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RE: As a young dom... - 12/14/2007 3:27:02 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Dude, you're young yes, but take NorthernGent's advice to heart. 

Oh, and you don't need to have mutual funds and a pillow to flog in order to start feeling your way in all of this stuff. 

And if your parents are helping you through college and all the shit that parents normally do for 18 year olds, it doesn't preclude you from allowing your dominant identity to surface and begin to take shape.  

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to wisteriaV)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: As a young dom... - 12/14/2007 3:44:48 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings kenny,

i have to agree with celeste here - it's about your attitude, not your age. yes, many people will look twice because of your age, and a few will dismiss you offhand - that happened to me on the forums here when i first started posting. if you consistently show yourself to be mature and worthy of respect, however, you will gain respect. the key phrase there is consistently showing yourself to be mature and worthy, though. no one is going to respect you right off hand, particularly if they may already have preconceptions about age. yes, people will say stupid shit and try to devalue your posts based on your age occasionally. so what? build a bridge and get over it.

if someone else's opinion can make you "lose faith" in the "lifestyle," i personally would not want to submit to you either. the reason i tend to end up with men older than myself (although i don't particularly seek in one age range) is because i want someone who is comfortable with themselves and where they are in their lives. i am financially and emotionally self-sufficient; i want someone who is also. most people my age are not and i respect that many people's parents pay for their college and whatnot, but i have the right to want to be with someone who is able to support themselves. i am getting ready to go to graduate school in the next year and a half, and i am working on articles for publication. i want someone who can relate to having a focus in their life, and who can speak to me on an intellectual level, because that's extremely important to me. it doesn't mean you have to have a phd (my master does not, and he's 54), but some knowledge of the world and ability to converse about important things is important to me. in my personal experience, men closer to my age do not have that. that doesn't mean i wouldn't rule out a man of considerable experience and ability to relate to me who happened to be around my age, it just means i haven't found very many of them yet.

hint: throwing tantrums about it does not make you appear more mature.

respectfully,
annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 12/14/2007 3:45:29 PM >

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to kennyautopsy)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 2:46:19 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

begin to take shape.  



'Exactly where the focus should be.

Your signature, Marie.....'nice touch.







_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 8:19:38 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

Oh, and you don't need to have mutual funds and a pillow to flog in order to start feeling your way in all of this stuff. 

And if your parents are helping you through college and all the shit that parents normally do for 18 year olds, it doesn't preclude you from allowing your dominant identity to surface and begin to take shape.  


No he doesn't need that to begin to allow his identity to emerge but he does need to realize that women who have all those things aren't likely to be interested in someone who they will have to teach.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 8:47:40 AM   
Lureaetagg


Posts: 24
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kennyautopsy

It gets on My last nerve when people on this site (especially subs/slaves) kick Me and My fellow young Doms around simply because of my age. Is there some sort of random benchmark at which we are allowed to be considered competent of being an effective and suitable Dominants or is that eligibility determined by all of you older Dom(me)s and subs/slaves somehow?


Hate to sound like "all of you older Dom(me)s" because I am 18 but, I feel like I must respond to your epic quest for the truth.

To risk sounding cliche, respect is earned not given. It has nothing to do with age as I have never had another member of the lifestyle downgrade me because of my age. I have talked to both Domaniant people and submissive people and while I have been asked my experence and if this was really who I am, I have never been judged about it.

If I had to guess as to why this is, I would say that I presented myself accordingly and did not behave like some whinning little girl.

Now, I agree that it is harder when you are younger because you have to prove yourself to others but guess what? That never changes. Everyone on this site has to prove themselves as their choice.

If you want respect show that you are worthy of it and don't post threads whinning about the fact that you don't get any respect. Spend the time earning it and not (excuse me for my language) bitching about it.

I suppose I should look at myself for wasting the time to respond but... I don't have anything better to do at the moment

_____________________________

I am swift darkness taking over your world.

(in reply to kennyautopsy)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 10:46:30 AM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		As i read some of the posts and threads i find a lot of submissives on the forums to be aggressive, Childish to the point of being rude and ill mannered,  to the point where i don't see any submission in them at all.

How old are they? i don't know, but that doesn;t matter. It's what You do with what You have and the way You handle Yourself that makes You capable.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 10:59:29 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

As i read some of the posts and threads i find a lot of submissives on the forums to be aggressive, Childish to the point of being rude and ill mannered,  to the point where i don't see any submission in them at all.

How old are they? i don't know, but that doesn;t matter. It's what You do with what You have and the way You handle Yourself that makes You capable.


You know, I find a lot of submissives who post about the aggressiveness of other submissives to be really annoying. Trying to be "subblier than thou" gets you no points around here.

YOU don't see submission in people posting the way they want? Oh, gee whiz sorry? Who appointed you the arbiter of how submissives should post. I happen to think you posting with capital T/t is ridiculous, but I don't care, because as you may have forgotten, this is a public forum and people can reply in any manner they choose without their submissiveness being questioned.

You would do well to develop a sense of humor because many of these so called aggressive, childish and ill mannered posts are actually funny. More often than not, they are honest and upfront, which is a hell of alot better than giving namby pamby advice like so many do who are afraid to express themselves.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 11:54:50 AM   
briarrosethorne


Posts: 50
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kennyautopsy

It gets on My last nerve when people on this site (especially subs/slaves) kick Me and My fellow young Doms around simply because of my age. Is there some sort of random benchmark at which we are allowed to be considered competent of being an effective and suitable Dominants or is that eligibility determined by all of you older Dom(me)s and subs/slaves somehow? Now I'm aware that I will get many responses saying "The preference varies by person" and I acknowledge and thank you ahead of time (that's a nice way of saying don't waste your time posting that),but...

My question is this: If there are two Dom(me)s of comprable BDSM knowledge and experience,however one is 20 and the other 37, is age a determining factor for the effectiveness of that Dom(me)?

I ask because I am a dom. I am also 18, and age aside, I'm begining to wonder, do the general "rules" of respect and courtesy only apply to those of a certain age, or is it okay to mock those of us of a younger persuasion, or what? I'd like some opinions, because frankly it's these people with little respect and courtesy that make me lose faith in this scene and lifestyle.

Thank you,
Master Kenny.Autopsy



It depends on what you mean by effectiveness...
For SOME age is a BIG deal...  for others it isnt...
and for the most part its less about age more about
expierence. As a young sub...i catch shit cause
im "young and dont know what i want." But thats
ok.
Another note on age...some wont accept Dom/me
play from someone younger than them....its a society thing
there. Like Daddy stuff from a younger guy... (He 18 she 24)
Not always recieved well...not that its a bad thing some peoples
brains just dont work in those circles....and Im offically babeling ...

~His Rose~



_____________________________

Is on her own once again

(in reply to kennyautopsy)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 12:43:52 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		and what's wrong being aggressive? 

should i be a whiny doormat wonderng what i'm or my Doms are doing is right or wrong?

sheeeeesh - you make being submissive sound like i should roll over and play dead.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 1:26:54 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

As i read some of the posts and threads i find a lot of submissives on the forums to be aggressive, Childish to the point of being rude and ill mannered,  to the point where i don't see any submission in them at all.

How old are they? i don't know, but that doesn;t matter. It's what You do with what You have and the way You handle Yourself that makes You capable.


You may not like their personality or their presentation, but please don't comment on their role.  Unless they have submitted to you, you have no idea what it is.  The only people that define that is their partner and them.  People post here, not roles.  All people are encouraged to share their opinions and the Mods are the ones that determine when they cross that line and that has not a thing to do with roles. 
If what someone says is offensive to you a) examine whether you are taking it too personally and why and b) ignore it and read the next one or c) do the unthinkable and speak out against the things you believe to be wrong because PEOPLE do that regardless of role.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 3:27:12 PM   
liminalRapture


Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07
As i read some of the posts and threads i find a lot of submissives on the forums to be aggressive, Childish to the point of being rude and ill mannered,  to the point where i don't see any submission in them at all.


Seems to me like this describes all sorts of people all the internet.  Hardly just subs.

I'd prefer you didn't judge me.  You have no right to (and given that you are judging people based on their submissiveness, that hardly seems to live to the standard that you are setting.)

I may choose to surrender to one person at a given time.  I've never once had a guy I've surrendered to say "you don't seem submissive to me."  Just the opposite--"You are so much more submissive than you are willing to admit" has been said.  I lead a bifurcated life.  My shrink (if I had one) might say that I should work to integrate that more, but I find fire in the juxtapositions.  I told Secret Service agents what to do at an event I organized (and yes, they also told me other things--we were working together at this thing, as equals); how delicious to tell men with guns where to go and then come and kneel at his feet. 

I'm a different person when I surrender--less witty, sophisticated, cynical, more trusting (completely--I have no defenses when I go to that space), quieter, a little younger.  I could never manueveur the NYC streets when I'm in that space.  Going there nourishes me, but I couldn't life there.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 3:46:38 PM   
NaiveTempest


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kennyautopsy

There are thousands of posts on this site. I'm very well not going to sit here and sift through all of them to see if someone has addressed My problem before deciding to post My own thread.
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

People have preferences AND choices. If their choice is an older D, good luck to them. Bitching isnt going to change a thing. Ranting about how badly done to you are IS going to get you ignored as a petulant child.

*copied from the same thread under a different title. Why are you making duplicate threads?



Why not? You're to good to use the search feature? I would have thought you would want to save yourself some effort and possible snarkiness. But maybe you mostly just wanted to rant.

OK, going back to finish reading the other replies.

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to kennyautopsy)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 7:07:54 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

As i read some of the posts and threads i find a lot of submissives on the forums to be aggressive, Childish to the point of being rude and ill mannered,  to the point where i don't see any submission in them at all.



Actually, when I'm blunt I am being submissive. I'm submissive to one and that one only. It is a breach of rules for me to go around sucking up to anybody and everybody that announces they are a dominant.

You see, my submission isn't tossed around like an unwanted chewed toothpick, it's special. When you go around submitting to someone who hasn't asked you to it's rude. It's also disrespectful to your dominant that what ought to be saved for him is given away to anybody. Or are you supposed to submit to everyone who sends you a kneel bitch email?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 7:34:05 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I prefer partners around my own age with similiar interests. While I'd consider an 18 year old, they, like a 29 year old, would have to be exceptional. Considering that I strongly enjoy have a drink with my partners and going to a bar, I strongly prefer people over 21.

Now that said, you'd still be out of the running because you use the whole "Y/you" thing. I just can't stand it.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kennyautopsy)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 7:35:44 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

As i read some of the posts and threads i find a lot of submissives on the forums to be aggressive, Childish to the point of being rude and ill mannered,  to the point where i don't see any submission in them at all.



It doesn't matter if you see submission in them. They aren't your submissives, so why on earth would you expect them to submit to anyone but their owner? That seems mighty rude to me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: As a young dom... - 12/15/2007 9:10:36 PM   
ezduzit


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/1/2007
Status: offline 		There is a difference in an 18 year old sub with a older experienced Dom and an older experienced sub with an 18 year old Dom. Who would be training who?

I truly mean no disrespect at all to young people, but there is a huge difference between the capabilities of a 40 year old man and an 18 year old man. There is a biological change that takes place in between the ages of 28 and 32. These changes have a profound effect on demeanor among other things. This is the true coming of age for men. Look at statistics like arrest reports. There is a huge drop in all kinds of immature risk taking behavior during this period in a man's life. This is the time that men become suitable fathers and husbands and start to take on leadership roles in society. There does seem to be a major change in a man's perception of beauty somewhere near the age of 40. I have been experiencing ballet with new eyes for the last few years. I truly see this or more acurately organize this information in a way that is wholly new to me as if the activity is something completely different than it was previously. There is not just life experience to consider. There are actual biological changes that are truly profound. The changes tend to deepen the abilities of males in particular ways. I contend that the changes are of the type that will have a significant effect on one's "Domness" (whatever that is).

Can an 18 year old be dominant? Certainly.....    Should he expect to be treated in the same way as someone who had passed through these portals of change. Since he cannot directly know about them from personal experience, maybe he can expect it. It is unlikely, however, that he will get it.

< Message edited by ezduzit -- 12/15/2007 9:11:56 PM >

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: As a young dom... - 12/17/2007 6:17:42 AM   
sweetstorm


Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

Do you have a big penis Sir? I really respect a big penis.

chia* (the pet)



Once again, chia strikes to the very HEART of the matter at hand.....



_____________________________

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: As a young dom... - 12/17/2007 10:58:38 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

begin to take shape.  



'Exactly where the focus should be.

Your signature, Marie.....'nice touch.




yeah yeah...


_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: As a young dom... - 12/17/2007 12:47:41 PM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetstorm

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

Do you have a big penis Sir? I really respect a big penis.

chia* (the pet)



Once again, chia strikes to the very HEART of the matter at hand.....



He didn't answer her question either....

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to sweetstorm)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: As a young dom... - 12/17/2007 1:03:59 PM   
fsub4use


Posts: 94
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		You know, there was another question posted on another board by another Dom.  He asked that his profile be looked at and was given some suggestions.  He listened, chose some of the advice that resonated with him, made some sweeping changes as well as some minor ones.  He disregarded some of the advice because it didn't work for him.  Throughout the entire thing, he responded to the posters with dignity and grace and gratitude.

I think it is fair to say (after reading the posts from others in response to his responses) that he was respected, appreciated, and welcomed with open arms.  He's acting like a man, responding like a man. I am struck by the huge differences in the responses between him and Kenny. 

I know it can be frustrating to feel like you are being disrespected, but the truth is that you get what you put out.  Not always, of course, but most of the time.  Kenny, I hope you hear what people are saying.  They are giving you some really good advice.  And are respecting the stage of life you are in.   Good luck.  And smile, man... Joy and laughter always go much further than just about anything.

peace.  

_____________________________

*i can usually be found under the name sunshinemiss

(in reply to wisteriaV)
Profile   Post #: 60
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