Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (Full Version)

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SubmissiveAK -> Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/13/2007 9:48:56 AM)

Hello all,

I dont know if it's just me, but it seems like I have the hardest time talking to a Dom/me. Whether its a group conversation, an email, posting or whatever, I cant help but obsess over things. Its like I dont want to say or do anything that is gonna make me look stupid, but all this worrying kinda makes it harder to be myself. Is this something common to subs? What do you do when your contacting/talking to dominants?

thankfully,
~AKsubmissive~



RCdc -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/13/2007 10:42:25 AM)

I do not contact dominants in the way you may, as I am already owned.  However, obsessing? fretting? or worry?  Yes! It was and still is a huge hurdle for me, but with the right guidence, I am improving because it's something Darcy requires of me.
 
So, basically, yes it does happen and your not alone, that is all I can say!  Best wishes...
 
the.dark.



batshalom -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/13/2007 12:57:00 PM)

Be honest about being new and feel free to be yourself. There is no right way or wrong way to do a thing until you're in a dynamic with someone. If you say something that annoys someone, he or she will let you know and (hopefully) will offer some guidance. If the guidance seems sage, take it. If it seems stupid, forget it. There aren't any rules except the ones accepted in formal settings by those who choose to attend those functions, and the ones accepted by the people in the dynamic.



KatyLied -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/13/2007 1:08:34 PM)

I think everyone has worries when they start conversing with others.  For me it goes both ways though.  I sometimes try to read more into what they say or their behavior than is really meant.  That is what I caution myself against.  I'm not to worried about what I say or how I act, because it's who I am.  I really hope that by being myself I will attract someone who will be attracted to me.  



Littlepita -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/13/2007 1:29:06 PM)

Treat people like you want to be treated and don't accept anyone treating you less than you deserve. When I met my dominant, I spoke to him just like I would anyone else. Now, that he owns me, I do treat him as such. But, in the beginning he got the same treatment everyone else gets from me. As for the dom/dommes who are in my life as friends and acquaintances, they get my respect because they show me respect. I don't stick anyone on a pedestal and that goes for my Master, who if anyone actually deserves to be on a pedestal it's him for all he has brought into my life.



gcarlos -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/13/2007 2:32:44 PM)

AK,

My advice would definitely be yourself, especially if you are seeking something long term. Don't try to be what you think a Dom/me wants you to be.  When you are at your most submissive and raw state the real you will be evident. 

Be honest about what you like/dislike and don't be afraid to let them know your boundaries.  Talking to a potential Dom/me should be no more scary than talking to a new neighbor...remember Ds are people too.

Good luck in your search.
--Their {girl}



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/13/2007 3:59:14 PM)

You're trying too hard. Just be yourself. That way, when you do connect, it'll be on a reality-based level.

Master Fire



forg0ttenclone -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/13/2007 7:33:50 PM)

You can't fret and worry.  You have to be yourself and let you show through your conversation.  Despite being already owned, each time i speak with Goddess, whether that be via IM, phone, or seeing Her in person.  I am always nervous and intimidated by Her.  But i swallow that down and i am myself.  She doesnt want me as a nervous, worried wreck.  She wants me to be myself, brattiness and all. -smirk-



SubmissiveAK -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/14/2007 5:47:46 AM)

I want to just be myself, but a lot of times thats the hardest thing to do. Its a lot like when I get into a scene; I'm stuck in my head, stuck in my head, stuck in my head then suddenly... I break and fall into that... submission. :)

Now does that mean I need verbal abuse? :D



KatyLied -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/14/2007 10:01:58 AM)

The hardest or at least for me, one of the hardest things to do is to allow the universe to unfold as it will or won't.  This means being patient, waiting, not forcing, allowing, being you.  



littlebitxxx -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/14/2007 10:22:00 AM)

OP, you have to be yourself, everybody else is taken...lol.  And yes, that is the hardest thing to do sometimes trying to make a good impression, not wanting to come over all desperate and stoopid and stuff.  Understand where you're coming from.  Sometimes just to know what you want or don't want, and don't settle for less, is the best way.  Trying to be something just because it's what they want won't work.  Case in point:  I can't be a virgin no matter how hard I try.  He's going to have to work with a slut.  If he can't, that's his problem not mine.  A little extreme but yanno what I mean.  If you know you, you can let others get to know you and find compatibility. 



LadyLynx -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/14/2007 11:08:55 AM)

I have suffered from the same problem for years. alot of it has to do with shyness. something that helped alot was chatting in the chatrooms and message boards! (can't help but find that amusing.)  And also forcing myself to talk to people, (like at munches.) I knew that to a certain extent I will probably always be like that and that I would have to consistantly force myself to not hide.  Here is what I do when I start to worry,obsess,or fret: I take a deep calming breath,(sometimes a few.) count to 10 and do an imaginary exercise like seeing what I am worried about, turn into smoke and vanish. or that I am physically pushing those thoughts out of my head.  Going to a mirror and making goofy faces can often do the trick as well. Or just acting goofy in general.  hate to tell you, this is something that will probably take alot of years of consistant mental upkeep, but it is worth it!



liminalRapture -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/14/2007 11:26:10 AM)

I used to have this, but it went away.  Partly just time--I got comfy in my own skin.  I also got more discriminating and I got clearer with what I want and what I don't want.  I also realized the Doms are, um, people.  With flaws.  With amazing strengths.  With quirky senses of humor.  They aren't gods.  And they aren't perfect.  And it made it easier for me to connect once I stopped putting them on a pedestal.

I think the fact that you recognize it is a great thing.  Now that you recognize it, I would say accept it.  Notice that you are doing it, not with judgement but as a sociologist.  It will make it easier to figure out what triggers it.  But if you give yourself a hard time over it, it is just another level of not being comfy with where you are, and you are doing exactly what you need to do.



sexyred1 -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/14/2007 11:32:44 AM)

Eh, I am always myself...why would I want to be anyone else? If someone else does not like you being your authentic self, then that avoids wasting precious moments of your life, right?

Confidence, confidence, confidence. I said it three times, for emphasis.



littleone35 -> RE: Obsessing, Fretting, Worrying over everything! (12/14/2007 1:52:11 PM)

Just relax and be yourself.  If they don't see the real you how are they going to know if you will be a good match for them.  I know it is hard to relax but you got to try to.  Relax and start enjpoying the conversation.

Matt's littleone



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