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beachboy493 -> question (12/11/2007 2:05:25 AM)
How do I find a woman who will teach me to be a sub and a person that I can pleasure and serve?

MissMagnolia -> RE: question (12/11/2007 2:08:15 AM)
The answers to your question will vary from person to person, but in general, the more people you meet, the more chance you have of finding someone. Check the profiles on the other side and try to attend gatherings where you live.

laurell3 -> RE: question (12/11/2007 2:10:09 AM)
You probably want to put some more information in your profile. Think of it more like vanilla dating at first. Who are you? What do you enjoy in life (other than sex/bdsm). What are you looking for in a partner? What goals do you have in life....that type of stuff. The numbers don't favor you, so be patient and always polite, but remember you can set your limits and define your relationships even though you are submissive. good luck! l

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: question (12/11/2007 5:19:18 AM)
Alot of novice subs seem to have a fantasy that a beautiful, experienced Domme (who happens to have an in-home dungeon and dress in nothing but fetish wear) will swoop down, scoop them up, and play with the sub in EXACTLY the way the sub fantasizes about, with little to no effort on the sub's part to make that happen. Warning: rude awakening ahead: this scenario not going to happen. You are not going to find a Domme willing to put in the huge amount of time and effort required on her part to teach you everything about BDSM and the lifestyle, with little to no personal effort and investment on your part. So what's a novice to do? Lose the attitude that it's someone else's job to teach you about all of this, and take responsibility for the fact that if you're interested in learning about something, then it's ultimately your job to start pursuing that knowledge. Read books on BDSM. Get involved in your local scene and go to educational functions. Meet people and be friendly with them (i.e. don't act like the horny creep who is always trolling for wanking material). Use that knowledge to start understanding where you fit into all of this, and what you have to offer in a potential relationship beyond the fantasy-driven statements like "I'll do anything" and "I'm very oral". Eventually through your forays into the local scene, if you're a decent and sincere person, you'll probably meet Dommes who are willing to explore relationship options with you. Even with your efforts though - be aware that there are far fewer Dommes out there than there are male subs. There is NO guarantee you'll be able to find a Domme for a long-term relationship - it's really difficult to find someone that you mesh with on a vanilla level as well as a kink level. Just like there's no guarantee if you were pursuing a vanilla relationship and marriage, that you would be able to find the perfectly compatible person for that. Now don't get me wrong. People do meet up and have BDSM relationships. But it doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't happen with no effort. Not interested in spending time and effort learning on your own, and not seeking a relationship? Sure, there's an Option B - pay a prodomme for her time for a more hands-on approach. But understand that ultimately, your ability to be successful in exploring something you want to explore depends on YOU, and how much investment YOU want to put into it. You put nothing into it - that's exactly what you'll get out of it.

youngpupforBCms -> RE: question (12/11/2007 5:19:45 AM)
My advice, sit back and relax, make posts here on the boards, and get to meet and know new people. Like laurell said the number dont exactly favor us so instead of spamming up every domminant you see, just be cool and said well worded and informative letters that introduce you and explain what your looking for and likes and dislikes and such, to those that you really feel an interest in or if you liked what they had to say in general on their profiles. Speaking of profiles read them, dont glance at them "READ" them if you want to have any idea or understanding of who you are trying to get to know better. As for your profile you definately will want to put some effort into that, state your likes,dislikes,hobbies,skills, and so on. Use the profile part to explain who you are and just what exactly you are looking for. Other then that, like a friend told me, just sit back and relax and the one for you will find you. This doesnt mean though you shouldn't just create said profile and leave it, you still need to interact within the online community here, if you want to get your name out their. Probably the last hint of advice is to just be yourself, dont try to be someone your not, and always be respectful and honest with people if they show you the same common courtsey. Sorry this post is a little rambled and jumbled, but I just got up, and its exams week least 80% of mine where yesterday though [8D]

peppermint -> RE: question (12/11/2007 5:30:50 AM)
You are very fortunate. Desert Dominion is in Tucson. They are your link to the local community. They hold munches and socials. They have a dungeon. They will help educate you. That's where you might meet that Domme of your dreams. Try them at desertdominion.org/

thetammyjo -> RE: question (12/11/2007 5:34:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia The answers to your question will vary from person to person, but in general, the more people you meet, the more chance you have of finding someone. Check the profiles on the other side and try to attend gatherings where you live. Perfect advice. I just honestly have difficulty grasping why so many people online struggle with the idea that in order to meet folks they need to get involved in communities were people meet. Why would the BDSM world be that radically different from the rest of the world in terms of meeting people and making friends, acquaintances and lovers?

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: question (12/11/2007 5:37:46 AM)
quote: I just honestly have difficulty grasping why so many people online struggle with the idea that in order to meet folks they need to get involved in communities were people meet. Why would the BDSM world be that radically different from the rest of the world in terms of meeting people and making friends, acquaintances and lovers? It is an amazing concept that if you want to meet people....you have to actually go meet people.

Boondoggle -> RE: question (12/11/2007 7:52:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood It is an amazing concept that if you want to meet people....you have to actually go meet people. Wow, man, just, wow... Seriously, though, if you're looking for more than just kinky sex and desire an actual relationship, go find your local community. It is by far the best way to learn about "the lifestyle."

azropedntied -> RE: question (12/11/2007 8:58:15 AM)
beachboy > that answer falls upon you to get educated first , I would suggest you attending Southwest Leather conf in jan if your in AZ .You will learn more there in a weekend that you will in a year sitting home online .As mentioned places like Desert Dominion and APEX are amazing places as are munches to not only meet the local community but to learn .Having that background and education and continue to strive to learn is a huge plus .True every Domme ,Mistress, Top have a particular way , every relationshp will differ with peramiters but work on yourself do not just sit home mailing people on a website and then say this sucks nobody wants me after you get little to no responce s.Its also amazing what happens when your not looking as a full time job sometimes it just comes your way when you least expect it .Bdsm has been a part of my life for more years than i can count on fingers n toes and i still am learning and growing .This life has its rewards but has some work aswell . Best wishes on your journey .

MisPandora -> RE: question (12/11/2007 11:06:15 PM)
I <3 you, Sonnet!

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