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Sky42 -> RE: Mind Set (12/8/2007 12:46:42 PM)
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It can be hard, as a sub, to open up and say "I really would like ____." even when asked directly. Honestly, how many times have you heard (or responded) the the question "Do you want more?" from a Dom ever had the sub say "No." ? It's not, neccisarily that the sub does or doesn't.
How to put this more clear, since I know my owner will read it... I'm hers, completely. I want any/every-thing she wants to do. If she were to ask teh above question, things that that send me into a knot of mental angst. Why? this is the important question. The answer, is becuase I don't want to let her down. Ever. So if she is asking because she wants to move on but wants to fulfill me, then the answer is "No", but if she is asking because she wants to continue, then the answer is yes. A question with the same meaning is "Can you take more?" which would indicate that she wants to continue, or if I have truely reached my limit (note, wanting and being able to take more are two different things). To that question, there is no inner turmoil either I have reached my physical/mental limit, or I haven't. It doesn't put any pressure on her to continue (unless her goal is to reach my limit). Granted, I know she will ultimately do what she wants to do anyway, however, even for that, there is still the desire to please.
Likewise open-ended questions like, "how you feel about ____ ?" generate the same anxiety. The deep fear of answering in a way that is opposed to how she feels. It's not that I don't want to be honest about how I feel, but to me, almost all of those questions are near meaningless. I mean, it's worldly stuff and most of it I really dont' care about. I may have slight oppinions in one way or another, but they are very very rarely deeply felt and I can almost always 'flip a switch' in my mind and think about something in the exact opposite way I was two seconds ago. I blame this partly on debate classes. It doesn't mean that I'm dishonest when I say "I don't really like that color." Then hear "It's waht I was thinking for ____ ." then my reply of "Oh, yes, I can see that and it will look great."
So, asking a sub to just open up and discuss fantasies isn't the easiest thing for the sub. I would imagine it places a lot of pressure on the Dom as well, to live up to those fantasies (even if only in their own mind).
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