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Do you test your - 12/6/2007 3:50:46 AM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
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submissives or slaves? What I mean by test is the following:

Do you say something to your sub/slave to get their reaction or hear how they're feeling about a certain topic?

I'm not saying my Sir has done this mind you.... although I do wonder. We haven't had a discussion about Him playing with others for a long time and last night He brought it up again. Yes, it's something I knew He did prior to becoming His.
I reacted much differently than I did in the past (maybe I'm growing

) I approached the topic with subjectiveness and thoughtfullness. Instead of "reacting" with my feelings of "aren't I good enough for You?" or "are You getting bored with me?" I took me out of the equation. I know playing with others for Him is not about "replacing" me. He's always said it's not about replacement. Hmmmmm maybe I finally do trust Him and feel confident enough to be ok with another submissive pleasing my Sir.

girly

Post #: 1

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 5:37:48 AM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

Yes. Call testing or call it a mind-fuck. I do toy with them.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 5:43:01 AM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
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That to me is basic communication? Testing or feeling out a possibility might be mentioning something casually, or talking about it in intimate moments to get my reaction at that time. Depending on my response then it would be brought up later to be discussed.

But I don't think this was your question really, rather a revelation of dealing with a possibility with another person in a non-emotional manner, this is good! I'd continue the talks tho "maybe" doesn't mean yes. And until you feel "yes" then it won't be.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 5:44:37 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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agree with above, and sometimes, there isn't anything else to it than to spitball an idea, and see where the winds blow the gumwrappers and cigarette butts around inside the head.........

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Post #: 4

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 5:50:11 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

submissives or slaves? What I mean by test is the following:

Do you say something to your sub/slave to get their reaction or hear how they're feeling about a certain topic?

I'm not saying my Sir has done this mind you.... although I do wonder. We haven't had a discussion about Him playing with others for a long time and last night He brought it up again. Yes, it's something I knew He did prior to becoming His.
I reacted much differently than I did in the past (maybe I'm growing ) I approached the topic with subjectiveness and thoughtfullness. Instead of "reacting" with my feelings of "aren't I good enough for You?" or "are You getting bored with me?" I took me out of the equation. I know playing with others for Him is not about "replacing" me. He's always said it's not about replacement. Hmmmmm maybe I finally do trust Him and feel confident enough to be ok with another submissive pleasing my Sir.

girly

You are a better woman then I am.... I DON'T SHARE!!

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
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(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 7:26:28 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

submissives or slaves? What I mean by test is the following:

Do you say something to your sub/slave to get their reaction or hear how they're feeling about a certain topic?

speaking for both - answer would be "no" because we have constant communication about and/or any subject.

plus they know i detest silly mindfuck games.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 7:49:11 AM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

submissives or slaves? What I mean by test is the following:

Do you say something to your sub/slave to get their reaction or hear how they're feeling about a certain topic?

I do this well before someone becomes my sub. It helps me (us, really) determine compatiblity. Too many "wrong" answers (from my perspective) and clearly it's not gonna work.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 7:50:51 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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My Master/Daddy doesn't toy with me nor does He test me. I'm almost 100% positive He knows thats not necessary, not even remotely necessary. He is confident of my devotion and submission. For me "mind fucks" would be cruel and harmful. Besides...My Master/Daddy is a "builder upper"..... not a, "fuck with her and lets see what happens"....Thats just not His style...And I also had my share, your share, and your cousins share of "mind fucking" when I was growing up, don't really need any refresher courses.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 8:00:32 AM

Vanatru

Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline

No. Life's too short for BS. I save the mind fucks for when we play.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 8:17:30 AM

ryssa

Posts: 501
Joined: 8/20/2006
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So that's what a mindfuck is..hmm, well I know one Master that is an expert in that and his little mindfucks (as you call them) is one of the things that turned me off about him. With him it wasn't to test new grounds, he did it constantly to see if he could catch me in something.

< Message edited by ryssa -- 12/6/2007 8:20:31 AM >

(in reply to Vanatru)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 8:42:12 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He's more straight forward. If he wants to know how I feel on a subject he just asks. As far as someone testing me, that implies he isn't capable of teaching me to pass. I'm not interested in failing. If he wants me to do something then he spends whatever time it takes to help me succeed. But game playing? Too sophmoric for me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ryssa)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 9:01:25 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He's more straight forward. If he wants to know how I feel on a subject he just asks. As far as someone testing me, that implies he isn't capable of teaching me to pass. I'm not interested in failing. If he wants me to do something then he spends whatever time it takes to help me succeed. But game playing? Too sophmoric for me.

I agree with this. It is those types of games that I want eliminated in my relationship. For me living in an agreed upon power exchange relationship of significant scope is to do away with those silly games and letting people be direct and honest. One of the points of my serving is to free up my dominant from worrying what comes out of his mouth or actions he takes that I am somehow keeping score.

If my Master wants to know what I am thinking about something I really would hope he would respect me enough to ask directly and I am mature enough to respond rationally and respectfully.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 10:21:42 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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My Master will always present ideas to me and ask how I feel about them. In the past, however, I have wanted to want something so badly I convinced myself that I did. "Oh yes, Master, that would be hot!" Reality comes, and I think, "Oh Crap - what did I ask for???"

So yep, on occasion, he'll say, "Guess what I have planned for today..." and then tell me it's one of those hypotheticals, as though it is really happening. I'll respond in kind, thinking it is really happening. Then he'll tell me it's not really happening, but that was an interesting excercise.

I honestly do not see the big deal in it. I kind of like it. In fact, it's become kind of a game now, guessing if he's setting me up, or if I should really expect it. We have fun with it.

It doesn't remove direct and straight forward approaches - we talk about everything. It's just something he enjoys doing every rare once in awhile, and has sparked come cool conversations as a result, in fact.

(I'm really really hoping this sjambok thing is one of those games!!!)

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 10:23:28 AM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

agree with above, and sometimes, there isn't anything else to it than to spitball an idea, and see where the winds blow the gumwrappers and cigarette butts around inside the head.........

Ron

Where do you come up with these expressions Ron! You kill me.

I see a pattern... blow, butts, and head hmmm

girly

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 10:42:36 AM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

Thanks to those of you who posted comments. I always appreciate the thoughts of others.

Now, the term "mind fuck" strikes me as a negitive. Not to say that all who mind fuck are doing a bad thing it's not mine to judge... but I don't believe my Sir "mind fucks" me. And just for the record... sharing Him with others is a fine line for me. For example: He and I have been discussing the possibility of finding another sub to play with, and it's something I really want to do with Him. Then, there's the conversation we had last night. Without going into detail and boring you all... I'll just say I didn't see the conversation coming and it wasn't about the three of us playing.

I suppose what's changed for me is that I am 100% secure in my feelings for my Sir, and I'm 100% secure that He cares for me and would do nothing to hurt me. I'm thinkin this chat we had last night was to feel me out on my "current" feelings about our relationship and Him playing with others. What's really funny is that He use to allow me to play with others, but now He doesn't share. Ha! Go figure... but I guess that's why I'm the sub and He's my Sir.

girly

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 11:59:47 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My Master will always present ideas to me and ask how I feel about them. In the past, however, I have wanted to want something so badly I convinced myself that I did. "Oh yes, Master, that would be hot!" Reality comes, and I think, "Oh Crap - what did I ask for???"

So yep, on occasion, he'll say, "Guess what I have planned for today..." and then tell me it's one of those hypotheticals, as though it is really happening. I'll respond in kind, thinking it is really happening. Then he'll tell me it's not really happening, but that was an interesting excercise.

I honestly do not see the big deal in it. I kind of like it. In fact, it's become kind of a game now, guessing if he's setting me up, or if I should really expect it. We have fun with it.

It doesn't remove direct and straight forward approaches - we talk about everything. It's just something he enjoys doing every rare once in awhile, and has sparked come cool conversations as a result, in fact.

(I'm really really hoping this sjambok thing is one of those games!!!)

I do not think there is anything wrong with that either and sound like it would be very interesting.

The difference though between that and like an example the OP used though is that in your example the Dom has an idea, beginning and end with probably some variables depending on your actions. The OP example the Master is not being direct but is got an angle to the whole thing and is completely being dependant on how she reacts and for me only that is not open communication as much as it is part pressure and part cloudy communication.

How we communicate something can be a big deal and in particular how one reacts to such communication. A person going to another and going “hey, do you want to go out to lunch?” is open to multiple things while if they said “I forgot my lunch and got a ride in do you want to go out to lunch?” has squarely one answer they truly want to hear. One presents little pressure to answer one way the other has great pressure.

I think it is perfectly fine for a dominant to bring up things like a limit but I think the bigger the things the more classy and mature way is to do it in a way where there is no pressure to answer one way.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 12:14:06 PM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

Mindfucks can be fun, at least for me & mine. But then, we don't take life too seriously. We remember to have fun, laugh & smile. Some people have described us as not having a stick up our asses. LOL. However, I would not mindfuck about a serious issue in our lives.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 1:48:15 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

My form of testing deals with the development of the relationship. I state what I want...then I wait. The depth of the relationship is determined by how well and/or how much they meet these things.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 18

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 2:37:41 PM

tulitukka

Posts: 95
Joined: 10/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I agree with this. It is those types of games that I want eliminated in my relationship. For me living in an agreed upon power exchange relationship of significant scope is to do away with those silly games and letting people be direct and honest. One of the points of my serving is to free up my dominant from worrying what comes out of his mouth or actions he takes that I am somehow keeping score.

If my Master wants to know what I am thinking about something I really would hope he would respect me enough to ask directly and I am mature enough to respond rationally and respectfully.

That is so well put. One of the reasons I'm in a D/s relationship is exactly that. Though, I'm on the other hand of the power exchange. It allows me to talk freely on subjects and inquire into the mind of my girl.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 19

RE: Do you test your - 12/6/2007 2:49:12 PM

Vanatru

Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline

mind fucks can be fun in play, like tied up and blindfolded make the partner think you're about to do something dangerous, but use something safe. Like say you're going to do some knife play and they have to hold really still cause the knife is really sharp, then use like the back of a butter knife and press hard against the skin. You can't do it a whole lot or the same thing, but it can be fun, especially when you hear their breath speeding up etc. *evil grin*

(in reply to tulitukka)

Post #: 20

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