RE: On being alone for a long time... (Full Version)

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NaiveTempest -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/6/2007 12:00:52 AM)

[quote]ORIGINAL: MzMia

I have been alone and single so long, that I wonder how I well I
will be able to "share" myself with someone else.
I am one of the busiest people I know, I have so many dreams, and so much to do.
My life will always be full, regardless of whether I am in a relationship or not.
Life is wonderful, but then I am also in love with ME.[:D]
At this point in my life I am not willing to "settle" to just be in a relationship, which means
it will take even longer to find the person that can step up to the plate.
You are responsible for your life, your choices and the quality of your experiences on
earth, make the most of your life.
p.s.- there seems to be NO shortage of people around that are willing to "play" with no committment, as a woman I am sure you can find many to play with, especially around here.
Good luck.
[/quote]

I totally agree with MzMia. I have so many other things to occupy me, to worry about that I don't often have time to notice the longing. It does catch up with me though so I try to make sure I have enough erotica and batteries to aid me till I'm ready to enter the relationship world again.



ShellyD -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/6/2007 5:03:21 AM)

I have been alone for long periods in my life, mainly because I don't need to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. It is important to me that I find the man who is right for me, and not just someone who fills a void. I have to admit that there are low moments when I think I should just grab the first man that comes along, but that would betray myself and my ideals. Mostly I don't think about being alone, it is only in the odd times, mainly in bed that I feel alone.

There are times I have thought that looking for a lifestyle partner limits me even more, but I keep returning to the idea that I must be true to myself first and foremost.

Saying all that, tonight, the night before my birthday, I feel lonely because I don't have a partner to share it with. Luckily I have family and friends that give me the love and support I need.



SlavesSoul -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/6/2007 5:44:27 AM)

  It can be difficult.

For me the answer is simply to focus on other areas of my life, my family, friends, and new projects for work (fund raisers).

     Start doing things for yourself that make you feel  strong and  healthy. Walk, do yoga, try doing something you've always thought about but never followed through on. I've been working on my writing (erotica). I have a few things out  on Literotica, and it's been a great confidence builder to hear all the positive feedback. So...follow your talent and don't worry about it.

    Then when you do meet someone special...you will have a strong, healthy and interesting "you" to offer.

K

 



Jeffff -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/6/2007 6:18:40 AM)

I am presently alone, but not lonely. I fill my time with music, books, posting here.
I would rather be alone, than invest time and energy in someone or something that is not going anywhere. All in all, I like my own company..:)

Jeff



AquaticSub -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/6/2007 6:42:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?


Same way any single person in any walk of life deals with it. Keep busy and have fun.



OldBastardly1 -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/6/2007 6:46:48 AM)

"It is far better to be alone, than it is to wish you were alone."



SirJohnMandevill -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/6/2007 7:19:02 AM)

Hmmmmm. Thought I replied but post hava-no.

I've spent the time since my former sub and I stopped seeing each other in a D/s setting preparing for my next D/s relationship. I'm trying to learn all I can from the fine folks on CM and elsewhere, as well as reading some of the literature. Yes, I do occasional have to, um, fly solo while wayching what I refer to as "training videos,"[:D], but even they have a purpose beyond immediate gratification because they provide new or different information on technique for my wickedly inventive mind to absorb for future use.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)



Dnomyar -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/6/2007 7:24:49 AM)

Take up music,hunting, fishing, bowling or other types of sports that help you release energy. Then keep posting on here and hope that you find someone compatiable to you. Until then make sure that you wash your hands after you are finished.



daddysliloneds -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/6/2007 1:54:43 PM)

yep.

evidentally i didn't deal with it very well because it started effecting my emotional and physical well being...

i knew i wasn't my usual grounded, tolerant, cheerful self...

the doctor said i was a walking time-bomb and something had to change, and soon.

so, i took an extremely active search to get my masochistic needs met first, which basically had this ripple down effect on the rest of my well being[:)]
quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?




Muttling -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/7/2007 3:04:52 AM)

I apologize for venting and all the woman who wish to punish me for doing so are welcome to contact me for available dates........(oh please, oh please, oh please).........




I know this feeling well.   I spent 14 year in a vanilla marriage.  She knew of my kink interest and played along for a while, but then the bedroom went completely into the grave.  It was really bad and really painful.  For the last 3 of ourChritmases and the last 3 of my birthdays I asked for the same present.........a date with my wife (not sex, just a date.)   I don't know what is worse, the fact that I had to ask or the fact that I didn't get a single date.

I've been alone for many years but I lived under the same roof (we slept in seperate bedrooms.)   I am now in hunt for a good woman, but I won't jump from frying pan to fire.   It is hard and I have no good answers for you, but I can say that you're not alone.



chya -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/7/2007 6:29:01 PM)

I want to thank everyone for all their honest and wonderful input and responses....

thank you again
chya



LadyChef -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/7/2007 7:06:38 PM)

I feel you Muttling! I have been single, celibate and waiting for the right partner who shares My interests for a long time. I know My slave is out there..."somewhere out there, beneath the ....ya'll know what song I'm talking about.



PsyVamp -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/7/2007 7:13:23 PM)

I do "alone" quite well.  I've got a full life between work, school, my house, animals and my UM's.  I also have friends so that I can have "grown up" time.  As wonderful as a partner can be, I would rather be alone than to settle for someone that is very wrong for me.  My friends help me with my dominant side, they indulge me.

LJ (Psy)



batshalom -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/7/2007 7:23:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?



Work on a Ph.D.

That way, masochistic needs, submissive needs, mind fucks AND control freak outlets get met.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/7/2007 7:36:48 PM)

Props to ALL of you in graduate school!  I have always wanted a doctorate, but I am holding off until I absolutely know what I want to write about. Two master's degrees are enough, anyway, right?  eeeeh hateschoolhateschool

In response....  I have lots of opportunities to play.  I have friends and family that I am very close to, and work and art to occupy me.  Until recently I was celibate by choice for years--it got to be a game with myself after awhile. :)  Since I have not been able to seek a time consuming new relationship for the last year (I was on Planet Caregiver) the time was useful for reflecting on where I have been, and what I am and am not interested in for the future.



juliaoceania -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/7/2007 7:42:09 PM)

I have went years at a time between men in my life. I was vanilla at the time, but needs to me encompass having a person that you enjoy in your life that meets some of your needs.

I went back to school and got a degree



PsyVamp -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/7/2007 8:26:09 PM)

I'm in school now too, finishing my BS in IT



KindLadyGrey -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/7/2007 9:16:32 PM)

Oh my am I going to sound like an arrogant bitch . . .

The answer to your question is simply: No. I have never faced those difficulties.

I don't know if it's because I am just that awesome, or if I'm just that determined, or if I'm a lot hotter than I think I am, or if it's because I'm poly and that gives me a natural advantage, but there has never been a period in my life where I could not find companionship if I desired it.

The fact that so many people are so desperately lonely, vanilla or D/s, shocks and saddens me. Perhaps it is because so many of them are looking for "the one" and that is not a problem I have to deal with. But then, I have a lot of poly friends who also find themselves lonely and unfulfilled, so it can't just be the poly. (Although honestly, I think being part of a kinky poly community really does help minimize the loneliness in times of desperation.)

None of this is to say that every person I desire automatically desires me in return. Not even close. I just don't tend to hang all my hopes and dreams on one person at a time, so I don't fixate like a lot of people do.

This thread makes me realize how strange I am in the dating world. I don't seem to have many of the same problems others do. I wonder why?



juliaoceania -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/7/2007 9:30:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

Oh my am I going to sound like an arrogant bitch . . .

The answer to your question is simply: No. I have never faced those difficulties.

I don't know if it's because I am just that awesome, or if I'm just that determined, or if I'm a lot hotter than I think I am, or if it's because I'm poly and that gives me a natural advantage, but there has never been a period in my life where I could not find companionship if I desired it.

The fact that so many people are so desperately lonely, vanilla or D/s, shocks and saddens me. Perhaps it is because so many of them are looking for "the one" and that is not a problem I have to deal with. But then, I have a lot of poly friends who also find themselves lonely and unfulfilled, so it can't just be the poly. (Although honestly, I think being part of a kinky poly community really does help minimize the loneliness in times of desperation.)

None of this is to say that every person I desire automatically desires me in return. Not even close. I just don't tend to hang all my hopes and dreams on one person at a time, so I don't fixate like a lot of people do.

This thread makes me realize how strange I am in the dating world. I don't seem to have many of the same problems others do. I wonder why?


I have never lacked for male attention, I am just rather picky about whom I get involved with... not many could qualify for my dom, being more intelligent, or at least as intelligent, as I am is a rather hard bar to pass... one should never make the leap that just because someone is alone that it is because no one is interested in them, because in my case that just wasn't so.

Some people have fetishes that make it hard to find someone compatible.. in fact there is not a bevy of men that are really into feeding me as a masochist... so finding a brilliant sadist that lives close enough for a relationship is rather hard... even though I found him rather quickly once I got serious in my search I can still empathize with those who have trouble



KindLadyGrey -> RE: On being alone for a long time... (12/7/2007 9:42:09 PM)


quote:

one should never make the leap that just because someone is alone that it is because no one is interested in them, because in my case that just wasn't so.


Whew. . .let me nip this in the butt right now before anyone else leaps on it. NOTHING in my reply to this thread was meant to imply that a person is alone because no one is interested in them, or that if they are picky then they should lower their standards!

On the contrary. I am very very picky about the people I get involved with. Intelligence and moral character are absolute musts, and if you think the former is hard to come by, try finding the latter!

So yeah, I am not implying that anyone would be less lonely if they just dropped their standards, or that I myself am rarely lacking for partners because I have none. Yikes!




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