RE: Erectile Dysfunction (Full Version)

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Gardenista -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/14/2007 5:49:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisTabsDratt

To toss out a contrary position... As a male sub, one of my biggest fantasies is to be impotent.  Have the desire, but the inability to act on it easily.  I would give my left nut (pun intended) to have some form of ED.

My Wife/Mistress enjoys oral sex primarily, or oral with a dildo.  She maintains that if God were a woman, she'd have put a tongue right above a guys cock.  :)

Just goes to show, ones man's problem is another man's fantasy.




Have you ever seen those chin dildos? You strap it on your face, lol



Sirsinini -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/14/2007 7:54:40 AM)

Thanks everyone for their input on this topic...... 
 
Sir's devoted property



RumpusParable -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/14/2007 2:34:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

I'd like to find out how Erectile Dysfunction weighs in for women.
 
Does it matter?


Well, of course, this rather depends on whether I've any interest in the particular male's penis and using it erect.  If I'd like to, then yes it does matter.
 
quote:

If it does, how do you handle it?


Try to work with them in finding out the cause of the problem and fixing it, while avoiding being pressuring at all.  Most cases of ED are not physiological, so we rule out emotional and mental reasons first before addressing the possibility of medical issues.  Of course, if we've ruled that out or there is a reason that implies a likely medical reason then we look into that side of it together.
 
quote:

What are alternative choices?  (other than the blue pill as some cannot take related to cardiovascular disease)


Assuming that we've found out it's a physical problem of some sort?  Depends on what sort of physical problem it is... there are plenty where a pill like viagra wouldn't help anyhow.  If we wish to do supplemental play while seeking a "cure" or we're unable to find one, then there are many toys that can be used... plus just the normal fun of hands and mouth.
 
quote:

Have you had expereinces with men who have ED and they neglected to say anything?


I'm not really sure how to answer that one... the experience I've had with a male have ED was one where we'd already long been in a sexual relationship when the problem occured and they didn't need to say anything, it was rather obvious in that they were inable to become erect or inable to maintain an erection when we were sexual.
 
quote:

If they did say something, what was your reaction?


Well, when he first had the problem there really wasn't a reaction.  We didn't think anything of it at first since these things happen from time to time in life.  After it happened a couple more times and we realized there was a problem we then talked about what it might be, just as a normal discussion of our sex life. 

quote:

Would this matter to you in the long run?


Happily, in that experience of mine it wasn't a physical problem and it cleared itself up after his stress levels dropped.  If such a thing happened long-term it would matter to me, but I'm not sure in what way you mean the question...  But yes, of course, it would matter to me as it would likely matter to them, too.

If you mean would it cause me to rethink or end the relationship, then no.  ED, in and of itself, is not reason enough for me to end a relationship (or avoid one), because there are so very many other options in sex.



velvetears -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/15/2007 6:01:26 AM)

It matters a great deal to me.  i have had several men in my life who suffer ED and i cannot say any of my experiences i have walked away feeling terribly good about myself. 

First off, all but one lied about it - lie of omission of course, but also lied in the fact that they spoke about us trying all sorts of wonderful sexual experiences etc, knowing full well they could not function sexually.... and when it didn't happen they strung me along with saying in the future when they got off a certain medication. It never happened and what did occur was me doing all the work - blow jobs.  In the beginning there was reciprocation for me in the form of manual manipulation, but never oral for me though.  After investing myself in this person and being slowing chipped away at over the years that i was somehow shallow because i was needing, desiring, wanting sex it affected me, greatly.  i was never given the the information from the beginning so i always felt cheated.  It was a huge issue in our relationship and i walked away angry, confused, hurt and bewildered. 

Never again.  If i ever enter into another relationship this will be something i definately bring up.... my mouth isn't the mother teresa for all the wilting cocks out there.  i will expect sexual satisfaction, and more importantly, i deserve it.



DaddyDeerest -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/23/2007 9:26:01 PM)

 Your absolutly right, velvet tears, you do deserve to have a pleasurable, guilt-free, sexlife, without the onus put on you to make each man feel adiquate, and whole.-- Shit-Pleze ezcse my spling...
If a man suffers from ED, it' up to him to seek out treatments, and then "Master" those ablities first, before venturing out into the dating world, expecting yet again, women to put their needs aside, possibibly forever, if they fall in love with the guy. And if the guy gets tired of his failures, or desides to stop trying all the options available out there to him, again, where does that leave the woman?
Well, these things happened to me as a younger man. I was paralized from the waist down for a few months, and was told that in all likelihood, that I'd never walk again. Thankfully that forcast never came true, but I did...do have lingering nerve damage that'll be with me always. I was a cliche' for good healing. I learned to walk again, using those hand-railings to pull myself along until I could take steps. I stayed in a wheelchair for 2 1/2 yrs,until I was able to make it without it.
My first Girlfriend was like nothing I'd ever experienced before, but all in all, it was good, and fun. But after the novelity wore off, and the reality set in, I volunteered to do sexual response studies, at Queens University, in Kingston, On.
I was poked, proded, ingested, digested, and injected. I tried many kinds of pills, and treatments, and finally settled on penile injections.
Insead of having drugs  flow through my system, interfering with my recreational fun, and visa-versa, this mixture of three drugs, hence the name,"Triple-Mix", can be bought in only a few pharmacies in my "large" city of Toronto, because of it's short shelf life and special equipment needed to make it.  But in the 12-14yrs. that I've been using it, I've never had a problem.
I've regained my sexual confidence, to the point where, I don't feel the need to use the drug each time I'm in bed with someone. Partly because, like a blind man who's other sense's have heightened and grown more in-tune to his surroundings, I have become a much better lover, not having to be penis driven all the time.
But it sure is nice to know it's there whenever I'm ready. Or, whenever my partner's ready. And really, that's the most important thing.
The mixture has three drugs in it. But I'll have to get back to you, if you're intersted in exact amounts,etc...It's Pappaverine. Phenillinim..(?)  I'll have to get back to those who care...
It's just a little pin-prick...Aaahhh................
and arn't women worth it................



juliaoceania -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/23/2007 9:39:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

It matters a great deal to me.  i have had several men in my life who suffer ED and i cannot say any of my experiences i have walked away feeling terribly good about myself. 

First off, all but one lied about it - lie of omission of course, but also lied in the fact that they spoke about us trying all sorts of wonderful sexual experiences etc, knowing full well they could not function sexually.... and when it didn't happen they strung me along with saying in the future when they got off a certain medication. It never happened and what did occur was me doing all the work - blow jobs.  In the beginning there was reciprocation for me in the form of manual manipulation, but never oral for me though.  After investing myself in this person and being slowing chipped away at over the years that i was somehow shallow because i was needing, desiring, wanting sex it affected me, greatly.  i was never given the the information from the beginning so i always felt cheated.  It was a huge issue in our relationship and i walked away angry, confused, hurt and bewildered. 

Never again.  If i ever enter into another relationship this will be something i definately bring up.... my mouth isn't the mother teresa for all the wilting cocks out there.  i will expect sexual satisfaction, and more importantly, i deserve it.

Most men will suffer from some form of ED at some point in their life... either because of medication or other health problem. I can understand not wanting to enter into a relationship with this issue already present, but what if your mate develops this problem later?



Rayne58 -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/24/2007 1:52:35 AM)

*fast reply*

We decided to try this:

http://www.organicsaustraliaonline.com.au/prod4282.htm

It arrived last week.  Sir has used it 4-5 times now and things are on the up (as it were [;)])  He's having more spontaneous erections and they are firmer too.  Many smiles in this house now [:D] [:D]



Bobbie9395 -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/24/2007 2:57:13 AM)

Did not know he had ED when I met him a little over three years ago, and I'm glad I didn't because I might have reacted in a negative way and missed the best sex of my life.  Was I surprised?  Of course, I was.  But, his ED resulted in many firsts for me.  My first oral sex, the first time I had a dildo used on me, and my very first orgasms EVER.  It was totally AMAZING.  If you care enough about someone, there are ways of working around ED.

Now, this was a totally vanilla relationship, but it lasted a year and a half.  If I met someone now who had ED, I would be totally understanding, as long as he was able to use his tongue and a dildo.



lusciouslips19 -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/24/2007 3:26:22 AM)

I wouldnt get involved with someone who couldnt be helped with a blue pill. If it was due to Cadiovascular disease, that he couldnt take it, I'd probably kill him anyway. [:D]



OldBastardly1 -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/24/2007 5:06:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

It matters a great deal to me.  i have had several men in my life who suffer ED and i cannot say any of my experiences i have walked away feeling terribly good about myself. 

First off, all but one lied about it - lie of omission of course, but also lied in the fact that they spoke about us trying all sorts of wonderful sexual experiences etc, knowing full well they could not function sexually.... and when it didn't happen they strung me along with saying in the future when they got off a certain medication. It never happened and what did occur was me doing all the work - blow jobs.  In the beginning there was reciprocation for me in the form of manual manipulation, but never oral for me though.  After investing myself in this person and being slowing chipped away at over the years that i was somehow shallow because i was needing, desiring, wanting sex it affected me, greatly.  i was never given the the information from the beginning so i always felt cheated.  It was a huge issue in our relationship and i walked away angry, confused, hurt and bewildered. 

Never again.  If i ever enter into another relationship this will be something i definately bring up.... my mouth isn't the mother teresa for all the wilting cocks out there.  i will expect sexual satisfaction, and more importantly, i deserve it.

Most men will suffer from some form of ED at some point in their life... either because of medication or other health problem. I can understand not wanting to enter into a relationship with this issue already present, but what if your mate develops this problem later?



This is true, and SOMETIMES it is caused by the lack of inspiration from the woman. Women prefer to be stimulated before being fucked raw. Why would men not want the same?
Also, if a woman has "several" men that seem to have a problem getting a boner, perhaps the problem is not the man.....just saying. [sm=boxer.gif]



MistressFaye1 -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/24/2007 5:09:20 AM)

Great insight and discussion on this thread!  I was in a vanilla relationship (my sworn last one) and he had ED.  He took the blue pill for a little while and then heard it caused blindness (geeze!) and stopped taking it.  Even with the pill he could take sex or leave it.  He chose to leave it most of the time.  He knew of my need to "play" and didn't want any part of it, didn't want to know about it and literally acted like that part of me exist. 

Not only was that an issue for me but he had was taught that it was his duty to please a woman and that all she needed to do was lay there and enjoy whatever he was doing.  Now to some this may not be a bad thing but when all you do is buzz the clit with a vibrator, add a little breast rubbing, and perform a "little" oral for a woman that would rather have you restrained, squirming, begging, and whatever else her mood called for, it leaves a huge "something to be desired".

In all other ways he was attentive and at I use to lovingly tease him and that he's submissive.  He could have been the best submissive ever if he did have such a closed mind to trying to overcome his ED with other ways to please.

I said all of that to say this...  It has been my experience that ED is not what hinders a satisfying sexual relationship, for me it has been the attitude of the male.  If he has the willingness to explore to please me, then we are both in for a wonderful ride finding what works best for us.  If his attitude is one of defeat and "woe is me" about his ED, and chooses to mostly leave sex, (we're talking in the event I regress and try vanilla again) I will not have anything to do with him along those lines.

In a D/s relationship the dynamic is quite different.  It is not the expectation for me to have a sexual relationship with my submissives but the acception, therefore ED isn't a factor.  There so many other delicious things he can and will do in order to please. 

Ms. Faye



Aswad -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/24/2007 9:55:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gardenista

From what I understand, ED is a physical disorder and unrelated to sexual desire.


Quite so. It comes down to neural, hormonal or cardiovascular issues. And it's actually not related to age, except in the sense that advancing age will increase the risk of getting the problems that cause ED. My own, which started some years ago (I'm 27 at the time of this posting), was due to a doctor fuckup. It's really frustrating to be a raging bundle of arousal, yet not be able to enjoy the full range of activities one likes to engage in.

And while some girls can take a message that "you're getting me so hot right now", not all can, at least not at a subconscious level. Some still end up worrying about whether I am saying that to protect their feelings (sorry, girls, I'm not quite that sensitive). Which makes sense; nature's no. #1 way of saying a man is hot is a raging hard-on, after all.

Health,
al-Aswad.



Aswad -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/24/2007 10:08:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisTabsDratt

Just goes to show, ones man's problem is another man's fantasy.


Let's trade. I get to put your left nut on display, and you get me severing random nerves in that area with an electrocautery pen until you go flaccid. It will be great fun. [;)]

Health,
al-Aswad

P.S.: Joking, obviously. Though, if you'd like, I can read up on ways to cause it safely; CMail me, if so.



OldBastardly1 -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/24/2007 11:56:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gardenista

From what I understand, ED is a physical disorder and unrelated to sexual desire.


Quite so. It comes down to neural, hormonal or cardiovascular issues.
Health,
al-Aswad.




Let's not forget psychological causes. Which I have been told is responsible for a good portion of ED causes.



PghSpanking -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/24/2007 12:41:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

I'd like to find out how Erectile Dysfunction weighs in for women.
 
Does it matter?
 
If it does, how do you handle it?
 
What are alternative choices?  (other than the blue pill as some cannot take related to cardiovascular disease)
 
Have you had expereinces with men who have ED and they neglected to say anything?
 
If they did say something, what was your reaction?
 
Would this matter to you in the long run?
 
 
Sir's devoted property


I would like to reply to the part of your initial post asking if there are alternative options to ED.  I have had some friends who have dealt with ED, either personally, or with their partners.  And I have read some books and articles that included other options for ED (I am into holistic health and read ALOT LOL)

There are various herbal remedies that can help, but if the person has medical issues too, it would be better to work with a skilled herbalist.  Also, using holistic modatlities to help treat some medical problems could have an extra benefit of reducing the problems that cause the ED.

If you are interested in learning more about holistic options, please feel free to contact me and I will check with my friends to see exactly what helped them and what they can suggest.



Aswad -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/24/2007 1:08:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

Let's not forget psychological causes. Which I have been told is responsible for a good portion of ED causes.


Important not to forget; thanks for reminding me. I couldn't comment on how often it's the case, though.

Health,
al-Aswad.



ocilla -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/24/2007 3:10:30 PM)

What would matter the most would be how open and willing to find creative solutions to any delimna's that came as a result.  

As I grow older I am encountering many men who are dealing with this and my notion of sexuality and intimacy is changing as a result...there are a whole lot of wonderful sexy men who struggle with ED plus...many are still a catch in my opinion.  If a fellow is in denial about it or too embarrassed to get creative and involve others - whether partners or medical folks - in coming up with alternatives well that is a complete deal breaker then.  Oh...I am more inclined to consider someone with ED for a long term relationship as opposed to only a play partner, as a long term partners penis getting erect is such a small part of your lives together. And then, even with a play partner it would depend on the fella...if a potential play partner sparks me mentally and in other ways I could see myself enjoying their company time and again....  Yeah, erect penises are a lot of fun - I am even becoming quite the expert on sensual CBT - but still there is so much more to sexuality and BDSM than mere body parts.



velvetears -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/29/2007 12:13:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

It matters a great deal to me.  i have had several men in my life who suffer ED and i cannot say any of my experiences i have walked away feeling terribly good about myself. 

First off, all but one lied about it - lie of omission of course, but also lied in the fact that they spoke about us trying all sorts of wonderful sexual experiences etc, knowing full well they could not function sexually.... and when it didn't happen they strung me along with saying in the future when they got off a certain medication. It never happened and what did occur was me doing all the work - blow jobs.  In the beginning there was reciprocation for me in the form of manual manipulation, but never oral for me though.  After investing myself in this person and being slowing chipped away at over the years that i was somehow shallow because i was needing, desiring, wanting sex it affected me, greatly.  i was never given the the information from the beginning so i always felt cheated.  It was a huge issue in our relationship and i walked away angry, confused, hurt and bewildered. 

Never again.  If i ever enter into another relationship this will be something i definately bring up.... my mouth isn't the mother teresa for all the wilting cocks out there.  i will expect sexual satisfaction, and more importantly, i deserve it.

Most men will suffer from some form of ED at some point in their life... either because of medication or other health problem. I can understand not wanting to enter into a relationship with this issue already present, but what if your mate develops this problem later?



Sorry to drudge up a days old topic but wanted to answer julia as my original post, after re reading it, did seem like i was inconsiderate and intolerant.  i'm quite tolerant and loyal to those i give my emotions to but if a problem develops, the solution has to be approached by both parties, not just one sided.  A woman can't fix this situation in a man - she can be tolerant, patient, supportive, loving, etc but ultimately he has to be the one to seek out a solution/resolution to the problem - if he even considers there is one.  Men with ED, as was pointed out earlier, don't lack desire but rather just the ability to maintain an erection hard enough to function sexualy with a woman.  In two of my past relationships (both long term) the men were able to stay hard during oral, but not penetration.  Perhaps my nature as a submissive led me to be more tolerant than i should have with having my own needs pushed to the side, while they gladly laid back and got theirs met, but after a time it just wore me down - it became unhealthy for me to continue.   They could have changed that situation in a heart beat and had more than ample time to do so. 

To clarify, one happened during the course of the relationship and the other, as i stated earlier, lied up front about it and strung me along.  There was a third but upon learning about his ED i decided not to proceed with anything. 



Bobbie9395 -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/29/2007 12:41:37 AM)

I  had a year and a half long (vanilla) relationship with someone.  It ended a year ago.  He did not tell me he had ED and, yes, I was a bit surprised, but I said nothing because I didn't want to embarrass him.  We still had the BEST sex.  He gave me my VERY FIRST ever orgasms, because of his oral ability and his talent with a dildo.   There are so many alternatives to actual intercourse that I would not hesitate to enter into a relationship with someone with ED.  In fact, I just did this week!  I have a wonderful master, whom I care for very much.  His ED has no bearing on how I feel about him.  



sublibrarian -> RE: Erectile Dysfunction (12/29/2007 7:47:28 AM)

I think whoever said that it depends on how the man deals with it has hit the nail on the head. I've experienced men of various ages having occasional ED and if the man can face it and find alternatives to intercourse then things can be fine. I love a good fuck but there's so much more to sex than just that. My Dom is 18 years my senior and he takes a pill to help him along sometimes, doesn't need the pill many times, and has a hard time keeping it up sometimes. I just take it all in stride and don't take it personally. I think the men who've blamed the woman are really abhorrent. ED isn't a huge deal unless people make it into one. It's just one facet of life that can be dealt with. We don't make it into a big deal, so it isn't one.



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