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The very basics of taking control - 12/14/2007 8:22:22 AM

secretagentgirl

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I have been with a guy a couple times in a vanilla way and he's said that he wants me to take control.
My whole life sex experience has been fairly vanilla and recently exploring my submissive side a bit, but I'm open to giving it a whirl.
I don't think he means he wasn't to move towards BDSM yet, I think he just wants someone to take the lead sexually (and I know he wants to get oral.)

I don't even know where to start. I know I need to find my own voice in sense, but I'm not even sure where to begin.

Any tips on things I might do to start down the path of taking the lead? Is it just as simple as "do this" "now do that" etc? Seems like I need to spice it up a bit more.

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RE: The very basics of taking control - 12/14/2007 8:30:33 AM

thetammyjo

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If you can afford it, it's not that expensive, I recommend this book.

The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners (Paperback)
by Lady Green (Author)

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RE: The very basics of taking control - 12/14/2007 8:38:09 AM

chiaThePet

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Tie him naked to a tree by the side of the road and sell hot flamming
marshmallows to passersby to fling at him. If he screams "S'more, S'more,
he may be up for a little Domination. If he just screams, he may simply
wish to be passive sexually. Either way, explore and have fun with it.

chia* (the pet)

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RE: The very basics of taking control - 12/14/2007 8:45:52 AM

secretagentgirl

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quote:

Tie him naked to a tree by the side of the road and sell hot flamming
marshmallows to passersby to fling at him. If he screams "S'more, S'more,
he may be up for a little Domination. If he just screams, he may simply
wish to be passive sexually. Either way, explore and have fun with it.

Bwah hah hah. Love it!
Thanks for the book reco as well. Sounds like just what I need.
Can't wait to ask the clerk at Borders to order if for me.

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RE: The very basics of taking control - 12/14/2007 8:58:21 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: secretagentgirl

quote:

Tie him naked to a tree by the side of the road and sell hot flamming
marshmallows to passersby to fling at him. If he screams "S'more, S'more,
he may be up for a little Domination. If he just screams, he may simply
wish to be passive sexually. Either way, explore and have fun with it.

Bwah hah hah. Love it!
Thanks for the book reco as well. Sounds like just what I need.
Can't wait to ask the clerk at Borders to order if for me.

They should be able to order it for you since it is sold through their website and Amazon.com as well.

I found it personally a very helpful initial read for me.

Greenery Press in general has good books written by folks who are kinky and who practice what they write about.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: The very basics of taking control - 12/14/2007 10:06:34 AM

darchChylde

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now, i have much difficulty taking the lead in the bedroom (or any initiative whatsoever); but, if you really want to take control, here's a few suggestions

1) if you have to, psych yourself into believing that it's what you really want, it will kill it for the guy if you're taking control but aren't really into it... in my opinion, there's little that's more of a turn off than someone doing anything for you and treating it like a sexual chore

2) it doesn't mean just catering to his whims or only paying attention to his body, take what you want and guide his actions by brute force or gentle manipulation taking your cues from his reaction

3) often, when a guy says he wants you to take control; he really means that he wants you on top,,, i'm not kidding, guys are sometimes that simple

4) if, at any time, you and he start to get into the moment and move away from your careful planning or roleplay; for gods sake just go with it; intuitive lovemaking is too good to be cast aside for any reason

5) have fun, us guys aren't that hard to please (pssst: try the penis); so try not to stress to much

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RE: The very basics of taking control - 12/14/2007 10:09:34 AM

indygirl2

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I definitely second the recommendation for Lady Green's "101" book. And if the staff at your Borders are anything like the staff at mine, they won't bat a single dyed-fuschia eyelash. Gotta love a company that seemingly couldn't care less about piercings, tattoos, freak flag flying, etc. on their employees who deal with the public!

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RE: The very basics of taking control - 12/14/2007 1:07:43 PM

RumpusParable

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Take it in tiny and easy steps and let him know you're giving it a whirl, so to be a bit patient.

Then, do take those tiny steps... like start rubbing up on his leg while at the movies and proceed to a little over-the-pants stimulation at first... or a simple "get in the bedroom NOW"... then next time "meet me in the bathroom" and make sure you come first... or while already in bed doing it as you two normally would, grab his shoulders and push him over onto his back and do whatever you feel like for a while...

Or a million other little spur-of-the-moment opportunities you see. Heck, just grabbing his ass when he passes you in the department store aisle can be a good start, depending on where you guys are at right now.

Just start jumping at possibilities when they present themselves and don't rush yourself. As you do a little here or there, next time you'll feel more comfortable and able to go a little further and be a bit bolder.

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RE: The very basics of taking control - 12/14/2007 4:25:33 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

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Assuming you find him sexy (so its not a chore) it might be as simple as you go first.

If you feel like a kiss and cuddle, start it. If you want to touch him somewhere, go for it. If you want his hands or mouth somewhere, put them there. If you feel like reciprocating oral, help yourself. And if you don't feel like it yet, don't do it.

Take "control" means leading the way by taking what you want, not waiting passively for him to intiate.

Should you start issuing directions in the bedroom like a traffic cop? It it feels hot to you, go ahead. If it feels stupid, just be physically pushy without saying anything.

Should you tie him up so he is helpless to resist and then do anything you like to him as long as you want to get off.......sorry, sorry, getting a bit carried away there.....I have to go find my sub now.....

Good luck!

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