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TysGalilah -> RE: Would you want to know? (12/9/2007 4:02:11 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: goodgirl85
In order to tell the story I need to tell to ask what I want to ask I have to give a little back story. Ill try and make it as short as possible. I met my first dom a few years ago. We finally met in Janurary 2006. Things were great, for awhile. Then they went south. Bad times. Cheating ensues, and I hang on because I was so completly 100% head over heels, without hestion would say yes if he asked me to marry him (not kinda girl who believes in marriage). I am released, but still have enough hope to agree to go and see him a few times afterwards. Last time there while cleaning his house, I found a reciept for jewelry. I assumed it was for another girl. He didnt correct me when I told him about it. Last straw for me, i tell him im not going up anymore. This was in feb. 07.
He still wants to be friend, I try until he tells me he thinks he is in love with this girl. I say i need time. I cry myself to sleep every night, I start drinking, and doing other things not actually any form of healthy for me. I finally get over him enough to start talking to him. I move on. We talk every few weeks, just a hey how are you sort of thing. I start seeing someone. He tells me he thinks he might his girlfriend to marry him. Hurts a bit but i get over it fast. Things are going good with the guy i am seeing. He treats me like gold, and really has my best interest in heart when making decisions for me.him.us.
Then out of the blue I get a message from the old Dom, (lets just call him D1 and my new Dom D2) telling me that he wants me to come Domme him, and hurt and humilate him for dumping me. This is the first I ever hear of him being a switch. He had told me he was a sub for a short while, but that it didnt work out. He begs me, actually begs me to come 2 him. And tells me that he lied to me about cheating, that he never did. And that the jewelry reciept was jewlery for his mom, and that he planted it there, knowing I would clean his house and see it. His reason: beign scared of getting to serious.
He claims he wants me back. Sounded sincere on the phone. But still doesnt want to get real serious and doesnt want to hurt me again. Now, when I say I was hurt, Im not lying. I was in physical pain I hurt so bad. I lost 15 lbs in two weeks because I couldn't eat. I had a mental breakdown.
Im not leaving D2. He is so good to me. treats me right. wants more than sex from me. He is honest with me, sweet, kind, caring. Has the thought crossed my mind of what would happen if I did leave him and take a chance on D1. Yes it has. My answer is still the same. Don't leave D2.
Now my question is, should I tell him that my ex wants me back? Should I tell him my feelings, thoughts and concerns on the subject? Or should I just not mention it? And Yes, He does know, or should know anyways, that I still talk to B1 from time to time.
girl
Hi goodgirl
Glad to hear you are taking care of yourself now and in a healthy loving relationship that supports and encourages that. ........ .protect that like the treasure it is.
I am all for total honesty and agree with those that have advised that.
YET
I would suggest you ask yourself what is your real motivation for wanting to tell dom2 ( your current if I have my numbers right) about this other guys current attempts.
I think its an important question for you to ask yourself.
He knows you talk with him ~ thats good
He knows about your past relationship and why it ended~ good. And has agreed to allow you to continue talking.
I am sure because he trust you to be strong enough and wise enough to understand the difference between what you have and what you had AS WELL AS how to handle this guys drama without getting sucked into it!/....
Because that is how I see this new scenario...........drama in his life and hes trying to "emotionally" control you because he cannot or is not in control of, well himself ! and certainly not in control of your submission anymore.
OK I will admit being biased on this and projecting some of my own stuff why??
I have a friend...male.
previous relationship.
self-destructive sort...nice enough person...
but loves to be the victim.
Tyson ( my Master) knows of him
knows we talk.
I tell Tyson often when he and I communicate..
often times this other person, friend, will be having a very bad spell and he hates being alone....fear of it.
when he IS alone...he comes looking for me.
I know this. and when I say " looking" I mean "wanting me back"... its never direct but he makes subtle comments to see if I will bite.
he is NOT serious..not emotionally capable of accepting anyone who would really say YES anyway.
he is addicted to codependant relationships and he neeeeeds to know he is needed.
drama to him spells releif.
and the more people he has sucked into his drama the better about himself he feels.
now if this isnt all ringing true in your case I do sincerely apologize
but when I read what you wrote..> this is what I thought of.
the man you speak of wants to know you will come running if he asks.
he needs to know that > for himself NOT for you : )
I will bet my next paycheck IF YOU DID come/go... you would eventually be rejected emotionally maybe even physically just as you were before.
ok
so about telling your current Dom ( sorry got off track )
I'm not going to tell you whether you tell your Dom now about this mans current advances. ( only YOU know how your relationship works and what is really best for you two ).
Honesty is always the best.
Having said that>>
Ask yourself what motivates you to tell current dom about this now ?
are you tempted? do you want to see a reaction? is it passive aggressive motivated ( meaning you are telling currentdom because you want to see his reaction towards you being protective or jealous)? etc..... have you been instructed to tell him everything and are just doing as told?
In my situation
if it became something that I would need to keep from Tyson in any way> I would choose to cut off my communication with that other person.
I, personally, look at it more like: the unsolicited emails I get from males wanting me to know they are solicitating my attention. I toss that mail easily away and never bother my dom with the fact that it was unsolicited, disregarded, handled and discarded.
But then again, Tyson has access to my password and can read anything for himself anytime he wants.
Only you know how these advances feel to you, tho' : )
good luck and warm wishes
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