regards, MissSCD*

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 1:58:01 PM)
To me, BDSM is a lifestyle and sexual exploration. A combination of both. Z-

DesFIP -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 1:58:27 PM)
I think it starts out sexually for everyone. I don't think anyone's first fantasy is of ordering someone to pick up your dirty socks. Pick up the socks while cropping them for not being fast enough? Sure, because the crop part makes them hot. Can you become more interested in the d/s only and stop play because it's no longer necessary? Sure, but it doesn't start that way.

kittykat4play -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 2:06:52 PM)
of course a large part of BDSM is about sex, but i dont believe its about having intercourse. it also depends on what people consider sex, i for one think that BJ's are part of sex, petting, fingering, etc. Sex doesnt nessasarily have to equal intercourse. with BDSM, a large part of it is sexual, breast play, anal play, refusing to let one cum, to name a few.

IrishMist -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 2:56:11 PM)
quote: Is BDSM about sex? For myself; absolutly not. It's more about being given an outlet to release some stress...nothing sexual in it at all.

Tempny -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 3:07:44 PM)
NO lets go back in time when at the end of ww1 the fighting men came home and brought bondage back to the states. Then it was about dominance and submission only. In later years leather clothing was brought into it thus starting the old guard. Today it has taken many turns. Most of the young people would say yes as to them its a spanking and the to sex. To us old timers its binding the sub or slave and using it (her) as we want.

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 3:12:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tempny NO lets go back in time when at the end of ww1 the fighting men came home and brought bondage back to the states. Then it was about dominance and submission only. In later years leather clothing was brought into it thus starting the old guard. Today it has taken many turns. Most of the young people would say yes as to them its a spanking and the to sex. To us old timers its binding the sub or slave and using it (her) as we want. Isn't the "In the Old Guard history, opinions and MYTH'S played out??? :) Seriously, the first leather bars were about cruising! Men cruising for sex, Tops cruising for bottoms, bottoms crusing for tops. Check the history of the Gold Coast or even LA&M (located in Chicago but serving the world- do they still say that or am I telling my age)? Edited for content.

IrishMist -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 3:19:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissSCD *Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?* *Regards, MissSCD* Now see, perhaps it's because I don't look at the letters BDSM and see people; I look at it and see *actions.* To me, it's only about what someone does ; though I know that not everyone looks at it that way. So, there is nothing sexual in it for me at all. It's only about getting physically beaten; alot...it helps to relax me...but it's not sexual for me. The person beating me may turn me on; but what he's doing does not.

Sweet1Maybe4U -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 3:31:29 PM)
I think everything about life has to do with sex. Everything eventually revolves around sex. From the time we are born we deal with our sexuality. Blue is for boys~pink is for girls...I was flipping channels the other night about an old black and white movie and the main character said He'd give the little girl a quarter for a hug. We are programmed to give "sexually" for favor. That's the bottom line. Now Im NOT saying that was what we He was after. Im just saying the world revolves around our identity as male or female and what the other person wants from it. It was "ok" to exchange a hug for a quarter but then if she "marries a man for money" she's a gold digger. Sex makes the world go round. Almost all songs are about it. Thousands of books are about it. Most of the threads too. Even if a command from my Dom may not BE about sexual things it always in my mind heads that way. I think about Him and the task and since He is my sexual partner and I want to please Him, I think of sex. Maybe Im just programmed wrong. [:o]

Sweet1Maybe4U -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 3:45:44 PM)
The best way I can describe my take on it is "sex is a part of BDSM, BDSM is NOT a part of sex". Yes Jayxkes, I enjoy vanilla sex as much as "kink". I also understand that a scene may not involve sexual play but only be used as a release of inhibitions and a stretching of one's need for trust, etc. But for me, the bond that forms between two people through BDSM is more intimate than just a sexual encounter. Past lovers (Im talking vanilla) have never ever come close to the passion and committment that I feel with my Dominant. Is it because of the BDSM? I dont know. Is it because He just in a better lover than those in the past? I dont know...shrugs..How can I judge if its just better sex or better trust because of D/s? I really wish I knew. Maybe that is something to discuss with my Dom?..Hmmm..makes a note for later use with Sir.

solvr70 -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 4:05:01 PM)
in some ways yes. in some ways no as there are soooo many mental aspects to it. just my take.

wisteriaV -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 4:15:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 To me, BDSM is more about intimacy than sex, hence my personal relationships are founded on a D/s dynamic. Sex isn't what primarily gets my blood pumping or imagination firing - vanillas need not apply! Focus. Yep, what Sir said.

MissMagnolia -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 4:55:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissSCD *Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?* *Regards, MissSCD* Why do people assume that those who said that it isn't about sex must be lying? It may be extremely sexual for YOU. It is patently NOT sexual for many of the people posting in this thread. I have never had sex with any of my slaves. I do not get a sexual rush from training them. I have no sexual feelings towards them at all. I am a dominant personality, who uses my slaves for many things, not one of them sexually. They are happy. I am happy. Why is that so hard for people like you to understand? We are NOT all made the same way.

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 5:03:43 PM)
Sex is an integral part of play for me, but not a big factor in the D/s dynamic. I need to control a sub's mind and heart. Her body will follow. Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

MissSCD -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 5:04:56 PM)
*I never said they were lying. In General terms, what the heck? If you want to make bdsm sexual, then it is ok. If you do not wish to make bdsm sexual, that is fine.* *The entire point of my statement was that there is no absoulte in bdsm. We are trying to make too many labels and forgetting to enjoy it for what it is.* *Regards, MissSCD* quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia quote: ORIGINAL: MissSCD *Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?* *Regards, MissSCD* Why do people assume that those who said that it isn't about sex must be lying? It may be extremely sexual for YOU. It is patently NOT sexual for many of the people posting in this thread. I have never had sex with any of my slaves. I do not get a sexual rush from training them. I have no sexual feelings towards them at all. I am a dominant personality, who uses my slaves for many things, not one of them sexually. They are happy. I am happy. Why is that so hard for people like you to understand? We are NOT all made the same way.

PsyVamp -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 5:27:25 PM)
Yes. And no. And yes. For me, it depends on the dynamics of the relationship. I do not have sex with everyone that I relate to on a D/s level. I can play with people without involving sex, but they still have to be in some type of "relationship" with me as I am not a "casual" player. The relationship can be as easy as friendship. There are times, however, when playing is very sexual for me, this is reserved for those in an intimate relationship with me. Lady Jag

MistressDolly -> RE: Is BDSM about sex? (12/5/2007 5:31:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia quote: ORIGINAL: MissSCD *Even if we say it is not about sex, the truth of the matter, why do it if it were not for sex in some form or another?* *Regards, MissSCD* Why do people assume that those who said that it isn't about sex must be lying? It may be extremely sexual for YOU. It is patently NOT sexual for many of the people posting in this thread. I have never had sex with any of my slaves. I do not get a sexual rush from training them. I have no sexual feelings towards them at all. I am a dominant personality, who uses my slaves for many things, not one of them sexually. They are happy. I am happy. Why is that so hard for people like you to understand? We are NOT all made the same way. Absolutely.

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