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Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 1:35:48 AM   
mysteryshopper


Posts: 36
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		I don't mind a domme asking me to do this or that.  But why is it when I meet new dommes, sometimes they want me to go pick up 100 different things for them and act like I'm not obeying them if i refuse?  Like "Oh before you go stop by here, and here, and here"

It's annoying!  One thing or two sure but i can't run all over town!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 1:52:38 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Did you define the parameters of your relationship with them as such? 

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to mysteryshopper)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 1:56:12 AM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		maybe if you didn't advertise yourself as mysteryshopper



_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 2:18:00 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		So you refuse to submit to these Dommes? I guess you're a personal assistant then, albeit an unwilling one.

Subs who won't submit, now THATS annoying.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 2:40:15 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		lol MM, as much as I like you, I wouldn't run your errands and it's not because I'm not submissive.  I also would not end up in a place where you expected it of me though.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 4:41:52 AM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		Sometimes, a sub is a sandwich, other times, it can be a personal assistant, only if that is part of the dynamics of your relationship.  You can't spend all your time in a dungeon or a play session.  Sometimes, you'll actually have to be of "service" to your domme.  Dommes like that kind of thing.  A sub, in my opinion, is to make life easier and more comfortable for the domme, otherwise, you'd be a dom yourself looking for someone to wait on you hand and foot.  So what if She wants you going all over town picking up a few things.  It's a golden opportunity to prove your worth to her.  It demonstrates that you are not only willing to follow directions, but you listen to her when she orders specific items for you to pick up.  Take advantage of your chance, my friend.

However, it's not in what you spend, it's the fact you are willing to do something for her that pleases her.  I was always taught that no matter the job you are given, always do it to the best of your abilities and take pride in your efforts.  I know people who take more pride in cleaning toilets than people who run businesses or have higher power positions.  Running around, picking things up for her may be annoying to you, but don't let it show.  Otherwise, you look like a lazy sub who is just after play time and someone who thinks only about his own needs.  There are too many guys out there like that.  Don't be another one...embrace female superiority and come to the darkside.  We have cookies!

Here's an example of me being of service to Mistress.  Since I graduated college sixth in my class and was an english and math tutor on campus, I'm a pretty smart guy.  Mistress is still in college, so I offer to proofread Her papers and essays before She hands them in.  Sure, I like watching movies and playing video games when I'm at home to relax, but to hear Her tell me, "Thank you so much!" makes the time and effort I put forth to help Her all worth while.  She tells me I don't have to do it, but since I want to be of service to Her and I have the skills to do so, why would I not want to?  She acknowledges my efforts and is very appreciative of it.  Am I a personal assistant or just a helpful, obedient slave?  Either way, you don't hear me complaining that it's annoying.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 8:04:04 AM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think the two roles are mutually exclusive.  Many female subs fulfill the role of "Girl Friday" for their partners, along with everything else they do in the relationship.  I guess I just don't understand investing this kind of time and energy in "new dommes"--plural.

Seems like something you would do for someone you're close to.  A woman you want to support and help because you care about her and want to serve her.

Not someone you just met, the latest link in a chain of other casual kink contacts.

Maybe that's just me?

(in reply to rubberpet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 8:10:49 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Did you define the parameters of your relationship with them as such?


This is the crux of the matter I think.

If mysteryshopper isn't in a relationship and is talking about first meetings, then asking him/her to go do some errands on the way over is out of line in my opinion.

If he/she is in a relationship then that should have been negotiated and if it wasn't now it needs to be.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 8:15:15 AM   
beeble


Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

darchChylde wrote: maybe if you didn't advertise yourself as mysteryshopper

I think you're confusing mystery shoppers and personal shoppers.  A mystery shopper is an employee who pretends to be a customer to check that standards are being met; a personal shopper is somebody who goes and does your shopping for you.

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 8:41:34 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper

One thing or two sure but i can't run all over town!


Alrighty then, milk and eggs it is, and I'm hungry sooooo, chop chop.

chia* (the pet) 

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to mysteryshopper)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 10:03:57 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I can see how someone might toss out a task to "test" someone early on, to see how well they followed directions.  I would not call that a good test, but I can see it being done. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 10:25:13 AM   
mysteryshopper


Posts: 36
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		I cleaned up her place as a "test" but she wants me to run to the liquor store, run to get her food at some shady neighborhood restaurant, go run this errand, run that one...
Last time i went some more women (non-S&M) showed up, her friends, and i just left...even after bringing all that stuff.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 10:29:43 AM   
MsBlackMamba


Posts: 36
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline 		Communication is key.  If you have a problem with her expectations or feel that you two are on different "wave lengths" then you should express this to HER.  Otherwise, it all may be a waste of precious time.

(in reply to mysteryshopper)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 11:00:32 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		Plain and simple  as was stated communication is key , if your not happy doing her bidding and  being in her service the way she wishes  the bitterness shall only continue to build .dont be a door mat unless you wish to be a door mat .If you do not mind doing some service  convy that  if your not happy doing all of her bidding  tell her so .

(in reply to MsBlackMamba)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 11:05:14 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Charge her gas and time? Seriously, you need to tell new contacts that since too many women seem to do this in order to get their errands me, without any intention of involving themselves in a D/s relationship, you have no intention of getting involved with such types without repayment.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 11:16:35 AM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Subs who won't submit, now THATS annoying.


100% agreement on that. 

OP,
What I want to know, is why a submissive thinks a dominant has time to put on some wonderful elaborate scene (or play for hours) when they've had to work all day, run their errands, and come home to more chores. 

Do you see the problem here?  So yes, if I'm supposed to be putting my energy/creativity into a scene, I need the submissive to take care of the other details for me or I won't have the time or the energy.

And sometimes I "assign" mundane tasks to see if one can follow direction.

Does that help?

LJ

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 11:18:32 AM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper

I cleaned up her place as a "test" but she wants me to run to the liquor store, run to get her food at some shady neighborhood restaurant, go run this errand, run that one...
Last time i went some more women (non-S&M) showed up, her friends, and i just left...even after bringing all that stuff.


See, if you did all that for me, I'd have time to play... but you can forget the shady neighborhood thing... doesn't happen here...lol

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to mysteryshopper)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 11:56:37 AM   
mercurialis


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		I don't see why the OP is complaining about this, I do this all the time for my parents. Drive down to the supermarket and pick up tonight's dinner....I don't complain about the cost or the time involved at all. Why should I? It's on my mom's car, with her gas, and with her cash. :D

Don't complain, just ask her where her car keys are and her purse. What? She doesn't like that? How is she being a domme if she isn't letting you complete her tasks? :D

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 12:09:23 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Well, what are you? Do you know this woman well enough for her to expect these tasks, and you have agreed upon them? Are you her submissive, or are you getting to know her to decide if you WANT to be her submissive? If it is the latter, then simply take that into consideration as part of your decision.

My submissives are often part personal assistant for me. But when someone who is only serving me, say, once a week, comes by, I expect them to say if they cannot accomplish a task. If I ask you to do three things and you cannot or unwilling, speak up. If I, however, hear you meekly agree and then post complaining about it on a message board, I'll assume you are passive aggressive and no longer be interested you.

It's not are you a sub, or are you a personal assistant, it is are you assertive enough to speak your mind and choose a relationship that you find fulfillment in. It is "Am I her sub yet? Does she have a right to ask this of me? Do I want to be walked over like this? Do I find these tasks fair to ask in return for what she has given me?"

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to mercurialis)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Am I a sub or a personal assistant? - 12/9/2007 6:41:05 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Quiet Miss Laurell and bring me my slippers!!




_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to Elorin)
Profile   Post #: 20
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