RE: Ok so I am having some issues.....

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RE: Ok so I am having some issues..... - 8/16/2005 12:43:41 PM

luvdragonx

Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
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You've gotten a LOT of feedback so far from many different perspectives. LadyA gave the best bit of advice - don't let anyone else tell you who you are.

I can honestly say that I'm very much like you are in that there are some things that I don't want to let go of. But because I trust my husband, he can be my Dom without the 'Fuck off' moments (not many anyway). Trust is the key. It's hard to establish that kind of trust when the focus of the relationship is on D/s.

Since you know you're willing to submit without question in the bedroom, start where you're comfortable. Limit the submission to where it works for you. When the time is right, and you've found someone willing to take that time and develop a trusting relationship, you may decide to take the next step and give up more control.

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RE: Ok so I am having some issues..... - 8/16/2005 1:44:37 PM

chainedraven

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

After getting off work and being able to really sit down and read the responses I think a lot of the responses are correct. The three main ones being:

1) I actually can set my own limits without giving up my sub side and lifestyle
2) Why do I have to be placed as vanilla if I am not a 24/7er (love that one)
3) That I need to choose for myself and not base it on the people who try to tell me what I am without knowing me.

So here is what I am going to do. You guys have given me some great support and understanding that I didn't expect. I did get a few emails that were...less than supportive or understanding...that I expected. Actually having some positive and constructive feedback..that is what I wanted. So, I'm going to scrap the whole profile and start fresh and total. Being totally upfront from the start about having limits and being tired of certain things.

Thanks again guys.

I appreciate it more than you know.

~~Liz

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RE: Ok so I am having some issues..... - 8/16/2005 2:19:03 PM

doubleLeo

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

I dont know.. maybe you ARE more submissive.. you just need the right dominant to understand your independant nature?
NOt all slaves are unassertive, not all Doms are, you know?
Sometimes orders are given with very good timing, sometimes not.. we are all human.. the important thing ( to me) is, that there is understanding BEHIND the words.After all, if it was just about "orders" i would not need love, ANYone could say it. For me, I think, I enjoy orders when they are coming from someone who has some sort of understanding of how I respond..what it brings up for me (positive or negative)..

time
trust
communication

dL

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RE: Ok so I am having some issues..... - 8/16/2005 2:51:58 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

Jesus Christ people, have some compassion....

First of all, I feel for you ChainedRaven. No one deserves to make an emotional investment and find out they've been lied to. In my not so humble opinion, that's the lowest of low behavior.

I think it's fairly important to remember that many of the people who are spreading their free advice here are searching themselves. And many of them have never ventured into a BDSM relationship of any configuration; this is a hotbed of opinion and ranks very low on the practical application meter.

Lady A's on the money. You do yourself a huge disservice giving a crap what other people think about you; they don't live in your skin. They don't have to live your life. The only person who's relevant here is you.

In the context of BDSM relationships, there are all kinds. And if you wait long enough and put yourself in the right atmosphere to find what you desire, sooner or later you will, regardless of what the closed minded who want to divide the world into BDSM and vanilla think.

Only you truly know what you are capable of, what you desire and where you are willing to go with regard to your kinks.

So, my advice is this: Stop living in the past, stop giving a shit what people you've never met and can't authenticate think. Get out there into your community and circulate a little, and see if you find someone who meets your desires.

At the end of the day, the real benchmark is "I am happy". What ever that is that makes you happy must be right for you.

My 2 cents and then some...

Lily

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RE: Ok so I am having some issues..... - 8/16/2005 3:15:40 PM

Mondschein

Posts: 52
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline

I totally hear you! I feel the same way. That's why my profile says SWITCH... LOL But seriously, I have had a lot of trouble finding someone who understand me. I am now involved wiht a Dom and everything is working out great. I have already told him that I am not a slave and that "do this, do that" does not go with me. What you need to find is someone who lives the life style as you do. I know I can be difficult sometimes. I like things going my way. I like my independence. I don't like someone checking everything I do. I tell them all these things, and sometimes they can just tell by what I say or the way I act. You just have to find someone who fits you, and I know there are Doms out there who will. I have rejected proposals from many Doms that I found very attractive only because they were not living the lifestyle the way I want to live it. And I found one who does. I really relate to how you feel and I wish you the best of luck.

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