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RE: Can a submissive really be counted on to uphold res... - 12/7/2007 5:55:37 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		That's one of the big problems with hypotheticals, there are always so many variables to consider.  In fact, in the scenario provided for this discussion, i didn't see that the Master had given His permission.  That's another variable to consider.  But, either way, i see it as ultimately being the responsibility of the person saying that they will be there to help and then bailing, for whatever reason.  The slave was irresponsible to make a commitment, without getting the approval of the Master, first.  In fact, if the slave was volunteering both of them to be there, without speaking to the Master first, that was not only irresponsible but, inconsiderate, as well.  i don't volunteer anybody, without speaking to them first.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

You rock- my main question is, say a sub says "Yes, I'll definitely come Saturday to volunteer at your event."

The sub doesn't show up.

She calls the next day and says "Sorry, my master didn't feel up to going and decided I needed to stay home."

Were you wrong to expect her to come in the first place, knowing she had a master who could/would do such a thing?  Or is the sub just an untrustworthy person except to her master?

Quite honestly; I would not place blame on the submissive; I would place it on the Master.

Submissive asks permission to come to the event and volunteer; Master gives permission; Submissives says yes, I'll be there. Master changes his mind because he suddenly does not want to go; Submissive does not go.

Of course, my answer could change with a bit more information...Did the Master tell the submissive to go without him? Or did he say WE are not going? If the first; then I would expect the submissive to show up. The second; then no.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Can a submissive really be counted on to uphold res... - 12/7/2007 6:08:53 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		/nods

Like you said, there are just too many variables that are unstated that could swing my answer in either direction. We do disagree though lol, on the ultimate outcome.

I'll use myself as an example. Someone asks me to help them with something; I ask permission to do this; permission is given. Then, permission is taken away. I don't help with whatever I was going to help with because quite simply, permission was denied. Now, on one hand...I did say I was going to help, so I would be feeling massive amounts of guilt for backing out; but it would not sway MY decision...I would not be helping. Notice I said my decision because ultimatly, I could defy and help anyway.

Now, if I was looking at this from another perspective. I asked someone else for help; they received permission and agreed to help. At the last minute, permission was denied. I would not blame the submissive...heck, I am not even sure that blame is the right word to use...either way, I would accept the fact that they did not show up because permission was retracted.

Like LA said; it kind of comes with the territory.

LOL...everyone looks at things differently.

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(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Can a submissive really be counted on to uphold res... - 12/7/2007 8:01:57 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwiztdErotic

I suppose that would depend on the wiring of said submissive. Some thrive under the structure a dom gives them and find their happiness through upholding responsibilities and performing as required. Others thrive on the attention. If a dominant comes to the rescue every time a submissive feigns helpless then that submissive may not be compelled to meet her responsibilities. Of course, there's many things that drive a person. In the end, I believe, it would come down to that particular submissive's internal wiring and the dominant on the other side of the leash.
 I absolutely fall into the bolded part, I thrive and I am happiest when I succeed through using the structure given to me by my dom. I count myself as very lucky to have found someone who not only understands that but thrives on the other end of it all. I make him happy by following his structure and doing well within it.  So I can answer 'yes' this submissive really can be counted on to follow through on responsibilities because to do otherwise is to go against both what he wants, and what I need. Failing feels so very awful to me, it is so awful that I will do just about anything to avoid it.But I will and do fail if I don't have the structure behind me, I get utterly lost in what needs to be done and when. I often have difficulties understanding outside priorities which makes me even more grateful that R sets my boundaries. As an aside I am missing him right now. He left yesterday and I am having a lot of difficulty adjusting to being on my own again. It.. kinda feels like I'm crashing without a net or helmet.  Heh I do not do well on my own and yeah I know that a lot of people here equate that with someone who should 'not be in the lifestyle'. But that is one of the very reasons I am in this so called lifestyle, the structure and the boundaries that I need. I need them set by someone. Erm sorry for the ramble, just trying to deal with this crashing feeling.

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(in reply to TwiztdErotic)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Can a submissive really be counted on to uphold res... - 12/7/2007 8:59:32 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If the dom is a good person, yes. But I wouldn't be with one who would deliberately make me break a promise for no reason other than it would force him to make his own lunch.

Now if I said I'd go to the movies with a friend on Tuesday and he reminded me we had discussed going Christmas shopping then, of course I would call my friend up and say I forgot a previous commitment. If I promised to take her to a comedy because her mother was just diagnosed with heart disease, then he would have no problem rescheduling shopping for the next day.

But he wouldn't do things that would make me lose friends, cause me to not be a responsible parent etc.

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(in reply to ghitaPVH)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Can a submissive really be counted on to uphold res... - 12/7/2007 11:18:16 AM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline 		I don't know..... call me a protocol freak if you want to.... but, if I want some help for an event or anything else, and would like a slave/submissive to assist, I go to their Master or owner and ask if I can "borrow" them for the task I am asking them to help with.  Then the comittment comes from the one in control.
 
If a slave/submissive of mine volunteered to do something and I was not happy about the date or activity, I would make sure they honored that comittment, and then we would have a serious talk about volunteering for things without checking with me first.

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Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Can a submissive really be counted on to uphold res... - 12/7/2007 4:12:53 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for all your replies guys, they are very cool.

As you have also pointed out- this is completely hypothetical, so feel free to invent as many versions and twists and take the path where it will take you.  I'd love to see different versions of this and how people would perceive it.

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(in reply to MystressDream)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Can a submissive really be counted on to uphold res... - 12/7/2007 5:45:19 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I do NOT expect my slave friends to hold anything we say in confidence from their master- does that mean the slave is not trustworthy to hold confidences?  I think it's more accepting their place and how we fit well together.


For us that would also include Alandra.  With the type of relationship that we have there are no secrets between the three of us.  If I start having any type of in depth conversations with someone, I will let them know this and then they can make the decision to continue or not.  Mostly he is interested in what I have to say and my perspective on things.  When I share with Alandra, I am interested in her perspective because it is often different than mine and his.

With the little ones in our house, Alandra and I are allowed to hold confidences with them as long as we do not think that what is discussed will be harmful to them.  If we think it is harmful, then they are encouraged to talk to him or if they prefer we will share the information. 

This has been an interesting discussion.  As a slave, my life is not my own.  However, I am responsible enough not to make commitments to people without getting permission from him first.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Can a submissive really be counted on to uphold res... - 12/7/2007 6:01:46 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

The way our house works is that Valyraen wants me to be home or at certain place at a certain I am informed as quickly as possible. This goes on a calender and this time is not to be used for anything else. Other than that, he does not care if I say I will help a friend or anything like that. As long as it doesn't interfer with the times he has planned for.

We don't feel that he has the right to know everyhing that I know. Things that I was told in confidence stay with me, though unless I am told not to tell him I will assume I can. I would not feel that I would be a good friend if I couldn't keep their confidence so this is something very important to me. We to tend to see this as he dominates me, not others so he is not entitled to intimate details about their lives.

This message has been approved by Valyraen and Kitten Inc.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/7/2007 6:03:46 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ghitaPVH)
Profile   Post #: 28
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