RE: Do you test your

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breatheasone -> RE: Do you test your (12/6/2007 3:30:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie My Master will always present ideas to me and ask how I feel about them. In the past, however, I have wanted to want something so badly I convinced myself that I did. "Oh yes, Master, that would be hot!" Reality comes, and I think, "Oh Crap - what did I ask for???" So yep, on occasion, he'll say, "Guess what I have planned for today..." and then tell me it's one of those hypotheticals, as though it is really happening. I'll respond in kind, thinking it is really happening. Then he'll tell me it's not really happening, but that was an interesting excercise. I honestly do not see the big deal in it. I kind of like it. In fact, it's become kind of a game now, guessing if he's setting me up, or if I should really expect it. We have fun with it. It doesn't remove direct and straight forward approaches - we talk about everything. It's just something he enjoys doing every rare once in awhile, and has sparked come cool conversations as a result, in fact. (I'm really really hoping this sjambok thing is one of those games!!!) What I put in bold font is something that would wear me down. and hurt me. Thats just how I personally would respond to that kind of treatment. Perhaps it would even bring up some trust issues. Actually I'm certain it would. This is what I think is so cool about learning what is out there and how other people interact. You get a nice variety. And get to find out other peoples perspectives.

slaveluci -> RE: Do you test your (12/7/2007 5:09:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone And I also had my share, your share, and your cousins share of "mind fucking" when I was growing up, don't really need any refresher courses. [:D]. Love how you put that, Candy. True, how true.............luci

RumpusParable -> RE: Do you test your (12/7/2007 7:39:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: girlygurl submissives or slaves? What I mean by test is the following: Do you say something to your sub/slave to get their reaction or hear how they're feeling about a certain topic? I have to agree with the others who said that this just sounds like communication... Perhaps I'm not understanding fully the example you gave? Was he not really interested in playing with others and only brought it up to jerk you around? Because if he does really still have an interest in others, then it only makes sense that he would bring it up to see what your reaction or response was. How else can one know their partner's feelings when they are wondering? Sometimes you just have to throw things out there to find out where your partner is on it or if their opinion has changed. Otherwise, you're left wondering and guessing... Better to just bring it up, I think.

Raechard -> RE: Do you test your (12/7/2007 2:06:10 PM)
As human beings we test one another all the time and most of the time they fail our tests. I think they call this having expectations with regard to something or someone. I’ve learnt not to test people until they are ready for the test; so in summary I never test people.

DiamondJim -> RE: Do you test your (12/7/2007 2:34:35 PM)
girly, I have read a number of your threads here and I feel for you. He says He is now looking for another with whom to play. You were enough for him for a few months, but now He seeks again. I read a thread from awhile back about His telling you that He didn't want to collar you. I got from that one that Yyou are both married and playing around with each other. Then a few months ago, you started a thread about His troublemaking ex-slave whom He had released in favor of you. What do you think that He told her about playing with you? If He was willing to replace her in favor of you, what makes you think that He won't ever wish to replace you with the next one. Or the one after that. Or the one, well you get the picture. Do you simply take His word that isn't what His intentions are? And we all know what the road to Hell is paved with. This doesn't seem much like a test of you, more like He's now informing you of His decision to seek pleasure from others, and you should take it as such. When someone tells you that he/she is wanting to play with others, this generally means that they have already found another and is just letting you know. If I were you, I would act accordingly. And I would certainly not trust Him that He will always want you in His life. Just a friendly word of advice from an old hand at these sorts of things. Jim

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Do you test your (12/7/2007 2:48:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vanatru mind fucks can be fun in play, like tied up and blindfolded make the partner think you're about to do something dangerous, but use something safe. Like say you're going to do some knife play and they have to hold really still cause the knife is really sharp, then use like the back of a butter knife and press hard against the skin. You can't do it a whole lot or the same thing, but it can be fun, especially when you hear their breath speeding up etc. evil grin I agree with Vanatru says here. mindfuck at time is part of the play but testing? I left that when I graduated from college (I think) Z-

Argentopal -> RE: Do you test your (12/7/2007 3:03:03 PM)
To me this sounds like what some people, at least some 'nillas, call 'testing and idea' or 'sounding you out' on a subject. To me, if it is done as a way of tricking you into something, it is a good method of communicating. Other wise how will you either of you know when things change. Someone asking "what would you think about painting this room purple" and their partner answering that they would not like purple, but a nice deep blue would be nice seems like a legit way to start a talk about painting or maybe even remodeling. It sort of depends on context and the peole involved. I ahve known someone who would say "This car is getting pretty old now, it might be about time to think about looking for a new one" to which their partner might casually respond with a "yeah, that new Mini-Cooper looks hot" while in reality thinking that when the time came for a new car they would actually discuss it and go together to pick it out. Sure enough in a week or two there is a new car in the driveway and he says "But I told you it was time and you agreed." Thats just sneaky and underhanded and manipulative. Using a question or even a hypothetical situation to open a new discussion seems like a good way to do it. Again, context and who is involved. imho, ymmv, opal

girlygurl -> RE: Do you test your (12/7/2007 3:04:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RumpusParable I have to agree with the others who said that this just sounds like communication... Perhaps I'm not understanding fully the example you gave? Was he not really interested in playing with others and only brought it up to jerk you around? Because if he does really still have an interest in others, then it only makes sense that he would bring it up to see what your reaction or response was. How else can one know their partner's feelings when they are wondering? Sometimes you just have to throw things out there to find out where your partner is on it or if their opinion has changed. Otherwise, you're left wondering and guessing... Better to just bring it up, I think. RumpusParable~ Thank you for your thoughts. You got me thinking, and no, I don't believe He's jerking me around. Therefore, I believe my first impression of the conversation was incorrect. He will eventually play with others and I hope that I will be included in that playtime [:D] girly

Cuffkinks -> RE: Do you test your (12/7/2007 3:10:30 PM)
Many have been using the term "mindfuck" as part of their answer to a question about testing a sub/slave. In My opinion, there is a difference between the two. A "mindfuck" can be something that has positive or negative results, depending on the circumstances involved. True, the same can be said for a "test." But the "mindfuck" for Me, is a form of play. I occasionally use the mindfuck in play, as others have mentioned here. It can create some very interesting moments, but it should be used with caution. As for testing. Again...My opinion...One has to test. Especially in the beginning. You have to see if there is compatability. Time is too precious to waste. I'm sure subs/slaves probably have their own little tests too. There is a method used when picking out a puppy to adopt: Put the puppy on it's back and gently hold it there. If the puppy wiggles around and struggles to get free, it's likely to be a fairly aggressive dog. (Not saying vicious.) Any way...If the puppy relaxes on it's back, it's likely to be a more passive dog. Speaking for Myself, as a Dominant I test a sub in a similar fashion in the beginning of a relationship. (No, not puppy play.) I mean, I test to get a feel for their behavior to see if there is compatability. My little girl is still tested on occasion, but it's rare. After almost two years she has more than proven herself to Me, so the need for testing has decreased. I do it sometimes just to amuse Myself. Amusing Me is one of the things My sub is for, and I get a kick out of the fact that she usually has no idea that it's happening. So there's My .02 cents worth.

MissAnthropic -> RE: Do you test your (12/8/2007 1:14:33 AM)
Personally I am anti playing psychological mindgames with anyone. I am not an animal, I am a human being and I expect to be treated as such. In some cases mind fucks can be dangerous and can really hurt the people involved. I think to expect to be treated well by your sub, you must first lead by example. In my humble opinion, these sorts of mindgames have a bad habit of backfiring. It often leads me to question if this person IS right for me, because they lack a display in trust, open and honest communication and commitment. I would question the Dom's dominence, that if the man simply appears to not be able to keep his dick in his pants isnt in my opinion a great demonstration of control. If he can't control himself, he doesnt have a snowballs chance in hell of controlling me. cheers jess

TysGalilah -> RE: Do you test your (12/8/2007 4:53:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone My Master/Daddy doesn't toy with me nor does He test me. I'm almost 100% positive He knows thats not necessary, not even remotely necessary. He is confident of my devotion and submission. For me "mind fucks" would be cruel and harmful. Besides...My Master/Daddy is a "builder upper"..... not a, "fuck with her and lets see what happens"....Thats just not His style...And I also had my share, your share, and your cousins share of "mind fucking" when I was growing up, don't really need any refresher courses. I can relate to the "buider upper" comment.. Tyson is not interested in breaking down or emotional degradation. We are compatible is that, thanks goodness. imo a mind fuck doesn't have to be negative, degrading, testing or harmful emotionally. It can be used also to heighten senses and awareness, emotionally and physically build sensual and sexual tension pre-set a scenario or a mindset, hours or sometimes days before playing. perk ones imagination in a darker sense of kink.. which is how Tyson uses them. sometimes it does allow me to feel the level of trust I have in him, but I don't feel "tested" . and sometimes it can probably serve as a way of him experiencing my complete surrender to his control, but I don't think he would say that it is testing my submission. just another way of looking at it : ) and opinion. Cyndi

wisteriaV -> RE: Do you test your (12/8/2007 5:34:00 AM)
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julietsierra -> RE: Do you test your (12/8/2007 6:05:55 AM)
I don't think he does this to "test" me per se. He knows me. He knows me well. However, he does play with my mind - not because he's testing me, but simply because it's fun to him. Watching me struggle, repress, then realize I'm repressing and take ownership of my thoughts and feelings, learn how to express them in each new situation in a new way, mull it over, look at it from all sorts of different sides until I understand what he's saying and reach a point of acceptance or rejection of his decisions (very rarely rejection), and finally reach the place where I internalize the changes that are healthy for me... is just plain fun to him. And this is a "scene" we can do all day, every day, regardless where we are, what we're doing or even if we're together or not. And yes, even when I am suffering through the beginnings of this process, I love each and every bit of the process. I love how it makes me think. I love how it makes me feel. And most of all, I love how the end result brings us together even closer than we were before he started. Oh yea... and along the way, I've learned to never agree wholeheartedly to do something before I have really examined those desires. Getting caught up in the moment for me can be real painful in the long run.. juliet

Vanatru -> RE: Do you test your (12/8/2007 6:26:05 AM)
Testing falls under 2 areas mainly. 1) lack of trust, so the person thinks of ways to force the other person to show they can be trusted, and 2) test the person to see if they fit some internal list of qualifications to prove they are real as a shortcut to getting to know them. Players that are savvy to testing know how to work the deal so the person believes they are real and lower their defenses (I've seen this happen and it's not pretty). Those that keep testing will eventually find something that doesn't fit their internal list of perfection and/or they finally piss off the one being tested usually. There are no shortcuts in developing trust in a relationship of any kind, and only time will tell (through actions) if the person is sincere or not. Usually I find those that aren't good matches reveal such things rather quickly anyways when they feel it's ok to share who they are, so testing isn't really necessary to determine fit. And when being tested, people get on the defensive, so they are actually less likely to reveal themselves.

LoveMyAussiePet -> RE: Do you test your (12/8/2007 11:57:02 AM)
To me what the OP posted has nothing to do with a "mindfuck" I guess it could be interpreted in that manner depending how you wanted to take a look at it, and depending upon how the question(s) were posed and what came of the conversation after. For example, If I asked my pet to give me her opinion on a matter and then turned around and berated her for thinking that way...that would be fucking with her and disrespectful to our relationship. On the whole, however, I believe it is just a matter of simple communication. I will oft ask my pet what she thinks about something or ask her for her input on a topic. It has nothing to do with "toying" with her or playing a game. I simply want her to give me an opinion and maybe have a conversation about something. My pet is very intelligent and I love having intelligent discourse with her. I also enjoy discussing our relationship (we are just beginning to delve into the lifestyle together) and improving it. Theres nothing "mindfuck" about it.

NorthernGent -> RE: Do you test your (12/9/2007 12:09:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: girlygurl Do you say something to your sub/slave to get their reaction or hear how they're feeling about a certain topic? If you want to get to know a person - dreams, aspirations, fears etc - then asking is a good place to start. You're not going to get to the core of that person from the off, mind you, but a spot of probing will do the trick.

magicone -> RE: Do you test your (12/9/2007 12:52:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: girlygurl girly You are a better woman then I am.... I DON'T SHARE!! being honest i don't get your expression You are a better woman?? why better? for me there is no better or more worse... it is like it is more the fact - either it is the right One or it isn't... we still hold on consensual...

LadyPact -> RE: Do you test your (12/10/2007 8:33:22 AM)
I'm a bad example in this. For starters, My sub knew from the beginning that I would still play with others. In fact, it was his suggestion and acceptance of this that was a part of him becoming My own. Even when W/we discussed the subject the first time, his unhesitated response was that he expected it, because he knows that casual Top/bottom play makes Me happy, and he knows it pleases Me. As for testing in general, no, I don't. Life presents it's own opportunities for Me to see how strong or weak O/our dynamic is. There aren't tests or scenerios that I have to orchastrate to have an understanding of what is in front of Me. More often than not, it is those little curve balls in life that I could have never expected, that have given him the best chances to prove himself.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Do you test your (12/10/2007 12:21:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: girlygurl submissives or slaves? What I mean by test is the following: Do you say something to your sub/slave to get their reaction or hear how they're feeling about a certain topic? I'm not saying my Sir has done this mind you.... although I do wonder. We haven't had a discussion about Him playing with others for a long time and last night He brought it up again. Yes, it's something I knew He did prior to becoming His. I reacted much differently than I did in the past (maybe I'm growing [8D]) I approached the topic with subjectiveness and thoughtfullness. Instead of "reacting" with my feelings of "aren't I good enough for You?" or "are You getting bored with me?" I took me out of the equation. I know playing with others for Him is not about "replacing" me. He's always said it's not about replacement. Hmmmmm maybe I finally do trust Him and feel confident enough to be ok with another submissive pleasing my Sir. girly I don't see this as testing as much as I see it as communication. I also see it as him checking in to see whether or not the "seed of an idea" that he planted awhile ago has sprouted or if it is not growing because the "soil" is not amenable to the "seed". That is not testing, per se...it is back and forth discussion of a subject.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Do you test your (12/10/2007 1:20:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie My Master will always present ideas to me and ask how I feel about them. In the past, however, I have wanted to want something so badly I convinced myself that I did. "Oh yes, Master, that would be hot!" Reality comes, and I think, "Oh Crap - what did I ask for???" So yep, on occasion, he'll say, "Guess what I have planned for today..." and then tell me it's one of those hypotheticals, as though it is really happening. I'll respond in kind, thinking it is really happening. Then he'll tell me it's not really happening, but that was an interesting excercise. I honestly do not see the big deal in it. I kind of like it. In fact, it's become kind of a game now, guessing if he's setting me up, or if I should really expect it. We have fun with it. It doesn't remove direct and straight forward approaches - we talk about everything. It's just something he enjoys doing every rare once in awhile, and has sparked come cool conversations as a result, in fact. (I'm really really hoping this sjambok thing is one of those games!!!) What I put in bold font is something that would wear me down. and hurt me. Thats just how I personally would respond to that kind of treatment. Perhaps it would even bring up some trust issues. Actually I'm certain it would. This is what I think is so cool about learning what is out there and how other people interact. You get a nice variety. And get to find out other peoples perspectives. I am interested in how it would hurt you, as I had never considered that. For me, I have become keenly aware that he is capable of doing all those things, but that he only does what I am capable of handling. He presents such scenarios to learn my gut reaction to them, since in the past I had a tendency to want to do something for him badly enough that I convinced myself, and him, I was ready for it...when I was not. That, of course, created his own trust issues with me. I have seen other girls do this with him as well. Other times, he presents an outrageous idea as a reality because the concept of it might make us both really hot, but the reality of it is unrealistic. Like his idea of loaning me to a men's homeless shelter and giving them all a charity fuck...heh. He won't do that, but he loves my reaction when he threatens me with it, and I love his reaction to my reaction!

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