Confidence in ownership (questions) (Full Version)

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Ryugen -> Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 2:40:54 PM)

Now, if you've read any of my other posts (obviously few and far between at this stage), you may have come to realise I am very much interested in intellectual debate and the discussion of -ologies. So, having hopefully made that clear, I would like to also add that I am not looking for flames, but feel free to dish them out as you see fit. I hope that any opinions expressed by me are realised to be only that; opinions, and that we can agree to disagree if such a thing occurs.

So, as to the title, I'm afraid I couldn't think of anything else that fitted and was hopefully not too long. I shall, however, now go about explaining this post and put forth to you the questions involved that I am keen for answers to;

As a submissive/slave, is it reassuring to you that your Master/Mistress/potential Master/potential Mistress owns and takes good care of inanimate objects he owns, motor vehicles he owns, pets he might have, or that he owns and takes care of a house/apartment/land? By reassuring I mean does it make you feel more comfortable in submitting to them, doing what they tell you to/ask of you, being in their care, and give you more faith in them and reason to trust them?

Also, while I realise most subs/slaves look for a Dom/Master/Mistress that is of close age to them, are there any reasons for this other than (perhaps) a better ability to relate to them from having similar upbringings and perhaps exposure to the same world events and times? I realise many subs/slaves value life experience as a positive quality in their ideal Dom/Master/Mistress, but does that mean the younger subs/slaves are looking for older Dom's/Masters/Mistresses because of the chance of them having more life experience?

While age may not equate to maturity, do many young subs/slaves look for older Dom's/Masters/Mistresses because of the prospect that they may be more mature than a younger equivalent?

Please be aware that this post has been put here because I am curious. I am trying in this post to not imply or assume anything, but I admit I have observed some patterns on these forums that led me to these questions. Replies from subs/slaves on these questions of mine would be greatly appreciated, and if you could elaborate with opinions and reasons why further than a simple yes or no I would enjoy it immensly.



RCdc -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 3:08:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ryugen

As a submissive/slave, is it reassuring to you that your Master/Mistress/potential Master/potential Mistress owns and takes good care of inanimate objects he owns, motor vehicles he owns, pets he might have, or that he owns and takes care of a house/apartment/land? By reassuring I mean does it make you feel more comfortable in submitting to them, doing what they tell you to/ask of you, being in their care, and give you more faith in them and reason to trust them?


Inanimate objects - No.
Land/house/garden/cars/ - No.
Animals and pets - Yes, to an extent.
 
The nos I apply are because I abhore materialism.  I am also of the belief that no one is perfect and as I have said on another post of yours, the unequality leads to equality.  I am a detail person.  I cook, clean, care for.  That is what I am and that is my position.  It is what I am good at - and I am not embarressed to say I rock at it.  Why would I want to submit to someone who wouldn't allow me to be what I am because he denied me? I care for these things to make his life easier so he can pursue his goals and in doing so, thus allows my goals fulfilled because he encourages my potential and gives me the ability to acheive them.
 
Darcy loves animals - I love his reactions and the way he cares.  I adore the way he stands by people and would be there in a heartbeat if his friends needed him.  His friend network goes back to his childhood.  That completely rocks IMO.

quote:

Also, while I realise most subs/slaves look for a Dom/Master/Mistress that is of close age to them, are there any reasons for this other than (perhaps) a better ability to relate to them from having similar upbringings and perhaps exposure to the same world events and times? I realise many subs/slaves value life experience as a positive quality in their ideal Dom/Master/Mistress, but does that mean the younger subs/slaves are looking for older Dom's/Masters/Mistresses because of the chance of them having more life experience?

Personally, I did not look for a dominant.  I never really have, nor needed to (as vain as that may sound).


quote:

While age may not equate to maturity, do many young subs/slaves look for older Dom's/Masters/Mistresses because of the prospect that they may be more mature than a younger equivalent?


Darcy is younger than myself - if only 'just'.  Maturity is not relevant, what has been experienced is far more important and how it was dealt with.

the.dark.



kyraofMists -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 3:22:22 PM)

What I looked for in a dominant partner was a person of certain character.

How a person cares for their things, pets and other people that are important to them are significant in that they may be a demonstration of certain character traits.  However, the motivation behind the actions say more about thier character than anything else.

Someone can take immaculate care of their car.  Is it because they are vain and place significant importance on how others perceive them through their car?  Or is it because they value the effort they put into acquiring the car and want to maintain it for as long as possible?  There could also be many other motivations into this one act.

I look for character rather than specific behaviors. 

Knight's Kyra



hisannabelle -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 3:32:16 PM)

greetings ryugen,

it's reassuring to me that a master or potential master is financially stable and self-sufficient, and capable of taking care of himself. i am not caught up on being with someone who owns a lot of "things," and my master does not own a house (he rents; we do not plan on living here long-term and he was a gypsy over the last several years due to the military). i prefer to be with someone who takes care of what they do own, although in terms of having faith and trust in them, that is given more on the basis of repeatedly showing that they are trustworthy.

i do not seek people based on age. my master and i got together quite by accident; i wasn't looking for a partner at the time, and it was by happenstance that we ended up connecting when we did and that we were both heavily into bdsm (we had met several years before in real life, under other circumstances). he is much, much older than me (i am almost 20, he is 54), which is both a blessing and a curse at times :) but it works well for us. as i said, i don't seek specifically based on age; i will say that we connect better than i have with those i've dated closer to my age range because i am more focused and interested in different things than many people my own age, but that doesn't mean that i only date older men, or anything like that.

respectfully,
annabelle.



RCdc -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 3:39:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I look for character rather than specific behaviors. 

Knight's Kyra


QTF

the.dark.
(.hopesmyfriendisettlingwell.)



IrishMist -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 4:07:03 PM)

quote:

As a submissive/slave, is it reassuring to you that your Master/Mistress/potential Master/potential Mistress owns and takes good care of inanimate objects he owns, motor vehicles he owns, pets he might have, or that he owns and takes care of a house/apartment/land

No to all of it.

As a person , however, all of those are important.

Being a submissive or slave has nothing to do with how or who I choose to be a partner.



DesFIP -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 5:25:01 PM)

It's important to me that he can handle minor household emergencies. The time the washing machine decided it would only use cold water, and my daughter comes back from the barn covered in mud and manure on a daily basis, it was enormously comforting for him to say no problem, I'll switch the hoses around. Voila, hot water until the repairman could come change the solenoid, whatever that is.

Most stuff in life is petty stuff, and having someone who can handle the petty stuff, even if just juryrigging it until a professional can get out makes me feel better.

How he treats his possessions, well yes to a degree. I don't care about how he treats a plastic fork, but a valuable possession I can see a relationship. Does he take care of what is his? Does he do what is necessary to keep it in best working order, even if that means he doesn't spend Saturday in a hammock but instead fixing a valve that sticks. I want to know that he does what is necessary instead of just putting his immediate selfish desires first. The same way I want him to put the health of the relationship ahead of some immediate petty desire should there be a conflict.

Animals and ums? Definitely. The fact that animals always love him speaks volumes about his character. The fact that he is actively involved with his ums even more so.



TethersEnd -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 5:28:21 PM)

To use IrishMist's line of partner all of those things are taken into account long before they are considered a partner. 
unlike DarcyandtheDark I do not view it as materialism I see it as caring for investments.  If someone is only a
gather'er (if that's a word) then they tend to forget what they own.  I can not allow myself to be an afterthought
ever again. 

Life experiance?  Counts by leaps and bounds, although with that said I have met 24 year olds with as much life experiance
as I have 50 year old.  Either way, a ~partner~ for me has to have as much or more then I ... I dont want to lead.    



camille65 -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 5:33:14 PM)

He was an Eagle Scout so he knows all kinds of esoteric thingies and yup it is an incredible turn on heh. He takes very good care of his possessions including me, and that makes me happy.His truck is clean but his office is a frightening tower of paper filled boxes, the man has to have one minor flaw. He is confident with 'things' and I love that about him, it is one of the major things that attracted and keeps my attraction for him.I mean sheesh, he cut apart that dead deer for me hahahaha. It is now in pieces tucked safely away in my shed.Dat is confidence in knifework and I love him.



batshalom -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 5:50:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ryugen

As a submissive/slave, is it reassuring to you that your Master/Mistress/potential Master/potential Mistress owns and takes good care of inanimate objects he owns, motor vehicles he owns, pets he might have, or that he owns and takes care of a house/apartment/land?

 
Pets, absolutely. The rest, to a degree. I prefer a man to take care of the things he owns not because it makes me more comfortable as a sub but because it makes me more comfortable as a responsible woman knowing that this person is a responsible man.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ryugen
Also, while I realise most subs/slaves look for a Dom/Master/Mistress that is of close age to them, are there any reasons for this other than (perhaps) a better ability to relate to them from having similar upbringings and perhaps exposure to the same world events and times? I realise many subs/slaves value life experience as a positive quality in their ideal Dom/Master/Mistress, but does that mean the younger subs/slaves are looking for older Dom's/Masters/Mistresses because of the chance of them having more life experience?


I am over 40 and I prefer men who are 10+ years older than I. It has to be a good blend of personalities, similar interests, and compatible D-to-s styles. Older men make me feel safer, they are typically more stable (although I will grant you that this is not always the case) and I feel better knowing that these men have seen 40 and beyond and will be better guides for me than men who are, say, in their 30's or younger.
 
 



NaiveTempest -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 6:52:24 PM)

Some may disagree with me but this is the way I look at things:

I look for someone up to ten years older then me. For many reasons, similar interests, a degree of maturity mixed with goofiness, activities, whatever. I'm not sure, but I just feel wierd everytime I consider getting involved with 'older' men. But, if we hit it off well, then age becomes a little more fexible and I'm even willing to go younger.

While possessions/the way they live is important, I know first hand that you can't always judge by that. Shit happens. Just take mental note of it but don't dwell on it, unless other things give you reason to. Now if those possessions are pets or kids or something then I'm definately doing more than taking note.

Anyway, that's just me.



Ryugen -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/14/2007 11:52:03 PM)

Thank you all for your responces, I hadn't expected such a mixed set of replies, but I am very interested in ratio of people who consider themselves the property of their Masters/Mistresses to the people who appear more independant. I also find it interesting how people interpreted what the taking care of physical property ment as to the character of the Master/Mistress/Dom (if at all) and the different kinds of 'care' of the property. I think these responces certainly go to show the diversity of the community on these forums and that bdsm isn't entirely determined by your personality type (refer to Myers-Briggs Personality Types).

Once again, thank you all for the responces and the interesting discussion.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/15/2007 5:29:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ryugen

As a submissive/slave, is it reassuring to you that your Master/Mistress/potential Master/potential Mistress owns and takes good care of inanimate objects he owns, motor vehicles he owns, pets he might have, or that he owns and takes care of a house/apartment/land? By reassuring I mean does it make you feel more comfortable in submitting to them, doing what they tell you to/ask of you, being in their care, and give you more faith in them and reason to trust them?

very interesting question since it wouldn't matter to me how He takes care of His townhouse or Mercedes (although i already know He does properly care for inanimate possessions).  i'm not an inanimate object so clearly i would be cared for and treated somewhat differently than His material possessions. does it reassure me into being more comfortable in my submission to Daddy (and my SO)? no it doesn't. an inanimate object cannot love, trust, etc back to Him.

quote:

Also, while I realise most subs/slaves look for a Dom/Master/Mistress that is of close age to them, are there any reasons for this other than (perhaps) a better ability to relate to them from having similar upbringings and perhaps exposure to the same world events and times?

i would have a hard time calling someone 20yrs my junior "master" or "daddy" ...some older submissives wouldn't but i would.  i prefer older men who have more life experience, stablility, and share common interests and goals in a relationship. sometimes it doesn't have to deal with being brought up in the same era but for me - i can relate better to an older man than i could with a younger one. imho, someone who is 18 or 20s isn't ready for a lifetime commitment with an older woman like me (especially since i come with attachments - 2 UMs). plus it's quite incredible how most of these younger doms are so-called "experts" in all matter of BDSM-related activities.




RCdc -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/15/2007 5:34:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TethersEnd
unlike DarcyandtheDark I do not view it as materialism I see it as caring for investments.  If someone is only a
gather'er (if that's a word) then they tend to forget what they own.  I can not allow myself to be an afterthought
ever again. 



I answered the question as asked about inanimate objects.  Investments are an altogether different subject.
 
the.dark.



porkchop -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/15/2007 11:11:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ryugen
As a submissive/slave, is it reassuring to you that your Master/Mistress/potential Master/potential Mistress owns and takes good care of inanimate objects he owns, motor vehicles he owns, pets he might have, or that he owns and takes care of a house/apartment/land? By reassuring I mean does it make you feel more comfortable in submitting to them, doing what they tell you to/ask of you, being in their care, and give you more faith in them and reason to trust them?


To a degree, yes.  I'm more reassured by the way he treats people and moves around in the world; especially those who were formerly in his service.  He still feels somewhat responsible for them and will do anything within his power to help one of them out in the event they're in a bit of a bind, lend an ear, provide guidance, etc.   It's well known that his current family comes first, and he doesn't tolerate drama, which limits opportunities for it to occur. 

quote:

Also, while I realise most subs/slaves look for a Dom/Master/Mistress that is of close age to them, are there any reasons for this other than (perhaps) a better ability to relate to them from having similar upbringings and perhaps exposure to the same world events and times? I realise many subs/slaves value life experience as a positive quality in their ideal Dom/Master/Mistress, but does that mean the younger subs/slaves are looking for older Dom's/Masters/Mistresses because of the chance of them having more life experience?

While age may not equate to maturity, do many young subs/slaves look for older Dom's/Masters/Mistresses because of the prospect that they may be more mature than a younger equivalent?


Sir is closer in age to my parents than to *me*, but I'm only reminded of that when things like pop culture or technology come up.  He's lived a full and interesting life with vastly different experiences from my own.  It doesn't affect our compatibility, though; we have similar tastes in S/m, home life, tastes in most things (except for movies and some aesthetic topics... he's an action/adventure fan and I'm much more inclined toward an indie flick...)

He's been involved in the lifestyle almost as long as I've been on the earth, and is well known and respected (or loathed and feared, depending...) by a lot of people I knew and respected.  Once I got to know him, I realized I was in for one hell of an adventure since I'd never before considered dipping my toes into the M/s pool.  I've since taken a Nestea-like plunge. 

Even with his wealth of experience, he's open to learning from ours (mine and his alpha slave's).  We have different specialties, he's just as inclined to come to one of us when we have something to share as we are to go to him for gleaning something from his.



Ryugen -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/15/2007 1:06:05 PM)

Such a huge range of replies! Thank you all for your contributions, I really enjoy seeing things through the eyes of others. Hehe, so much for my theories on similarities and patterns on what a sub looks for. It would appear everyone here is still very much human and looks for similar things here as in a vanilla relationship, except with some more interesting dynamics and common interests, haha.

On a side note, I am laughing a great deal because of all the whiny posts by the younger doms. I admit, I am only 20 years old, and have only gotten into bdsm very recently. But, as stated in my profile, I'm only a member of these forums to learn about the lifestyle and get a general idea of other people in it. It's great to have such an interesting community and a great many open minded people. Thank you to all those who replied with their thoughts!



porkchop -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/15/2007 1:41:28 PM)

...and thank you for the interesting conversation starter, Ryugen.  After reading it, we had a nice over-coffee chat on the topic at home as well.  (And FFS, my eyes-barely open typing with one hand while clutching the first cuppa reply is chock full o' bad, bad grammar and punctuation issues.  I'm twitching to edit... but wallowing in "lazy Saturday" mode is winning out.)

I have a lot of respect for 20something Tops who are open minded, interested and respectful.  (The whiners?  Ummm... No.)  Hell, I was even involved with one once-upon-a-time; he was just as worthy of respect (in regard to skill, presence and accountability/responsibility) as a lot of Tops with whom I've crossed paths twice his age (or more). 

Cheers *raises cuppa #... hrm*



batshalom -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/15/2007 1:53:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ryugen

It would appear everyone here is still very much human and looks for similar things here as in a vanilla relationship,



Ta-daaaa! The million-dollar observation.



Ryugen -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/15/2007 3:36:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: porkchop

...and thank you for the interesting conversation starter, Ryugen.  After reading it, we had a nice over-coffee chat on the topic at home as well.  (And FFS, my eyes-barely open typing with one hand while clutching the first cuppa reply is chock full o' bad, bad grammar and punctuation issues.  I'm twitching to edit... but wallowing in "lazy Saturday" mode is winning out.)

I have a lot of respect for 20something Tops who are open minded, interested and respectful.  (The whiners?  Ummm... No.)  Hell, I was even involved with one once-upon-a-time; he was just as worthy of respect (in regard to skill, presence and accountability/responsibility) as a lot of Tops with whom I've crossed paths twice his age (or more). 

Cheers *raises cuppa #... hrm*


I'm glad you enjoyed it so much, my next question will be found in the General BDSM Discussion forum shortly ;) Don't worry about the grammer, I find it a lot easier to desipher spelling and grammer issues in writing than to try and figure out what someone with a strong accent is trying to say to me. And, before I forget, you are most welcome!

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ryugen

It would appear everyone here is still very much human and looks for similar things here as in a vanilla relationship,



Ta-daaaa! The million-dollar observation.

A check in the mail is fine [:D]



batshalom -> RE: Confidence in ownership (questions) (12/16/2007 1:42:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ryugen

A check in the mail is fine [:D]



Ah, grasshoppa, it is something we each pay to ourselves when we come to enlightenment.



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