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sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 2:50:55 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		How do you handle it? For me, sleep is my vice. I am not sure it is the best way to go about it, but it is what I have. Right now, although I am looking, I am not working. I have the "luxury" to be able to crawl in to bed and not come out until I am ready. I put luxury in quotes because I am not so sure it is, in fact, such a luxury. I wonder if having what to do would make it easier to come out of it faster. Then again, I fear that I may not be able to DO what I need to. How do others handle the drop when you come home, after a great play session or sessions, to an empty home? jen

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"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820
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RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 3:03:03 PM   
curiousfox


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/7/2006
Status: offline 		Just starting to post on some other forums here, and so I thought I'd chime in here.  It's a very topical question for me as well, as I've got a session coming up with a friend.  And after that session, said friend goes back to their locale far from me, and I'm left here.  So...I'm going to be wondering what other people do as well. 

But some of the tools that I'm thinking that will combat it are the same things I use to combat any other depression.  Keeping busy (I moved a month ago, so there is still tons of work to do), housecleaning actually helps me feel better (what can I say, I hate a messy house), and making sure I go see my friends, and that I accept hugs from them.  The physical contact helps a great deal. I also go hang out with my male friends who have a tendancy to want to act as my big brother/protector types. A little flattery from them goes a long way towards lifting my spirits. 

If you can spare the fundage, I recommend also getting a massage.  I credit my massage therapist for keeping me sane during some difficult times.  I believe the healing powers of sheer human touch helped drain alot of hysterical energy there, and grounded me a fair bit in my body.  If you can't afford a professional, contact local masage therapy schools. I know in some places students have to log so many hours practicing, and they can't charge for their services while doing so. :)



(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
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RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 3:05:30 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_743958/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#744221
sub drop please help

http://www.collarchat.com/m_649399/mpage_1/key_subdrop/tm.htm#649697
Coming down from the glorious heights

http://www.collarchat.com/m_522013/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#522021
sub drop, definitions, causes, cures, and prevention

http://www.collarchat.com/m_512884/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#513003
Your insight is needed please

http://www.collarchat.com/m_487853/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#488083
sub drop (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_460639/mpage_1/key_subdrop/tm.htm#460834
regaining balance after deep subspace

http://www.collarchat.com/m_202168/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#202459
sub-drop what is it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_345419/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#345462
highs and lows

http://www.collarchat.com/m_398653/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#399164
subdrop or what?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 3:37:13 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		Well, there are several things I do:

First, I make sure that I'm not alone. I'll call a friend up, and go to a movie, or get out shopping, or dinner, or SOMETHING other than sit at home.

Second, I'll write about the experience. Livejournal is great for this, or possibly facebook. Just get the details down. It'll be something you can look back on, and smile, and maybe get some idea how you've grown over time.

Third, a hobby. I build models. Do something that requires a bit of concentration, and anal retentive attention to detail. It gets your mind off just being bored, and give you time to come down off the high, and relax again into everyday routines.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 3:49:10 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Sometimes I do a lot of writing but there are times when it begins to feel like dwelling on things a bit so I try to do physical activities. Right now is an easy time for me to find stuff to do, it is a matter of actually forcing myself to get out of bed and do them. Gathering toys for kids, making gifts or cookies. All that kind of thing help me feel less isolated and less fixated on how crappy I feel. All of that ^ is a lot lot easier said than done. ATM I'm swamped with sub drop, it literally feels like I'm in a swamp with my feet stuck in sticky sucky mud lol. It is way too easy to stay in bed especially since I live alone but as the OP said it isn't the luxury it seems. Inside I'm screaming 'ughhhhhhhh' so all I can do is try harder to pull myself out of it and away from how I feel. Sub drop in me is like the reverse of adrenaline so I try and change how I feel inside by doing positive things. For some reason doing postive things for strangers is really what can kick that out of me. So...............tomorrow I'm going to buy (I don't bake) some cookies to the local womens shelter. It will be an effort to get out instead of staying isolated in my rural home where it can be just too easy to curl up and hide.

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 4:28:57 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		I had never heard the term ‘sub drop’ before I joined CM.  I just always thought I was experiencing normal exhaustion after a long day.  Looking at it as an expected loss of energy I simply cut back on what I do, take a hot shower, treat myself to chocolate or ice cream and go to bed early.  If I feel a little ‘blue’ I write about what happened and or call the dominant to get a sense of balance and perspective. 

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 5:22:32 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		get out of myself...the world does not revolve around me, i do things to better the world, whatever level i can...as long as i don't allow myself to wallow in self pitty i am good...

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 6:03:19 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I think the biggest thing is recognizing it isn't a permanent state.  Actual depression happens for a reason whether it be physiology or circumstance and examining the reasons are important.  Subdrop I think just happens temporarily and isn't "real" (good god I used the R word, don't lynch me).  For me, realizing that goes a long way.

Nuturing and pamerping myself whether it be ice cream, shopping (well for others, that's actually torture for me), chocolate, talking to kinkfriendly friends (this helps me alot) baking cookies, journalizing or whatever is a lifting and happy experience can help.  In my younger years I found exercise helped alot.

The biggest thing for me is contact with the D type I was with.  His assurance he's still around and understands this temporary state helps too.  I say "still around" because I tend to feel some abandonment type feelings much like when you get out of bed under your warm comforter in the morning to a cold house, but then again, clearly I'm crazy.  Whatever makes YOU feel good, do alot of it!


_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
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RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 6:33:34 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

The biggest thing for me is contact with the D type I was with.  His assurance he's still around and understands this temporary state helps too.  I say "still around" because I tend to feel some abandonment type feelings much like when you get out of bed under your warm comforter in the morning to a cold house, but then again, clearly I'm crazy.  Whatever makes YOU feel good, do alot of it!


What if the D type is not available to you because he has his own s type to deal with?
 
jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 6:35:05 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

The biggest thing for me is contact with the D type I was with.  His assurance he's still around and understands this temporary state helps too.  I say "still around" because I tend to feel some abandonment type feelings much like when you get out of bed under your warm comforter in the morning to a cold house, but then again, clearly I'm crazy.  Whatever makes YOU feel good, do alot of it!


What if the D type is not available to you because he has his own s type to deal with?
 
jen


Is that something you accept or something he needs to work on?  I can give ya my IM hon, I'll make you laugh or bore you to sleep

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
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RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 6:43:58 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		laurell,
i just wrote to you on the other side.
 
Thanks,
jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 7:20:09 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl
What if the D type is not available to you because he has his own s type to deal with?


Hopefully, if he has his own submissive, the sub will understand about sub drop and will WANT him to give you aftercare while you are dealing with it.
If I played with a Dom who said "i can't deal with your subdrop because I have to deal with my own sub" I would absolutely not play with them again. As a dominant I think that checking in afterwards and at least being available for contact after play is my responsibility, even if I can't handhold you through all of your subdrop.

Having said that, if this is ok with you you (he is busy with his sub so he can't help you with subdrop), then arrange for something for yourself before you play, and then refer to it. My best friend calls me if she drops after a play scene. She knows that I'll sit and listen and talk to her and whatever she needs (including driving to see her if it's crisis like) and that I understand b/c I'm kinky and a switch besides. For myself, there are times I've played with people and never asked them to deal with my subdrop because I have my best friend, my partner, friends online, etc who will talk to me through it and help me out.

~always happy to talk to someone after~
~E

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'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

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RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 8:56:45 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		I want to thank all of you whom have given your suggestions here and especially those who I have talked to privately.
I am feeling a lot better and, with tomorrow being another day, the first thing on my list of things to do is get that pedicure I have been promising myself.
 
jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to Elorin)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 10:25:31 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

get out of myself...the world does not revolve around me,
Finally, someone realizes that it does revolve around me

quote:

  (good god I used the R word, don't lynch me).
I got the rope... who is bringing the torches?



_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 10:49:58 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		i tend to re-fuel by eating a spinach omelete, hash browns, toast, milk, or salmon, rice and asparagus with milk; seriously, it's one or the other every time!

then i wonder off to a warm bath, eat a couple of chocolates and take a nap, followed by a trip to starbucks for a yummy cup of coffee with desert and curling up in the corner with the newspaper.


(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: sub drop and the single sub - 12/10/2007 11:03:13 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

How do you handle it? For me, sleep is my vice. I am not sure it is the best way to go about it, but it is what I have. Right now, although I am looking, I am not working. I have the "luxury" to be able to crawl in to bed and not come out until I am ready. I put luxury in quotes because I am not so sure it is, in fact, such a luxury. I wonder if having what to do would make it easier to come out of it faster. Then again, I fear that I may not be able to DO what I need to. How do others handle the drop when you come home, after a great play session or sessions, to an empty home? jen


I took your question to mean something else and forgive me if I am personalizing it, but this is the forum. :)

I felt you were asking how do you handle being intimate in a scene or play with someone you are not actually involved in a relationship with and then coming home alone to an empty house.

Since you mentioned in your profile and above that you are "looking" that is what I got out your query.

I am single now myself and if I decide to have an encounter, or play with someone either from my past relationship or someone new and end up coming home alone to an empty house, I don't think that any superficial thing like manicures or massage helps to ease that empty feeling, since the empty feeling is inside. I just say, it was my choice to participate and ok, I felt great last night or yesterday and now today I feel like crap. But tomorrow is another day.

Feelings engendered by play are very strong and the connection you feel is at such a high level, for me anyway, that it is bound to drop afterwards if you are not in that safe, comforting place known as a relationship; especially if you want to be in one.

If you are seeking only play or sessions, then perhaps your sub drop is just that and the other poster's advice is sage.

The best thing is to try and compartmentalize what happened, take it for the fun you had and not let it get too depressing.

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
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