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FemDom Friendship? - 12/5/2007 3:02:13 PM   
FutureDomFem


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/5/2007
Status: offline 		Hello All,

I am having a little trouble.

First off, I am new to this lifestyle.  I have always been a dom femme when it comes to relationships but it was never something that was agreed upon is was more something that just happened naturally and of course I loved it.

I am currently involved in dominate someone but in a purely platonic manner.  Has anyone ever done this before and been successful?  I am a highly sexual person and usually that is how I seal my domination over submissive men.  Ive used my sexual energies to gain control.   But being that this person is married, I cannot use my sexuality to control them.  This is frustrating me very much.  Has anyone been in this type of situation?  I'm truly left feeling very one dimensional because without my sexual side I am rendered powerless.

Has anyone ever had a successful one of these?  Is this even worth it?  Is this a dangerous thing?  His wife doesn't know about this.  Apparently she is aware of his submissive needs but doesn't fullfil them.

thank you,
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: FemDom Friendship? - 12/5/2007 3:07:53 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		A few quick questions.

How does one Dominate platonically?  Do you mean you just bully him around?

A married person who isn't in an open relationship makes for a very awkward partner.  If their need is great enough, perhaps a divorce is in order.  I wouldn't personally recommend following up with this fellow if his other half is in the dark, for one simple reason:  he's keeping his relationship and getting what he wants through deceit [or so it seems from the tone of your post].  Seems he has more control over the situation than he's letting on...could be just me.



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(in reply to FutureDomFem)
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RE: FemDom Friendship? - 12/5/2007 3:13:25 PM   
clodivs


Posts: 29
Joined: 7/29/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, a d/s dynamic is possible without sex, and I've seen it done.  I haven't been engaged in one myself, but don't give up on it.

A lot of people don't think of it, because so many people these days think that you can't have a relationship, especially a "kinky" one, without sex.  D/s is entirely possible without sex; you don't need the sex to 'seal' it.  Granted, because sex is connected to powerful emotions and mental buttons, it can be harder, especially initially, but, if you have a d/s dynamic that doesn't rely on sex, I think it's much more solid.

As for how to do it, just behave as you would normally, except without the sex.  If there's nothing to your relationships besides the sex, well, I can't really help you there, as I prefer to have more besides sex. :)

(in reply to FutureDomFem)
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RE: FemDom Friendship? - 12/5/2007 3:22:06 PM   
FutureDomFem


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/5/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you for responding...

I have thought of bringing up this topic to him...... But he seems to be very entranced in keeping his wife and finding someone to fullfill his needs outside of the marriage.  It is a weird set up.   It is very hard  to control him within the limits of his lie.

It is sketchy. 

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: FemDom Friendship? - 12/5/2007 3:45:54 PM   
Vanatru


Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		well, I don't NEED sex to dominate, and being dominant is part of my character (which is not necessarily "controlling" either). Domination through sex sounds like topping (and you don't really need sex to top either, though there is usually play involved). Not all men think with their dicks, so trying to "control" them in that way will be an act in futility anyways. Maybe you just happened across a line of weak men to this point? I don't know.

Try asking your question in Ask a Mistress and see if they have any answers for the controlling through sex thing, they might have better answers since they are women often dealing with submissive men. (personally, I don't think guys have as much luck with "controlling" through sex with women anyways, but that's a completely different discussion)

(in reply to FutureDomFem)
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RE: FemDom Friendship? - 12/5/2007 4:09:37 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		What are you getting out of this? Are any of your itches getting scratched? Are you enjoying it? 

If you can't think of anything you like from this deal, I don't think you're being served.


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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: FemDom Friendship? - 12/5/2007 4:40:44 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I do not have sexual intercourse with my submissives.  They might (okay, they DO) get sexual things done to them, but touching Me is off limits except for non-sexual affection.  I am up front with that, and so far, so good.

For me, having power exchange relationships is very satisfactory without sex.  BDSM play without sex is fantastic!  I do not employ tease and denial, or chastity play, mainly because that kind of thing bores me.  Is my sexuality controlling the relationship?  Maybe, but I don't think so. 

I know that I am a rare domme for feeling this way and acting this way---it's what works brilliantly for me.   You could use this as a chance to try new forms of domination.  Or you could find that you are just dissatisfied.  Married submissives are problematic at best, IMO, even when the relationship is open. I like my subs to be available when *I* want them, free of family encumbrances.

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RE: FemDom Friendship? - 12/5/2007 11:38:40 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Just because you don't have sex with him doesn't mean you can't use your sexuality to control him. However, if you're looking to take the sex out of it totally, then he gets a scene OF YOUR CHOICE (taking into account his limits) as a reward for good service. Be sure you're not 'selling' your scenes for service...but that they are clearly seen as rewards for his service. The difference is subtle.

As for what he can do, think of all the things you'd like to have done for you if you were to hire it done. Find out what he's good at or willing to tackle and hand him a list.

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to FutureDomFem)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: FemDom Friendship? - 12/7/2007 3:19:38 PM   
clodivs


Posts: 29
Joined: 7/29/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FutureDomFem

I have thought of bringing up this topic to him...... But he seems to be very entranced in keeping his wife and finding someone to fullfill his needs outside of the marriage.  It is a weird set up.   It is very hard  to control him within the limits of his lie.

It is sketchy. 


After reading this, I'm going to recommend telling him that he's going to have to find someone else to scratch his itch with.  This is sounding very much like a minefield you don't want to be in the middle of.

(in reply to FutureDomFem)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: FemDom Friendship? - 12/20/2007 3:49:02 PM   
erebus


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, one can do what you propose.  I don't know why you can't use your sexual energy outside of actual sex.

Or are you proposing to keep his clothes on?  And just what are you thinking of doing?  Are there whips and chains involved?  Or service? 

(in reply to FutureDomFem)
Profile   Post #: 10
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