RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships?

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RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 8:25:40 AM

Sexynmentalinkc

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

In a 1st meeting, I want us both to go in neutral, niether D or s....just people. That makes it easier to get to know each other a little better. If I have been casually chatting or flirting with a woman at the club, odds are that the D/s dynamic has already been established, but even then, I don't exploit the dynamic or make unreasonable demands.

This pretty much sums it up for me.

I definitely try to keep it neutral to some degree on the first date but I'm always looking to see if or how the dynamic is getting set even then.

The main thing I bring to first dates is.........a lack of any expectations (good or bad). The only expectation, or hope, that I have if any is to have fun, enjoy ourselves and go home happy - one way or another.

*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Post #: 21

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 8:25:55 AM

Bethnai

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Joined: 11/8/2007
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The way it sounded one just upped and left. I thought, one tried to leave early and ........politely.
Whats going on in the powder room.
"I think I'm out by 8. I think we need shots. I'm buying."

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 22

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 8:29:42 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bethnai

The way it sounded one just upped and left. I thought, one tried to leave early and ........politely.
Whats going on in the powder room.
"I think I'm out by 8. I think we need shots. I'm buying."

I am not rehashing her behavior. I would not leave a date without at least telling someone that they can "fuck off" before I hit the door. I would not leave someone sitting there awaiting my return, but there are things people can do on a date that will cause me to be rude... like having traveling hands uninvited, being insulting to me... and if I get the creeps, Im outta there without even a goodbye... screw polite if I get the impression I am out with Ted Bundy

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Bethnai)

Post #: 23

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 8:35:14 AM

DesiredMuse

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/2/2007
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If I invite them out, I expect to pay, if they invite me, they should unless things are agreed upon earlier.

If I am not having a good time or interested, being submissive should not stop me from feeling free to leave. If it's there, it is, if not....

To me the rules are the same as any dating. You both meet, you get to know each other, you are both polite, and you see where it leads from there. I don't consider lifestylers in a higher league or a different one from anyone else. There weren't diamonds on our toes, nor coal in our diapers when we were born.

Amirah

_____________________________

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull...” A.N.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 24

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 8:43:02 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Another thread had me thinking about if we have different rules for dating lifestylers as opposed to vanilla dating. The thread that sparked this one was a thread about dutch dating. The submissive left a date that didn't pay for her drink after inviting her to go out with him.

There were some (one person in particular) that felt because of their respective roles that this submissive should have stayed on the date regardless of the circumstances, and stated she was not really submissive or slave material because she left the date early.

Edited to add, if you have a different way of conducting yourself on lifestyle dates, what is it?

If you felt as though you did not want carry on with a date any further, it is rude to tell the person this and then leave? Is it unsubmissive to?

There shouldn't be different rules for the "dating" stage, but there are. I believe if there weren't theses different rules it would go a lot smoother.

To think someone isn't an "s" type because they walked out on a date is ridiculous. I can't believe someone actually thought that...let alone but it in writing.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 25

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 8:45:49 AM

Bethnai

Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline

Ok, fuck off is ok, as long as its said. I just would never have pictured myself leaving. I just don't think I could.

See, I figure if your going to meet a potential Dom, there is a lot more. Especially, with the fact that there are so many......come save me......crap. There is a lot more to prove on both ends. I think that if you go to a bar, there are going to be hidden quests. That have all the potential to backfire. On the other end, I think that ..................there is so much save me crap..........maybe it is better to pay for your own drink. Its a drink. There are women who go out with five bucks and spend their entire time getting hammered because they can. So, I don't know. I think I'm rambling at this point.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 26

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 8:52:26 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have no problem paying for my own drink, I would have a problem with someone who so obviously was fingering through the wad in his wallet to avoid buying me one, and came up with the exact price of it, and was even short 5 cents...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Bethnai)

Post #: 27

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 8:53:55 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

LMAO! You made me spit my coffee out on that one.
And I do agree. I am the same in or out of bdsm. I still like the horse before the cart.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

I would have paid for all the drinks she wanted... heh, heh, heh.

Okay, seriously, why is first date etiquette any different because you both happen to be fucked up perverts like we all are?

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 28

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 8:58:29 AM

Bethnai

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Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline

I would too. Don't get me wrong. But you would have turned around and said Fuck Off. See and that is, wrongly or rightly, critical. In my mind, that is a huge difference.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 29

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 9:01:06 AM

Bethnai

Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
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Ok, I lied, I would stay to the bitter end and go to the restroom and make other arrangements. But I would not have walked.

(in reply to Bethnai)

Post #: 30

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 9:03:50 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

There shouldn't be different rules for the "dating" stage, but there are. I believe if there weren't theses different rules it would go a lot smoother.

To think someone isn't an "s" type because they walked out on a date is ridiculous. I can't believe someone actually thought that...let alone but it in writing.

I do not know if it is different for others or nott, I met a few other dominants for coffee, and they gladly bought it for me

The two dominants I have been involved with were very much "let me pick up the check" kinda guys, and many of my vanilla dates weren't like that... but I knew before I went on a date what the expectations were and the ones that were dutch ended up just friends in the long run.

Edited to add, in my life experience men that want to date dutch are not really into me, and I do not go out with men that are not really into me for very long. Men usually will break out their wallets if they really like you and want to make a good impression.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 12/8/2007 9:05:49 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 31

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 9:07:18 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

If you are just on a initial or first few "dates" to assess whether you should invest DS time and energy with another person, I think going dutch is the best advice -- this helps keep both parties on equal footing and until you agree you are in a DS relationship, you aren't.

After you are in a dynamic you'll need to address this issue.

When we go out as a family, Tom (we) pay for the family -- Fox contributes finances to the household and so we are all usually included in one bill unless he states he's going to cover himself.

If I tell Fox we are going out, then either I pay or we go dutch. If he plans to eat out with me, he pays or we go dutch. Depends on individual finances and we always makes sure we understand who is paying what before he go into a venue.

_____________________________

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 32

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 9:09:10 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

There shouldn't be different rules for the "dating" stage, but there are. I believe if there weren't theses different rules it would go a lot smoother.

To think someone isn't an "s" type because they walked out on a date is ridiculous. I can't believe someone actually thought that...let alone but it in writing.

I do not know if it is different for others or nott, I met a few other dominants for coffee, and they gladly bought it for me

The two dominants I have been involved with were very much "let me pick up the check" kinda guys, and many of my vanilla dates weren't like that... but I knew before I went on a date what the expectations were and the ones that were dutch ended up just friends in the long run.

Edited to add, in my life experience men that want to date dutch are not really into me, and I do not go out with men that are not really into me for very long. Men usually will break out their wallets if they really like you and want to make a good impression.

Thats correct...whether a sexual freak or vanilla as the cone.....no difference.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 33

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 9:11:35 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bethnai

Ok, I lied, I would stay to the bitter end and go to the restroom and make other arrangements. But I would not have walked.

Lets put out another scenario... lets say that this guy puts his hands on you, or talks about sex in a way that makes you uncomfortable, or puts down your religion or looks or family or whatever? Are you going to stay even though he is obviously rude?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Bethnai)

Post #: 34

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 9:15:55 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

~FR~

I don't have 'lifestyle dates'. I don't have 'vanilla dates".

I have dates. Period. On a date; I am myself.

So yes, if I had been in that young lady's shoes; I would have dumped the drink on him and then smashed the glass against his face

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 35

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 9:17:29 AM

Bethnai

Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
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I just felt compelled to say this. I could regret it. I think that we should be adamantly looking at dates just like in the vanilla world. I also think that if we do that...................lets be honest. Thats a coke whore, and thats a coke whore and thats a coke whore. Just as much as I think we should look at that guy is going to take it far enough to nail my job, my ums my....whatever.

The only difference between vanilla and this is the recognition of the game and the ability to play it out.
Its different.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 36

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 9:17:46 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

~FR~

I don't have 'lifestyle dates'. I don't have 'vanilla dates".

I have dates. Period. On a date; I am myself.

So yes, if I had been in that young lady's shoes; I would have dumped the drink on him and then smashed the glass against his face

You know, everytime you say that I fall deeper in love with you, and I am not even bi

The imagery just gets me warm and fuzzy inside

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 37

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 9:18:52 AM

Bethnai

Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline

If we do this.........how are we so special?

I promise this is my last beer.

(in reply to Bethnai)

Post #: 38

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 9:23:23 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

~FR~

I don't have 'lifestyle dates'. I don't have 'vanilla dates".

I have dates. Period. On a date; I am myself.

So yes, if I had been in that young lady's shoes; I would have dumped the drink on him and then smashed the glass against his face

You know, everytime you say that I fall deeper in love with you, and I am not even bi

The imagery just gets me warm and fuzzy inside

LOL

Pfft...You just want to see me in action so that you can steal all my moves.

I see how it is

/sniff

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 39

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relatio... - 12/8/2007 9:23:51 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I have dates. Period. On a date; I am myself.

Same here. I even do the getting-to-know-you stage as myself (horrors!). The only thing remotely different from vanilla is that there is a discussion regarding kink, in specific sadism because maso is not my thing. But other than that, it's the same stuff, tell me about you; I'll tell you about me. That being said, if the guy's going to buy a drink, I'd like him to get mine too. If he only gives me money for his only, I'll buy my own, but I will continue to have the opinion that he is cheap, and lifestyle has nothing to do with it.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Bethnai)

Post #: 40

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