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RE: finding a Mistress - 12/14/2007 6:42:30 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Those that focus on size are the ones to be avoided anyway. If its just that shallow, are you missing out really?
As my wonderfully imaginative little cousin has stated: I might be fat, but your stupid. I can diet.
Looks, weight related or beauty or anything else, is all changable. One can gain or lose weight, they can change the colors or looks of most of their body...
So rather than worrying so much about why your looks are getting in your way, why not make your personality SO incredible that no one thinks twice about anything else?
I know I am not the most beautiful Domme on CM, and I dont really care to be. When I want attention, I dont depend on my looks. I depend on my brains. The ones who follow the looks are not going to be the ones that hold my attention for long. The ones what can carry a conversation are.

DV

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VampiresLair

(in reply to tantan)

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RE: finding a Mistress - 12/14/2007 7:06:12 PM

DQUEEN

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/11/2005
Status: offline

Remember: Picky, bitchy people end up alone, because no one will ever be perfect enough for them. Someone can be over weight and sexy; Also skinny people, short people, tall people... Thank God for variety!!!
Attitude is the key!!! If you love yourself, if you are happy with who you are, people will see that in you, and might want to get to know you.
Dreammerqueen

< Message edited by DQUEEN -- 12/14/2007 7:20:21 PM >

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RE: finding a Mistress - 12/14/2007 11:22:19 PM

HypnoticEmily

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/9/2007
From: England
Status: offline

To the OP:

It is only because Dommes are in the minority. I have always found that the BDSM community is far less interested in society's archetype of beauty and more concerned with intelligence and creativity.

To tantan:

How horny you are is of very little interest. I think you might be on the wrong website. There are plenty of sites out there on the interweb full of women from all over the world who would better appreciate your extreme levels of said horniness.

(in reply to mimkyodar)

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RE: finding a Mistress - 12/15/2007 7:09:51 AM

eevin

Posts: 64
Joined: 11/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Seriously, the best advice I can give is to get out into the real world and go to lifestyle events/functions...

While i agree that this is very good advice, its not always terribly possible. i've searched for groups and organizations in my area, and the closest are about a five hour drive away, making them not easily accessable. i wanted to start one in my area, but not knowing anyO/one into the scene, that fizzled out quickly. This is actually the first place i have met what i consider a True Mistress, as oppossed to the One who contacted me on sites like alt.com who turned out to either be men or wanting to castrate and abuse me.

< Message edited by eevin -- 12/15/2007 7:11:17 AM >

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RE: finding a Mistress - 12/15/2007 11:34:38 AM

Boondoggle

Posts: 123
Joined: 5/16/2005
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Eevin, I hate to break it to you, but if you're looking for much of anything, aside from flat emptiness, Nebraska's not the best place to go searching. Yet you do have a valid point, it isn't always possible to find others. I do think it would still behoove you to find out when there is a big party or convention and make plans to go. The real world is still, by far, the best place to learn.

Tartan, you're an idiot. Everyone else who responded to him, can we try to be a bit less racist, please? I know there are huge gaping cultural chasms and all, but expressing your distaste for a certain culture is very different than being completely disrespectful. I'm quite certain not everyone in Egypt is as much of an ass-hat as tartan.

Edit: Something about Nebraska I forgot to mention: There was a study done comparing the topological features of Nebraska to those of a pancake enlarged to the size of Nebraska. It turns out Nebraska actually is flatter than a pancake.

< Message edited by Boondoggle -- 12/15/2007 11:36:42 AM >

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RE: finding a Mistress - 12/21/2007 4:02:29 PM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

It can be extremely difficult to find a Mistress. It can also take a lifetime it seems. I learned from many people on here that I had to first fix me. I feel if your focused on your size and you feel that is the issue, well then it is the issue because your making it one. That will hurt your self esteem and your initial approach to a Mistress. You have to accept your size and also love it and then others will be attracted to that positive energy you have about your self. Beyond that maybe it is all luck, like finding your soul mate in life. I stumbled upon Mistress one day while posting on this site. We were friends first and then noticed how much we had in common. The rest is history. I feel at that time I was ready, I had done some healing and I had stopped looking so hard for one. Instead I had made some Mistress friends and what do know there was Mistress in that group.

(in reply to Boondoggle)

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RE: finding a Mistress - 12/21/2007 5:39:31 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: astressslave

why is finding a Mistress so hard being a big guy

Now do you mean big as in tall or big as in morbidly obese? I'm going to be honest here.. you asked and deserve a straight answer.

Everyone has their preferences.. I've played with both. Tall guys sometimes were out of my striking zone of effectiveness. The morbidly obese guys posed other problems. Cuffs that couldn't be used because of the girth. The effectiveness of my whip was greatly diminished by all the padding. The belly interfered with the CBT applications (having to push it up with one hand and try to tie with the other just doesn't work) ... if I had to move him into position, it was nigh on impossible for me to lift him.

You can't do anything about your height.. but you can do something about the other. either loose the weight to a workable level or find a muscle bound amazon that can maneuver you.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 12/21/2007 5:41:23 PM >

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RE: finding a Mistress - 12/22/2007 12:42:13 PM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
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quote:

Boondoggle wrote: Something about Nebraska I forgot to mention: There was a study done comparing the topological features of Nebraska to those of a pancake enlarged to the size of Nebraska. It turns out Nebraska actually is flatter than a pancake.

Actually, that's Kansas: http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume9/v9i3/kansas.html

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RE: finding a Mistress - 12/22/2007 3:42:34 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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Losing the weight is the only sensible thing to do.
Stroke, heart attack, diabetes. Mental/emotional ill health etc
I know it will be the hardest thing that you have ever done..
Lots of people struggle with their self image.
Subs look for control not only because it turns them on but because they know they need it.
However if we can't find help then we have to do it alone.
.

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RE: finding a Mistress - 12/22/2007 8:31:28 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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You asked, so the fat girl will answer.

One -- your profile leaves alot to be desired. What do you have to offer? What of your experience? Who are you in and out of BDSM?

Two -- your photos are terribly unflattering. I know it sucks to have pics taken when you're not comfortable with your own body. TRUST ME! But you can get someone to take a nice, vanilla picture of you from the waist up, perhaps in a nice setting like outside.

Three -- how are you searching? If it's by your 'oh woe is me' journal entries, that's a total turnoff!!!!!! Seriously, stop using size as a deterrent or an excuse and get out there and meet people.

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"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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