Using your submissives thoughts

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LittleWench -> Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 2:54:11 AM)
I have been spending a lot of time browsing through s-types blogs, and one thing that comes up frequently is that they have been ordered by their Dominant to divulge every slutty, dirty, erotic, degrading thought. The following passage, and similar, is common on a lot of sites. "my slut confessions are supposed to be about me exposing my slut mind to You. i should never conceal or avoid telling You about the depraved ideas that continuously cross my mind" I knew one Dom who was very much into this, he would say he was dredging the cess pool that was my mind, adamant that I describe in detail the imagery that floated to the top... however it felt to me that he wasn't all that creative himself. And it was incessant, to the extent that it became tedious (for me at least). So based on my (limited) personal experience, and the fact that it is common for Dom's to request this I wonder... Is it wank material (for either party)? Is it trying to get to know the sub? Is it trying to find ideas for scenes that will please the sub? Challenge the sub? Is it a mindfuck in trying to make her squirm as she confessions depravity?

mefisto69 -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 3:07:37 AM)
Could be ay or all of the above.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 3:19:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LittleWench Is it wank material (for either party)? Is it trying to get to know the sub? Is it trying to find ideas for scenes that will please the sub? Challenge the sub? Is it a mindfuck in trying to make her squirm as she confessions depravity? I can't speak for other Dominants. For my Master, I'd say all of the above. Some of our most amazingly hot moments have come from him exploring my mind this way. Sure, he gets off on my thoughts and fantasies and ideas. And he learns what I crave, hate, fear, etc., this way. It is no longer a challenge for me to express such thoughts to him, but in my first year as his it was. He enjoyed that I pushed through my inhibitions, anyway. And sometimes he does create mindfucks out of them by twisting them into something that would shock me and say it may just happen. The biggest reason, however, is to know where my head is, and how I will respond to various things. It's better to learn this way than to be surprised and clueless as to why I am reacting in a certain way.

OldBastardly1 -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 6:13:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LittleWench So based on my (limited) personal experience, and the fact that it is common for Dom's to request this I wonder... Is it really a common practice? I must be more uncommon than I thought.

daddysliloneds -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 6:27:54 AM)
i can't really give you an answer on the why's and how's of what other people think or expect, only mine; and with that said, i've never had anyone that i belonged to ask that of me... there was one time, however, when a man that i was getting to know tried to put me to task to reveal such things to him; he was a glorified wanker, nothing more.

juliaoceania -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 6:42:34 AM)
I have to say, this is not a part of our relationship. He may one day go there, but the things that he has be delve into and find deep meaning in are movies like Dodge Ball, and that is just as challenging as delving into my kinky fantasies... We talk about such things of course, but he has his own ideas on how best to use me, and they come from his mind, not my own. I rather like it this way because 1) I do not always know what to expect 2) I rather enjoy it being about him more than me.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 7:56:00 AM)
I think people who make a big deal out of "transparency" are the ones who tend to have the weakest communication skills and security level in their relationships. People should be open to eachoher, and of course a slave needs to be informing their master on whatever level is appropriate, but the more you have to force it or talk about it, the less you're actually just doing it.

Dari -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 8:05:17 AM)
Asking a sub for their fantasies, or how they feel about certain things, is like having a sub go out and buy a toy that they'd like to have used on them. They may express the interest or the desire, but what I do with it is up to me. Also, asking for their fantasies, and then watching the response, tells me a great deal about the sub. I get more information and insight from their tone, their diction, and their body language than I do the actual fantasy itself. Still - it's not my sole font of Domme-ly ideas, it's not even the well for the majority of my ideas, so I can't imagine ever asking for every nasty, dirty thought. That's a little too lazy for me. And Squeak has a great line in her profile, which says something like...I like to know My boy's innermost thoughts, so that I can ignore them. <grin> Denial play is lots of fun, too!

arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 9:11:41 AM)
Well almost anything in extremis can become tedious. And if I find something heading that direction I'll let Daddy know. Cause he clearly doesn't want to come across that way. And neither do I. Now I have a kink for transparency, but it is not about spouting everything on my mind or happening in my life. But it is about telling him the things I think he wants/needs to know. And we actually share that desire. As fully involved in my relationship as I want to be, with a wonderfully creative man, I LOVE inspiring him with my own thoughts on what we might do. And I love sharing with him those more sensitive places, the things I don't really want to do so he can exploit them for our mutual pleasure. Partners in it. Together. That's how I choose to see and experience him. And if the balance goes a bit on one or the other directions we course correct.

DesFIP -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 10:12:45 AM)
Asking for my top fantasies to find out about me sexually/playwise is one thing. Demanding porn because he's too lazy to search for it is something else. But I would have laughed at that slutty, dirty, degrading line. I don't view my sexuality in those terms. I am perfectly comfortable with myself. The fact that he views sexuality as evil shows he is conflicted. I would discuss this and unless he was new and assumed that the way they talk in porn is how real people talk, and could learn from being corrected, I would decide I wasn't compatible with someone who had that much guilt and shame over his sexual nature.

Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 10:52:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LittleWench Is it wank material (for either party)? Is it trying to get to know the sub? Is it trying to find ideas for scenes that will please the sub? Challenge the sub? Is it a mindfuck in trying to make her squirm as she confessions depravity? All of of the above are possible - it's entirely subjective. If it's anything but wank fodder, I'd think that it's a communication sort of exercise. Some are able to write things out (feelings, fantasies, etc.) that they would find hard to do face-to-face. So, this may simply be the same sort of communication/growth exercise as journelling. Also, it's just sorta fun to play in the mental playground, 'eh? wink - Mr. S

slaveluci -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 4:04:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I think people who make a big deal out of "transparency" are the ones who tend to have the weakest communication skills and security level in their relationships. People should be open to eachoher, and of course a slave needs to be informing their master on whatever level is appropriate, but the more you have to force it or talk about it, the less you're actually just doing it. Amen, LA!!!! You have such a great way of summing things up. Master and I are all about transparency but it is something that just happens naturally and isn't forced, as you say. Master has never been a huge fan of journaling as a day-to-day practice. There have been times when He's had me do it and I even created a scrapbook-type journal for just such times. However, that's been few and far between. At this point in our relationship, He can read me so well and I'm so secure about freely telling Him anything, that the trappings of journaling and Him creating activities for the purpose of finding out what I'm thinking just aren't necessary. I know it works very well for others and that's great. It's just not something we employ much. Love how you summed this up................luci

laurell3 -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 4:09:32 PM)
I can't imagine the person that would really desire hearing every sexual thought that crossed my mind. We would have no time for actual sex there would be so much talking. While I think the idea of transparency in the area of intense play is important ie: you can't not tell him you think you are about to be injured out of fear of failure, it would seem to me that doing it to this extent would be contrary to actual communication about things that are really important.

Tigrita -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 4:44:09 PM)
Stephan enjoys encouraging my dark, twisted, slutty mind. He doesn't do it formally or tediously, but there have been occasions when he asks me specifically what I've been thinking/fantasizing about, often when we're playing. If I'm hesitant, he applies... um... motivational techniques [;)] I think it is a bit of a mind fuck in that instance. I'm not particularly shy about sharing my fantasies, but under those circumstances it is hard to get my mind out of the present moment to what other things I've fantasized about. They also might be edgy things, and might make me nervous that he'll dive into it at that moment when I haven't mentally prepared myself for it or discussed how those things would make me feel in reality. So, yeah, it is kind of a mind fuck when it happens that way. I enjoy this, but it isn't the ideal way to really go into detail about what I might actually enjoy, because my mind is all over the place at those moments. But we talk about fantasies and desires the rest of the time too, I don't want to hide any of my naughty thoughts from him, and there are plenty that he plants himself that grow and expand inside my head. Anyway, the short answer is, I think it is all of the things suggested in the OP.

LittleWench -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 5:05:36 PM)
quote: Still - it's not my sole font of Domme-ly ideas, it's not even the well for the majority of my ideas, so I can't imagine ever asking for every nasty, dirty thought. That's a little too lazy for me. This is where my feelings were headed, it did seem like either laziness or lack of creativity on behalf of the Dom/me, but not having the dominating mindset I thought I would ask to see if there was something I was missing. The Dom I spoke to online always wanted in depth details about my fantasies when I masturbated. My current Owner will sometimes ask for that, but just as frequently will tell me what to think about, and I guess that's one of the things that got me thinking. Thanks for the responses. [:)]

Zeena -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 6:39:26 PM)
Greetings, Providing your Dom with your wishes, and most passionate thoughts should bridge a connection. One is for you and your own self realization. Another is to for them to learn 'you'. They care enough to to explore the internal and process and filter then extend the offer to lead. Go for the ride. Go together beyond one single imagination. To know who you are is a loving expression. A 'mutual gift' of deep trust and desire. It takes work - for both. Respect the one who requested you journal. This is, in fact a request that's unselfish. Entertaining? Sure. But why not? Make it fun, ( don't) 'try' to laugh. Your concious mind may hit stark, hard white walls. Blind spots. Resistance. Such is a process and not an easy trail for some. Take time, allow your mind to clear and relax. Don't try and force it. When something inside resists: step back. Your primal desire will rise, and be ready, as in real life. That's alreadys won. Reality may be better than fantasy imagined. For those who are worriers/planners, the freedom is in real life ACTION. Where the elemental surpasses the ego and you soar in a spiral of unity. ( and maybe have a hell of a good time!) understanding

Zeena -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 6:48:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tigrita There are plenty that he plants himself that grow and expand inside my head. smiles

daddyncherry -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 7:04:22 PM)
In the beginning i used to write stories out...but now i know that my Daddy basically wants the idea....not the details....He wants enough to let him into my head...to know where i'm at...what i am thinking about and then he wants the ability to be creative from there. He told me that this is why he wanted/wants to know my fantasies, not to act them out verbatim.

tulitukka -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/9/2007 11:42:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LittleWench "my slut confessions are supposed to be about me exposing my slut mind to You. i should never conceal or avoid telling You about the depraved ideas that continuously cross my mind" I knew one Dom who was very much into this, he would say he was dredging the cess pool that was my mind, adamant that I describe in detail the imagery that floated to the top... however it felt to me that he wasn't all that creative himself. And it was incessant, to the extent that it became tedious (for me at least). So based on my (limited) personal experience, and the fact that it is common for Dom's to request this I wonder... Is it wank material (for either party)? Is it trying to get to know the sub? Is it trying to find ideas for scenes that will please the sub? Challenge the sub? Is it a mindfuck in trying to make her squirm as she confessions depravity? It all depends, can be just lazy wank material, or can be something else. As always in BDSM relationships what you see is not what you get (WYSINWYG). I can see myself requiring a submissive to do that - especially if it is a long distance relationship or there's other circumstances that prevent me from seeing her all the time. I can see doing that to a submissive who finds it hard to accept the slutty side of herself, especially the kind which also is turned on by the fact. I can also see such a thing as a peek inside the submissive's mind to learn what I need to learn in order to lead her where I want her to go. I probably would not require detailed imagery from a submissive, unless she happened to have an aptitude for writing. So look not into individual actions the dominant, but try to see the forest from the trees.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Using your submissives thoughts (12/10/2007 8:08:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LittleWench I have been spending a lot of time browsing through s-types blogs, and one thing that comes up frequently is that they have been ordered by their Dominant to divulge every slutty, dirty, erotic, degrading thought. The following passage, and similar, is common on a lot of sites. "my slut confessions are supposed to be about me exposing my slut mind to You. i should never conceal or avoid telling You about the depraved ideas that continuously cross my mind" I knew one Dom who was very much into this, he would say he was dredging the cess pool that was my mind, adamant that I describe in detail the imagery that floated to the top... however it felt to me that he wasn't all that creative himself. And it was incessant, to the extent that it became tedious (for me at least). So based on my (limited) personal experience, and the fact that it is common for Dom's to request this I wonder... Is it wank material (for either party)? Is it trying to get to know the sub? Is it trying to find ideas for scenes that will please the sub? Challenge the sub? Is it a mindfuck in trying to make her squirm as she confessions depravity? While I like to know what lies in the dark corners of a submissive's mind, I like to know the basics only. If they want to make up a story to go along with the base idea or they already have a detailed fantasy in mind and they feel it is important to share it with me, great. But, as another noted, I like to have the basic idea so that I can go exploring with it...OR as someone else noted...NOT exploring with it at the rate they would like. [&:] It is just one small area of all the many things I like to explore and discuss with a submissive; it is certainly not the most important nor the only thing I discuss with submissives. As a matter of fact, I am more into sharing where my mind goes on its own since, if a submissive ends up with me, my fantasies are going to come into play as often as...if not more so...than hers and it is helpful to see her response to my wicked thoughts.

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