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stella41b -> The Queen must never be checked or taken when trying to win the Domme (12/7/2007 10:45:08 AM)
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The questions it seems are as old as the hills. Where can I find a Mistress? Why can't I find a Domme? Why won't anyone reply to me?
The answer is simple. BDSM is like a game of chess. Like chess, many people are drawn to BDSM. Like chess, BDSM fascinates them. Chess is not an easy game, there are easier games, for chess requires thinking, planning, a good strategy and above all, a good awareness of your opponent. A successful D/s or BDSM relationship is exactly the same, it also requires thinking, planning, a good strategy, and above all, a very good awareness of your partner.
The rules of the game of chess appear very simple.. you have a black and white checkered board made up of sixty four squares on which at either end each player plays with sixteen pieces - pawns, a King, a Queen, bishops, knights and castles. Each piece moves in a particular way, and there are very simple rules. So too the same can be said in a relationship between a Domme and a submissive, you have a dominant female, a submissive of either gender, a relationship, protocols, etiqette, and there are no rules per se as in chess, but principles which are simple and are to be followed. But the rules? I never wrote that chess is the same as BDSM, just similar. The rules are where chess and BDSM differ. In chess both players are bound equally by the rules as both Dominant and submissive are bound by the principles of BDSM or D/s (if you choose to make the distinction, BDSM I use here as an umbrella term), but unlike chess it is the Domme who makes up the rules which you are to follow.
It should be easy, but it isn't. Chess is a game with different levels of skill and strategy, and you can only really enjoy a good game of chess with someone who is on your level. The same is true of BDSM, in that you can only really find deep fulfillment and happiness with a partner on a similar level of awareness and skill and knowledge as you. You can play chess with someone of a different level if you are prepared either to learn or teach them, but it requires patience. The same can be said for any BDSM relationship.
However both chess and BDSM have one thing in common - nobody really wants to play with a 'woodpusher', i.e. one who doesn't think, who doesn't have any sort of strategy, and who isn't really that aware of the other person.
And so you have managed to find the interest of a Domme, does this mean....? Yes, it means that she is open, and therefore you can set up the board and arrange the pieces. She - the Domme, plays black, and you, the submissive, you play white. This is where so many submissives have problems. Some set up the pieces and disappear, perhaps to another game they have been playing with someone else. Uh uh. BDSM and chess are very similar. There are two people involved, and both chess and BDSM require your full concentration and attention.
The other mistake is that many submissives at this stage will want to go for the endgame, that moment of checkmate. Uh uh. Chess is a game of strategy and skill which involves movements made between two players in turn, and it is a game which involves an opening, a middlegame and an endgame. The same can be said to be true when developing a relationship with a Domme, there has to be an opening, a middlegame and an endgame. There is however a major difference. Unlike chess, where both players are competing and the game is equal, in a relationship with a Domme you as a submissive should not be competing, and definitely by the endgame she, the Domme, should be fully in control and moving quickly towards checkmate. Isn't this what you as a submissive want?
Chess and BDSM are the same in that they are to be studied if you are to become skilled in either, at least to the point of having a good opening strategy and being able to think in terms of tactics. In chess we talk of key pieces and key squares, over which as a player with white pieces you are to quickly establish control. The same can be said of the BDSM relationship you wish to develop with a Domme, only there are no squares or pieces, only elements of the relationship and signals exchanged between the two of you. There are hundreds of different chess openings, for example the Ruy Lopez Opening, the Sicilian Defense, the Sokolsky Opening, the Queen's Fianchetto to name but a few. And you as a submissive must have a similar opening strategy.. However there are no established BDSM Opening Strategies for Dommes, there is no Houseboy Opening, no Sissy Maid Defense, or Footslave Fianchetto.. you only have your own imagination to create and develop your own strategy.
Whatever happens, you make the first move in the opening, and you must always wait for her response. Here you are the active one, you take the lead, you make the moves, and she responds by making her moves. The idea is the same as in chess, you the submissive are sizing up your Domme, and she is sizing you up. You are opening up her formation, and thus you are trying to get to know her, find out about as much as you can about her as a person, and you find out about her needs, her dreams, her requirements, her expectations, her thoughts, her feelings, and everything about her. At the same time you are laying yourself open to her, exposing yourself to her (well, no, sorry, revealing yourself to her - I forgot that different types of men come to these boards), and letting her know about you. Now is not the time for submission.. for she has no need for a weak submissive.. Therefore you must take care not to put your pieces in a vulnerable position and you should try and maintain your pawn formation, and allow her to do the same. Unlike chess, no pieces are taken either side at this point, the idea is to get her to open up and move all her pieces round the board without threatening her Queen, King, bishops or knights.
Having laid the game wide open, it is you as the submissive, playing white, you move towards the middlegame. This is where it starts to look different from the actual game of chess. You are not playing to win, or are you? These are when you make the final moves in that dominant position, where you can see her weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and without exploiting them, you firmly make your offer of submission, and await her response. This doesn't mean you fall to your knees and beg to be beaten or tied up. She is not yet your Mistress, nor are you yet her submissive. The skilled and aware Domme will allow you to get this far without any inhibitions or restrictions.. for she is highly intelligent, sensitive, knowledgeable and aware.. She is nobody's fool, and each time you made a move she was watching you like a hawk. And so you, the submissive, now move your pieces into vulnerable positions, without being too obvious. This means you don't place your queen on a square diagonal to a bishop, or next to a castle. Some say submission is a gift, I disagree. No Domme wants a submissive who comes cheap or for free. All Dommes want a valuable, precious submissive, one who knows their value. Your pieces should be vulnerable without it being apparent, and your offer of submission should be just that, an offer, one which requires her modification and her input. You are in this relationship together, it is a dance, both of you must dance to the same tune with coordinated steps, and just like in chess, the relationship, like the game, is to be developed together in unison.
Does she respond? How? Let's hope she doesn't lay her King down on one side, or worse, get up and leave the game. This can happen, especially in the online world of the Internet, and it is something you should be prepared for and allow for. However normally she will make the moves and here for the first time take the initiative, and decide to start the endgame. In reality, she has accepted your offer of submission, modified it, and presented it back to you. Your offer has become her rules, and from this moment on you are playing to her rules. Meanwhile on the chessboard she has started to take your pieces and break up your pawn formation. This is where your submission begins, under her control, and her rules. Submission is a process. achieved under her control, and during this process you are expected to make all your words become actions. You are now dancing to her tune. You should be prepared for her, and how she plays her game, and what her strategy is, and be ready for it. Were you paying attention during the opening? She may decide to draw out this process of submission, taking your pieces, piece by piece, until you are left with nothing but a King and a pawn, or she may decide to suddenly bring about checkmate with a well timed move involving Queen and bishop, and you suddenly have nowhere to move your King. What does it matter anyway? She is the Mistress, you are the sub.
And you may kiss the hand of your Queen.
Your thoughts and comments please. Are there any Dommes out there who wish to add to the above and offer advice for those submissives to help them 'develop a strategy' and better tactics?
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