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First Meeting - 8/15/2005 3:59:54 AM   
Dom4UA


Posts: 78
Joined: 8/12/2005
From: Alabama
Status: offline 		What is the protocol for meeting someone for the first time (interview)?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 5:10:33 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dom4UA

What is the protocol for meeting someone for the first time (interview)?


The protocol I use is to have the meeting in a public place like a coffee club etc. try to make sure the sub/slave you are meeting has made all the sensible precautions like having a security phone call and perhaps even a safety person nearby. And that he or she has let others know where they are and what they are doing. Theoretically that is their responsibility but I’d be happier if I knew that they had all the safety set up. Then keep it light and try to cover the basics like what you are after and what he/she is after so there are no misunderstandings. The worst-case scenario is that you have wasted an hour or so and if the coffee was good then anything else is a bonus. At the end of the meeting arrange to contact the person to set up the next round of meetings (again in a public venue and keep the meetings there until you both have more knowledge of each other). Others may not agree with me on this but it does help to ensure safety, which stands you in a better light if the sub/slave knows that you are concerned about his/her safety too.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Dom4UA)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 5:55:36 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear


The protocol I use is to have the meeting in a public place like a coffee club etc. try to make sure the sub/slave you are meeting has made all the sensible precautions like having a security phone call and perhaps even a safety person nearby. And that he or she has let others know where they are and what they are doing.


One of the things that I've noticed (in posts and in person), is that many Doms neglect to take the necessary precautions, regarding their own safety in meeting others. They take the time to tell their potential submissive(s) about safety and safe calls, but they themselves tell no one of their own whereabouts when meeting up with what really could be considered as a complete stranger.

Whether Dom/me or sub, the safety precautions, for meeting someone first time, should be held by "all" involved, IMO. Being a "Dom" doesn't preclude one from harm, or from meeting a potential psychopath or stalker, or even the mean intended and furious spouse.

In Detroit, we had a group that proposed and presented a draft of info on safe calls/first meetings. If anyone would like a copy of the guildelines suggested then, let me know, and I'll e-mail them.

K

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 6:04:09 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Good point. I tend to forget to point out the most obvious. Yep for any meeting with strangers lifestyle, business or for any other reason, there are people who know where I am and who I am with. They can be on the scene in moments if necessary. Just my personal safety precautions for many years.

I’d love a copy please. [email protected]


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 6:42:16 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Everyone has their own so take anything you read as ideas and suggestions, that's all they are.

As for my ideas and suggestions...
First meeting is generally at a resteraunt, coffee, lunch, dinner, something along those lines.
If she wants to use a safe call I don't object.
If she wants to bring a friend, I don't object.
If she starts asking for passports, SSNs, employer's work number, I object... we just met, lets not get too personal here. If that causes her to leave or refuse to meet, she wasn't for me anyway.
I don't do any form of play on the first meet, I keep it just a friendly meeting to see how things go in person. You can get along famously with someone online and not be able to stand them in person.
Always try to make a good first impression, both of you.
Mind your manners, expect her to mind hers
Be patient, this may be scary for her, give her a little latitude to adjust
If she's coming in out of town and staying more than a day, she stays at a hotel, not my home (I offer to pay for the hotel room, some prefer not to accept). No play for the first 24hrs, after that we go with what we both feel comfortable with.
Honesty really is the best policy, there's no sense lying about who you are, what you do, where you live, etc... if this goes anywhere its better you each like the other for who they are and save yourselves embarassing admissions later.




_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Dom4UA)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 6:46:49 AM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline
quote:

The protocol I use is to have the meeting in a public place like a coffee club etc. try to make sure the sub/slave you are meeting has made all the sensible precautions like having a security phone call and perhaps even a safety person nearby. And that he or she has let others know where they are and what they are doing. Theoretically that is their responsibility but I’d be happier if I knew that they had all the safety set up. Then keep it light and try to cover the basics like what you are after and what he/she is after so there are no misunderstandings. The worst-case scenario is that you have wasted an hour or so and if the coffee was good then anything else is a bonus. At the end of the meeting arrange to contact the person to set up the next round of meetings (again in a public venue and keep the meetings there until you both have more knowledge of each other). Others may not agree with me on this but it does help to ensure safety, which stands you in a better light if the sub/slave knows that you are concerned about his/her safety too.


Somtimes it seam Iron Bear you are the most sensible male Dom on the site. i can only offer my opinion, but two thumbs up for you.

As for first meetings, i would say try to talk casualy at first, aboute things that intrest you and dont try to get int the others panths at the first date.

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 9:53:07 AM   
ChereeAmoor


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		Just stepping in to offer a rousing applause for Iron Bear - hear, hear!!

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 10:26:17 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The same as it is when you were meeting vanillas for dates.

(in reply to Dom4UA)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 10:50:02 AM   
Dom4UA


Posts: 78
Joined: 8/12/2005
From: Alabama
Status: offline 		Yhanks for the advice,I'm just researching for right now!!!

(in reply to Dom4UA)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 12:45:26 PM   
Dom4UA


Posts: 78
Joined: 8/12/2005
From: Alabama
Status: offline 		Iron Bear,
Thanks for the information!!
Could you send me the URL for your home page?????

_____________________________

When opportunity knocks,don't knock the opportunity

(in reply to Dom4UA)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 2:46:08 PM   
MtPleasantsubAsh


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		when i first met one Dom..he picked me up from my house and took me straight to his...how uncomforable...how uneasy..it was really hard to speak up honestly and communicate when i was in his "keep" as he called it...anyway i agree with the above...just think people.

_____________________________

-Be still my heart!-
-I'm trying, Sir-
-I guess I'll have to tie you up then-
-Oh, no, please Sir..anything but that!-
*WEG*.....my ass.

(in reply to Dom4UA)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 4:23:58 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		i can understand how that must have been horrible uncofortable and akward MtPleasantsubAsh, and i dont think it is healty, in many cases to do that, to go home whit somone the first time you meet them.

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 7:24:10 PM   
synrgy33


Posts: 61
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		We all have horror stories of first meetings. I agree with what Iron Bear has said.. Think, and take care of you. Also what Topin Michigan said.. Dom/mes should take percation too. One of the funniest stories I've heard of where someone has met someone was my Sir, He was meeting a girl for the first time and she was so very uncomfortable with the situation so he said 'Fine, we'll meet on the police station steps I'll be there with coffee and donuts" and they did, and he said it was a great time.

I agree that no play should happen the first time. I admit I have not always followed that rule. Use code words... Also think about the long term too. I spent months talking to a man on a mirc chat channel, flew to Alabama to meet Him. Thankfully my folks know my kink and they were my safe call. We had a question set up in advance that if I asked, no one but they would know that something was wrong. It was a question that was very casual, but would trigger immedicate response for them. I also anytime meeting someone after the first time, for play or when I flew to meet people, I would set up regular times to call different people to let them know I was okay. Usually t he first day it was every 3 to 4 hours then outwards from there.

Percaution is a must, this is my life I play with... and theirs too.

Be respectful. I agree with what Padrig Sir said about a submissive asking for all this information for the first meeting. I do believe she has the right to ask for a legit phone # but all the rest isn't needed. Perhaps even the make/model and licence plate of a car... Even if it just for lunch. *laughs*

Oh ToppingMichigan Sir, I'd like that list too. Thanks

stephanie~SD~

and yeah Iron Bear Sir is a pretty smart cookie, if He's the same person I've known for years on mirc, then YUPS! He is!!!! He always makes you stop and go "Hmmmm"

_____________________________

"You have to get past the pleasure stage, until you reach the stage of tears.Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses." -:Allophones Karr:-

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 8:05:12 PM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: synrgy33

We all have horror stories of first meetings. I agree with what Iron Bear has said.. Think, and take care of you. Also what Topin Michigan said.. Dom/mes should take percation too.
<snip>

Oh ToppingMichigan Sir, I'd like that list too. Thanks

stephanie~SD~



Thanks for the first compliment on my words, but do you REALLY think these legs (pic at the left) are those of a man? Hmmmmm.

I'm a woman...100%...born that way, thank you.
K

(in reply to synrgy33)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 8:34:42 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		no protcol...no inihbitions..no expectations...no means no.

and yes, is worth waiting for.



_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 9:55:14 PM   
sultryvoice


Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline 		TopinMichigan,
Just in case you deleted my email I sent privately, I asked for the guidelines also..

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.


www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: First Meeting - 8/15/2005 10:11:48 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

What is the protocol for meeting someone for the first time (interview)?


This might help:

first meeting guidelines

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to Dom4UA)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: First Meeting - 8/16/2005 5:08:26 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: synrgy33

Be respectful. I agree with what Padrig Sir said about a submissive asking for all this information for the first meeting. I do believe she has the right to ask for a legit phone # but all the rest isn't needed. Perhaps even the make/model and licence plate of a car... Even if it just for lunch. *laughs*

I'm going to side track this thread a little to address something about meeting for lunch, this is mainly for the ladies.
Asking for make, model and license plate really won't do any good because they can always lie and honestly, are you going to go out into the parking lot and verify it? Probably not.
I would hope you have their phone number. Personally, I wouldn't meet someone I hadn't spoken on the phone with quite a few times, so that should already be taken care of. I don't recommend anyone go straight from online to a meeting without spending sometime talking to the person onthe phone.

That said, here's my advice to the ladies about meeting for lunch or dinner.

Regardless of what resteraunt you agree to meet at, always arrive first
Since you arrived first, go ahead and be seated, pick the table you want.
When he arrives, enjoy lunch.
When it comes time to leave, let him leave first... do not leave until he is gone.

Here's why you do that.

By arriving first you are taking control of the situation. You have the opportunity to park your car and enter the resteraunt without him seeing you. This prevents him from knowing what car you drive or the license plate. If he turns out to be a stalker you just made it a lot tougher on him.

By being seated first you can pick your table... ask for one along a main aisle and with a window view if possible. This prevents him from isolating you even in the resteraunt in an out of the way corner booth. Instead you're now surrounded by people and passing waiters (you also will have an easier time flagging a waiter down when needed... whether its for a refill on your drink, or to call the police for you). That view out the window will let you watch for his arrival... and what car he is driving. Now you don't need to ask for make and model, you can watch for it yourself.

During lunch, lets say he starts to give you the creeps, starts talking really weird stuff... what do you do. Sit tight if possible, be boring, and when you have finished eating, suggest its time to leave... You want him to leave first. It may not work that way and you may feel the need to get out of there right away. If he threatens you or tries to stop you from leaving, remember where you are... that table you picked in the middle of a resteraunt. You're surrounded by people... ask a waiter for help. Do not be afraid to make a scene. If you really need help getting out of there... break some dishes... and I mean pick them up and smash them! Odds are a manager will approach you and ask you to leave and escort you to the door... when he or she does... go with them. When they get you out of ear shot, THANK THEM. Before they can respond, quickly explain that your lunch date was a man you had just met and turned out to be a creep, he was threatening you, then ask the manager to please call the police. The surprised manager will most likely comply... he may even have already called the police. Once the police arrive, explain the situation and ask them would they keep your former date here while you leave, most cops will be happy to oblige.

Lets assume lunch goes reasonably well however... its now time to leave.

He leaves first. This means you again get to see what car he drives, he never gets to see what car you drive. This makes it very difficult for him to try and follow you home.

When you drive home, take the scenic route, especially if there was a disturbance at the resteraunt... this makes you harder to follow and gives you more of a chance to spot anyone following you.

While that method is not fool proof, I do recommend it. Why? Because its taken from covert ops training for the FBI and CIA... this is what spies, and undercover agents do in order to control a meeting. If it works for them, I think it will probably work for you.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to synrgy33)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: First Meeting - 8/16/2005 6:01:10 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		You reading my training manuals ehhhhh? This is exactly what I do and not only in the lifestyle, have used this technique for years as I was trained to do.. Yep the whole post makes one hell of a lot of sence .. Excelent work..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: First Meeting - 8/16/2005 9:51:28 AM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear


quote:

ORIGINAL: Dom4UA

What is the protocol for meeting someone for the first time (interview)?


The protocol I use is to have the meeting in a public place like a coffee club etc.


Stepping away from the safety aspect for a moment, when meeting someone the first time I always choose to meet for coffee instead of lunch or dinner. I don't really view the meetings as a "first date", and if it's not a match, either (or both) of us can exit gracefully at any time, and not have to struggle through an entire meal to make small talk without raising expectations.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 20
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