Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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Pad's tips for building structure and organization
The key to organization and structure is establishing a routine... habit. This is true whether you are doing this for yourself or for someone else (including children). People are, as a rule, creatures of habit. This can be a good thing once you get them into the habits you want... but it creates resistance trying to break old habits. To get someone to change (even yourself) you have to induce that person to want to change. Change cannot be forced, even in 24/7 TPE D/s, you still have to get them to want to change. What a D/s or M/s does give you is more options in how you can encourage change. There are four basic ways to do that... I'm going to quote a definition someone else gave, its a good one, succinct and too the point.
quote:
ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
The basics go like this--
Punishment is anything that causes a given behavior to decreaces
Reinforcement is anything that causes a given behavior to increace
Positive punishment-- the application of a bad/painful stimulus to discourage a desired behavior. IE-- getting hit, or wearing a buttplug till a chore is done, gettting bitten by a dog for teasing it.
Negative punishment-- the taking away of something that is enjoyable in order to encourage/discourage a behavior IE-- being denied internet priviledges for "talking back" or being forbiden to wear a favorite peice of clothing for spending too much.
Positive reinforcement-- giving something good to encourage/discourage a desired behavior. IE you get candy if you clean your room, a masochist gets a spanking for doing something good
Negative reinforcement-- the taking away of a negative/painful/bad stimulus to reward good behavior. IE removing the buttplug when the chore is done. Taking tylenol for a headach is also negative reinforcement. You take it, the pain goes away. You have been negativly reinforced to take tylenol when you have headaches.
Write that down in a notebook or journal, its very useful. If you have someone in particular in mind you are training I suggest creating a dossier on them for your personal use... in it you can keep various notes. Write down of four seperate pages each of those categories... use them to keep notes of particular ways to apply each that that person responds well too. For example... some enjoy spankings so much it would be a reward (positive reinforcement) for others spankings really are punishment (positive punishment)... your notes will help you in motivating the person towards desired behaviors.
Motivation and goal setting are the key to overcoming resistance to change. Use the above as a starting point to create motivations. For goal setting you need to establish clear expectations. For example... if you want someone to get up early in the morning, you need to define that. What time do you expect them to get up? Be clear in all your goal setting. The more complex or abstract the goal, the clearer you need to be. Some goals (long term ones) should generally be broken down into a step by step process... short term goals. You want the person to have an ongoing sense of achievement as they meet each of these short term goals, which serves as its own form of positive reinforcement (and a surprisingly powerful one). You asked specifically about daily routines... create a general schedule using blocks of time on a chart. Do not try to schedule every last minute, that's never practical. For example, I keep a schedule myself... first thing I did was block out time for meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and sleep. Then I blocked out my morning according to what I needed to get done in the morning... two large blocks of time for two general types of activity. I did the same in the afternoon and left my evening as free time. A couple of months of adherring to that and I'd changed myself from being a night person who frequently forgot to got to bed, to someone who routinely gets up in the morning at 6 am, and gets an early start on the day. One note about creating such schedules, think them through and try to "live" through it in your own mind. For example... sleep time... most people need 8 hours.. did you leave time to take a shower at night or in the morning... allow time to get ready for bed... time to drift off to sleep? Details like that can make or break your schedule, which is why you should try to walk through it mentally.
Once you've set your goals and worked out how you intend to motivate the person (even if its yourself), you have to follow through... take action. Put that plan into action and do so consistently. It has to be a repitition of the same schedule, same plan, same goals on a dailly basis. If you are doing this as a dominant, that means you are going to have to be disciplined in your own behavior enough to maintain discipline in another (hence the saying "To Master another you must first master yourself"). But also know when to be flexible. If someone is getting frustrated, find out what the source of that frustration is and deal with it... even if it means modifying the plan (but not the goal). Change methods of motivation as necessary to keep them going. Expect resistance at first, don't take it personally, deal with it firmly but patiently and again... remain consistent.
Eventually the change will occur.
You'll find the above pretty much outlines the basic formula for almost any form of training you might wish to apply.
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Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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