Looking for thoughts... (Full Version)

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floorkitten -> Looking for thoughts... (8/16/2005 1:01:12 PM)

Master and I welcome selective submissives, at just about any level, into an environment in which they can experience a very structured household and 24/7 M/s relationship. Some day, we hope to come across that one that will not just want to add - but want to belong to Master's home.

Recently, while conversing with a lovely young lady - the conversation continuously circled back to "control in play". As the point, our opinion was made, that "play" is not the forefront of a M/s household and the definitive of self desire, service, behavior and structure was expanded upon - the following comment or question was made towards Sir....

".....but, I thought Dominants were suppose to build submissives up?"

This lead me, actually both of us - to ponder the meaning behind this assumption. Nothing was ever mentioned, nor does Sir belittle, destroy, tear-down submissives, yet in the same breath - submission and/or being a slave is not a low level position for those who have lost all faith in themselves. It takes much strength to dedicate your life to another. To truly accept that you will serve and do, no matter what "you" would rather be doing.

Is it me, or has the thought process on this lifestyle changed drastically since it has become the tourist attraction for any kinky adult desiring to "spice up" their sex life?

I know my thoughts are coming in from two angles in this post and guess my bottom line question is... what are your thoughts on the statement regarding "....but, I thought Dominants...."

floorkitten



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/16/2005 1:16:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: floorkitten

Is it me, or has the thought process on this lifestyle changed drastically since it has become the tourist attraction for any kinky adult desiring to "spice up" their sex life?

Another version of the "Those darn kids/Back in my day..." question.

People are people, they haven't really changed.

There are more of all kinds of people around than there used to be, but they are the same kinds as always used to be around.

The fact is many doms DO see it as their place to build up the sub, to mold them, to grow them from a fragile budding rose into a glorious full bush, etc etc.

Many subs DO see it as the doms place to do so and their place to be molded, to be built up, to be protected and cared for and be passive like that.

The problem comes when people try to say it is what doms ALWAYS do, or what all doms SHOULD do.

Some dominants really DONT care about their slaves emotional state at that time, they don't want to nurture anything or be a nursemaid or fall in love or ANY of that. They want a slave to serve, to obey and to respect their authority- period.

Both ways work, just depends on works for YOU.



MistressFire70 -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/16/2005 1:25:20 PM)

My take on the conversation is that she needs (or wants) to be "built up" in a why that is not in line with what your house is interested in. I assume you sent her on her way, with well wishes.

The Leather community is getting a lot more exposure these days. And, since a lot of what we do is erotic, that gets translated as sex in most people's minds. We know that this isn't necessarily true, but there it is. All we can do is be patient and look for those who think like us. It's not BAD that people want to spice up their sex life or to role play. But, it can be frustrating that people "mock" what we do and believe. Still, imitation IS a form of compliment. Just think of all the times we played "princess" as a kid! LOL

Fire



LadyAngelika -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/16/2005 1:37:02 PM)

quote:

Is it me, or has the thought process on this lifestyle changed drastically since it has become the tourist attraction for any kinky adult desiring to "spice up" their sex life?


This depends on what you define lifestyle as. And even if it was about spicing up their sex lives... why the hell not?

- LA



IronBear -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/16/2005 3:31:13 PM)

Some Doms do and some Doms don’t. Some Doms car and some don’t.. Just about as you’d expect in any part of society so why should the lifestyle be different? Sub/slaves would be advised to have a list of things they hope to find in any Dominant they want to hook up with. It really is the classic cavere emptor (you pays you money and hope you get what you bought.)



IronBear -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/16/2005 3:35:36 PM)

quote:

An iron hand in a velvet glove.


Hi ladyAngelika, An iron hand in a velvet glove. Hmmmmmm could that also read: “Steel claws in a fury paw”?



NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/17/2005 2:51:03 AM)

Dominants aren't "supposed" to do anything other than what has been agreed on between them and their sub. Also, I think it's safe to say that the majority of posters on this site aren't just "desiring to 'spice up' their sex life". To most of us, this is a deeply ingrained asset to our lives.



floorkitten -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/17/2005 4:08:09 AM)

Alright, I apologize for the spicy sex life comment. I agree that everyone is entitled to explore at their own levels and for their own reasons. *smile*

I do want to thank you guys for your thoughts and comments - and I look forward to becoming more active within these forums.

kitten



LadyAngelika -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/17/2005 4:34:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

An iron hand in a velvet glove.


Hi ladyAngelika, An iron hand in a velvet glove. Hmmmmmm could that also read: “Steel claws in a fury paw”?


It could.. though I tend to wax ;)

- LA



IronBear -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/17/2005 4:57:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

An iron hand in a velvet glove.


Hi ladyAngelika, An iron hand in a velvet glove. Hmmmmmm could that also read: “Steel claws in a fury paw”?


It could.. though I tend to wax ;)

- LA


Wax ehh? Wax! wAx? waX ... Akkkkkkkkk , Shudders with a strong memory of one night and over indulging in JD..... Okaaaaaaaaaaaay you wax and I'll oil. [sm=lol.gif]



Veav -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/17/2005 9:19:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: floorkitten
".....but, I thought Dominants were suppose to build submissives up?"

Not all dominants are alike, any more than all submissives are alike. If you look at it the one way, it's a silly assumption to make that all dominants should behave such and such a way, and the sub was silly for not acknowledging this.

On the other hand, the basis of any healthy relationship is that both parties are getting what they need out of it. Some submissives need a firm hand, others need praise and encouragement, and some do thrive on humiliation and degradation*. I haven't done any research on numbers or anything like that, but I'm sure there's a sizeable contingent of submissives these days who are in it solely for the kink, or for an ego-boost from an authority figure. I would say that these behaviors are all categorized as "building submissives up".

As has already been mentioned, finding the one that's right for you and that meets your needs is law. Don't stress over the fact that your specific ideals don't set the bar. }:D

* - I don't pretend to understand it, but I won't ignore it based on that. Can anyone throw in some insight about dominants/submissives who seek out degradation, humiliation, otherwise being treated without value?



MsPurrmeow -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/17/2005 10:49:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
quote:

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

Hi ladyAngelika, An iron hand in a velvet glove. Hmmmmmm could that also read: “Steel claws in a fury paw”?


OOOHH IronBear. That's perfect! May I use that as a .sig?

As to the OP here. I'd just agree with the others. Yes, some people look to dump all of their personal responsibilities onto another person, including the responsibility to keep learning, growing and perfecting oneself. Many submissives want someone else to fix their problems, so they don't have to. It's sad, but it is a LARGE number these days. (I personally dislike seeing those types using the labels of submissive or slave, but I get over it.)

Not to mention that it's an awfully big ego stroke for some Dominants who look for damaged goods to mold, simply so that they won't ever question the Dominant's authority.
Me? I don't have the time, energy or desire to fix another person. Learning and growing together, though, is an awesome thing.

Purr



brightspot -> RE: Looking for thoughts... (8/17/2005 11:39:01 PM)

quote:

But, it can be frustrating that people "mock" what we do and believe. Still, imitation IS a form of compliment. Just think of all the times we played "princess" as a kid! LOL

Fire


I swear Fire I never, ever played Princess as a youngster.
I was too busy building forts and climbing apple trees![:)]

*Brightspot



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